Fic: A son's safety

[adult_talk5]

A son's safety (0/?)

Rating: At the moment PG
Spoiler: Pilot
Characters: John, little Dean, the Demon, mention of Baby Sam...
Summary: AU. Pre-Series. The demon didn't only take Mary that night .... John is on a desperate trip to safe his son.

Comments

[ladyjanelly]

A good start, but a little short for the reader to get their teeth into. I'm curious what's happened to Dean, and how John's gonna cope with raising Sam without Dean's help.

Hitting enter twice at the end of each paragraph will also make it easier to read on a computer screen and increase your reader/commenters.

[adult_talk5]

thanks for the tips :) and the next chapter will be longer. I promise :)

[deathndestruct]

Nice story.

I can't wait for more and I hope its longer next time.

*sniffles* Dean is gone...WWBD?

[adult_talk5]

thanks :). I try to update asap and it definately will be longer.

[cariadean]

Ok ... I'm hooked. What happens next?

[varkelton]

It's short but I'm definitly intrigued... There's a couple of tense problems in the very first paragraph that you might want to clean up... How long for more?

[belleimani]

Excellent beginning.
I'm assuming the slight grammar errors in the beginning are because it's Dean's four-year-old pov?
If not, do a quick grammar check in Word and you're all set!