Fic For Tommyboybbi

[adoxography_tea]

EDIT:
BETA'D By: classiccoffee

His sweat was sweating practically. He could feel the droplets dribbling down his neck, his chest, his legs, all of his body.

The heat rained down like fire in his cramped leathers, he'd nearly had to peel himself from the motorcycle. Hand swiped across his forehead, peeling the sweat off with it before he wiped it on the outside

Comments

[tommyboybbi]

Ah, He's stuck.... and Captain slow is in control. Looking forward to the rest.

[adoxography_tea]

I'm trying to make it good, I'm just nervous. :)

[tommyboybbi]

Relax, nothing to be nervous about writing.

My main idea about writing is it's for myself first. I'm getting my own idea out, on paper or typed out. I post to my journal. If others like it, it's a plus, but it's your own self expression.

So relax. If you take the extra effort to have it beta'd/proof, then it's a conviction of the next level and you post it to further places.

it's a sharing among friends.

I haven't seen the tgslash condemn anyone in the past, just help.

[adoxography_tea]

Yeah, I got it proofed, I forgot to put that on there! But yeah, I'm justed used to other fandoms where people never comment and when they do its rude and mean. :(

[lhazzie]

*snigger* I'm kind of disgusted by the sweatiness, but in a really good way. That probably makes me sick and wrong :D

I particularly like, "It seems I can't manage to do anything at your place without being accosted.". It has so many possibilities for the imagingation...

I noticed a couple of typo/grammar issues, if you want them pointed out too?

[adoxography_tea]

Sure! Only can learn from having them corrected. I write as I speak so its hard for me to catch those sort of things. :)

Haha, yeah! The Sweaty-ness is kinda gross, but its a plot device XD

[lhazzie]

Slow reply is slow! Sorry :)

" Oh, stuff it." Was the shorter males reply as he relished in the cool of the air unit.
Stylistically, you don't need a space betweenthe quoteation marks and the start of the next word, this goes for all of them, it just looks slightly odd so is a bit distracting. Also, shorter male's, not males.

Ha-Ha, second ha doesn't need capitalised.

" Its irresistible." Use it's when it can be replaced with it is, and its when it can be replaced his or hers. Most of your its should actually be it's.

" Looks like your trapped, Mate." Mate doesn't need a capital, I don't think. I think that one's a style thing too.

[adoxography_tea]

I hit the space after "'s almost habitually, its terrible. LOL. I never noticed till now, but I've been working on it. LOL.

[marginaliana]

Oooh, I really like the way you show the humor between them in this. James saying, "Well, whatever it is hamsters do-- shuffle." - that made me laugh a lot. And I like the way James is slowly getting used to being more aggressive... mmm!

[adoxography_tea]

I'm glad it made you laugh! And yeah I wanted to write a more aggressive James, but I didn't want it to seem very out of Character so I went for a transitional thing. xD

[purplejulie95]

" Well, whatever it is hamsters do-- shuffle." James clarified

Fully agrees with marginaliana. I luff this line especially.
*giggles and squees*

[adoxography_tea]

Yaay! *Squees too, just to join in*

[adoxography_tea]

Aww! Thanks! Yeah, I like Top!James so I figured I might as well use my weird D/s knowledge XD