Awakening Lamb
Title:Awakening Lamb
Pairings: Yoochun♥Junsu | JaeChun, YunJae (I'm not sure myself)
Rating:pg
Disclaimer:The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Genre:Fantasy and romance
Summary: Life would be much easier with no past and no childhood. But of course that is not the case.
*1 sebun suta- a cigarette brand called seven stars
*2 baka-dummy
*3 oni, akuma - devil
*4 tadaima- I'm home
*5 jinja-tempel
*6 mama- well well
*7 inukami-dog god
*8 nado- yellow beans in a kind of sticky sauce and you mix it into a even stickier mass
*9 itadakimasu- I'm going to eat
*10 youkoso - welcome
Awakening Lamb
It was still and quiet on the rooftop, except for the wind that gently caressed Yoochun’s skin and left an unnoticeable trail. Yoochun’s chocolate colored eyes stared into the vast sky, watching and waiting. He was not sure of what, only that he should wait.
The first two buttons of Yoochun’s school uniform was left opened, leaving his smooth youthful skin well aware of the wind that seemed to steal chaste kisses from him every time it blew. If Yoochun was in the States he would really have listened to both his uncle and aunt on how to dress properly but the dress code here just pissed him off. Yoochun’s tie hung loosely around the collar of his shirt, which was barely ironed and stuffed under his pants. It was a lot more comfortable this way but, it clearly affected his image in school.
His curly brown hair was luscious and soft, tickling him when he turned to the side. He surveyed the school yard that stretched out in front of him and hummed. It was a melody his mother once sang before but he could barely remember the lyrics. It felt great to just sit there and chill, nothing in the world felt important enough to bother him. It might seem to others that he was detached from his surroundings but this was more comfortable for him.
“Knowledge cannot be without,” Yoochun heard his father’s voice whispered to him. It felt like a vibration through the air, sounded old and wise just like the old man himself.
But of course it was his imagination, an illusion brought forth by his unattainable wish. Unfortunately this was not the only thing his messed up head had in store for him. Painful memories ran through his head and when it stopped, everything stopped along with it. It was so quiet once again, empty.
Yoochun inhaled deeply in annoyance and blew a strand of hair away from his face. Digging in his pocket Yoochun found a small blue package, with headline *1sebum suta. Yoochun let it tilt and waited for the white long stick to fall out but nothing happened. When Yoochun realized there was nothing in it, in his disappointment he threw it over the rail.
“Shit,” he cussed under his breath. If it had landed like last time, on a teacher’s head then he would be screwed. Detention and phonecall to his uncle, followed by an exaggerated meeting with the principal were not something he wished for.
Jumping to his feet Yoochun brushed the dust off his uniform since he had been lying on the ground, which no one had cleaned since forever. He looked behind himself, on the ground that he had just been resting on and there were no trace of him there. Good he told himself.
This entire rooftop was his playground, no one dared to come up here because they were afraid of the female ghost that ‘hunted’ this place. Yoochun liked the idea that the place was hunted and maybe the area he enjoyed resting the most was where the female ghost had committed suicide. It was a hidden attraction which Yoochun thought many people neglected. He, himself was lured here a year ago by the strange rumors and decided it was a place worth his attention.
“Aaaaa!” Out of nowhere he heard a familiar scream. It sounded refined but beneath it, it was a raw and desperate bellow, a dying animal in pain. Yoochun could actually feel it creeping under his skin and he could not subdue the craziness of the thought. Covering his ears didn’t help to keep the heart wrenching pained screams out. It truly would make him deaf if it didn’t stop anytime soon.
“Yoochun! I knew you would be out here. It’s not right to skip class.”
There stood a short guy about 165 cm tall whom still have not reached puberty so he barely needed to shave. His cheeks were still round, marking him a youth instead of a man. This person was Yoochun’s friend from some club. He sang, danced and played soccer, and was indeed a talented youth. Junsu, which was his name, fitted him perfectly.
Multiple talents also got Junsu a place in the school’s football team and he practiced everyday under the burning sun which led to his olive skin tanned a darker shade and was all hidden under his blue school uniform. His curt cut hair dyed red resembled fire under the sun. A dashing smile was one of his charms but that smile was only reserved for Yoochun. This was because the boy for some unknown reason would get very shy around other and could not talk without stuttering.
But now his face twisted in horror when Yoochun crumbled onto the ground in front of him. This time something was different but Junsu could not quite grasp what was but relentlessly he was sure that Yoochun needed him. Unlike all the other times when Yoochun had laid on the ground screaming,” Ah, my stomach hurts so much!” This time the pain caused him to beg for mercy and he was sobbing on the ground. Seconds passed and now Yoochun’s spasms were the only movement, and after a while he didn’t even have the strength to roll about on the ground anymore.
Yoochun could only stare as tears continued to fall, following the curve of his eyes dripping to wet his locks. Yet amongst the suffocating pain, Yoochun could hear da-thump da-thump da-thump sound echoing behind his eardrums. His throat was so dry that when he tried to swallow it was like trying to consume sand. The only thing Yoochun could think of at that moment was water, endless amount of water that could sooth his thirst.
Yoochun clutched his throat as his fingers nearly scraped the skin underneath while he opened his mouth for air as he choked and gasped, “Hhh......h……hhhhh”.
He saw blurry pictures and it felt like watching an old video tape. Horrible things were on those pictures, things so disturbing and disgusting that he wanted to just kill himself just to stop looking. Even if all the images were not very clear but it was still too much for him to handle. Yoochun gagged as bile rose forcing its way up his throat. With one had covering his mouth the other was desperately searching for something to hold in comfort. When it seemed the pictures would cease instead it started to came back faster than before. Going by as fast as a shooting star until it eventually disappeared just like that. It left him shocked, frightened and emptied, lying there like a piece of rag.
Yoochun’s head was exhausted from the strain which left him thinking that maybe an artery had exploded somewhere since his view was starting to blur. During the entire ordeal Junsu had gathered up Yoochun in his arms and relentlessly called his name all the while. He held him closer than ever before trying to lend some strength to Yoochun. The man had gone from a bellowing lunatic to a quiet mouse and it startled Junsu even more when Yoochun tried to stand up.
“Hahaha. Hhhhhhh…heeeeee.” Yoochun started to laugh but it ended up with him coughing. The blend taste and sandy feeling in his throat was all gone now though he now felt like something wanted to crawl out from him. He could not stop the damn coughing attack even when he wanted to calm Junsu by uttering, “You fell for that.”
Yoochun agreed it was not the best way to cover for himself but what other choice did he have. It was either going straight to the nurse or be the bad guy and Yoochun thought the latter would be the best solution.
“*2Baka. “You better sharpen up or someday you might have a heart attack,” Yoochun said while giving a friendly pat on Junsu’s shoulder snorting discreetly acting like he was teasing the young boy.
Yoochun felt calm now like the spring water and tranquil like a bird sunbathing under the sun. All the sounds faded to the background and he was more conscious of himself so he braced himself spreading out his arms. Normally he could feel the breeze against his palms and it’s gently caress on his face but now he didn’t feel that. Rather it was all so light and yet at the same time bleak. Twirling around like an insane man he laughed at nothing in particular.
By the time Yoochun started to spin around, Junsu was already boiling up. He just couldn’t take it anymore feeling that Yoochun had gone too far with his joke this time. Junsu vented out all his anger in one punch on the spinning Park Yoochun causing him to fall. Yoochun was sure he felt the cold ground against his face but he was not sure why until everything turned black. He figured that maybe it had turned dark and feeling exhausted he thought it was time for him to have a nice rest.
The world seemed strange as he walked especially his shadow which was not on the ground but instead was alongside him that even when he moved his arm it didn’t feel real. Yoochun looked around and saw nothing but darkness so how then was it possible for him to see his shadow. He chuckled at the absurdity of it and decided to stop and just think about something else.
The path ahead of him had no stop and Yoochun just kept on walking. Strangely he felt like he knew where he was walking to like a path that he had walked so many times before. He let out a humorless chuckle and suddenly came to halt. In front of him was his house ten years ago. Outside the wooden house stood a man with hunched shoulders and in his left hand a grocery bag. The man wore a simple jacket and pants. It was hard to distinguish his face as the cap he was wearing casted a shadow over his face. But one could tell by his stance that he was sad.
Yoochun looked up to the second floor where a boy should be sleeping soundly and his mind full of fantasy figures like *3oni or *3akuma. Looking back down Yoochun saw the man walking away. The street lamps created shadows on the pavement which the man had just walked on, swiftly changing shape when the light changed position. At the end of the road Yoochun could see the man melt as one with the shadows and disappeared.
Turning his gaze up to the second floor’s window, on the left he saw a boy staring out into the empty street. He felt uncomfortable seeing how the boy scanned the area and stopped at where he stood. Not sure for how long the both of them stared into each other’s eyes, Yoochun finally averted his gaze and sighed deeply. Not once did the boy have left the window.
Not knowing why he pitied the boy as much as it angered him. The boy should just go back to bed and rest. Maybe the boy was acting that way because he was young too innocent for his own good Yoochun wondered. Suddenly a pair of white hands came up from behind him to touch his chest. Yoochun could not see who the person was but no doubt a man since he could not feel any breasts. The feeling of those arms made him feel at peace.
Yoochun returned to reality, his eyes shot wide open and his hand clutched in a tight fist. It was a little frightening thinking how those hands that had grabbed him were so strong. His body felt sweaty and his school uniform was plastered to his body. When Yoochun tried to wipe the sweat from his forehead and yanked off the blanket he noticed a small pair of hands holding his left hand in a tight grip.
Junsu’s face was even more childish when he was asleep than in his awakened state. His forehead smoothed without the creases when he always frowned at something that was incomprehensible. Now Junsu looked relaxed and so peaceful in his sleep.
Staring at Junsu, Yoochun suddenly felt the air being sucked out of his lungs and his entire being tensed like an animal. Yoochun’s eyes unconsciously travelled down Junsu’s face to his neck and stayed there.
“Aah” He let out a groan when a migraine set in. It was his head was being compacted into a small grain of rice. Yoochun convinced himself that he just needed some fresh air. Yeah fresh air.
But he didn’t move for the door but instead settled closer to Junsu more so towards Junsu’s neck. He could smell the scent boy that reminded him of vanilla and AXE. Something about
Junsu’s fresh aroma made Yoochun thought of warm and lucid. He was so immersed in the scent that it startled him when he knocked over the first aid kit.
This brought Yoochun out of his trance and he couldn’t believe it that just seconds ago he considered slitting up Junsu’s throat so he could taste it. . Why would I even consider something like that? It’s so sick and disgusting. Had my hormones went haywire?
The same thing happened during summer last year where he had problems restraining himself around Junsu. He had moments when he felt nothing but the feverish obsession like a predator.
I’m finally out of my fucking mind.
Yoochun decided that for Junsu’s safety it would be better to remove himself instantly. He slowly removed his hand from Junsu’s grip ready to get out unnoticed. Alas on his way out he nearly tripped over his own feet since he was still a bit lightheaded. Just one more step away from the door he felt Junsu stirred in his sleep. He could hear Junsu’s breathing starting to change from relaxed to a more rapid rhythm.
Yoochun didn’t even want to know how he heard all that, just that there was barely enough time for him to get out.
Yoochun really didn’t want to wait till Junsu wake up and notice his attempt to escape. Knowing Junsu, the boy would force him to have a medical checkup in the hospital which he disliked. Taking that additional step he was now out in the hall. He looked right and left checking that no one was about to see him. Trying to fix his uniform he walked down the stairs instead of taking the elevator thinking it would be easier to think with his blood circulating.
It seemed futile to fix his uniform since it was too wrinkled but the least he could do now was to tuck it under his pants and fix his tie. He just wanted to make sure he could get out of school without being stopped for inappropriate dressing code again. Just as he turned the corner of the second floor Yoochun heard echoes of Junsu’s high pitch voice. Shoot.He scrammed like a cat dodging around corners even though he knew Junsu was two floors above him.
Yoochun grinned sheepishly when that thought set in as he was finally approaching the gate. Taking his time now he walked to the bus stop and waited there. Never before had he appreciated Mother Nature this much, and even if the school was located in the middle of the city there were still trees and flowers around. The surroundings were s all very much to his favor right now.
Freedom.
When the bus arrived Yoochun stepped in and paid the 200 yen bus fee. The driver eyed him and snorted, as it seemed like he knew Yoochun had skipped school. Well, there was nothing the driver could do about it, Yoochun ignored the driver and choose a seat at the far back of the bus, close to the window. He leant his head on the window and looked outside.
Yoochun cannot helped but think of how big cities were always so lively and crowded.
There was no a corner where you could not see people walking or talking. They were all so engrossed in their own world to notice anything else around them. In the future Yoochun never wanted to be like one of them, ignorant and selfish. Just then the bus arrived near Shinjuku and so he got off. The sun rays stroke Yoochun’s face and his curly curls looked red under the sunlight. He hurried down the block and reached home in no less than fifteen minutes.
“*4Tadaima,” he called out but no one answered. Both his uncle and aunt were still at work since it was only noon right now.
There was not much to do at this hour since he didn’t like going to the arcade alone since his friends were still in school so the only option was to stay home. He could hear his stomach growling so went to the kitchen thinking of fixing something to eat.
Rolling up his sleeves he took the apron but put it back as it was a little too pink for his liking. Shrugging his shoulders, Yoochun decided that his shirt would be going straight to the laundry after he had his lunch.
Feeling peaceful and quiet Yoochun thought of the music, musical notes swarmed in his head. The notes were easy to come up with but to make it into one musical piece was a lot harder. Like breathing there had to be a pattern and if the notes didn’t follow certain patterns, then it would sound all wrong. Yoochun had always trusted his musical talent and knew that some music out there was not music at all. It was just for the sake of making money, too fake and sad.
He pitied those people and at the same time wished that they could start to rebel but then again, it was life. Not everyone can get what they wish for but the odds of signing an unfair contract in Japan was much rarer than in Korea, which was why Yoochun considered himself lucky. His family had moved to Japan when he was still a baby and now he enjoyed the Japanese culture, which he held great respect for it.
Somewhere along his thoughts he realized that the phone was ringing and seemed to have been ringing for a while. Yoochun stopped chopping the onion and went to the living room to answer the phone as the one in the kitchen was broken. Although Yoochun was reluctant to leave the noodles boiling the person who was ringing must have something important since she or he still hasn’t stopped calling. Wiping his hands on his shirt Yoochun picked up the green heavy antique phone his aunt had bought from a private collector.
“Hello, this is the Park residence. How may I help you?” It was always nice to be polite and since the person was calling at lunch it was probably someone from his aunt’s or uncle’s workplace.
“Hello. May I ask who I am speaking to?” The other person on line asked. Though it was not polite to ask for the other’s name before introducing yourself Yoochun just let that thought passed.
“This is Park Yoochun. Who am I speaking to?” Yoochun asked.
There was no answer and Yoochun could hear the person’s breathing grew heavier, sounding alarmed so Yoochun asked, “Hello? Are you still there?”
“Kim…This is Kim Jaejoong, can you please inform your uncle that I’m staying at the *5Jinja for the time being. Thank you.” With that said the person hung up.
He hung up on me! Yoochun was not exactly happy about the way the person acted but he was curious too. Who was this Kim Jaejoong? Yoochun had no idea he had any other relatives besides his aunt and uncle. He knew all relatives on his mother’s side were gone and that his father had only one brother.
Still thinking Yoochun walked back to the kitchen and noticed the water boiling over the pot. Running immediately to the stove Yoochun removed the pot placing it in the sink. The noodles were all soggy and he still had not added the flavors yet. His stomach churned and
Yoochun winced from the pang of hunger. Sighing, it seemed like he had to wait for dinner after all, which he looked forward to since his aunt will always cook something special on Fridays.
***
After dinner Yoochun helped drying the dishes while his aunt washed them. The small TV in the dining room was on and Yoochun listened to the news when he noticed that his uncle had just asked him something. His aunt nudged him on the side and smiled at him when Yoochun looked at her questioningly.
“*6Mama, look at the boy. You’re confusing him Yunnosuke.”
“Yoochun. Come here and sit down. We should have discussed this a long time ago and it’s my fault that I’ve been ignoring the topic for so long. Your aunt convinced me…but it’s also what I wish for.” His uncle kept on talking and Yoochun could only see his mouth moving but could not seem to hear a word he said. Why was it so hard to focus today?
“So do you think you want to go through with the adoption, Yoochun?” The last sentence Yoochun heard as clear as the water. He was shocked and didn’t know how to react. He stared down at the table that suddenly seemed more interesting and not knowing why felt embarrassed. He had actually foreseen this day knowing his aunt and uncle loved him and it was the most natural thing that they would after all these while wanted to adopt him.
The problem at hand was that he didn’t want to go through with the adoption. He liked things as they were now and didn’t want things to change. Maybe in his naïve mind he still believed that his old man would one day return for him. However his sensible self would chide him for having these kinds of thoughts because it did not seem like his father was ever going to return.
“Umm…let me think about it. I really like how things are right now and I don’t think there will be much difference with the adoption.”
An awkward silence followed after making feel like he needed to say something, “Um… a person called today. I think he called himself Kim Jaejoong and left a message for uncle.”
Keeping his head down Yoochun didn’t catch the glances his uncle exchanged with his aunt as he continued, “He wanted me to tell you that he would be staying at the Jinja. Who is he uncle?”
Only silence greeted Yoochun and the atmosphere felt even more awkward and Yoochun felt like he had done something wrong. I’ve asked a wrong question Yoochun thought.
“Hehe I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” Yoochun quickly rose from the chair and escaped to his room. The window was left open and he felt the summer wind blowing in. His limbs now felt heavy and letting out a groan he threw himself face down onto the bed.
Maybe it was because of the strange occurrences that had taken place during the day, Yoochun could not relax in bed. Sleep now felt like a farfetched dream as a headache troubled him.
Tossing restlessly in bed Yoochun twisted the sheets and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. It was slightly past midnight and Yoochun stopped to look out the window from his bed. The ceiling at the foot of his bed was slanted since the roof was built after a modern house structure. Outside, the stars shone brightly in the sky, glowing like gems.
Unsure of how long it had been Yoochun finally drifted off even though he was still alert of his. It was disconcerting how he seemed to have parted with his body and with his soul wandered off aimlessly following whatever that was controlling his body led the way. This kind of out of body experience was frightening and yet interesting. Yoochun could not comprehend how he had left his body and now seemingly out on a soul tour. However the sight underneath him had convinced him otherwise, which was the fact that everything was possible.
Beneath Yoochun was the big and illuminated Tokyo, a city that had prospered since the sixtieth under the administration of USA. The wind brushed against his face making Yoochun realized that he had stripped down to only his boxers before he climbed into bed earlier. He quickly looked down on himself and was surprised to see that he was clothed in a pair of white cotton pants and his favorite red hoodie. Maybe this is a dream after all Yoochun thought. But he did not have time to think further as his fleeting body was suddenly pulled down like a heavy stone had been attached to his feet.
Yoochun yelped when the pressure took a hold of him and he landed near to a tree. Looking around he saw that it was now daylight. Gosh this dream is odd. How can night and day shift so easily? Yoochun wondered. He was now standing in a place filled with trees and bushes, which he found off as he knew that there are no large forested areas around the Tokyo. Trying to ignore the unsettling in his stomach, he decided to try and find out where he was.
After randomly picking a passage to follow, one where most of the trees have been cut down and the bushes trampled on, Yoochun set off. He could smell the freshness in the air and feel the dampness against his skin. The morning air was filled with the chirping of birds and the singing of the summer cicadas. Feeling the warmth of the sun Yoochun moved deeper into the wooded area following the path. Not knowing how but seeing his surroundings Yoochun cannot help but feel that it was familiar like he belonged here. His senses were on alert when he stepped into a clearing in case someone might appear.
Met with the bright sunrays shining in his face he could not help but blink several times to adjust to the intense light. It was then he heard the sound of bells, which seemed to be calling for him to follow and he felt the urge to walk faster towards the sound. Yoochun followed the calm stream upwards and towards the end of the woods he saw a person. It was a child about five or six years old dressed in a colorful kimono and she was standing in the middle of a large Jinja. After a while Yoochun felt like he had been to this place.
The Jinja’s architecture was old like those found back in the Edo times. The Jinja was located a hundred stairs above the actual pavement. Entering the rectangular shaped courtyard Yoochun struggled to recall things from his memories. His eyes wandered to the sides of the Jinja’s entrance and saw the *7Inukami, protectors of the Jinja and loyal servants of the family. Strangely he did not know how he knew all this information but just that again everything seemed familiar.
Yoochun’s line of thought was disrupted when he felt a ball nudging his shoes. He looked up and saw that the girl was patiently staring at him as if waiting for him to throw the ball back to her. When the little girl noticed that Yoochun had no intentions of moving she walked towards him. Her small feet clad in wooden shoes sounded on the stone covered ground and she walked with her left hand holding up the outer layer of her kimono to prevent herself from tripping. Then the girl called out his name prompting him to return the ball to her or she would no longer play with him.
Seeing the lilies printed on her kimono Yoochun just knew it marked her status as the oldest child of the family. There were small bells attached to her waist and she had shoulder-length hair that swayed each time she moved. Yoochun’s limb seemed to start moving on its own accord and in one swift shot he threw the ball to the girl. When she catched it, her face beamed with delight and she giggled a little. In the next second the ball came flying back to Yoochun in a straight clear shot but he could missed the ball and that was when everything turned black.
***
Yoochun jolted awake in his bed, his body aching when he tried to move again. His muscles were sore, an after effect from his dream. Slowly Yoochun moved to a more comfortable position but was alarmed when he heard knockings on his window. Immediately his head shot towards the origin of the noise it was only then he noticed that it was only the branches of the tree in front their house. Only then he could finally calm down and decided to go to the kitchen. Casting his eyes to the kitchen clock he saw that it was only four in the morning.
Yoochun was more than reluctant to go back to sleep as he was still breaking out in cold sweats from his dream. Also, he did not want to be reminded of that unsettling feeling like he had forgotten something important and vital in his life. With nothing else to do Yoochun decided to prepare breakfast and then have a decent talk with his aunt and uncle. It might precede much smoother with a full stomach and some green tea to calm their nerves. With that plan in mind Yoochun washed the salad and prepared the miso. Somewhere in the cabinet he found some *8nado and thought it a perfect addition. He washed the dry seaweed under the tap until it was soggy.
By five-thirty Yoochun heard the door to the main bedroom open and soon his aunt entered the kitchen wearing an old nightgown with her hair in a mess. When Yoochun was younger, he remembered sleeping with both his aunt and uncle where each time she would either kick him or his uncle out of bed. So when the time came Yoochun fought for his own room since his aunt dotted him too much to let him sleep alone. Seeing how much they love him he did not understand why they had no children of their own but couldn’t bring himself to ask. He did not want to sound ungrateful or it was more like he was afraid of their answer.
Yoochun was just about to ask his aunt if she wanted a cup of tea when she hugged him. It was a motherly hug and felt so warm that Yoochun could feel tears gathered in his eyes.
“Yoochun, you don’t need to force yourself. Your uncle and I discussed about your adoption last night when you went to sleep. It was selfish of us to force our thoughts upon you, not thinking about what you want. So when you’ve decided, then tell us. There are no hard feelings on whatever your choice is,” his aunt said.
Yoochun immediately felt relieved when he heard this as he was still a bit dubious about his own abilities to have an adult conversation with them. It would just be too intense and uncomfortable not to mention he did not want to bother them since they had done so much for him, accepting him into the house when no one wanted him.
“Breakfast is ready. I made nado too.” Yoochun smiled sheepishly and pulled out a chair for his aunt.
“What’s this I smell? Is it miso soup?” His uncle’s voice could be heard through the bedroom door.
“I wish you could be a little more considerate Yunnosuke. Look how sweet Yoochun is, to prepare breakfast when you slept in.”
“The kitchen is more fitted for a woman,” his uncle said when he entered the kitchen, Yoochun and his aunt both knew it was just an excuse as Yoochun’s uncle was useless in the kitchen. Yoochun then filled their bowls with rice and with chorused “Itadakimasu” they dug in. The food tasted really good earning him compliments from his aunt and satisfactory grunts from his uncle.
“You know, I had the strangest dream today,” Yoochun began after thinking how to put his dream into words. He thought it best to leave out that he had seen a little girl but just mentioned the place.
“I was in this I think mountain surrounded by woods. I eventually found a Jinja. It was all so familiar like I’ve been there before,” Yoochun halted waiting for his uncle to say. His uncle sighed and rubbed his temple telling Yoochun that he had again like last night said something wrong. Feeling nervous now Yoochun wanted to leave. He had no intentions of upsetting his uncle, but in these two days he just could not seem to say the right things.
“Oh my, look at the time. Yoochun, you should hurry up and leave for school,” his aunt said coming to Yoochun’s rescue.
Yoochun quickly finished his rice and drank up the miso soup in one huge gulp. Actually, school started at nine and it was only seven now. However without any complaints Yoochun said goodbye and left the house. Considering his schedule Yoochun thought of where he could go and he came up with the perfect solution. He would visit Junsu in the music room and hear the boy sing. If Junsu wanted, he could also play the piano for him.
The thought of Junsu somehow cleared his mind and the gloominess he was feeling. He jogged to school with his light bag in hand. By the time he approached the school gate he was huffing and puffing while his lungs felt like burning and his eyes were teary by the blowing wind. Slowing down to a walk he entered the building stopping at his lockers to change shoes. He loosened his tie and took out his shoes from the locker and that was when he felt someone tapped him on the shoulder. He only grunted hoping that it wasn’t one of those cackling hens that enjoyed morning confession because he didn’t want to see their ugly faces in the morning. Before Yoochun could turn around that someone pinched his arm causing him to yelp in surprise.
“Why did you run off like that yesterday? I was going to bring you to hospital to get a proper checkup before you left,” Junsu said.
Yoochun swung his bag over his shoulder and started to walk while answering, “Can’t you figure it out? It’s obvious why I didn’t want to stay. You know how much I dislike hospitals.”
When they rounded the corner a few students were staring at them but Junsu was too engrossed in their conversation to notice. They continued down the hallway and finally reached the south wing, where the music rooms were found.
“Still you should get a proper checkup done. What if there is something wrong with you,” Junsu argued.
“Baby the only thing wrong is that this body is too hot.” Yoochun made his point by pointing to himself and grinned boyishly causing Junsu to roll his eyes.
“It’s a bit hot in here,” Yoochun said and he took off his outer vest as well as rolled up his sleeves.
Junsu had already gone to open the window to let the morning air in to circulate the room before asking, “Do you want to help me warm up?”
Yoochun seated himself in from of the big black Yamaha piano. Humming to himself, he looked up and replied, “Any time you are ready.”
It was refreshing for Yoochun to start his morning this way, enjoying Junsu’s company whose presence was like the cold spring water that made everything clearer. He also trusted Junsu unconditionally maybe because of his own childhood. Staring at Junsu, Yoochun found it cute the way he sang with eyes closed but like he could still see behind his closed eyelids. Yoochun suddenly had the urge to touch Junsu’s lips and even taste it. He wondered if Junsu would taste like peaches since it was his favorite.
But just as sudden Yoochun stopped playing and his eyes were drawn to the windows. Junsu noticed that Yoochun had stopped and opened his eyes to see Yoochun sitting motionlessly there with his hands in tight fists. Yoochun’s gaze was empty and unseeing until he suddenly jerked up from his seat and rushed to grab his bag from the couch.
“Yoochun where are you going?” Junsu asked worriedly. His eyebrows were drawn together in a frown but his lips now forming a thin line belying his disapproval of Yoochun’s sudden departure.
“You know I have something to tell you,” Junsu said in a nonchalant tone, a façade to protect himself until he could reveal his true feelings.
“There is something I want to tell you,” Junsu now pleaded.
But Yoochun’s heart, mind and soul were no longer there in the music room. He saw home.
It was the place where he had been discarded and then a new door had opened up for him and he was no longer an abandoned and unwanted child. Yoochun barely noticed the desperate feelings hidden in those brown orbs of Junsu begging for him to stay.
“Sorry Junsu, I really need to go now.”
On his way towards the door his shoulders bumped into Junsu’s but he did not feel the pain in his shoulder or the bag’s lock digging into his palms. Yoochun ran as he thought thought how could I have been so stupid? The answer has always been clear, I’m the one ignoring it.
He continued running like the wind until his legs felt numb and his face flushed. His breath was now uneven and he felt harder to breathe when he finally got to the train station. Yoochun then bought a train ticket to Takamatsu and was now sitting on the train.
Inside him, he felt turmoil of emotions, mostly anxious and dreadful. If what he had dreamt of and believed in till now were real then there would be too many confrontations to be made. Yoochun doubted if he was strong enough to ask the right questions and to listen to the answers. But he knew he had to take the chance to make the regretful past of his life fair. There was no way he would deny himself those rights and this was why he was here.
Reaching the courtyard Yoochun hurriedly climbed the stairs, the one similar to his dream all the while praying to God for some answers. Just like that memories started to rush back to him, memories of his forgotten childhood to the times when he used to climb these stairs hand-in-hand with his mother. At the last few steps were some lush green shrub and Yoochun knew his answer lied behind them.
Shoving the bushes apart and with great difficulty he turned the doorknob of the Door of Changes. There was now a small crack that let out a sliver of light and the sound of bells could be heard. Without further hesitation Yoochun pushed more of the bushes away and entered the place. He shielded his eyes from the sudden bright light and skimmed the place.
There in the middle of the big garden was a person dressed in a black kimono. There was a swan embodied on it where the entire kimono was covered by that big golden swan. The tingling sound echoed in the garden whenever the young teenager moved. It was from the small bells hung loosely on a black material entwined with the red belt of the person’s kimono.
“*10YoukosoYoochun.”
Pairings: Yoochun♥Junsu | JaeChun, YunJae (I'm not sure myself)
Rating:pg
Disclaimer:The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
Genre:Fantasy and romance
Summary: Life would be much easier with no past and no childhood. But of course that is not the case.
*1 sebun suta- a cigarette brand called seven stars
*2 baka-dummy
*3 oni, akuma - devil
*4 tadaima- I'm home
*5 jinja-tempel
*6 mama- well well
*7 inukami-dog god
*8 nado- yellow beans in a kind of sticky sauce and you mix it into a even stickier mass
*9 itadakimasu- I'm going to eat
*10 youkoso - welcome
Awakening Lamb
It was still and quiet on the rooftop, except for the wind that gently caressed Yoochun’s skin and left an unnoticeable trail. Yoochun’s chocolate colored eyes stared into the vast sky, watching and waiting. He was not sure of what, only that he should wait.
The first two buttons of Yoochun’s school uniform was left opened, leaving his smooth youthful skin well aware of the wind that seemed to steal chaste kisses from him every time it blew. If Yoochun was in the States he would really have listened to both his uncle and aunt on how to dress properly but the dress code here just pissed him off. Yoochun’s tie hung loosely around the collar of his shirt, which was barely ironed and stuffed under his pants. It was a lot more comfortable this way but, it clearly affected his image in school.
His curly brown hair was luscious and soft, tickling him when he turned to the side. He surveyed the school yard that stretched out in front of him and hummed. It was a melody his mother once sang before but he could barely remember the lyrics. It felt great to just sit there and chill, nothing in the world felt important enough to bother him. It might seem to others that he was detached from his surroundings but this was more comfortable for him.
“Knowledge cannot be without,” Yoochun heard his father’s voice whispered to him. It felt like a vibration through the air, sounded old and wise just like the old man himself.
But of course it was his imagination, an illusion brought forth by his unattainable wish. Unfortunately this was not the only thing his messed up head had in store for him. Painful memories ran through his head and when it stopped, everything stopped along with it. It was so quiet once again, empty.
Yoochun inhaled deeply in annoyance and blew a strand of hair away from his face. Digging in his pocket Yoochun found a small blue package, with headline *1sebum suta. Yoochun let it tilt and waited for the white long stick to fall out but nothing happened. When Yoochun realized there was nothing in it, in his disappointment he threw it over the rail.
“Shit,” he cussed under his breath. If it had landed like last time, on a teacher’s head then he would be screwed. Detention and phonecall to his uncle, followed by an exaggerated meeting with the principal were not something he wished for.
Jumping to his feet Yoochun brushed the dust off his uniform since he had been lying on the ground, which no one had cleaned since forever. He looked behind himself, on the ground that he had just been resting on and there were no trace of him there. Good he told himself.
This entire rooftop was his playground, no one dared to come up here because they were afraid of the female ghost that ‘hunted’ this place. Yoochun liked the idea that the place was hunted and maybe the area he enjoyed resting the most was where the female ghost had committed suicide. It was a hidden attraction which Yoochun thought many people neglected. He, himself was lured here a year ago by the strange rumors and decided it was a place worth his attention.
“Aaaaa!” Out of nowhere he heard a familiar scream. It sounded refined but beneath it, it was a raw and desperate bellow, a dying animal in pain. Yoochun could actually feel it creeping under his skin and he could not subdue the craziness of the thought. Covering his ears didn’t help to keep the heart wrenching pained screams out. It truly would make him deaf if it didn’t stop anytime soon.
“Yoochun! I knew you would be out here. It’s not right to skip class.”
There stood a short guy about 165 cm tall whom still have not reached puberty so he barely needed to shave. His cheeks were still round, marking him a youth instead of a man. This person was Yoochun’s friend from some club. He sang, danced and played soccer, and was indeed a talented youth. Junsu, which was his name, fitted him perfectly.
Multiple talents also got Junsu a place in the school’s football team and he practiced everyday under the burning sun which led to his olive skin tanned a darker shade and was all hidden under his blue school uniform. His curt cut hair dyed red resembled fire under the sun. A dashing smile was one of his charms but that smile was only reserved for Yoochun. This was because the boy for some unknown reason would get very shy around other and could not talk without stuttering.
But now his face twisted in horror when Yoochun crumbled onto the ground in front of him. This time something was different but Junsu could not quite grasp what was but relentlessly he was sure that Yoochun needed him. Unlike all the other times when Yoochun had laid on the ground screaming,” Ah, my stomach hurts so much!” This time the pain caused him to beg for mercy and he was sobbing on the ground. Seconds passed and now Yoochun’s spasms were the only movement, and after a while he didn’t even have the strength to roll about on the ground anymore.
Yoochun could only stare as tears continued to fall, following the curve of his eyes dripping to wet his locks. Yet amongst the suffocating pain, Yoochun could hear da-thump da-thump da-thump sound echoing behind his eardrums. His throat was so dry that when he tried to swallow it was like trying to consume sand. The only thing Yoochun could think of at that moment was water, endless amount of water that could sooth his thirst.
Yoochun clutched his throat as his fingers nearly scraped the skin underneath while he opened his mouth for air as he choked and gasped, “Hhh......h……hhhhh”.
He saw blurry pictures and it felt like watching an old video tape. Horrible things were on those pictures, things so disturbing and disgusting that he wanted to just kill himself just to stop looking. Even if all the images were not very clear but it was still too much for him to handle. Yoochun gagged as bile rose forcing its way up his throat. With one had covering his mouth the other was desperately searching for something to hold in comfort. When it seemed the pictures would cease instead it started to came back faster than before. Going by as fast as a shooting star until it eventually disappeared just like that. It left him shocked, frightened and emptied, lying there like a piece of rag.
Yoochun’s head was exhausted from the strain which left him thinking that maybe an artery had exploded somewhere since his view was starting to blur. During the entire ordeal Junsu had gathered up Yoochun in his arms and relentlessly called his name all the while. He held him closer than ever before trying to lend some strength to Yoochun. The man had gone from a bellowing lunatic to a quiet mouse and it startled Junsu even more when Yoochun tried to stand up.
“Hahaha. Hhhhhhh…heeeeee.” Yoochun started to laugh but it ended up with him coughing. The blend taste and sandy feeling in his throat was all gone now though he now felt like something wanted to crawl out from him. He could not stop the damn coughing attack even when he wanted to calm Junsu by uttering, “You fell for that.”
Yoochun agreed it was not the best way to cover for himself but what other choice did he have. It was either going straight to the nurse or be the bad guy and Yoochun thought the latter would be the best solution.
“*2Baka. “You better sharpen up or someday you might have a heart attack,” Yoochun said while giving a friendly pat on Junsu’s shoulder snorting discreetly acting like he was teasing the young boy.
Yoochun felt calm now like the spring water and tranquil like a bird sunbathing under the sun. All the sounds faded to the background and he was more conscious of himself so he braced himself spreading out his arms. Normally he could feel the breeze against his palms and it’s gently caress on his face but now he didn’t feel that. Rather it was all so light and yet at the same time bleak. Twirling around like an insane man he laughed at nothing in particular.
By the time Yoochun started to spin around, Junsu was already boiling up. He just couldn’t take it anymore feeling that Yoochun had gone too far with his joke this time. Junsu vented out all his anger in one punch on the spinning Park Yoochun causing him to fall. Yoochun was sure he felt the cold ground against his face but he was not sure why until everything turned black. He figured that maybe it had turned dark and feeling exhausted he thought it was time for him to have a nice rest.
The world seemed strange as he walked especially his shadow which was not on the ground but instead was alongside him that even when he moved his arm it didn’t feel real. Yoochun looked around and saw nothing but darkness so how then was it possible for him to see his shadow. He chuckled at the absurdity of it and decided to stop and just think about something else.
The path ahead of him had no stop and Yoochun just kept on walking. Strangely he felt like he knew where he was walking to like a path that he had walked so many times before. He let out a humorless chuckle and suddenly came to halt. In front of him was his house ten years ago. Outside the wooden house stood a man with hunched shoulders and in his left hand a grocery bag. The man wore a simple jacket and pants. It was hard to distinguish his face as the cap he was wearing casted a shadow over his face. But one could tell by his stance that he was sad.
Yoochun looked up to the second floor where a boy should be sleeping soundly and his mind full of fantasy figures like *3oni or *3akuma. Looking back down Yoochun saw the man walking away. The street lamps created shadows on the pavement which the man had just walked on, swiftly changing shape when the light changed position. At the end of the road Yoochun could see the man melt as one with the shadows and disappeared.
Turning his gaze up to the second floor’s window, on the left he saw a boy staring out into the empty street. He felt uncomfortable seeing how the boy scanned the area and stopped at where he stood. Not sure for how long the both of them stared into each other’s eyes, Yoochun finally averted his gaze and sighed deeply. Not once did the boy have left the window.
Not knowing why he pitied the boy as much as it angered him. The boy should just go back to bed and rest. Maybe the boy was acting that way because he was young too innocent for his own good Yoochun wondered. Suddenly a pair of white hands came up from behind him to touch his chest. Yoochun could not see who the person was but no doubt a man since he could not feel any breasts. The feeling of those arms made him feel at peace.
Yoochun returned to reality, his eyes shot wide open and his hand clutched in a tight fist. It was a little frightening thinking how those hands that had grabbed him were so strong. His body felt sweaty and his school uniform was plastered to his body. When Yoochun tried to wipe the sweat from his forehead and yanked off the blanket he noticed a small pair of hands holding his left hand in a tight grip.
Junsu’s face was even more childish when he was asleep than in his awakened state. His forehead smoothed without the creases when he always frowned at something that was incomprehensible. Now Junsu looked relaxed and so peaceful in his sleep.
Staring at Junsu, Yoochun suddenly felt the air being sucked out of his lungs and his entire being tensed like an animal. Yoochun’s eyes unconsciously travelled down Junsu’s face to his neck and stayed there.
“Aah” He let out a groan when a migraine set in. It was his head was being compacted into a small grain of rice. Yoochun convinced himself that he just needed some fresh air. Yeah fresh air.
But he didn’t move for the door but instead settled closer to Junsu more so towards Junsu’s neck. He could smell the scent boy that reminded him of vanilla and AXE. Something about
Junsu’s fresh aroma made Yoochun thought of warm and lucid. He was so immersed in the scent that it startled him when he knocked over the first aid kit.
This brought Yoochun out of his trance and he couldn’t believe it that just seconds ago he considered slitting up Junsu’s throat so he could taste it. . Why would I even consider something like that? It’s so sick and disgusting. Had my hormones went haywire?
The same thing happened during summer last year where he had problems restraining himself around Junsu. He had moments when he felt nothing but the feverish obsession like a predator.
I’m finally out of my fucking mind.
Yoochun decided that for Junsu’s safety it would be better to remove himself instantly. He slowly removed his hand from Junsu’s grip ready to get out unnoticed. Alas on his way out he nearly tripped over his own feet since he was still a bit lightheaded. Just one more step away from the door he felt Junsu stirred in his sleep. He could hear Junsu’s breathing starting to change from relaxed to a more rapid rhythm.
Yoochun didn’t even want to know how he heard all that, just that there was barely enough time for him to get out.
Yoochun really didn’t want to wait till Junsu wake up and notice his attempt to escape. Knowing Junsu, the boy would force him to have a medical checkup in the hospital which he disliked. Taking that additional step he was now out in the hall. He looked right and left checking that no one was about to see him. Trying to fix his uniform he walked down the stairs instead of taking the elevator thinking it would be easier to think with his blood circulating.
It seemed futile to fix his uniform since it was too wrinkled but the least he could do now was to tuck it under his pants and fix his tie. He just wanted to make sure he could get out of school without being stopped for inappropriate dressing code again. Just as he turned the corner of the second floor Yoochun heard echoes of Junsu’s high pitch voice. Shoot.He scrammed like a cat dodging around corners even though he knew Junsu was two floors above him.
Yoochun grinned sheepishly when that thought set in as he was finally approaching the gate. Taking his time now he walked to the bus stop and waited there. Never before had he appreciated Mother Nature this much, and even if the school was located in the middle of the city there were still trees and flowers around. The surroundings were s all very much to his favor right now.
Freedom.
When the bus arrived Yoochun stepped in and paid the 200 yen bus fee. The driver eyed him and snorted, as it seemed like he knew Yoochun had skipped school. Well, there was nothing the driver could do about it, Yoochun ignored the driver and choose a seat at the far back of the bus, close to the window. He leant his head on the window and looked outside.
Yoochun cannot helped but think of how big cities were always so lively and crowded.
There was no a corner where you could not see people walking or talking. They were all so engrossed in their own world to notice anything else around them. In the future Yoochun never wanted to be like one of them, ignorant and selfish. Just then the bus arrived near Shinjuku and so he got off. The sun rays stroke Yoochun’s face and his curly curls looked red under the sunlight. He hurried down the block and reached home in no less than fifteen minutes.
“*4Tadaima,” he called out but no one answered. Both his uncle and aunt were still at work since it was only noon right now.
There was not much to do at this hour since he didn’t like going to the arcade alone since his friends were still in school so the only option was to stay home. He could hear his stomach growling so went to the kitchen thinking of fixing something to eat.
Rolling up his sleeves he took the apron but put it back as it was a little too pink for his liking. Shrugging his shoulders, Yoochun decided that his shirt would be going straight to the laundry after he had his lunch.
Feeling peaceful and quiet Yoochun thought of the music, musical notes swarmed in his head. The notes were easy to come up with but to make it into one musical piece was a lot harder. Like breathing there had to be a pattern and if the notes didn’t follow certain patterns, then it would sound all wrong. Yoochun had always trusted his musical talent and knew that some music out there was not music at all. It was just for the sake of making money, too fake and sad.
He pitied those people and at the same time wished that they could start to rebel but then again, it was life. Not everyone can get what they wish for but the odds of signing an unfair contract in Japan was much rarer than in Korea, which was why Yoochun considered himself lucky. His family had moved to Japan when he was still a baby and now he enjoyed the Japanese culture, which he held great respect for it.
Somewhere along his thoughts he realized that the phone was ringing and seemed to have been ringing for a while. Yoochun stopped chopping the onion and went to the living room to answer the phone as the one in the kitchen was broken. Although Yoochun was reluctant to leave the noodles boiling the person who was ringing must have something important since she or he still hasn’t stopped calling. Wiping his hands on his shirt Yoochun picked up the green heavy antique phone his aunt had bought from a private collector.
“Hello, this is the Park residence. How may I help you?” It was always nice to be polite and since the person was calling at lunch it was probably someone from his aunt’s or uncle’s workplace.
“Hello. May I ask who I am speaking to?” The other person on line asked. Though it was not polite to ask for the other’s name before introducing yourself Yoochun just let that thought passed.
“This is Park Yoochun. Who am I speaking to?” Yoochun asked.
There was no answer and Yoochun could hear the person’s breathing grew heavier, sounding alarmed so Yoochun asked, “Hello? Are you still there?”
“Kim…This is Kim Jaejoong, can you please inform your uncle that I’m staying at the *5Jinja for the time being. Thank you.” With that said the person hung up.
He hung up on me! Yoochun was not exactly happy about the way the person acted but he was curious too. Who was this Kim Jaejoong? Yoochun had no idea he had any other relatives besides his aunt and uncle. He knew all relatives on his mother’s side were gone and that his father had only one brother.
Still thinking Yoochun walked back to the kitchen and noticed the water boiling over the pot. Running immediately to the stove Yoochun removed the pot placing it in the sink. The noodles were all soggy and he still had not added the flavors yet. His stomach churned and
Yoochun winced from the pang of hunger. Sighing, it seemed like he had to wait for dinner after all, which he looked forward to since his aunt will always cook something special on Fridays.
***
After dinner Yoochun helped drying the dishes while his aunt washed them. The small TV in the dining room was on and Yoochun listened to the news when he noticed that his uncle had just asked him something. His aunt nudged him on the side and smiled at him when Yoochun looked at her questioningly.
“*6Mama, look at the boy. You’re confusing him Yunnosuke.”
“Yoochun. Come here and sit down. We should have discussed this a long time ago and it’s my fault that I’ve been ignoring the topic for so long. Your aunt convinced me…but it’s also what I wish for.” His uncle kept on talking and Yoochun could only see his mouth moving but could not seem to hear a word he said. Why was it so hard to focus today?
“So do you think you want to go through with the adoption, Yoochun?” The last sentence Yoochun heard as clear as the water. He was shocked and didn’t know how to react. He stared down at the table that suddenly seemed more interesting and not knowing why felt embarrassed. He had actually foreseen this day knowing his aunt and uncle loved him and it was the most natural thing that they would after all these while wanted to adopt him.
The problem at hand was that he didn’t want to go through with the adoption. He liked things as they were now and didn’t want things to change. Maybe in his naïve mind he still believed that his old man would one day return for him. However his sensible self would chide him for having these kinds of thoughts because it did not seem like his father was ever going to return.
“Umm…let me think about it. I really like how things are right now and I don’t think there will be much difference with the adoption.”
An awkward silence followed after making feel like he needed to say something, “Um… a person called today. I think he called himself Kim Jaejoong and left a message for uncle.”
Keeping his head down Yoochun didn’t catch the glances his uncle exchanged with his aunt as he continued, “He wanted me to tell you that he would be staying at the Jinja. Who is he uncle?”
Only silence greeted Yoochun and the atmosphere felt even more awkward and Yoochun felt like he had done something wrong. I’ve asked a wrong question Yoochun thought.
“Hehe I’m going to bed now. Goodnight.” Yoochun quickly rose from the chair and escaped to his room. The window was left open and he felt the summer wind blowing in. His limbs now felt heavy and letting out a groan he threw himself face down onto the bed.
Maybe it was because of the strange occurrences that had taken place during the day, Yoochun could not relax in bed. Sleep now felt like a farfetched dream as a headache troubled him.
Tossing restlessly in bed Yoochun twisted the sheets and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. It was slightly past midnight and Yoochun stopped to look out the window from his bed. The ceiling at the foot of his bed was slanted since the roof was built after a modern house structure. Outside, the stars shone brightly in the sky, glowing like gems.
Unsure of how long it had been Yoochun finally drifted off even though he was still alert of his. It was disconcerting how he seemed to have parted with his body and with his soul wandered off aimlessly following whatever that was controlling his body led the way. This kind of out of body experience was frightening and yet interesting. Yoochun could not comprehend how he had left his body and now seemingly out on a soul tour. However the sight underneath him had convinced him otherwise, which was the fact that everything was possible.
Beneath Yoochun was the big and illuminated Tokyo, a city that had prospered since the sixtieth under the administration of USA. The wind brushed against his face making Yoochun realized that he had stripped down to only his boxers before he climbed into bed earlier. He quickly looked down on himself and was surprised to see that he was clothed in a pair of white cotton pants and his favorite red hoodie. Maybe this is a dream after all Yoochun thought. But he did not have time to think further as his fleeting body was suddenly pulled down like a heavy stone had been attached to his feet.
Yoochun yelped when the pressure took a hold of him and he landed near to a tree. Looking around he saw that it was now daylight. Gosh this dream is odd. How can night and day shift so easily? Yoochun wondered. He was now standing in a place filled with trees and bushes, which he found off as he knew that there are no large forested areas around the Tokyo. Trying to ignore the unsettling in his stomach, he decided to try and find out where he was.
After randomly picking a passage to follow, one where most of the trees have been cut down and the bushes trampled on, Yoochun set off. He could smell the freshness in the air and feel the dampness against his skin. The morning air was filled with the chirping of birds and the singing of the summer cicadas. Feeling the warmth of the sun Yoochun moved deeper into the wooded area following the path. Not knowing how but seeing his surroundings Yoochun cannot help but feel that it was familiar like he belonged here. His senses were on alert when he stepped into a clearing in case someone might appear.
Met with the bright sunrays shining in his face he could not help but blink several times to adjust to the intense light. It was then he heard the sound of bells, which seemed to be calling for him to follow and he felt the urge to walk faster towards the sound. Yoochun followed the calm stream upwards and towards the end of the woods he saw a person. It was a child about five or six years old dressed in a colorful kimono and she was standing in the middle of a large Jinja. After a while Yoochun felt like he had been to this place.
The Jinja’s architecture was old like those found back in the Edo times. The Jinja was located a hundred stairs above the actual pavement. Entering the rectangular shaped courtyard Yoochun struggled to recall things from his memories. His eyes wandered to the sides of the Jinja’s entrance and saw the *7Inukami, protectors of the Jinja and loyal servants of the family. Strangely he did not know how he knew all this information but just that again everything seemed familiar.
Yoochun’s line of thought was disrupted when he felt a ball nudging his shoes. He looked up and saw that the girl was patiently staring at him as if waiting for him to throw the ball back to her. When the little girl noticed that Yoochun had no intentions of moving she walked towards him. Her small feet clad in wooden shoes sounded on the stone covered ground and she walked with her left hand holding up the outer layer of her kimono to prevent herself from tripping. Then the girl called out his name prompting him to return the ball to her or she would no longer play with him.
Seeing the lilies printed on her kimono Yoochun just knew it marked her status as the oldest child of the family. There were small bells attached to her waist and she had shoulder-length hair that swayed each time she moved. Yoochun’s limb seemed to start moving on its own accord and in one swift shot he threw the ball to the girl. When she catched it, her face beamed with delight and she giggled a little. In the next second the ball came flying back to Yoochun in a straight clear shot but he could missed the ball and that was when everything turned black.
***
Yoochun jolted awake in his bed, his body aching when he tried to move again. His muscles were sore, an after effect from his dream. Slowly Yoochun moved to a more comfortable position but was alarmed when he heard knockings on his window. Immediately his head shot towards the origin of the noise it was only then he noticed that it was only the branches of the tree in front their house. Only then he could finally calm down and decided to go to the kitchen. Casting his eyes to the kitchen clock he saw that it was only four in the morning.
Yoochun was more than reluctant to go back to sleep as he was still breaking out in cold sweats from his dream. Also, he did not want to be reminded of that unsettling feeling like he had forgotten something important and vital in his life. With nothing else to do Yoochun decided to prepare breakfast and then have a decent talk with his aunt and uncle. It might precede much smoother with a full stomach and some green tea to calm their nerves. With that plan in mind Yoochun washed the salad and prepared the miso. Somewhere in the cabinet he found some *8nado and thought it a perfect addition. He washed the dry seaweed under the tap until it was soggy.
By five-thirty Yoochun heard the door to the main bedroom open and soon his aunt entered the kitchen wearing an old nightgown with her hair in a mess. When Yoochun was younger, he remembered sleeping with both his aunt and uncle where each time she would either kick him or his uncle out of bed. So when the time came Yoochun fought for his own room since his aunt dotted him too much to let him sleep alone. Seeing how much they love him he did not understand why they had no children of their own but couldn’t bring himself to ask. He did not want to sound ungrateful or it was more like he was afraid of their answer.
Yoochun was just about to ask his aunt if she wanted a cup of tea when she hugged him. It was a motherly hug and felt so warm that Yoochun could feel tears gathered in his eyes.
“Yoochun, you don’t need to force yourself. Your uncle and I discussed about your adoption last night when you went to sleep. It was selfish of us to force our thoughts upon you, not thinking about what you want. So when you’ve decided, then tell us. There are no hard feelings on whatever your choice is,” his aunt said.
Yoochun immediately felt relieved when he heard this as he was still a bit dubious about his own abilities to have an adult conversation with them. It would just be too intense and uncomfortable not to mention he did not want to bother them since they had done so much for him, accepting him into the house when no one wanted him.
“Breakfast is ready. I made nado too.” Yoochun smiled sheepishly and pulled out a chair for his aunt.
“What’s this I smell? Is it miso soup?” His uncle’s voice could be heard through the bedroom door.
“I wish you could be a little more considerate Yunnosuke. Look how sweet Yoochun is, to prepare breakfast when you slept in.”
“The kitchen is more fitted for a woman,” his uncle said when he entered the kitchen, Yoochun and his aunt both knew it was just an excuse as Yoochun’s uncle was useless in the kitchen. Yoochun then filled their bowls with rice and with chorused “Itadakimasu” they dug in. The food tasted really good earning him compliments from his aunt and satisfactory grunts from his uncle.
“You know, I had the strangest dream today,” Yoochun began after thinking how to put his dream into words. He thought it best to leave out that he had seen a little girl but just mentioned the place.
“I was in this I think mountain surrounded by woods. I eventually found a Jinja. It was all so familiar like I’ve been there before,” Yoochun halted waiting for his uncle to say. His uncle sighed and rubbed his temple telling Yoochun that he had again like last night said something wrong. Feeling nervous now Yoochun wanted to leave. He had no intentions of upsetting his uncle, but in these two days he just could not seem to say the right things.
“Oh my, look at the time. Yoochun, you should hurry up and leave for school,” his aunt said coming to Yoochun’s rescue.
Yoochun quickly finished his rice and drank up the miso soup in one huge gulp. Actually, school started at nine and it was only seven now. However without any complaints Yoochun said goodbye and left the house. Considering his schedule Yoochun thought of where he could go and he came up with the perfect solution. He would visit Junsu in the music room and hear the boy sing. If Junsu wanted, he could also play the piano for him.
The thought of Junsu somehow cleared his mind and the gloominess he was feeling. He jogged to school with his light bag in hand. By the time he approached the school gate he was huffing and puffing while his lungs felt like burning and his eyes were teary by the blowing wind. Slowing down to a walk he entered the building stopping at his lockers to change shoes. He loosened his tie and took out his shoes from the locker and that was when he felt someone tapped him on the shoulder. He only grunted hoping that it wasn’t one of those cackling hens that enjoyed morning confession because he didn’t want to see their ugly faces in the morning. Before Yoochun could turn around that someone pinched his arm causing him to yelp in surprise.
“Why did you run off like that yesterday? I was going to bring you to hospital to get a proper checkup before you left,” Junsu said.
Yoochun swung his bag over his shoulder and started to walk while answering, “Can’t you figure it out? It’s obvious why I didn’t want to stay. You know how much I dislike hospitals.”
When they rounded the corner a few students were staring at them but Junsu was too engrossed in their conversation to notice. They continued down the hallway and finally reached the south wing, where the music rooms were found.
“Still you should get a proper checkup done. What if there is something wrong with you,” Junsu argued.
“Baby the only thing wrong is that this body is too hot.” Yoochun made his point by pointing to himself and grinned boyishly causing Junsu to roll his eyes.
“It’s a bit hot in here,” Yoochun said and he took off his outer vest as well as rolled up his sleeves.
Junsu had already gone to open the window to let the morning air in to circulate the room before asking, “Do you want to help me warm up?”
Yoochun seated himself in from of the big black Yamaha piano. Humming to himself, he looked up and replied, “Any time you are ready.”
It was refreshing for Yoochun to start his morning this way, enjoying Junsu’s company whose presence was like the cold spring water that made everything clearer. He also trusted Junsu unconditionally maybe because of his own childhood. Staring at Junsu, Yoochun found it cute the way he sang with eyes closed but like he could still see behind his closed eyelids. Yoochun suddenly had the urge to touch Junsu’s lips and even taste it. He wondered if Junsu would taste like peaches since it was his favorite.
But just as sudden Yoochun stopped playing and his eyes were drawn to the windows. Junsu noticed that Yoochun had stopped and opened his eyes to see Yoochun sitting motionlessly there with his hands in tight fists. Yoochun’s gaze was empty and unseeing until he suddenly jerked up from his seat and rushed to grab his bag from the couch.
“Yoochun where are you going?” Junsu asked worriedly. His eyebrows were drawn together in a frown but his lips now forming a thin line belying his disapproval of Yoochun’s sudden departure.
“You know I have something to tell you,” Junsu said in a nonchalant tone, a façade to protect himself until he could reveal his true feelings.
“There is something I want to tell you,” Junsu now pleaded.
But Yoochun’s heart, mind and soul were no longer there in the music room. He saw home.
It was the place where he had been discarded and then a new door had opened up for him and he was no longer an abandoned and unwanted child. Yoochun barely noticed the desperate feelings hidden in those brown orbs of Junsu begging for him to stay.
“Sorry Junsu, I really need to go now.”
On his way towards the door his shoulders bumped into Junsu’s but he did not feel the pain in his shoulder or the bag’s lock digging into his palms. Yoochun ran as he thought thought how could I have been so stupid? The answer has always been clear, I’m the one ignoring it.
He continued running like the wind until his legs felt numb and his face flushed. His breath was now uneven and he felt harder to breathe when he finally got to the train station. Yoochun then bought a train ticket to Takamatsu and was now sitting on the train.
Inside him, he felt turmoil of emotions, mostly anxious and dreadful. If what he had dreamt of and believed in till now were real then there would be too many confrontations to be made. Yoochun doubted if he was strong enough to ask the right questions and to listen to the answers. But he knew he had to take the chance to make the regretful past of his life fair. There was no way he would deny himself those rights and this was why he was here.
Reaching the courtyard Yoochun hurriedly climbed the stairs, the one similar to his dream all the while praying to God for some answers. Just like that memories started to rush back to him, memories of his forgotten childhood to the times when he used to climb these stairs hand-in-hand with his mother. At the last few steps were some lush green shrub and Yoochun knew his answer lied behind them.
Shoving the bushes apart and with great difficulty he turned the doorknob of the Door of Changes. There was now a small crack that let out a sliver of light and the sound of bells could be heard. Without further hesitation Yoochun pushed more of the bushes away and entered the place. He shielded his eyes from the sudden bright light and skimmed the place.
There in the middle of the big garden was a person dressed in a black kimono. There was a swan embodied on it where the entire kimono was covered by that big golden swan. The tingling sound echoed in the garden whenever the young teenager moved. It was from the small bells hung loosely on a black material entwined with the red belt of the person’s kimono.
“*10YoukosoYoochun.”