A Cure for Pain: p1/? Torchwood/Highlnder crossover [PG] wip
A Cure for Pain
I’d become used to pain; first there was the loss of Torchwood One, then there was Lisa and all the misguided passion I spent in trying to save her. That was familiar, and while not exactly welcome, was proof of still being alive and more importantly still being me. I’d done that very human thing; being almost proud of my pain while living with it, and hopefully through it, though deep inside I was half certain that no-one else had ever felt that pain like me. Of course I was wrong, but I didn’t expect to be shown that in quite the way it happened.
I knew there was something different about Tosh, but she’s so good at deflecting attention from herself that I convinced myself I was wrong, that I was seeing things where there was nothing to see. I should have gone with my gut instinct and pressed her a little harder. As it was I was as surprised as the rest of us, barring Jack, when Tosh actually did bring Mary into the Hub; he’d warned us that we might be getting an ‘unauthorised’ visitor, carefully not looking at me while he said it, but I’m not sure any of us knew quite what to expect. Watching Mary hold the knife to Tosh’s throat brought too many unpleasant memories flooding back, made the pain lance through me once more as I helplessly watched the scene play out before me, unable to do anything.
When Tosh was released she ran toward me, and she stayed close as events continued to unfold. This put me in just the right position to see Jack’s face as he admitted to killing Mary. I don’t think Tosh saw it; I think, like I had previously, she only saw the monster behind the man. I saw something else. In the instant before he turned away I saw pain and disgust, and not directed at any of us. Perhaps I only saw it because I recognised those feelings after having seen them reflected in my own eyes as I looked in the mirror. The weight and depth of the feelings that I caught in that unguarded glimpse shocked me to the core and made me realise that I had only felt a fraction of what Jack had unwittingly revealed. I had barely been able to carry on; I couldn’t understand how he managed to live with that kind of burden without breaking, and still be Jack. It broke my heart to see it, and as I mentally gathered the pieces back together I recognised that all the festering resentment of Jack that I’d carried with me since Lisa’s death had bled away, leaving me with feelings that were no longer clouded by the taint of hatred. It was a new kind of pain, but not unwelcome.
I watched them escape the Hub, following them on the CCTV. I continued to watch after Owen and Gwen had left, ensconced in the room off the tourist office, flicking through the different feeds as Jack and Tosh parted to watch the night; him to the Altolusso, while she remained outside the Millennium Centre.
I didn’t feel able to leave the Hub, so I caught up on some of the work that always seemed to be outstanding, checking the CCTV occasionally just to reassure myself that they were both OK; not that Jack was visible, but there had been no sign of any disturbance or of anyone leaving via the service doors. There was still no sign of him long after Tosh had left and I was considering going up after him, even though I was fairly sure my presence wouldn’t be entirely welcome. I was closing things down for the night when the door of the tourist office was rattled by someone trying the handle. It was too late for stray tourists and the police never bothered so I carefully drew my gun and approached the door.
“Who is it?” I asked, not sure whether I would get a reply. I did, and it wasn’t one that I’d expected.
“Adam Pierson. Any chance of letting me in? It’s bloody cold out here.” I slid the gun back into its holster and unlocked the door.
“Jack isn’t here.” I said as he came through the door. He gave me a hint of a grin.
“Are you so certain I’ve not come to see you, Ianto?”
“About 95% or so, yes.” I kept my face as devoid of any expression as I could, it would not do for Methos to know how pleased I was to see him again.
“I must be slipping.” Another smile, this one was softer and more open. “I don’t suppose you know where he is?” I swallowed and ran a hand through my hair. He noticed my distracted expression immediately. His face hardened and he took a step closer, hazel eyes boring into mine. “What happened?” I couldn’t tear my eyes away and felt like a rabbit trapped in the glare of headlights.
“He... He’s not feeling particularly good about himself right now.” I raised a hand to stop Methos interrupting. “Not my place to explain, but I can tell you where to find him. I was going to check up on him myself, but he’ll be a lot more pleased to see you.” Methos backed off, much to my relief; he can be very intimidating if he chooses to be.
“And where would that be?”
“On the roof of the Altolusso building. You’ll need the code for the service doors.” I leaned over the counter to grab a pen and paper, scribbled the code down for him and pressed the paper into his hand. “Take care of him for me?”
“For both of us. Come on Ianto, I think you should go home.” He grabbed my arm, and I couldn’t help but sag against him for a moment.
“I was almost ready to leave when you arrived.” I disappeared back through the bead curtain to grab my jacket and car keys, and checked once more that there had been no sign of Jack moving from his eyrie before powering down the monitor and switching off the light. Methos preceded me through the door, and scanned the skyline as he waited for me to lock up.
“I’m not sure when I’ll be back, Ianto. But when I do visit again I want a cup of your coffee.”
“You’ll have it.” He didn’t say goodbye, just strode away from me back toward the plass, and on to the Altolusso. I watched him go, unable to suppress the stab of envy in my heart, and not quite sure of whom I was envious.
TBC
Part 2
I’d become used to pain; first there was the loss of Torchwood One, then there was Lisa and all the misguided passion I spent in trying to save her. That was familiar, and while not exactly welcome, was proof of still being alive and more importantly still being me. I’d done that very human thing; being almost proud of my pain while living with it, and hopefully through it, though deep inside I was half certain that no-one else had ever felt that pain like me. Of course I was wrong, but I didn’t expect to be shown that in quite the way it happened.
I knew there was something different about Tosh, but she’s so good at deflecting attention from herself that I convinced myself I was wrong, that I was seeing things where there was nothing to see. I should have gone with my gut instinct and pressed her a little harder. As it was I was as surprised as the rest of us, barring Jack, when Tosh actually did bring Mary into the Hub; he’d warned us that we might be getting an ‘unauthorised’ visitor, carefully not looking at me while he said it, but I’m not sure any of us knew quite what to expect. Watching Mary hold the knife to Tosh’s throat brought too many unpleasant memories flooding back, made the pain lance through me once more as I helplessly watched the scene play out before me, unable to do anything.
When Tosh was released she ran toward me, and she stayed close as events continued to unfold. This put me in just the right position to see Jack’s face as he admitted to killing Mary. I don’t think Tosh saw it; I think, like I had previously, she only saw the monster behind the man. I saw something else. In the instant before he turned away I saw pain and disgust, and not directed at any of us. Perhaps I only saw it because I recognised those feelings after having seen them reflected in my own eyes as I looked in the mirror. The weight and depth of the feelings that I caught in that unguarded glimpse shocked me to the core and made me realise that I had only felt a fraction of what Jack had unwittingly revealed. I had barely been able to carry on; I couldn’t understand how he managed to live with that kind of burden without breaking, and still be Jack. It broke my heart to see it, and as I mentally gathered the pieces back together I recognised that all the festering resentment of Jack that I’d carried with me since Lisa’s death had bled away, leaving me with feelings that were no longer clouded by the taint of hatred. It was a new kind of pain, but not unwelcome.
I watched them escape the Hub, following them on the CCTV. I continued to watch after Owen and Gwen had left, ensconced in the room off the tourist office, flicking through the different feeds as Jack and Tosh parted to watch the night; him to the Altolusso, while she remained outside the Millennium Centre.
I didn’t feel able to leave the Hub, so I caught up on some of the work that always seemed to be outstanding, checking the CCTV occasionally just to reassure myself that they were both OK; not that Jack was visible, but there had been no sign of any disturbance or of anyone leaving via the service doors. There was still no sign of him long after Tosh had left and I was considering going up after him, even though I was fairly sure my presence wouldn’t be entirely welcome. I was closing things down for the night when the door of the tourist office was rattled by someone trying the handle. It was too late for stray tourists and the police never bothered so I carefully drew my gun and approached the door.
“Who is it?” I asked, not sure whether I would get a reply. I did, and it wasn’t one that I’d expected.
“Adam Pierson. Any chance of letting me in? It’s bloody cold out here.” I slid the gun back into its holster and unlocked the door.
“Jack isn’t here.” I said as he came through the door. He gave me a hint of a grin.
“Are you so certain I’ve not come to see you, Ianto?”
“About 95% or so, yes.” I kept my face as devoid of any expression as I could, it would not do for Methos to know how pleased I was to see him again.
“I must be slipping.” Another smile, this one was softer and more open. “I don’t suppose you know where he is?” I swallowed and ran a hand through my hair. He noticed my distracted expression immediately. His face hardened and he took a step closer, hazel eyes boring into mine. “What happened?” I couldn’t tear my eyes away and felt like a rabbit trapped in the glare of headlights.
“He... He’s not feeling particularly good about himself right now.” I raised a hand to stop Methos interrupting. “Not my place to explain, but I can tell you where to find him. I was going to check up on him myself, but he’ll be a lot more pleased to see you.” Methos backed off, much to my relief; he can be very intimidating if he chooses to be.
“And where would that be?”
“On the roof of the Altolusso building. You’ll need the code for the service doors.” I leaned over the counter to grab a pen and paper, scribbled the code down for him and pressed the paper into his hand. “Take care of him for me?”
“For both of us. Come on Ianto, I think you should go home.” He grabbed my arm, and I couldn’t help but sag against him for a moment.
“I was almost ready to leave when you arrived.” I disappeared back through the bead curtain to grab my jacket and car keys, and checked once more that there had been no sign of Jack moving from his eyrie before powering down the monitor and switching off the light. Methos preceded me through the door, and scanned the skyline as he waited for me to lock up.
“I’m not sure when I’ll be back, Ianto. But when I do visit again I want a cup of your coffee.”
“You’ll have it.” He didn’t say goodbye, just strode away from me back toward the plass, and on to the Altolusso. I watched him go, unable to suppress the stab of envy in my heart, and not quite sure of whom I was envious.
TBC
Part 2