For my own records...
Because I know she's going to delete it AGAIN, and there goes my review. So, here it is:
Okay, better...
But one big block of text is impossible to read. Start a new paragraph when a new character begins talking.
Commas are useful. They make your sentences more coherent and easy to read. Try reading the story out loud. If you're turning blue because you can't take a breath? That's a bad sign.
"Hay" is for horses. The word you're looking for is "hey." Most word processing programs have a handy "find and replace" function under "Edit."
The first word of a sentence has a capital letter, even if it's in quote marks. If a character asks another character a question, it ends in a question mark, thus: "So what do you want to eat?" asked Shayera.
I know this writing thing seems like a lot of hard work, and it is, but it's ultimately rewarding when you have something on the page you can be genuinely proud of. No one's asking you to be perfect (because I go over my stuff ten times and STILL find mistakes on the eleventh run-through), but it should look like you've polished it as well as you're able. :)
My inbox is still empty. But she did fix the script format and get rid of "sinus," so...maybe there's hope yet. But she really needs a beta reader. Or six.
I haven't even attempted to touch her plot, although many many things could be said about it. But she needs to fix her mechanics before she worries about the actual story, I think.
Okay, better...
But one big block of text is impossible to read. Start a new paragraph when a new character begins talking.
Commas are useful. They make your sentences more coherent and easy to read. Try reading the story out loud. If you're turning blue because you can't take a breath? That's a bad sign.
"Hay" is for horses. The word you're looking for is "hey." Most word processing programs have a handy "find and replace" function under "Edit."
The first word of a sentence has a capital letter, even if it's in quote marks. If a character asks another character a question, it ends in a question mark, thus: "So what do you want to eat?" asked Shayera.
I know this writing thing seems like a lot of hard work, and it is, but it's ultimately rewarding when you have something on the page you can be genuinely proud of. No one's asking you to be perfect (because I go over my stuff ten times and STILL find mistakes on the eleventh run-through), but it should look like you've polished it as well as you're able. :)
My inbox is still empty. But she did fix the script format and get rid of "sinus," so...maybe there's hope yet. But she really needs a beta reader. Or six.
I haven't even attempted to touch her plot, although many many things could be said about it. But she needs to fix her mechanics before she worries about the actual story, I think.