just_muse_me: 10.1.6. Kate L. Bolsher quote
10.1.6. “Isn't it funny that at Christmas something in you gets so lonely for - I don't know what exactly, but it's something that you don't mind so much not having at other times.” - Kate L. Bolsher
Marc downed a double shot of straight vodka and squeezed his eyes shut as it burned his throat going down. He just needed something to numb that empty ache in his gut that he hadn’t been able to shake in days. Christmas was just four days away and he wasn’t spending it with anyone. Most of his work mates had family plans and it was too soon in his new life to have really connected with anyone who he would class as “special”. Harri was the exception but he hadn’t even touched on Christmas with her. It was too soon and she had a myriad of people connected to her now her best friend had hooked up with a new partner. Christmas was well and truly on the horizon but Marc was contemplating taking a sleeping pill to see the usually happy day away in an unconscious fog.
He was so homesick it was making him physically sick. He called in sick to work that morning pleading a migraine which wasn't too far off the truth. It was going to be the first Christmas he faced alone. He couldn’t call his Mum and Dad, he couldn’t call his brother, he couldn’t call Izzy, he couldn’t call Ali. He stood by the window and bit down on his lip in an attempt not to burst into tears. It was times like this that the choice to join the Secret Service deep undercover had him fuelled with regret. Most of the time he could pull it off. He had always been adaptable like that which is part of the reason he was recruited in the first place. His unorthodox approach to cases and taking down perpetrators had been the initial spark that caught the SS’s eye. He had the ability to fall in and out of disguises, accents, personas with ease and while this was always going to be a challenge, he hadn’t ever doubted he could pull it off.
The thing he had doubted all along was breaking away from his family. He knew how hard it would be and that is what had him nearly pulling the plug on the whole process repeatedly. First hooking up with Izzy - finally - after years of dancing around each other. He hadn’t ever meant for that to happen knowing he was going to be disappearing at any point the SS saw fit to call for him. But by then he was willing to give it all up for her. And then came the news that Ali was pregnant… to Mark, no less. He remembered how much he had freaked out when he thought it was Izzy who was pregnant. They had a huge argument in front of her parents on her birthday that nearly spelled the end of them. He had known all along he was just in such a total and mind-numbing panic because he knew he would never be able to walk away if Izzy was having his baby. But then to hear it was Ali with Mark didn’t make it any easier. He had thought he would at least still be in his old life to be with Ali when the baby was born, but that had been taken from him too.
He nearly didn’t go through with it, but he knew at the end of the day he had no choice. But that was a whole other story. Right now, all that seemed to matter to him was that he had to make it through Christmas. He had to make it through Christmas knowing Ali at the very least was somewhere in the city about to give birth to his niece or nephew. He rested his forehead against the cold glass and started to cry. He was alone and there was no disguise, no fake accent, no hiding. He missed his family and he was grateful he hadn’t been forced to attend anymore random functions in the lead up to the holiday celebrations. He wouldn’t have been able to hold up the false persona feeling as crap as he did.
He went over to where a newly decorated Christmas tree was set up near his large television. He brushed his fingers across the fronds and then leaned down to flick the twinkling colourful lights on. It should have been nice but it just made the tears come harder and faster. What was the point of a Christmas tree without anyone to share it with?
straight2point & agentsullivan referenced with permission
Word Count | 743
Marc downed a double shot of straight vodka and squeezed his eyes shut as it burned his throat going down. He just needed something to numb that empty ache in his gut that he hadn’t been able to shake in days. Christmas was just four days away and he wasn’t spending it with anyone. Most of his work mates had family plans and it was too soon in his new life to have really connected with anyone who he would class as “special”. Harri was the exception but he hadn’t even touched on Christmas with her. It was too soon and she had a myriad of people connected to her now her best friend had hooked up with a new partner. Christmas was well and truly on the horizon but Marc was contemplating taking a sleeping pill to see the usually happy day away in an unconscious fog.
He was so homesick it was making him physically sick. He called in sick to work that morning pleading a migraine which wasn't too far off the truth. It was going to be the first Christmas he faced alone. He couldn’t call his Mum and Dad, he couldn’t call his brother, he couldn’t call Izzy, he couldn’t call Ali. He stood by the window and bit down on his lip in an attempt not to burst into tears. It was times like this that the choice to join the Secret Service deep undercover had him fuelled with regret. Most of the time he could pull it off. He had always been adaptable like that which is part of the reason he was recruited in the first place. His unorthodox approach to cases and taking down perpetrators had been the initial spark that caught the SS’s eye. He had the ability to fall in and out of disguises, accents, personas with ease and while this was always going to be a challenge, he hadn’t ever doubted he could pull it off.
The thing he had doubted all along was breaking away from his family. He knew how hard it would be and that is what had him nearly pulling the plug on the whole process repeatedly. First hooking up with Izzy - finally - after years of dancing around each other. He hadn’t ever meant for that to happen knowing he was going to be disappearing at any point the SS saw fit to call for him. But by then he was willing to give it all up for her. And then came the news that Ali was pregnant… to Mark, no less. He remembered how much he had freaked out when he thought it was Izzy who was pregnant. They had a huge argument in front of her parents on her birthday that nearly spelled the end of them. He had known all along he was just in such a total and mind-numbing panic because he knew he would never be able to walk away if Izzy was having his baby. But then to hear it was Ali with Mark didn’t make it any easier. He had thought he would at least still be in his old life to be with Ali when the baby was born, but that had been taken from him too.
He nearly didn’t go through with it, but he knew at the end of the day he had no choice. But that was a whole other story. Right now, all that seemed to matter to him was that he had to make it through Christmas. He had to make it through Christmas knowing Ali at the very least was somewhere in the city about to give birth to his niece or nephew. He rested his forehead against the cold glass and started to cry. He was alone and there was no disguise, no fake accent, no hiding. He missed his family and he was grateful he hadn’t been forced to attend anymore random functions in the lead up to the holiday celebrations. He wouldn’t have been able to hold up the false persona feeling as crap as he did.
He went over to where a newly decorated Christmas tree was set up near his large television. He brushed his fingers across the fronds and then leaned down to flick the twinkling colourful lights on. It should have been nice but it just made the tears come harder and faster. What was the point of a Christmas tree without anyone to share it with?
straight2point & agentsullivan referenced with permission
Word Count | 743