Comments | adrenalineshots: The mute and his silent tale

adrenalineshots

The mute and his silent tale

Jul 08, 2009 18:01

Two dark silhouettes filled the red dust, cut against the warm glare of the setting star, their shadows stretching out on the empty street like giants waking up.

The sounds of sharp spurs clapped against the ground as they walk forward, sure steps, loose strides and confident postures.

They were both tall, almost as tall as their black shadows drawn ( Read more... )

season 1, sam, dean

Comments 23

labseraph July 10 2009, 07:08:21 UTC

Eep. I love how well you wove Dean's muteness as a child with the build up of the story. The atmosphere felt so real I almost coughed from the dust under foot.

Truly lovely.

adrenalineshots July 10 2009, 07:23:02 UTC

Ohhh! Thank you! *hands a glass of cold water* didn't mean to get your shoes all dusty :D ... sowy for that *g*

jackfan2 July 10 2009, 15:48:56 UTC

GAH!!! Where'd that pic of Jensen come from in your icon?!?!?! I WANT IWANT IWANT!!!

labseraph July 12 2009, 02:12:10 UTC

I still got it somewhere, I think. Drop me your e-mail addy and I'll send it over.

:D

maychorian July 10 2009, 18:56:31 UTC

Lovely story. Thank you very much.

adrenalineshots July 10 2009, 19:35:09 UTC

Thank you :D

(The comment has been removed)

adrenalineshots July 11 2009, 13:41:18 UTC

:D Thanks!

sams1ra July 18 2009, 09:59:17 UTC

I liked the story, I liked that it ended up being Dean, and that it was lack of deeper research that caused it.
But -
I really think you should have used a beta on this one.
I get that there was a time issue here, but you repeated the same mistake a bunch of times. Maybe it's not even a beta, just another once over - which, again, I understand that time can be an issue. It would just make a good story way better.
The problem I had was with 'do' or rather, 'did'. You kept using 'ed' after using 'did'. (for example: "They didn't even bothered emptying it!"
Hope this helps you in future stories.

adrenalineshots July 18 2009, 15:15:06 UTC

Thank you! And, as it was stated in the introductory note, a beta was used in this story, the same efficient one that helps me in all of my stories. So, any remaining errors that might’ve been found in this story, are there because of changes I made AFTER she went through with her beta-read.
But-
Because I take these things very seriously, I went through the whole document one more time, in search of these ‘repeated mistakes’.
3 times, dude, do no make a ‘bunch’ in a text with almost 5000 words, they make for a lapse and, though I appreciate your intent for making any future story of mine better, lapses will continue to occur in ALL of them, because that just happens ;)