[je] fic: waiting (shige, massu)
Title: Waiting
Written: 171108
Summary: What a person feels is ultimately his own responsibility. Shige, Massu. AU. WC: 1126.
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment.
Notes: For the meme where you have to shuffle your Ipod and drabble on whatever songs come up. The 3rd song is Daniel Powter's 'Love You Lately'. This one turned out to be more than a drabble. Oh, well :p Yet again, based on trivialaffair's epic The Porn Shop. I checked so there should be no horribly embarrassing mistakes this time :p Thanks also to praghufanfic for suggesting the title ^_^
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything's to see that you've come a long, long way,
And it's the place that you should be.
*
Massu calls a break when Shige's forearm slips from the wheelchair seat for the seventh time and he scrapes his elbow on the way back to the floor. He gives the panting young man a chance to catch his breath before shifting closer and placing his hands on Shige's hips.
“Alright, I'm just going to give you a little push to start you off, okay?”
There's a short pause before Shige seems to sag a bit, then he nods brusquely and positions himself. “I'm ready.”
“One, two...” And Shige is off the ground and with a half-twist, is seated in the wheelchair. Massu steps back a little to let Shige shift himself into the wheelchair further. He notes the way Shige's arms are trembling slightly and makes his decision.
“Let's go for a stroll, Shige. It's a great day outside today, isn't it?”
Shige's only response is to give Massu a funny look. It's on the tip of his tongue to say that he isn't paying the exorbitant charges to stay in this hospital so as to have strolling during fine weather as part of his rehabilitation, but he holds back at Massu's expression.
It's been four weeks, and their close contact has taught Shige how to read Massu. When his therapist gets that mulish gleam in his eyes, it's just better to acquiesce to his suggestions.
“It's not like I can say 'no', can I?” he capitulates and follows Massu in his wheelchair as the other man heads towards the wide double doors leading out of the rehabilitation unit.
“You can, but your body is telling me a different story,” Massu says lightly as they emerge into the crisp fall morning.
Shige remains silent as the two of them leisurely make their way along the path weaving through the hospital gardens. The sun is out again for once, after the past few days of grey drizzle, and the colours of autumn are riotously evident amongst the leaves of the trees shading them.
Massu stops under the low-hanging branches of an oak, and Shige brakes himself next to him. The gentle wind ruffles through their hair, and Shige breathes in the cool air deeply, feeling its effects gradually spread through him. Grudgingly, he admits to himself that Massu was right.
“Na, Kato-san,” Shige looks up at Massu, but Massu has his eyes closed, head tilted up towards the sunbeams speckling through the leaves overhead, “you're rushing, aren't you? Why the urgency?”
Shige turns away, his fingers unconsciously tightening on the outer rim attached to the wheels on his chair. If it is anyone else, a friend, or a relative maybe, he may have recoiled from answering instinctively. He wonders what it is about Masuda Takahisa, still practically a stranger, that makes him search within himself to try and give a proper reply instead.
“...Well, I guess it's because once I can do this right, this last transfer, I mean, then I'll be more or less ready to go home,” Shige says slowly. “I'm already independent in most of the other things already, plus they've gotten things set up for me at home as well.”
Massu watches Shige as he speaks, noting how his brow furrows and his fingers clench and unclench over the aluminium frame. “Shige, usually people spend about two months here before they go home. I'm not trying to downplay your efforts, which have been truly amazing, but you don't have to overdo it.”
“No, I'm not,” Shige meets Massu's eyes and smiles nervously - the smile Massu has labelled as the 'fake' one.
“Really?” Massu sits down on the grass in front of Shige's feet, contemplating his patient. “So what's waiting for you back home?”
“W-what do you mean?” Shige's thrown by the question. He fidgets uncomfortably, suddenly wishing for the pack of cigarettes he'd hidden at the bottom of his bedside drawer.
“You're so eager to leave, so is there something, or someone, you're doing it for?”
“I...”
Massu leans back on his hands, switching his focus to their surroundings as he patiently waits for Shige's answer.
When it comes, the words are soft, a little stunted, as if they were strangled on their way out from Shige's throat. “I-- I need to show Koyama that, that I'm okay.”
Massu lets out a quiet breath - not quite a sigh. He's guessed as much, but the words had to come from Shige first.
“Shige.” Massu makes sure that Shige is really paying attention to him before he continues. “I've only been working in this profession for a while, but the one thing I've learned is that what a person feels is ultimately his own responsibility.” He reaches out to touch Shige's knee, stopping the younger man from looking away. “What he makes of whatever has happened is his own decision.”
Massu pulls his hand away, having said his piece, leaving Shige to mull over his words. He doesn't know if he's overstepped his professional boundaries, telling Shige such a thing, but the one thing he can tell is Shige still needs time.
Time to grieve, to come to terms, to accept.
Time before he can truly say, 'I'm okay,' and mean it from the depths of his heart.
Massu gives Shige a few more minutes before standing up and dusting his bottom. “Shall we go back in now?”
He's stepped forward when he feels a tug on the back of his jacket. “Wait, Massu.” Massu turns around to see Shige looking at his own hand holding onto the white fabric, as if he surprised even himself by the action.
“Let's sit out here for a while longer.” Shige speaks like he's only testing out the words for the first time, and is relieved that they sound right, that he can say them.
Massu gives him an answering grin. “That's great! Just wait here for a bit.” And he sprints off, disappearing back in to the hospital before returning with a hospital-issue blanket.
He spreads it out upon the ground before Shige's wheelchair. “It's a good day to soak up the sun but I thought we can get more comfortable this way.”
Shige locks his wheelchair and swings the footrests aside, sliding out of the seat and down to the blanket-covered grass smoothly. He repositions himself like Massu taught him and they both lie back, their faces in the tree's shade, and gaze at the remarkably blue sky.
Massu starts pointing out funny shapes in the clouds drifting by.
“Massu.”
“Hmm?”
“From here, everything probably looks to the same to the both of us, doesn't it?”
Massu just smiles at Shige, and then excitedly gestures at a cloud that looks disturbingly, even to Shige, like a meat bun.
owari
A/N: as always, comments are greatly appreciated :) hope i din't maul it up as badly as i did last time, triv :)
Written: 171108
Summary: What a person feels is ultimately his own responsibility. Shige, Massu. AU. WC: 1126.
Fandom: Johnny's Entertainment.
Notes: For the meme where you have to shuffle your Ipod and drabble on whatever songs come up. The 3rd song is Daniel Powter's 'Love You Lately'. This one turned out to be more than a drabble. Oh, well :p Yet again, based on trivialaffair's epic The Porn Shop. I checked so there should be no horribly embarrassing mistakes this time :p Thanks also to praghufanfic for suggesting the title ^_^
So, come back and you sit down. Relax.
Everything's to see that you've come a long, long way,
And it's the place that you should be.
*
Massu calls a break when Shige's forearm slips from the wheelchair seat for the seventh time and he scrapes his elbow on the way back to the floor. He gives the panting young man a chance to catch his breath before shifting closer and placing his hands on Shige's hips.
“Alright, I'm just going to give you a little push to start you off, okay?”
There's a short pause before Shige seems to sag a bit, then he nods brusquely and positions himself. “I'm ready.”
“One, two...” And Shige is off the ground and with a half-twist, is seated in the wheelchair. Massu steps back a little to let Shige shift himself into the wheelchair further. He notes the way Shige's arms are trembling slightly and makes his decision.
“Let's go for a stroll, Shige. It's a great day outside today, isn't it?”
Shige's only response is to give Massu a funny look. It's on the tip of his tongue to say that he isn't paying the exorbitant charges to stay in this hospital so as to have strolling during fine weather as part of his rehabilitation, but he holds back at Massu's expression.
It's been four weeks, and their close contact has taught Shige how to read Massu. When his therapist gets that mulish gleam in his eyes, it's just better to acquiesce to his suggestions.
“It's not like I can say 'no', can I?” he capitulates and follows Massu in his wheelchair as the other man heads towards the wide double doors leading out of the rehabilitation unit.
“You can, but your body is telling me a different story,” Massu says lightly as they emerge into the crisp fall morning.
Shige remains silent as the two of them leisurely make their way along the path weaving through the hospital gardens. The sun is out again for once, after the past few days of grey drizzle, and the colours of autumn are riotously evident amongst the leaves of the trees shading them.
Massu stops under the low-hanging branches of an oak, and Shige brakes himself next to him. The gentle wind ruffles through their hair, and Shige breathes in the cool air deeply, feeling its effects gradually spread through him. Grudgingly, he admits to himself that Massu was right.
“Na, Kato-san,” Shige looks up at Massu, but Massu has his eyes closed, head tilted up towards the sunbeams speckling through the leaves overhead, “you're rushing, aren't you? Why the urgency?”
Shige turns away, his fingers unconsciously tightening on the outer rim attached to the wheels on his chair. If it is anyone else, a friend, or a relative maybe, he may have recoiled from answering instinctively. He wonders what it is about Masuda Takahisa, still practically a stranger, that makes him search within himself to try and give a proper reply instead.
“...Well, I guess it's because once I can do this right, this last transfer, I mean, then I'll be more or less ready to go home,” Shige says slowly. “I'm already independent in most of the other things already, plus they've gotten things set up for me at home as well.”
Massu watches Shige as he speaks, noting how his brow furrows and his fingers clench and unclench over the aluminium frame. “Shige, usually people spend about two months here before they go home. I'm not trying to downplay your efforts, which have been truly amazing, but you don't have to overdo it.”
“No, I'm not,” Shige meets Massu's eyes and smiles nervously - the smile Massu has labelled as the 'fake' one.
“Really?” Massu sits down on the grass in front of Shige's feet, contemplating his patient. “So what's waiting for you back home?”
“W-what do you mean?” Shige's thrown by the question. He fidgets uncomfortably, suddenly wishing for the pack of cigarettes he'd hidden at the bottom of his bedside drawer.
“You're so eager to leave, so is there something, or someone, you're doing it for?”
“I...”
Massu leans back on his hands, switching his focus to their surroundings as he patiently waits for Shige's answer.
When it comes, the words are soft, a little stunted, as if they were strangled on their way out from Shige's throat. “I-- I need to show Koyama that, that I'm okay.”
Massu lets out a quiet breath - not quite a sigh. He's guessed as much, but the words had to come from Shige first.
“Shige.” Massu makes sure that Shige is really paying attention to him before he continues. “I've only been working in this profession for a while, but the one thing I've learned is that what a person feels is ultimately his own responsibility.” He reaches out to touch Shige's knee, stopping the younger man from looking away. “What he makes of whatever has happened is his own decision.”
Massu pulls his hand away, having said his piece, leaving Shige to mull over his words. He doesn't know if he's overstepped his professional boundaries, telling Shige such a thing, but the one thing he can tell is Shige still needs time.
Time to grieve, to come to terms, to accept.
Time before he can truly say, 'I'm okay,' and mean it from the depths of his heart.
Massu gives Shige a few more minutes before standing up and dusting his bottom. “Shall we go back in now?”
He's stepped forward when he feels a tug on the back of his jacket. “Wait, Massu.” Massu turns around to see Shige looking at his own hand holding onto the white fabric, as if he surprised even himself by the action.
“Let's sit out here for a while longer.” Shige speaks like he's only testing out the words for the first time, and is relieved that they sound right, that he can say them.
Massu gives him an answering grin. “That's great! Just wait here for a bit.” And he sprints off, disappearing back in to the hospital before returning with a hospital-issue blanket.
He spreads it out upon the ground before Shige's wheelchair. “It's a good day to soak up the sun but I thought we can get more comfortable this way.”
Shige locks his wheelchair and swings the footrests aside, sliding out of the seat and down to the blanket-covered grass smoothly. He repositions himself like Massu taught him and they both lie back, their faces in the tree's shade, and gaze at the remarkably blue sky.
Massu starts pointing out funny shapes in the clouds drifting by.
“Massu.”
“Hmm?”
“From here, everything probably looks to the same to the both of us, doesn't it?”
Massu just smiles at Shige, and then excitedly gestures at a cloud that looks disturbingly, even to Shige, like a meat bun.
owari
A/N: as always, comments are greatly appreciated :) hope i din't maul it up as badly as i did last time, triv :)