Locating Kaworu-san and Kamui-san was not difficult, but the scene awaiting Unohana was more than worrying. She hurried over to them and knelt next to Kamui, not touching him for the moment.
Unohana did not notice his reaction at her words. Sh had not meant anything ominous with that 'if', apart from the fact hat she did not expect Kamui-san to wake up any time soon. The next day was a good bet, and she would, indeed, be very surprised if he rose before that time.
"Hearing things can be a lot more frightening than seeing them," she said, sipping some tea. "Besides, it looks like it was hard on you, living in a human body, and dying in one of them. And, if I recall correctly, the manner of your death was quite horrible. It cannot be nice at all to re-live all this."
Kaworu ran his finger lazily around the edge of the mug in front of him, watching with little interest. He glanced up at Unohana as he listened before looking down at the mug again and sighing quietly.
"The manner of my death was mine to choose. It was either that or cease to exist as an individual. I don't regret my decision and I like to think I made an impression on the one that killed me." The angel spoke in a calm voice, stating things simply. "Ever since that day i've being hearing things on an endless loop while I watched."
He laughed bitterly before taking a sip of the tea. "To think the only memories I have are either boring or upset someone else. Says an awful lot about my existence in the past." He shook his head slightly. "That is neither here nor there though."
"Clearly, it affects you more than you thought it did," Unohana said matter-of-factly.
Kaworu-san was very different from her, she knew that now, about as different as they both were from human beings. He was a part of something greater. But he, too, had been in contact with humans, their flaws, their weaknesses and it seemed to hav touhed him in strange ways.
"It is up to you to make new memories, Kaworu-san. Some that you might want to share with friends, to remember fondly."
He'd never really gone into detailed thinking about his short time among the Lilim. It was something he'd been trying to avoid doing ever since he'd gone back to his siblings. There had been more troubling things to worry about when Third Impact was eventually started.
Kaworu sighed slightly. "Making new memories is fine and dandy but..." He trailed off into thought for a few moments. "It is unlikely I will return to the Lilim world again."
"Do you mean to say that this is where your friends are ? That you made friends with some humans, in spite of what you knew about them and what your role was supposed to be ?"
"No, Kaworu-san, I would not know unless you tell me," Unohana said, but there was no trace of irony in her voice. It was in her nature to genuinely care about people, and so she cared about Kaworu.
"What makes it painful, Kaworu-san ? Is it because you do not meet whatever their expectations are ?"
"It's very painful. Sounds almost like an insult." Kaworu replied vaguely.
"They believe angels are pure and helpful. I'm not. I just have a few lucky guesses and make good observations." He knew that what people here called an angel was very different from the ones Tokyo-3 had met. Knowing that he'd tried to destroy people didn't make the word sound any nicer.
"Humans being are usually very misguided about beings that are not human, Kaworu-san. They do their best to reassure themselves in the face of a greater power, try to put name on things to grasp some power over them. It is our choice to let it affect us or not."
She knew a little bit about human angel folklore, but not much. Still, Kaworu-san's observations were right on the mark.
"I do not particularly enjoy people getting scared when I mention what I am. I do not understand why they show fear, when it is their very nature that created the need for beings like me."
She got up to pour more tea into her cup.
"Humans will be upset by anything they cannot explain, and we cannot change it. Howevere, as long as we have a rol in their world, we will need to understand that, acknowledge it, and move on."
For some reason, he felt a lot younger to her when he showed such concerns. She was pretty certain that his actual physical existence was probably as long as hers, if not longer, but right now, it felt like he was new to this.
Kaworu listened in silence, nodding every now and then.
"I know that is what they do but it does still not make things any kinder."
Absently he began drawing patterns on the table top again with his finger.
"The word angel has such an expectation to it." He paused slightly in both speaking and drawing, "Al keeps referring to Guardian angels and that makes it feel even worse."
Kaworu sighed quietly. "Besides I have done my role."
"You know that, Kaworu-san, but they do not. They need it spelled out. They put too much power in this word. They do not realize what this means to you, to us."
She patted his hand.
"I know this is hard, but this is our lot. Rebelling against it does not exactly work. You'll just have to explain to Alphonse-san that this is not what you are."
"Do you fear seeing someone of your own world coming here, Kaworu-san ?"
She had rarely seen him so down before, even after he had killed Mello.
"You've mentioned these children several times before ... are they angels like you, or human ? Why would it be so bad if they showed up ? Is it because they know about your true nature ?"
"Hm." He made a thoughtful sounding noise but said little.
"They are Lilim. Children chosen to pilot the Evangelions, they were meant to destroy each and every one of us angels." Kaworu paused and shook his head slightly, "To them we were invading so in they were protecting their claim on the world."
He sighed. "The Second child would without a doubt try to expose what I am, portray me as what I suppose I really am. I do not wish to see the Third for he...I fear I have hurt him somehow."
Sometimes Kaworu-san felt aloof, indifferent to the lot of the human race, yet sometimes he showed some real concern for some people, or even for the whole of humanity. She could not help but wonder if this was due to his nature, or if it was a trait that was specific to him.
"Some people see being here as a second chance. Other use the time here to reflect on their mistakes. Whatever the case, it is a good time to think about what you have done, what you wish to do. And ... do not forget that you have friends here, Kaworu-san," she said, taking his hand again.
"Seeing you like this, one could almost think that you are scared of what you are."
"Kaworu-san ? Were you here when it happened ?"
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"Hearing things can be a lot more frightening than seeing them," she said, sipping some tea. "Besides, it looks like it was hard on you, living in a human body, and dying in one of them. And, if I recall correctly, the manner of your death was quite horrible. It cannot be nice at all to re-live all this."
Reply
"The manner of my death was mine to choose. It was either that or cease to exist as an individual. I don't regret my decision and I like to think I made an impression on the one that killed me." The angel spoke in a calm voice, stating things simply. "Ever since that day i've being hearing things on an endless loop while I watched."
He laughed bitterly before taking a sip of the tea. "To think the only memories I have are either boring or upset someone else. Says an awful lot about my existence in the past." He shook his head slightly. "That is neither here nor there though."
Reply
Kaworu-san was very different from her, she knew that now, about as different as they both were from human beings. He was a part of something greater. But he, too, had been in contact with humans, their flaws, their weaknesses and it seemed to hav touhed him in strange ways.
"It is up to you to make new memories, Kaworu-san. Some that you might want to share with friends, to remember fondly."
Reply
He'd never really gone into detailed thinking about his short time among the Lilim. It was something he'd been trying to avoid doing ever since he'd gone back to his siblings. There had been more troubling things to worry about when Third Impact was eventually started.
Kaworu sighed slightly. "Making new memories is fine and dandy but..." He trailed off into thought for a few moments. "It is unlikely I will return to the Lilim world again."
Reply
"Do you mean to say that this is where your friends are ? That you made friends with some humans, in spite of what you knew about them and what your role was supposed to be ?"
Interesting, that such a thing would slip out.
"You have friends here, Kaworu-san," she added.
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Kaworu leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling as if it held the answers he was looking for.
"Do you know how painful it is for me when people call me an angel here?"
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"What makes it painful, Kaworu-san ? Is it because you do not meet whatever their expectations are ?"
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"They believe angels are pure and helpful. I'm not. I just have a few lucky guesses and make good observations." He knew that what people here called an angel was very different from the ones Tokyo-3 had met. Knowing that he'd tried to destroy people didn't make the word sound any nicer.
Reply
She knew a little bit about human angel folklore, but not much. Still, Kaworu-san's observations were right on the mark.
"I do not particularly enjoy people getting scared when I mention what I am. I do not understand why they show fear, when it is their very nature that created the need for beings like me."
She got up to pour more tea into her cup.
"Humans will be upset by anything they cannot explain, and we cannot change it. Howevere, as long as we have a rol in their world, we will need to understand that, acknowledge it, and move on."
For some reason, he felt a lot younger to her when he showed such concerns. She was pretty certain that his actual physical existence was probably as long as hers, if not longer, but right now, it felt like he was new to this.
Reply
"I know that is what they do but it does still not make things any kinder."
Absently he began drawing patterns on the table top again with his finger.
"The word angel has such an expectation to it." He paused slightly in both speaking and drawing, "Al keeps referring to Guardian angels and that makes it feel even worse."
Kaworu sighed quietly. "Besides I have done my role."
Reply
She patted his hand.
"I know this is hard, but this is our lot. Rebelling against it does not exactly work. You'll just have to explain to Alphonse-san that this is not what you are."
Reply
He glanced over at Unohana before hanging his head.
"I've already tried telling him in the past. Heaven help the day that one of the chosen children turns up here, if any of them do of course."
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She had rarely seen him so down before, even after he had killed Mello.
"You've mentioned these children several times before ... are they angels like you, or human ? Why would it be so bad if they showed up ? Is it because they know about your true nature ?"
Reply
"They are Lilim. Children chosen to pilot the Evangelions, they were meant to destroy each and every one of us angels." Kaworu paused and shook his head slightly, "To them we were invading so in they were protecting their claim on the world."
He sighed. "The Second child would without a doubt try to expose what I am, portray me as what I suppose I really am. I do not wish to see the Third for he...I fear I have hurt him somehow."
Reply
Sometimes Kaworu-san felt aloof, indifferent to the lot of the human race, yet sometimes he showed some real concern for some people, or even for the whole of humanity. She could not help but wonder if this was due to his nature, or if it was a trait that was specific to him.
"Some people see being here as a second chance. Other use the time here to reflect on their mistakes. Whatever the case, it is a good time to think about what you have done, what you wish to do. And ... do not forget that you have friends here, Kaworu-san," she said, taking his hand again.
"Seeing you like this, one could almost think that you are scared of what you are."
Reply
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