FIC & ART: Don't Call Me Cottontail
Title: Don’t Call Me Cottontail
Artist/Author: red_rahl & unvarnishedtale
Team: ♥ROMANCE♥
Prompt: SOFT
Word count: 700
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Bunnies?
Don't Call Me Cottontail
Arthur had been against taking the job in the first place. It was insane, running an extraction on the pet rabbit of a murdered businessman, even if he was the only witness to the old man’s death. They would be made laughing stocks, their reputations ruined, and the pay wasn’t even that great.
Eames, though…well, Eames could be persuasive. And it had seemed easy enough, except their first attempt had been an unmitigated disaster. Disguised as veterinarians, they’d gained access to the rabbit, Benjamin, and had gone into the dream as humans. The rabbit had been terrified, and had spent the entire futile hour cowering in a corner of the hutch maze.
Arthur had come out of the dream swearing. Eames had tutt-tutted and said they just needed to use a bit of imagination.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this, Eames.”
“It’ll be a doddle, you’ll see, pet.”
“Pet? That’s not funny.”
“Sorry,” Eames said, sounding anything but contrite. “For what it’s worth, you’re doing a brilliant job with the forgery. You look adorable. Very cuddly.”
Arthur scowled at him. Well. He scowled as much as a handsome Dutch rabbit can scowl. Eames, currently in the guise of a resplendently fluffy lop cross, had the gall to nuzzle him. Nuzzle him. Arthur bit Eames’s paw.
“Ouch! That was uncalled-for!”
“We’re here to test run the forgeries, there will be no snuggling.” Arthur hopped down to the end of the hutch, stretching his new limbs and trying to get used to moving on all fours. The straw felt weird under his feet. Hands. Paws. Whatever. Eames followed him.
“Seems like a terrible waste of an opportunity…” Eames cuddled up to him again and nibbled playfully at one of his ears. Arthur bit him again.
“We’ll be laughed out of the business,” Arthur said peevishly.
“Nonsense. We’ll find out who offed the old bastard and be paid handsomely for our trouble. Besides, don’t you want to find out who dunnit? It’s like an Agatha Christie novel, with bunnies! My money’s on the perfume consultant.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Arthur muttered, trying very hard not to sound fond. “Just look at your ears.”
“I’m a lop! They’re meant to be like this! And anyway, you know what they say about the length of a rabbit’s ears…”
“Only you would say something like that, you pervert.”
Eames growled and bit the back of Arthur’s neck.
“Stop that.” Arthur wriggled, cocking his head as the faint sound of music drifted into the dream hutch. “Hey, what’s that…did you change the music again?”
“We can’t have bloody Edith Piaf all the time.”
“Bright Eyes? What’s wrong with you?”
“It seemed appropriate. Bunnies, you know.”
“You’re a sick man, Mr Eames.”
“You love it.”
“That’s beside the point.”
♥♥♥
When they woke, it was to find Ariadne sitting beside the PASIV, eyeing them speculatively.
“So, how’d it go?” she asked.
“Fine,” Arthur answered shortly, pulling out the somnacin line and resisting the urge to lick his cuff to straighten it. Ariadne turned to Eames and raised an eyebrow.
“So, did you…you know..?”
“I can’t imagine what would make you think I’d use the PASIV for such base purposes,” Eames said with feigned indignation.
“Experience,” Ariadne replied. “Besides, you know what they say about rabbits…”
“No, we did not have sex! What is wrong with you people?” Arthur yelled from behind his laptop.
“I told you,” Yusuf said smugly, wandering over. “Now cough up, tiny Canadian loser.”
Ariadne begrudgingly handed over a few crumpled bank notes and Cobb muttered something about the inappropriateness of betting on one’s colleagues’ sex lives. Eames sauntered over to where Arthur was sitting and leaned against his desk.
“Come on, Cottontail, I’ll buy you a coffee,” he said, shutting the laptop against Arthur’s half-hearted protests.
“If you call me that again, I swear to God, Eames, I will shoot you.” Arthur grabbed his jacket and let Eames guide him out the door with a hand on the small of his back.
Just another day at the office, really.
Artist/Author: red_rahl & unvarnishedtale
Team: ♥ROMANCE♥
Prompt: SOFT
Word count: 700
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Bunnies?
Don't Call Me Cottontail
Arthur had been against taking the job in the first place. It was insane, running an extraction on the pet rabbit of a murdered businessman, even if he was the only witness to the old man’s death. They would be made laughing stocks, their reputations ruined, and the pay wasn’t even that great.
Eames, though…well, Eames could be persuasive. And it had seemed easy enough, except their first attempt had been an unmitigated disaster. Disguised as veterinarians, they’d gained access to the rabbit, Benjamin, and had gone into the dream as humans. The rabbit had been terrified, and had spent the entire futile hour cowering in a corner of the hutch maze.
Arthur had come out of the dream swearing. Eames had tutt-tutted and said they just needed to use a bit of imagination.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this, Eames.”
“It’ll be a doddle, you’ll see, pet.”
“Pet? That’s not funny.”
“Sorry,” Eames said, sounding anything but contrite. “For what it’s worth, you’re doing a brilliant job with the forgery. You look adorable. Very cuddly.”
Arthur scowled at him. Well. He scowled as much as a handsome Dutch rabbit can scowl. Eames, currently in the guise of a resplendently fluffy lop cross, had the gall to nuzzle him. Nuzzle him. Arthur bit Eames’s paw.
“Ouch! That was uncalled-for!”
“We’re here to test run the forgeries, there will be no snuggling.” Arthur hopped down to the end of the hutch, stretching his new limbs and trying to get used to moving on all fours. The straw felt weird under his feet. Hands. Paws. Whatever. Eames followed him.
“Seems like a terrible waste of an opportunity…” Eames cuddled up to him again and nibbled playfully at one of his ears. Arthur bit him again.
“We’ll be laughed out of the business,” Arthur said peevishly.
“Nonsense. We’ll find out who offed the old bastard and be paid handsomely for our trouble. Besides, don’t you want to find out who dunnit? It’s like an Agatha Christie novel, with bunnies! My money’s on the perfume consultant.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Arthur muttered, trying very hard not to sound fond. “Just look at your ears.”
“I’m a lop! They’re meant to be like this! And anyway, you know what they say about the length of a rabbit’s ears…”
“Only you would say something like that, you pervert.”
Eames growled and bit the back of Arthur’s neck.
“Stop that.” Arthur wriggled, cocking his head as the faint sound of music drifted into the dream hutch. “Hey, what’s that…did you change the music again?”
“We can’t have bloody Edith Piaf all the time.”
“Bright Eyes? What’s wrong with you?”
“It seemed appropriate. Bunnies, you know.”
“You’re a sick man, Mr Eames.”
“You love it.”
“That’s beside the point.”
♥♥♥
When they woke, it was to find Ariadne sitting beside the PASIV, eyeing them speculatively.
“So, how’d it go?” she asked.
“Fine,” Arthur answered shortly, pulling out the somnacin line and resisting the urge to lick his cuff to straighten it. Ariadne turned to Eames and raised an eyebrow.
“So, did you…you know..?”
“I can’t imagine what would make you think I’d use the PASIV for such base purposes,” Eames said with feigned indignation.
“Experience,” Ariadne replied. “Besides, you know what they say about rabbits…”
“No, we did not have sex! What is wrong with you people?” Arthur yelled from behind his laptop.
“I told you,” Yusuf said smugly, wandering over. “Now cough up, tiny Canadian loser.”
Ariadne begrudgingly handed over a few crumpled bank notes and Cobb muttered something about the inappropriateness of betting on one’s colleagues’ sex lives. Eames sauntered over to where Arthur was sitting and leaned against his desk.
“Come on, Cottontail, I’ll buy you a coffee,” he said, shutting the laptop against Arthur’s half-hearted protests.
“If you call me that again, I swear to God, Eames, I will shoot you.” Arthur grabbed his jacket and let Eames guide him out the door with a hand on the small of his back.
Just another day at the office, really.