Tries this one on for size:

[agilebrit]

This is a hundred and fifty words. Which means, to fit it all, it has to be in size 7 font. Which, UGH.

Working at the firm we not-so-jokingly call "Beelzebub's Barristers," you'll eventually encounter the line you refuse to cross. I'd never had qualms about getting terrible people out of big trouble; that's what lawyers do, although usually

Comments

[ericjamesstone]

I think that works a lot better. I've made some suggested edits to cut the word count down to 120. That should allow you to use an eight-point font, which is what I use for mine.

Working at the firm we not-so-jokingly call "Beelzebub's Barristers," you'll eventually encounter the line you refuse to cross. I'd never had qualms about getting terrible people out of big trouble; that's what lawyers do, although usually on a smaller scale than ours.

But this client destroyed an entire city, and laughed while he did it. Over a million men, women, and children people gone, obliterated, just like that. And So instead of getting him off, I made sure he was found guilty, got the death penalty, and was sent straight to Hell, just for good measure.

I figured they'd fire me at the very least. Maybe--probably-- send me to Hell to keep the client company. Yet here I sit, in a comfy corner office, with a fat raise and the partnership I'd always coveted.

Were they testing me? And did I pass--or fail? I sit and I wonder, is it a Rreward? Or

[agilebrit]

*ponders* You know, I think I like that better as a last line.

According to WP, it's letting me use an 8.5-point font, but it's Arial Narrow. It's readable, however.

[texanfan]

I think this works much better.

[naol]

This is really interesting. I definitely like it. One thing though, is it set in the UK or the US or just meant to be very general? I mention this because the word 'barrister' is very British-sounding and kind of jars with the death penalty aspect used later. As far as the word count goes, I've got a couple of ideas how to get it lower. Here's a possible 100 word version:

To get myself a corner office, I never had qualms about defending terrible people from troublesome charges; that's what our law firm does, although usually on a smaller scale.

But this client destroyed an entire city and laughed about it. Over a million people obliterated, just like that. So I made sure he was found guilty. He got the death penalty and was later publicly executed.

I thought I'd be fired at the very least. And yet here I sit, in that office I'd wanted so badly. And now I don't know anymore. Is this a reward or a punishment?

[agilebrit]

I've played around with various alliterative versions of the Law Firm from Hell--I've had Spike use various iterations of "Satan's Solicitors" and "Lucifer's Law Firm" referring to W&H in fanfic. I used "Beelzebub's Barristers" in this one because it was one I hadn't used before and it made me giggle. But I have a strange sense of humor.

Your version doesn't work for me--it excises too much of the "spec" element and is a little too bare bones. I've never been a fan of letting the story suffer in the quest of a specific word count. I'll tweak the crap out of something to try, but there's only so far you can go.

[mermaidrain]

I think this works MUCH better, BUT I think that first line is still problematic. When you say "not-so-jokingly call" it leaves a question as to what the firm REALLY is called. Is it in fact BB? If it is, why not just say so?

Disclaimer: You are the author and always have the power to ignore or veto what I say. ;)

[agilebrit]

I have fixed that in the next (3.1) draft. Working at the firm we've not-so-jokingly nicknamed "Beelzebub's Barristers,"...