Why on earth would you change that passage? It's so beautiful! I have tears in my eyes. ^_^ Poor dried-up blow-y away dope supply.
Haha. Sometimes copouts are just necessary, yeah? I love copouts. I have, like, three in the fic I'm writing. "Three margaritas and one shot later..." as a way to skip all the boring conversation in between. Copouts ftw.
Well, I've decided that there's a time when you just have to toss the "show, don't tell" rule right out the window in the interests of moving the plot along. And this is one of those times. We don't have to hear about each individual death, or each individual coming in to fill the vacuum from the deaths. Overall picture-tude is our friend, and I will hug it and squeeze it and call it "George." So there.
However, it gets to a point where describing death and dismemberment gets boring,
Can I just say, as primarily a reader, that I so totally agree. And that passage (with a slight modification to the end to prevent shock to an editor ;~D )would be perfect for me.
Well, cutting the head off the snake doesn't necessarily mean starting at the tail and working your way up. How about doing it from a different angle? From the perspective of the drug industry, how it's set up to be redundant and yet nebulous. Like dominoes where very few are key tipping points and most of them are merely fodder. It could be fascinating from a drug dealer's point of view, being sent in to fill the gaps where others have died mysteriously, knowing you're probably going to die as well.
I'm almost afraid to offer suggestions. Particularly since I haven't read the piece in question. But how about highlighting one detail from each murder.
A dealer on Fleet Street was found with his spine ripped out. The next night there was one on Maple with something sharp and metal through his skull. It might have started life as a fence post. The next victim simply had his throat cut.
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Haha. Sometimes copouts are just necessary, yeah? I love copouts. I have, like, three in the fic I'm writing. "Three margaritas and one shot later..." as a way to skip all the boring conversation in between. Copouts ftw.
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Can I just say, as primarily a reader, that I so totally agree. And that passage (with a slight modification to the end to prevent shock to an editor ;~D )would be perfect for me.
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A dealer on Fleet Street was found with his spine ripped out. The next night there was one on Maple with something sharp and metal through his skull. It might have started life as a fence post. The next victim simply had his throat cut.
Just a suggestion.
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They're being basically dismembered by gargoyles make of stone. Claws, teeth, impervious to being wounded... *evil laughter*
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