The Next Best Thing - Chapter 1
Feels unreal to be posting a story from the very first universe I created. Here’s some things you need to know before reading:
A/N: This is a sequel series set in the universe of my first series A Storm’s Gonna Come. It starts where ASGC ended, so you’d be well advised to read that one first if you haven’t yet. The Next Best Thing is a finished, feel good story. It’s told in a vignette-y kind of way, covering almost two years in 8 chapters, so prepare for leaps in time. Basically, it’s just a glance into Brian’s and Justin’s lives during their New York adventure.
Rating: NC-17 (for entire story)
Warnings: As is customary in the ASGC universe: None. This is a fluffy, drama-free zone.
Disclaimer: If you believe that I believe that I own any part of it, then I’m not the one needing careful surveillance.
Thank you and dedication: A thank you to Pet who managed to read and beta through roughly 200(?) pages in record time and who regularly lets me rant to her whenever I need to and always takes the time to respond even though she wants me to work on a different story entirely. This is for my reader jizabel91 whose love for this universe has kept mine alive.
Present, May 2011
-New York City-
"Boy, do you clean up nicely, Mr. Kinney.”
“Huh?” Brian gave back in a distracted voice.
Justin rose from the bed where he’d been sitting watching Brian and walked over to the closet where Brian stood in front of, knotting his tie, with his mind far away. Justin stepped behind Brian and rested his palms on his shoulders. They were tense as they have been pretty much every day for the last couple of months. Justin began kneading them softly and absentmindedly, studying Brian’s reflection in the mirror. When he was sure he had Brian’s attention, he said, “Hmm, there’s something to be said about gorgeous men in form-fitting Armanis.” He licked his lips to emphasize his point.
Brian smirked mockingly at him when he saw the hunger in Justin’s eyes. “Sunshine, you’ve seen me in a suit before.”
“Yeah,” Justin replied dreamily, eyes wandering Brian’s body in the full body mirror, “but I haven’t in a long time.”
“Ahh,” Brian replied and nodded knowingly, “so that’s the reason for tonight’s outing.”
Justin was jarred out of his contemplations of Brian’s body and he brought his eyes back up to meet Brian’s. He looked funnily at his partner, head tilted slightly to one side. “Yeah, okay, let’s go with that,” he cryptically replied. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah. Just let me grab my BlackBerry and we’ll be on our way.”
“Brian, you’re not going to work during our meal, right? We’re supposed to be having dinner, not a business meeting. And even then it would be rude to bring your PDA.”
“No, I’m not going to work during dinner. But I can finish a few things on our way there,” Brian argued, his attention already on the small screen in his hand.
Justin watched him for a second, sighed, and decided to let it drop. Tonight was not the night to pick a fight. He just wanted to have a nice evening and to have Brian all to himself. It seemed they hadn’t done it in a long time. Too fucking long. Justin sighed again as he followed Brian out of the apartment.
Brian kept his word and packed the organizer away as soon as they entered the restaurant. A friendly waitress showed them to their table - a secluded spot half-hidden behind a waist high partition - and Brian managed to have a conversation with Justin that did not involve the words work or Kinnetik for an admirably long time, meaning till they’d gotten their drinks and ordered their food. After which Justin excused himself to make a quick trip to the men’s room. When he arrived back at their table, Brian had his phone out and was typing something. Justin guessed an email or some work-related notes for later. Nowadays, Brian was always typing notes to refer to either Ted or Cynthia later.
Justin sat back down in his chair, leaned back stiffly and crossed his arms in front of him, regarding Brian calmly, waiting for Brian to notice him. After a moment, Brian looked up and, noticing Justin’s sour expression, asked, “What?”
“You promised you wouldn’t work during dinner,” he reminded him. Justin spoke quietly, trying to keep the accusation from his voice, but not quite managing. “Seriously Brian, can’t you just let it go for one evening?”
“I am letting it go,” Brian protested. “This wasn’t work related.” Justin raised both eyebrows quizzically. “I was texting Molly, asking if everything was alright.”
“I’m sure it is,” Justin told him. His sister was taking care of Alex and Emma tonight and though it was her first time of doing it in New York, it was not her first time playing the babysitter for the girls in general. In fact, Molly insisted on spending time with the girls without the dads present. And when she heard that Justin had a dinner planned, she wouldn’t even listen to Brian’s protests and almost threw them out of their own home. Well, home away from home anyway.
Justin remembered the exchange from today’s late afternoon. Molly had to practically beg Brian to leave the house and the kids in her care.
“Honest to God, Brian, I think I’ve spent more time with the twins when you were still living in Britin and I lived in New York. Stop micro-managing already. I know how to take care of my nieces.”
“I know you do,” Brian had replied. “I’m just saying we don’t have to go out tonight. There’s a ton of things I’ve to do and if you’ve already made plans or something...”
“I haven’t. And yes, you do have to go out.” She sighed and released a breath. “Oh, boy. I was hoping I’d be able to guilt you into buying a dress for this party next weekend, but now I have to beg you?”
Brian had had nothing to reply to that, except for, “What kind of party?”
“Birthday bash. A friend of mine turns 21.”
“Jovani?”
“Mmh, I’m thinking less dressy.”
Brian had thought for a second. “Sherri Hill?”
Molly’s eyes had lit up. “Perfect!”
“Saturday at three?”
Justin had thought they were speaking a different language, but Molly had squealed quite loudly at that and almost jumped Brian, hugging him. “You’re the best. Seriously!”
Brian, completely taken aback by Molly’s excitement, had endured her show of gratitude. His arms had risen undecidedly as if he was contemplating hugging her back, before he lowered them again. Justin had been just about to pull his sister away from him when she’d correctly interpreted Brian’s sudden petrification as awkwardness. A bit embarrassed about losing her coolness for a moment, though not enough to dim her enthusiasm, she’d pulled back and smiled apologetically. “I mean,” she had stuttered, “thanks. That’s cool.” Brian had nodded once and that had been it.
Brian’s phone beeped, a melody playing at a discreet noise level, and pulled Justin from his thoughts. He looked reproachfully at Brian who held his gaze without blinking. Justin deflated. “Go on, check your messages.” He sounded defeated.
Brian didn’t move a muscle and continued to look at his partner. “It’s not work. It’s Molly.” After he said it, he grabbed his phone and read out loud, “Girls are asleep. Stop worrying; it’ll keep the Botox costs low. Tell my brother to grow a pair and push the switch off button on that phone of yours so you two can enjoy your evening together.” Justin grinned and held out his hand. Molly’s idea was brilliant; he wished he’d thought of it. Brian hesitated a moment then relented and handed over his BlackBerry. Justin got an indecent amount of fun out of turning it off and expressed it with a shit-eating grin.
“What are we celebrating?” Brian asked after he tucked away the now incapacitated device in his inside pocket.
“What?” Justin asked, wrinkling his brows in confusion.
“I asked you earlier why you wanted to go out tonight and you didn’t reply. So, why are we here? You scored big with a gallery or something? Sold an expensive painting to some fawning fan? One of my naked dick maybe?” Brian laughed.
“Brian…” Justin carefully began but didn’t know how to continue.
“What?” Now it was Brian’s turn to be confused. Justin was acting weird, awkward and obviously uncomfortable. “Oh shit, is it some bad news? Is this why we’re here? You think breaking it to me somewhere where it won’t get loud will keep the noise level down, is that it? Who fucked up what?”
Justin now flat out stared at him, perfectly irritated.
The longer he did, the angrier Brian became. With the rising anger a dangerous calm overcame his body, making him freeze into a stone. His voice perilously low, he said, or rather hissed, “Spit it the fuck out, Sunshine.”
Justin’s answer wasn’t making any sense once it came. “You really don’t know what day it is?” he asked.
Brian stared at him, not comprehending. Justin stared back, starting to look amused the longer their staring contest continued. Eventually he reached behind himself and pulled out a small rectangular package, black with a single gold ribbon around it. “Here’s a clue.” The words accompanied the gift as he passed it to Brian.
Brian let it lie where it were, beside his place setting, now suspiciously eyeing Justin who was downright looking like he was about to laugh now. “Did I miss our anniversary or something?” Brian asked derisively, side-glancing at the package.
“Or something,” Justin answered between a few suppressed giggles.
Brian, growing impatient at his behavior, took out his PDA again, wanting to glance at the date but since it was turned off his effort was in vain. He thought harder. It was mid-May. He was fairly certain it wasn’t Gus’ birthday; but the date did seem kind of familiar.
While he was still trying to figure it out, Justin said, “Happy Birthday.”
Brian gawked at him.
“Seriously, old man. I was hoping Alzheimer’s wouldn’t hit for another decade or two. But I guess you always were ahead of your time.” Justin smiled at him and reached over the table to lay a palm against Brian’s cheek. “I love you, Brian,” he quietly said.
Relieved, though a little embarrassed for both, having forgotten his birthday and receiving a gift, he turned his head slightly. It just so happened that his lips came in contact with Justin’s palm, so while already there Brian decided to place a kiss on it. “What is it?” he asked, redirecting the attention to the gift.
“Open it,” Justin replied and sat back to watch Brian.
Brian slid the gold ribbon down and pulled the box open. Inside lay a pen of white gold, personalized with an engraving of the new Kinnetik NYC - KinNY - logo and Brian’s name on it. Beside it rested a letter opener in matching style, also engraved, and a flat box that looked almost like a Zippo lighter, but was in fact a business card holder with identical engravings. Brian’s fingers ghosted over the objects, a small smile playing on his lips. The sort of smile that told Justin he liked his gift, liked it very much, but would be embarrassed to admit it.
“You should have waited with the engraving at least till we’ve put up the sign on the building.”
Justin knew what Brian was saying but he had no doubt that he’d be successful in New York, just like he would be anywhere else. “Stop spreading this pessimistic bullshit,” Justin told him. “Nobody believes you anyway.” He sent a brilliant smile after his words.
“My own personal cheerleader,” Brian mocked him, but smiled nonetheless.
They were quiet for a few seconds, basking in the presence of each other. A sudden urge to hold Brian’s hand overcame Justin and he raised his arm, reaching for Brian’s but abandoned the idea half-way through, thinking that Brian would call him a lesbian or something equally charming. So he just rested his hand on the table, beside his drink. Brian looked at his hand, then at him, then rolled his eyes. He grabbed Justin’s hand and interlaced their fingers, squeezing them lightly. “Twat,” he said, but it came out soft and gentle.
Their food arrived moments later. It was brought over by a different waitress than the one that had taken their orders. She didn’t say anything aside from telling them to let her know if they needed anything else, but her lips quirked in distaste when she saw their entwined hands. Brian acted as though he didn’t notice, but even before she left their table, he pulled Justin’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on his knuckles.
“Subtle,” Justin commented dryly. “Really smooth.” Brian just shrugged and reached for the knife and fork, cutting up his steak.
For a while they ate quietly, sharing only the occasional smile or reaching for a piece of food from each other’s plates.
“Mmm,” Brian sighed contently and leaned back in his chair when he finished the main course. “That was really good.” With satisfaction Justin noticed that Brian had almost cleared his plate. Since it was after seven, this little fact was more of a compliment to the cook than he or she would ever realize. While Justin was finishing mopping his plate with a piece of bread - the gravy was fucking delicious - he watched Brian out of the corners of his eyes. He looked so relaxed, more so than Justin had seen him since they came to New York. He actually looked like he was enjoying himself and not thinking about work for once.
“You’re working too hard, Brian,” Justin said into the ensuing silence. He had so much more to say on the subject. And judging by Brian’s facial expression, Brian knew that too.
“Hey, I just realized,” Brian exclaimed, changing the topic. Justin recognized it for what it was and told him with his eyes that even though he was letting it go for now, the subject was far from being closed. “If it’s my birthday, what are you doing all the way over there?” he asked, nodding towards Justin across the table. Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed Justin’s chair and pulled it, and Justin, closer. The legs scraped on the hardwood floor, but Justin’s yelp drowned the sound out.
He nervously glanced around the restaurant, eyes searching for the waitress that had given them a bit of an attitude when bringing their food. But Brian slung an arm around Justin’s shoulders and so demanded his full attention. “My birthday, my rules,” he whispered in Justin’s ear.
“You forgot it even was your birthday,” Justin reminded him. “I just figured you wouldn’t want anyone to mention it, so I didn’t and even told the family not to call, but you seriously forgot it.” Justin knew it was just another side effect of working too hard, but it was still unfathomable to him how Brian could work himself into an early grave like that. The stress lines around his mouth and eyes had gotten more pronounced, but Justin would never tell him that. “How can you forget your own birthday?”
“It’s not important.”
“It is to me,” Justin replied seriously.
“I’m sorry,” Brian said, but it sounded almost like a question.
“I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to stop pushing yourself so hard.”
They were interrupted when the girl that had taken their orders before, stopped by their table to ask if they wanted dessert. Justin, uncharacteristically, only ordered a cappuccino. Brian had half-expected him to order every single item on the dessert menu and force a bite of each onto him. When the waitress turned her attention on Brian, he thought for a moment, then said, “One piece of the best chocolate cake you have with whipped cream on the side, one serving of tiramisu and a coffee.”
“You’re going to eat chocolate cake and tiramisu?” Justin asked when they were alone again, surprised at Brian’s order.
Brian grinned. “No, but you are.”
“But it’s your birthday,” Justin protested.
“Which I forgot and you remembered.”
Justin let his eyes become misty, mostly because he figured it would annoy Brian. “I love it when you let the closeted romantic in you show. You’re really starting to live up to the potential your initials suggest.”
“Huh?”
“You know, because you share your initials with a couple whose love has inspired millions of little children and created dreams of white weddings, livelong devotion and happily ever afters.”
Brian frowned and thought hard. Then he eyed the bottle of wine they had with their meal. “Are you drunk?”
Justin shook his head no. He explained in a plain ‘it-should-be-so-obvious’ voice, “Barbie and Ken.”
“Oh, God,” Brian moaned, “you are drunk.”
“Well, then I expect you to take advantage of me later,” Justin replied and grinned wide. Brian just had to lean over and kiss him.
❖❖❖
Brian lay awake, staring at the ceiling, or rather at the darkness that hid it from him, while rhythmically combing his fingers through long blond locks. He’d never been on first name terms with insomnia - every night that he’d abandoned sleep in the past, had been in favor of physical activities of the horizontal kind and definitely by his own choice. But then again, he’d never been responsible for the well-being of a family before either.
He couldn’t sleep for a number of reasons. There were the renovations in the building that was supposed to eventually house the New York branch of Kinnetik and which they were running behind on for the sole reason that no renovations had been planned at all when Brian had first seen the place and signed the lease later. Then there was the task of hiring people and though they weren’t lacking neither in number of applications nor in enthused excitement, there was a definite want for talent or at the very least ability to differentiate between catchy and lame on the applicant’s part. And not to forget Kinnetik back in Pittsburgh, or The Headquarters, as Justin had gotten used to calling it lately, that demanded to be managed from afar. And even though those were all perfectly fine reasons to be losing sleep over, Brian also knew that they barely made the list because of other, more pressing and acute matters. He only had to remember the way Alex clutched to him every morning before he left for work or the way Emma would beg for a second or even a third good night story in the evening, to know that he’d fucked something up that had been fine before, flawless in fact.
Hadn’t it been just last Christmas that he had a talk with Lindsay where she marveled at how well-adjusted the twins were. Well, she would have a field day with them now, Brian grimly thought. They had never before been clingy or prone to crying. But since the move to New York and their separation from the family, Alex and Emma didn’t like to be left alone; even if ‘alone’ meant in the care of Molly whom they knew just as well as any other member of their family. It didn’t take a psychologist to know what made them this antsy: it was his own selfishness that had put them in this situation and he didn’t know how to deal with the mess they were in. So he worked harder, longer, faster; all to ensure that their stay in New York would last only as long as absolutely necessary. The girls wanted to go home and Brian was miserable being the reason that they could not. And all of it just for business. A laugh, but one with no humor in it, threatened to escape from his throat and Brian bit down on his tongue to prevent himself from releasing it. Business. Wasn’t that just hilarious - history repeating itself. It was almost funny.
“Wanna go to the bathroom for a quick fuck?” Justin’s voice interrupted Brian’s thoughts. He sounded sleepy and Brian wished he could pull him closer. Instead, Brian reached over the girls between them and felt for Justin’s head, sinking his fingers in the messy strands of hair. “Brian?” Justin mumbled.
Brian could hear the concern in his voice. It was just one more reason to feel guilty about. On top of everything else that Justin had to take care of, he was now constantly concerned for his partner.
“It’s okay,” Brian whispered back, careful not to wake up the girls. “Go back to sleep.”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” Justin admitted. “I worry about you,” he added and confirmed Brian’s thoughts.
“I’m fine,” Brian answered. “I’m used to working long hours. You know that. I’m not gonna drop dead or have a heart attack all of a sudden just because it’s a bit stressful at the moment.”
Justin had so many things to say on that matter. He knew Brian tended to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but enough was enough. They needed to continue the talk they’d started in the restaurant. But not here. “I think I want a glass of warm milk. You wanna join me and maybe have a drink yourself?” he began, remembering that Brian was more accessible after a few shots of Bourbon Whisky. He wasn’t above using this knowledge to his advantage. Brian’s fingers in his hair tightened slightly. He waited a second longer, expecting Brian to protest, but he didn’t. Justin took the silence for agreement.
He heard Brian get out of bed, followed by the sound of his silky bathrobe. “Go ahead,” Brian told him. “I have to make a trip to the bathroom first.”
Justin checked to make sure Emma and Alex were tucked securely under the blankets before pulling on a sweater hoodie - the first thing his fist closed in on when he grabbed inside the walk-in closet - and slipped quietly through the bedroom door. In the kitchen, he switched on the light, his eyes squeezing shut at the sudden brightness and grabbed the milk from the fridge. He went through the routine of heating up a glass of milk, but when he was finished, Brian still hadn’t shown up, so Justin picked up the glass and took it with him to the living room. He swept the space, not spotting Brian; but he found an opened Beam bottle and the gust of a cold spring night made him turn towards the French windows. He poked his head through the gap and, as expected, found Brian standing near the roof railing, quietly staring at the nightly lit city, nursing his drink. It was the middle of May in New York, but the temperatures still dropped close to the freezing point in the night. Yet Brian stood there with nothing on but a worn out pair of sweat pants and his thin satin robe.
Justin grabbed a woolen blanket from one of the sofas and wrapped it tightly around himself before stepping into the nightly cold air. He walked up to Brian, mentally cursing himself for not putting on some shoes or at least socks, as the cold seeped into his body, stinging his skin. Justin ignored the freezing pain and stood quietly beside Brian, staring out at the vastness of the city below them.
After several minutes of standing wordlessly side by side, Brian glanced at his partner from the corner of his eyes. “You should go inside.”
“No,” Justin serenely answered, not looking at Brian.
“You’re gonna catch a cold.”
“Then we can be sick in bed together,” Justin replied with a pathos of derisive devotion. He still didn’t spare Brian a glance, but a corner of his mouth pulled up in an almost grin. So did Brian’s. “We can take each other’s temperature, feed each other chicken soup, wipe each other’s nose. It’ll be so romantic.”
“Ridiculously romantic,” Brian joined in the taunt.
For a few seconds, they remained quiet, before Brian broke the silence and said with a chuckle, “That’s disgusting, Sunshine.”
“You think you’re so hot when you’re all covered in snot?” Justin retorted.
“Yes, I am. I’m always hot.”
They were quiet for a while, enjoying the light-hearted banter and the diffusion of a strained atmosphere. Both kept their gazes on the horizon, marked by countless lights. The night sounds rising up and enveloping them in a dull echo of the streets below.
“We shouldn’t be here,” Brian eventually said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“No, you’re right. We should be in bed. Sleeping or fucking or,” Justin paused, “cuddling.” When Brian rolled his eyes but didn’t answer, Justin too turned serious. “We’re exactly where we should be,” Justin rejected Brian’s initial statement.
“What if this was a mistake?” And now Justin really had to listen hard to understand what Brian said because Brian had barely breathed it.
Justin turned around at that and grabbed Brian’s upper arms, turning the brunet around and forcing him to look him in the eyes.
“First of all, what exactly was the mistake? Kinnetik New York? You can’t know that. You just started! Did you expect to wrap up everything in a few weeks’ time? I know you’re working like that’s your intention, but even you can’t start a business from scratch in just a couple of weeks or months. At least not if you want it to be successful. And honestly, even though you probably don’t want to hear it, but your mind’s not in it. Half the time you’re occupied with thinking how much you fucked us up, even though you haven’t, or how much we suffer from coming here, even though we don’t, or how guilty you feel about it, even though there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You’re trying to force it and that’s not how it works. Take your time, get your mind to it, for fuck’s sake. Be the Brian I know and love. And if you try and you still fail, then be a man about it. But at least you will have tried. Really tried! Not just pretended to.”
“That wasn’t the mistake I was-”
“I know,” Justin interrupted him. “I know! And it brings me to my second point.” Justin snapped for air, hoping it would calm him and at the same time give him a second to sort out his thoughts so he could figure out how to approach this issue best. “Brian,” he started, “we’re your family; we’re not your project. You can’t fix things just because you want them to be alright again. You’ve gotta give us all time to adjust. And they will. You’ll see; they will!”
Brian shook his head, ready to contradict, but Justin wasn’t finished yet.
“It’s been only a couple of months, Brian. Not even. Things will get better. But you have to stop obsessing about everything!”
“They’re clingy when one of us leaves the house. They’re cranky. They’re not sleeping.” Brian said in a small voice.
“They’re sleeping right now.” Brian looked at him irritated and Justin hurried to add, “I know what you meant.”
Ever since they came to New York City, the twins had not been sleeping well. In fact, they hadn’t yet managed to get them to fall asleep in their own beds, in their own room. Instead, after trying for hours, they would take the girls with them to their own bed, where they’d be dead to the world in a matter of minutes, falling asleep from exhaustion. Justin hoped it was the result of the move; a temporary occurrence that would be gone in another few weeks.
Justin watched as Brian upended the glass and downed the rest of its contents. So quietly, Justin almost didn’t hear him, Brian whispered, “I don’t want them to hate me.”
Justin’s mouth fell open and he shook his head. If he hadn’t been the younger one of the two, he’d strongly doubt he’d be able to put up with Brian’s drama queen antics. Every little thing was always the end of the world in his universe. “Brian, that’s seriously the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say. And keep in mind you’ve said some pretty ridiculous things in the first few years I’ve known you.”
“We’re not happy here,” Brian stated blandly. “You’re going to argue that?”
“Because you’re not letting us be. You work like a maniac and even when you’re home, you’re barely there you’re so stressed. Your guilt comes off of you in waves and it’s making me sad to see you like this. That’s not exactly a great basis to build happy memories on.”
Brian contemplated that and Justin was glad that he listened. “They miss Britin,” Brian eventually replied.
“Duh! I should hope so; it’s their home.”
“Exactly,” Brian exclaimed, feeling like he gained the upper ground suddenly. “And I’m pulling them away from it. One day soon they’ll start to resent me for it.”
Justin pressed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose. Brian could be a thick-headed bastard sometimes. “They won’t,” Justin said.
“How do you know? You got a crystal ball?” Justin almost laughed, but thought now was not the place or time.
“No, dumbass,” he pulled Brian around to face him, “I know because a: they’re too young to follow your stupid logic and b: they love you. They adore you. In their eyes, you’re a hero who can do no wrong.”
When Brian remained silent, Justin asked calmly, reasonably, “Brian, why did we come here?”
“I wanted a New York office for Kinnetik,” Brian answered.
“No,” Justin said, “that’s why you came here. Why did we come?”
“That’s stupid. We are a family. We don’t live in separate cities. We do things together,” Brian explained and wondered when the fuck they’d switched roles.
“Exactly. We’re a we now - remember that conversation? So stop acting like you dragged us all into some godforsaken place and forced us to do something we didn’t want. This is not a dirty tent in some bushwhacked tundra. This is a Manhattan penthouse, for crying out loud. I bet you anything you care to wager that if you slow down and stop brooding, the girls will relax too.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Yes, Brian, it is,” Justin contradicted. “It is that easy. You’ve met our daughters, right? You know how quick they are to pick up on the moods of others. Especially yours. I’ll only admit it once and afterwards I’m going to deny of ever saying it out loud, but they are totally fixated on you. If you’re unhappy, they’re unhappy. Tomorrow, when you go to work, do it with a smile on your face. And don’t rush coming home the second you’re done meeting with the construction crew or whomever. Finish your job for the day before you come back so that when you’re home, you’re home and not still at work in your mind. It doesn’t matter that you’re home physically if you’re not with us in your head. So I want you to leave in the morning, do your job, but leave it there when you return home.”
“You’re awfully ambitious to get rid of me,” Brian tried to joke, silently admitting defeat.
“I admit I have a hidden agenda.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re driving me crazy with your crazy schedule and your guilt-trip. I can’t paint when you’re like that. And I want to paint! So please, I’m begging you, go and be the businessman I know you can be. For the span of a working day every day, alright? And don’t bring work back with you,” he implored again. “Leave it at the office.”
Brian nodded and Justin exhaled in relief. He let his head fall against Brian’s chest, and let himself be pulled into his partner’s embrace. Brian’s hands slipped under the blanket that hung loosely on Justin’s shoulders and he rubbed the blond’s upper arms vigorously before wrapping the blanket around the both of them.
“We’re good?” Justin asked, wanting to make sure he interpreted the nodding correctly.
“Yes.”
“You’ll be the successful ad exec slash entrepreneur again?”
“Ooh, big words,” Brian teased and earned himself a slap from Justin. “Yes.”
“And you’ll wear your fancy expensive suits again that make you look hotter than fuck?”
Brian smiled. “Does your libido need a push?”
“I think it’s you who needs a push occasionally. Though I’m sure the libido has nothing to do with that.” He rubbed himself on Brian in an effort to get warm but it was mistaken for a sexual advance by the older man.
“So, bathroom you said?” Brian asked, referring to their conversation in the bedroom.
“God, yes!” Justin enthused. “I need a hot shower. My feet are frozen solid.”
Brian looked down on the blond, just then noticing that he was standing there barefoot. “Are you fucking crazy?” he called out. “You could get pneumonia, you stupid twat.”
Brian picked Justin up and threw him over his right shoulder, quickly making his way back inside. He laid him down on the large sofa, and reached for another blanket, covering Justin with it and tucking it in at the sides.
“Stay there,” he ordered, leaving the room.
Justin sighed happily. He was still shivering and cold, but he didn’t care. As long as things were alright between him and Brian again, the rest would just fall into place. After a few minutes, Brian came back carrying a small tub which he placed beside the sofa.
“Sit up and put your feet in there,” Brian ordered him again and Justin happily complied. The water was warm and not hot, but because his feet felt like two ice blocks, the water still stung at the contact.
Brian sat down on the sofa beside the blond, wrapping an arm around the smaller form and pulling Justin into his chest. Justin leaned back and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Brian’s body and the warm water. He didn’t resist when he felt himself falling asleep.
❖❖❖
Justin woke up when he felt movement above him. He opened one eye to assess the situation and saw Alex crawling over him on her way to reach her favorite sleeping spot, which was Brian’s chest. Justin moved his head. It was still dark outside and Justin guessed that Alex must have woken up when she felt she was alone in the bed with Emma. Or maybe she just felt the lack of Brian’s presence. Justin sometimes joked about it, but he came to accept it as a fact that Alex was connected to Brian in a way which Justin would never be able to explain properly. It was probably this strange connection that the two of them shared that made her get out of bed and seek Brian out. Justin lay back down and watched as Alex made herself comfortable. Brian never woke up; but he adjusted his position slightly to provide a better place for her to lie down on and his arm moved and wrapped protectively around the girl, fingers tangling into the blond strands.
When the girl finally found the perfect spot, eyes level with Justin’s who lay on Brian’s shoulder, she looked at her father with big blue eyes that were the exact shade of his own, a content smile gently curling her lips. A rush of love for his little family surged hotly through Justin’s whole body and made him smile.
“You okay, Alex?”
She nodded into Brian’s chest. “Daddy piwow.”
Justin smiled. “Yes, Daddy’s a great pillow, huh?”
She nodded again. Justin pulled up a little to reach her forehead and placed a small kiss on the soft skin.
“Good night, baby. Love you.”
“G’nigh.”
Justin waited till she fell asleep again before extricating himself from under Brian’s arm. He went back to the bedroom and lay down on the bed beside the sleeping form of Emma. He’d have loved to spend the night sleeping in Brian’s arms because it felt like it had been ages since they were so relaxed with each other that they could actually enjoy each other’s company. However, he didn’t want Emma to wake up alone. He adjusted the blankets around his daughter and fell asleep almost immediately.
Chapter 2
A/N: This is a sequel series set in the universe of my first series A Storm’s Gonna Come. It starts where ASGC ended, so you’d be well advised to read that one first if you haven’t yet. The Next Best Thing is a finished, feel good story. It’s told in a vignette-y kind of way, covering almost two years in 8 chapters, so prepare for leaps in time. Basically, it’s just a glance into Brian’s and Justin’s lives during their New York adventure.
Rating: NC-17 (for entire story)
Warnings: As is customary in the ASGC universe: None. This is a fluffy, drama-free zone.
Disclaimer: If you believe that I believe that I own any part of it, then I’m not the one needing careful surveillance.
Thank you and dedication: A thank you to Pet who managed to read and beta through roughly 200(?) pages in record time and who regularly lets me rant to her whenever I need to and always takes the time to respond even though she wants me to work on a different story entirely. This is for my reader jizabel91 whose love for this universe has kept mine alive.
Present, May 2011
-New York City-
"Boy, do you clean up nicely, Mr. Kinney.”
“Huh?” Brian gave back in a distracted voice.
Justin rose from the bed where he’d been sitting watching Brian and walked over to the closet where Brian stood in front of, knotting his tie, with his mind far away. Justin stepped behind Brian and rested his palms on his shoulders. They were tense as they have been pretty much every day for the last couple of months. Justin began kneading them softly and absentmindedly, studying Brian’s reflection in the mirror. When he was sure he had Brian’s attention, he said, “Hmm, there’s something to be said about gorgeous men in form-fitting Armanis.” He licked his lips to emphasize his point.
Brian smirked mockingly at him when he saw the hunger in Justin’s eyes. “Sunshine, you’ve seen me in a suit before.”
“Yeah,” Justin replied dreamily, eyes wandering Brian’s body in the full body mirror, “but I haven’t in a long time.”
“Ahh,” Brian replied and nodded knowingly, “so that’s the reason for tonight’s outing.”
Justin was jarred out of his contemplations of Brian’s body and he brought his eyes back up to meet Brian’s. He looked funnily at his partner, head tilted slightly to one side. “Yeah, okay, let’s go with that,” he cryptically replied. “Are you ready?”
“Yeah. Just let me grab my BlackBerry and we’ll be on our way.”
“Brian, you’re not going to work during our meal, right? We’re supposed to be having dinner, not a business meeting. And even then it would be rude to bring your PDA.”
“No, I’m not going to work during dinner. But I can finish a few things on our way there,” Brian argued, his attention already on the small screen in his hand.
Justin watched him for a second, sighed, and decided to let it drop. Tonight was not the night to pick a fight. He just wanted to have a nice evening and to have Brian all to himself. It seemed they hadn’t done it in a long time. Too fucking long. Justin sighed again as he followed Brian out of the apartment.
Brian kept his word and packed the organizer away as soon as they entered the restaurant. A friendly waitress showed them to their table - a secluded spot half-hidden behind a waist high partition - and Brian managed to have a conversation with Justin that did not involve the words work or Kinnetik for an admirably long time, meaning till they’d gotten their drinks and ordered their food. After which Justin excused himself to make a quick trip to the men’s room. When he arrived back at their table, Brian had his phone out and was typing something. Justin guessed an email or some work-related notes for later. Nowadays, Brian was always typing notes to refer to either Ted or Cynthia later.
Justin sat back down in his chair, leaned back stiffly and crossed his arms in front of him, regarding Brian calmly, waiting for Brian to notice him. After a moment, Brian looked up and, noticing Justin’s sour expression, asked, “What?”
“You promised you wouldn’t work during dinner,” he reminded him. Justin spoke quietly, trying to keep the accusation from his voice, but not quite managing. “Seriously Brian, can’t you just let it go for one evening?”
“I am letting it go,” Brian protested. “This wasn’t work related.” Justin raised both eyebrows quizzically. “I was texting Molly, asking if everything was alright.”
“I’m sure it is,” Justin told him. His sister was taking care of Alex and Emma tonight and though it was her first time of doing it in New York, it was not her first time playing the babysitter for the girls in general. In fact, Molly insisted on spending time with the girls without the dads present. And when she heard that Justin had a dinner planned, she wouldn’t even listen to Brian’s protests and almost threw them out of their own home. Well, home away from home anyway.
Justin remembered the exchange from today’s late afternoon. Molly had to practically beg Brian to leave the house and the kids in her care.
“Honest to God, Brian, I think I’ve spent more time with the twins when you were still living in Britin and I lived in New York. Stop micro-managing already. I know how to take care of my nieces.”
“I know you do,” Brian had replied. “I’m just saying we don’t have to go out tonight. There’s a ton of things I’ve to do and if you’ve already made plans or something...”
“I haven’t. And yes, you do have to go out.” She sighed and released a breath. “Oh, boy. I was hoping I’d be able to guilt you into buying a dress for this party next weekend, but now I have to beg you?”
Brian had had nothing to reply to that, except for, “What kind of party?”
“Birthday bash. A friend of mine turns 21.”
“Jovani?”
“Mmh, I’m thinking less dressy.”
Brian had thought for a second. “Sherri Hill?”
Molly’s eyes had lit up. “Perfect!”
“Saturday at three?”
Justin had thought they were speaking a different language, but Molly had squealed quite loudly at that and almost jumped Brian, hugging him. “You’re the best. Seriously!”
Brian, completely taken aback by Molly’s excitement, had endured her show of gratitude. His arms had risen undecidedly as if he was contemplating hugging her back, before he lowered them again. Justin had been just about to pull his sister away from him when she’d correctly interpreted Brian’s sudden petrification as awkwardness. A bit embarrassed about losing her coolness for a moment, though not enough to dim her enthusiasm, she’d pulled back and smiled apologetically. “I mean,” she had stuttered, “thanks. That’s cool.” Brian had nodded once and that had been it.
Brian’s phone beeped, a melody playing at a discreet noise level, and pulled Justin from his thoughts. He looked reproachfully at Brian who held his gaze without blinking. Justin deflated. “Go on, check your messages.” He sounded defeated.
Brian didn’t move a muscle and continued to look at his partner. “It’s not work. It’s Molly.” After he said it, he grabbed his phone and read out loud, “Girls are asleep. Stop worrying; it’ll keep the Botox costs low. Tell my brother to grow a pair and push the switch off button on that phone of yours so you two can enjoy your evening together.” Justin grinned and held out his hand. Molly’s idea was brilliant; he wished he’d thought of it. Brian hesitated a moment then relented and handed over his BlackBerry. Justin got an indecent amount of fun out of turning it off and expressed it with a shit-eating grin.
“What are we celebrating?” Brian asked after he tucked away the now incapacitated device in his inside pocket.
“What?” Justin asked, wrinkling his brows in confusion.
“I asked you earlier why you wanted to go out tonight and you didn’t reply. So, why are we here? You scored big with a gallery or something? Sold an expensive painting to some fawning fan? One of my naked dick maybe?” Brian laughed.
“Brian…” Justin carefully began but didn’t know how to continue.
“What?” Now it was Brian’s turn to be confused. Justin was acting weird, awkward and obviously uncomfortable. “Oh shit, is it some bad news? Is this why we’re here? You think breaking it to me somewhere where it won’t get loud will keep the noise level down, is that it? Who fucked up what?”
Justin now flat out stared at him, perfectly irritated.
The longer he did, the angrier Brian became. With the rising anger a dangerous calm overcame his body, making him freeze into a stone. His voice perilously low, he said, or rather hissed, “Spit it the fuck out, Sunshine.”
Justin’s answer wasn’t making any sense once it came. “You really don’t know what day it is?” he asked.
Brian stared at him, not comprehending. Justin stared back, starting to look amused the longer their staring contest continued. Eventually he reached behind himself and pulled out a small rectangular package, black with a single gold ribbon around it. “Here’s a clue.” The words accompanied the gift as he passed it to Brian.
Brian let it lie where it were, beside his place setting, now suspiciously eyeing Justin who was downright looking like he was about to laugh now. “Did I miss our anniversary or something?” Brian asked derisively, side-glancing at the package.
“Or something,” Justin answered between a few suppressed giggles.
Brian, growing impatient at his behavior, took out his PDA again, wanting to glance at the date but since it was turned off his effort was in vain. He thought harder. It was mid-May. He was fairly certain it wasn’t Gus’ birthday; but the date did seem kind of familiar.
While he was still trying to figure it out, Justin said, “Happy Birthday.”
Brian gawked at him.
“Seriously, old man. I was hoping Alzheimer’s wouldn’t hit for another decade or two. But I guess you always were ahead of your time.” Justin smiled at him and reached over the table to lay a palm against Brian’s cheek. “I love you, Brian,” he quietly said.
Relieved, though a little embarrassed for both, having forgotten his birthday and receiving a gift, he turned his head slightly. It just so happened that his lips came in contact with Justin’s palm, so while already there Brian decided to place a kiss on it. “What is it?” he asked, redirecting the attention to the gift.
“Open it,” Justin replied and sat back to watch Brian.
Brian slid the gold ribbon down and pulled the box open. Inside lay a pen of white gold, personalized with an engraving of the new Kinnetik NYC - KinNY - logo and Brian’s name on it. Beside it rested a letter opener in matching style, also engraved, and a flat box that looked almost like a Zippo lighter, but was in fact a business card holder with identical engravings. Brian’s fingers ghosted over the objects, a small smile playing on his lips. The sort of smile that told Justin he liked his gift, liked it very much, but would be embarrassed to admit it.
“You should have waited with the engraving at least till we’ve put up the sign on the building.”
Justin knew what Brian was saying but he had no doubt that he’d be successful in New York, just like he would be anywhere else. “Stop spreading this pessimistic bullshit,” Justin told him. “Nobody believes you anyway.” He sent a brilliant smile after his words.
“My own personal cheerleader,” Brian mocked him, but smiled nonetheless.
They were quiet for a few seconds, basking in the presence of each other. A sudden urge to hold Brian’s hand overcame Justin and he raised his arm, reaching for Brian’s but abandoned the idea half-way through, thinking that Brian would call him a lesbian or something equally charming. So he just rested his hand on the table, beside his drink. Brian looked at his hand, then at him, then rolled his eyes. He grabbed Justin’s hand and interlaced their fingers, squeezing them lightly. “Twat,” he said, but it came out soft and gentle.
Their food arrived moments later. It was brought over by a different waitress than the one that had taken their orders. She didn’t say anything aside from telling them to let her know if they needed anything else, but her lips quirked in distaste when she saw their entwined hands. Brian acted as though he didn’t notice, but even before she left their table, he pulled Justin’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss on his knuckles.
“Subtle,” Justin commented dryly. “Really smooth.” Brian just shrugged and reached for the knife and fork, cutting up his steak.
For a while they ate quietly, sharing only the occasional smile or reaching for a piece of food from each other’s plates.
“Mmm,” Brian sighed contently and leaned back in his chair when he finished the main course. “That was really good.” With satisfaction Justin noticed that Brian had almost cleared his plate. Since it was after seven, this little fact was more of a compliment to the cook than he or she would ever realize. While Justin was finishing mopping his plate with a piece of bread - the gravy was fucking delicious - he watched Brian out of the corners of his eyes. He looked so relaxed, more so than Justin had seen him since they came to New York. He actually looked like he was enjoying himself and not thinking about work for once.
“You’re working too hard, Brian,” Justin said into the ensuing silence. He had so much more to say on the subject. And judging by Brian’s facial expression, Brian knew that too.
“Hey, I just realized,” Brian exclaimed, changing the topic. Justin recognized it for what it was and told him with his eyes that even though he was letting it go for now, the subject was far from being closed. “If it’s my birthday, what are you doing all the way over there?” he asked, nodding towards Justin across the table. Not waiting for a reply, he grabbed Justin’s chair and pulled it, and Justin, closer. The legs scraped on the hardwood floor, but Justin’s yelp drowned the sound out.
He nervously glanced around the restaurant, eyes searching for the waitress that had given them a bit of an attitude when bringing their food. But Brian slung an arm around Justin’s shoulders and so demanded his full attention. “My birthday, my rules,” he whispered in Justin’s ear.
“You forgot it even was your birthday,” Justin reminded him. “I just figured you wouldn’t want anyone to mention it, so I didn’t and even told the family not to call, but you seriously forgot it.” Justin knew it was just another side effect of working too hard, but it was still unfathomable to him how Brian could work himself into an early grave like that. The stress lines around his mouth and eyes had gotten more pronounced, but Justin would never tell him that. “How can you forget your own birthday?”
“It’s not important.”
“It is to me,” Justin replied seriously.
“I’m sorry,” Brian said, but it sounded almost like a question.
“I don’t want you to apologize. I want you to stop pushing yourself so hard.”
They were interrupted when the girl that had taken their orders before, stopped by their table to ask if they wanted dessert. Justin, uncharacteristically, only ordered a cappuccino. Brian had half-expected him to order every single item on the dessert menu and force a bite of each onto him. When the waitress turned her attention on Brian, he thought for a moment, then said, “One piece of the best chocolate cake you have with whipped cream on the side, one serving of tiramisu and a coffee.”
“You’re going to eat chocolate cake and tiramisu?” Justin asked when they were alone again, surprised at Brian’s order.
Brian grinned. “No, but you are.”
“But it’s your birthday,” Justin protested.
“Which I forgot and you remembered.”
Justin let his eyes become misty, mostly because he figured it would annoy Brian. “I love it when you let the closeted romantic in you show. You’re really starting to live up to the potential your initials suggest.”
“Huh?”
“You know, because you share your initials with a couple whose love has inspired millions of little children and created dreams of white weddings, livelong devotion and happily ever afters.”
Brian frowned and thought hard. Then he eyed the bottle of wine they had with their meal. “Are you drunk?”
Justin shook his head no. He explained in a plain ‘it-should-be-so-obvious’ voice, “Barbie and Ken.”
“Oh, God,” Brian moaned, “you are drunk.”
“Well, then I expect you to take advantage of me later,” Justin replied and grinned wide. Brian just had to lean over and kiss him.
❖❖❖
Brian lay awake, staring at the ceiling, or rather at the darkness that hid it from him, while rhythmically combing his fingers through long blond locks. He’d never been on first name terms with insomnia - every night that he’d abandoned sleep in the past, had been in favor of physical activities of the horizontal kind and definitely by his own choice. But then again, he’d never been responsible for the well-being of a family before either.
He couldn’t sleep for a number of reasons. There were the renovations in the building that was supposed to eventually house the New York branch of Kinnetik and which they were running behind on for the sole reason that no renovations had been planned at all when Brian had first seen the place and signed the lease later. Then there was the task of hiring people and though they weren’t lacking neither in number of applications nor in enthused excitement, there was a definite want for talent or at the very least ability to differentiate between catchy and lame on the applicant’s part. And not to forget Kinnetik back in Pittsburgh, or The Headquarters, as Justin had gotten used to calling it lately, that demanded to be managed from afar. And even though those were all perfectly fine reasons to be losing sleep over, Brian also knew that they barely made the list because of other, more pressing and acute matters. He only had to remember the way Alex clutched to him every morning before he left for work or the way Emma would beg for a second or even a third good night story in the evening, to know that he’d fucked something up that had been fine before, flawless in fact.
Hadn’t it been just last Christmas that he had a talk with Lindsay where she marveled at how well-adjusted the twins were. Well, she would have a field day with them now, Brian grimly thought. They had never before been clingy or prone to crying. But since the move to New York and their separation from the family, Alex and Emma didn’t like to be left alone; even if ‘alone’ meant in the care of Molly whom they knew just as well as any other member of their family. It didn’t take a psychologist to know what made them this antsy: it was his own selfishness that had put them in this situation and he didn’t know how to deal with the mess they were in. So he worked harder, longer, faster; all to ensure that their stay in New York would last only as long as absolutely necessary. The girls wanted to go home and Brian was miserable being the reason that they could not. And all of it just for business. A laugh, but one with no humor in it, threatened to escape from his throat and Brian bit down on his tongue to prevent himself from releasing it. Business. Wasn’t that just hilarious - history repeating itself. It was almost funny.
“Wanna go to the bathroom for a quick fuck?” Justin’s voice interrupted Brian’s thoughts. He sounded sleepy and Brian wished he could pull him closer. Instead, Brian reached over the girls between them and felt for Justin’s head, sinking his fingers in the messy strands of hair. “Brian?” Justin mumbled.
Brian could hear the concern in his voice. It was just one more reason to feel guilty about. On top of everything else that Justin had to take care of, he was now constantly concerned for his partner.
“It’s okay,” Brian whispered back, careful not to wake up the girls. “Go back to sleep.”
“I wasn’t sleeping,” Justin admitted. “I worry about you,” he added and confirmed Brian’s thoughts.
“I’m fine,” Brian answered. “I’m used to working long hours. You know that. I’m not gonna drop dead or have a heart attack all of a sudden just because it’s a bit stressful at the moment.”
Justin had so many things to say on that matter. He knew Brian tended to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but enough was enough. They needed to continue the talk they’d started in the restaurant. But not here. “I think I want a glass of warm milk. You wanna join me and maybe have a drink yourself?” he began, remembering that Brian was more accessible after a few shots of Bourbon Whisky. He wasn’t above using this knowledge to his advantage. Brian’s fingers in his hair tightened slightly. He waited a second longer, expecting Brian to protest, but he didn’t. Justin took the silence for agreement.
He heard Brian get out of bed, followed by the sound of his silky bathrobe. “Go ahead,” Brian told him. “I have to make a trip to the bathroom first.”
Justin checked to make sure Emma and Alex were tucked securely under the blankets before pulling on a sweater hoodie - the first thing his fist closed in on when he grabbed inside the walk-in closet - and slipped quietly through the bedroom door. In the kitchen, he switched on the light, his eyes squeezing shut at the sudden brightness and grabbed the milk from the fridge. He went through the routine of heating up a glass of milk, but when he was finished, Brian still hadn’t shown up, so Justin picked up the glass and took it with him to the living room. He swept the space, not spotting Brian; but he found an opened Beam bottle and the gust of a cold spring night made him turn towards the French windows. He poked his head through the gap and, as expected, found Brian standing near the roof railing, quietly staring at the nightly lit city, nursing his drink. It was the middle of May in New York, but the temperatures still dropped close to the freezing point in the night. Yet Brian stood there with nothing on but a worn out pair of sweat pants and his thin satin robe.
Justin grabbed a woolen blanket from one of the sofas and wrapped it tightly around himself before stepping into the nightly cold air. He walked up to Brian, mentally cursing himself for not putting on some shoes or at least socks, as the cold seeped into his body, stinging his skin. Justin ignored the freezing pain and stood quietly beside Brian, staring out at the vastness of the city below them.
After several minutes of standing wordlessly side by side, Brian glanced at his partner from the corner of his eyes. “You should go inside.”
“No,” Justin serenely answered, not looking at Brian.
“You’re gonna catch a cold.”
“Then we can be sick in bed together,” Justin replied with a pathos of derisive devotion. He still didn’t spare Brian a glance, but a corner of his mouth pulled up in an almost grin. So did Brian’s. “We can take each other’s temperature, feed each other chicken soup, wipe each other’s nose. It’ll be so romantic.”
“Ridiculously romantic,” Brian joined in the taunt.
For a few seconds, they remained quiet, before Brian broke the silence and said with a chuckle, “That’s disgusting, Sunshine.”
“You think you’re so hot when you’re all covered in snot?” Justin retorted.
“Yes, I am. I’m always hot.”
They were quiet for a while, enjoying the light-hearted banter and the diffusion of a strained atmosphere. Both kept their gazes on the horizon, marked by countless lights. The night sounds rising up and enveloping them in a dull echo of the streets below.
“We shouldn’t be here,” Brian eventually said, his voice barely above a whisper.
“No, you’re right. We should be in bed. Sleeping or fucking or,” Justin paused, “cuddling.” When Brian rolled his eyes but didn’t answer, Justin too turned serious. “We’re exactly where we should be,” Justin rejected Brian’s initial statement.
“What if this was a mistake?” And now Justin really had to listen hard to understand what Brian said because Brian had barely breathed it.
Justin turned around at that and grabbed Brian’s upper arms, turning the brunet around and forcing him to look him in the eyes.
“First of all, what exactly was the mistake? Kinnetik New York? You can’t know that. You just started! Did you expect to wrap up everything in a few weeks’ time? I know you’re working like that’s your intention, but even you can’t start a business from scratch in just a couple of weeks or months. At least not if you want it to be successful. And honestly, even though you probably don’t want to hear it, but your mind’s not in it. Half the time you’re occupied with thinking how much you fucked us up, even though you haven’t, or how much we suffer from coming here, even though we don’t, or how guilty you feel about it, even though there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You’re trying to force it and that’s not how it works. Take your time, get your mind to it, for fuck’s sake. Be the Brian I know and love. And if you try and you still fail, then be a man about it. But at least you will have tried. Really tried! Not just pretended to.”
“That wasn’t the mistake I was-”
“I know,” Justin interrupted him. “I know! And it brings me to my second point.” Justin snapped for air, hoping it would calm him and at the same time give him a second to sort out his thoughts so he could figure out how to approach this issue best. “Brian,” he started, “we’re your family; we’re not your project. You can’t fix things just because you want them to be alright again. You’ve gotta give us all time to adjust. And they will. You’ll see; they will!”
Brian shook his head, ready to contradict, but Justin wasn’t finished yet.
“It’s been only a couple of months, Brian. Not even. Things will get better. But you have to stop obsessing about everything!”
“They’re clingy when one of us leaves the house. They’re cranky. They’re not sleeping.” Brian said in a small voice.
“They’re sleeping right now.” Brian looked at him irritated and Justin hurried to add, “I know what you meant.”
Ever since they came to New York City, the twins had not been sleeping well. In fact, they hadn’t yet managed to get them to fall asleep in their own beds, in their own room. Instead, after trying for hours, they would take the girls with them to their own bed, where they’d be dead to the world in a matter of minutes, falling asleep from exhaustion. Justin hoped it was the result of the move; a temporary occurrence that would be gone in another few weeks.
Justin watched as Brian upended the glass and downed the rest of its contents. So quietly, Justin almost didn’t hear him, Brian whispered, “I don’t want them to hate me.”
Justin’s mouth fell open and he shook his head. If he hadn’t been the younger one of the two, he’d strongly doubt he’d be able to put up with Brian’s drama queen antics. Every little thing was always the end of the world in his universe. “Brian, that’s seriously the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard you say. And keep in mind you’ve said some pretty ridiculous things in the first few years I’ve known you.”
“We’re not happy here,” Brian stated blandly. “You’re going to argue that?”
“Because you’re not letting us be. You work like a maniac and even when you’re home, you’re barely there you’re so stressed. Your guilt comes off of you in waves and it’s making me sad to see you like this. That’s not exactly a great basis to build happy memories on.”
Brian contemplated that and Justin was glad that he listened. “They miss Britin,” Brian eventually replied.
“Duh! I should hope so; it’s their home.”
“Exactly,” Brian exclaimed, feeling like he gained the upper ground suddenly. “And I’m pulling them away from it. One day soon they’ll start to resent me for it.”
Justin pressed his thumb and forefinger on the bridge of his nose. Brian could be a thick-headed bastard sometimes. “They won’t,” Justin said.
“How do you know? You got a crystal ball?” Justin almost laughed, but thought now was not the place or time.
“No, dumbass,” he pulled Brian around to face him, “I know because a: they’re too young to follow your stupid logic and b: they love you. They adore you. In their eyes, you’re a hero who can do no wrong.”
When Brian remained silent, Justin asked calmly, reasonably, “Brian, why did we come here?”
“I wanted a New York office for Kinnetik,” Brian answered.
“No,” Justin said, “that’s why you came here. Why did we come?”
“That’s stupid. We are a family. We don’t live in separate cities. We do things together,” Brian explained and wondered when the fuck they’d switched roles.
“Exactly. We’re a we now - remember that conversation? So stop acting like you dragged us all into some godforsaken place and forced us to do something we didn’t want. This is not a dirty tent in some bushwhacked tundra. This is a Manhattan penthouse, for crying out loud. I bet you anything you care to wager that if you slow down and stop brooding, the girls will relax too.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Yes, Brian, it is,” Justin contradicted. “It is that easy. You’ve met our daughters, right? You know how quick they are to pick up on the moods of others. Especially yours. I’ll only admit it once and afterwards I’m going to deny of ever saying it out loud, but they are totally fixated on you. If you’re unhappy, they’re unhappy. Tomorrow, when you go to work, do it with a smile on your face. And don’t rush coming home the second you’re done meeting with the construction crew or whomever. Finish your job for the day before you come back so that when you’re home, you’re home and not still at work in your mind. It doesn’t matter that you’re home physically if you’re not with us in your head. So I want you to leave in the morning, do your job, but leave it there when you return home.”
“You’re awfully ambitious to get rid of me,” Brian tried to joke, silently admitting defeat.
“I admit I have a hidden agenda.”
“Yeah?”
“You’re driving me crazy with your crazy schedule and your guilt-trip. I can’t paint when you’re like that. And I want to paint! So please, I’m begging you, go and be the businessman I know you can be. For the span of a working day every day, alright? And don’t bring work back with you,” he implored again. “Leave it at the office.”
Brian nodded and Justin exhaled in relief. He let his head fall against Brian’s chest, and let himself be pulled into his partner’s embrace. Brian’s hands slipped under the blanket that hung loosely on Justin’s shoulders and he rubbed the blond’s upper arms vigorously before wrapping the blanket around the both of them.
“We’re good?” Justin asked, wanting to make sure he interpreted the nodding correctly.
“Yes.”
“You’ll be the successful ad exec slash entrepreneur again?”
“Ooh, big words,” Brian teased and earned himself a slap from Justin. “Yes.”
“And you’ll wear your fancy expensive suits again that make you look hotter than fuck?”
Brian smiled. “Does your libido need a push?”
“I think it’s you who needs a push occasionally. Though I’m sure the libido has nothing to do with that.” He rubbed himself on Brian in an effort to get warm but it was mistaken for a sexual advance by the older man.
“So, bathroom you said?” Brian asked, referring to their conversation in the bedroom.
“God, yes!” Justin enthused. “I need a hot shower. My feet are frozen solid.”
Brian looked down on the blond, just then noticing that he was standing there barefoot. “Are you fucking crazy?” he called out. “You could get pneumonia, you stupid twat.”
Brian picked Justin up and threw him over his right shoulder, quickly making his way back inside. He laid him down on the large sofa, and reached for another blanket, covering Justin with it and tucking it in at the sides.
“Stay there,” he ordered, leaving the room.
Justin sighed happily. He was still shivering and cold, but he didn’t care. As long as things were alright between him and Brian again, the rest would just fall into place. After a few minutes, Brian came back carrying a small tub which he placed beside the sofa.
“Sit up and put your feet in there,” Brian ordered him again and Justin happily complied. The water was warm and not hot, but because his feet felt like two ice blocks, the water still stung at the contact.
Brian sat down on the sofa beside the blond, wrapping an arm around the smaller form and pulling Justin into his chest. Justin leaned back and closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth of Brian’s body and the warm water. He didn’t resist when he felt himself falling asleep.
❖❖❖
Justin woke up when he felt movement above him. He opened one eye to assess the situation and saw Alex crawling over him on her way to reach her favorite sleeping spot, which was Brian’s chest. Justin moved his head. It was still dark outside and Justin guessed that Alex must have woken up when she felt she was alone in the bed with Emma. Or maybe she just felt the lack of Brian’s presence. Justin sometimes joked about it, but he came to accept it as a fact that Alex was connected to Brian in a way which Justin would never be able to explain properly. It was probably this strange connection that the two of them shared that made her get out of bed and seek Brian out. Justin lay back down and watched as Alex made herself comfortable. Brian never woke up; but he adjusted his position slightly to provide a better place for her to lie down on and his arm moved and wrapped protectively around the girl, fingers tangling into the blond strands.
When the girl finally found the perfect spot, eyes level with Justin’s who lay on Brian’s shoulder, she looked at her father with big blue eyes that were the exact shade of his own, a content smile gently curling her lips. A rush of love for his little family surged hotly through Justin’s whole body and made him smile.
“You okay, Alex?”
She nodded into Brian’s chest. “Daddy piwow.”
Justin smiled. “Yes, Daddy’s a great pillow, huh?”
She nodded again. Justin pulled up a little to reach her forehead and placed a small kiss on the soft skin.
“Good night, baby. Love you.”
“G’nigh.”
Justin waited till she fell asleep again before extricating himself from under Brian’s arm. He went back to the bedroom and lay down on the bed beside the sleeping form of Emma. He’d have loved to spend the night sleeping in Brian’s arms because it felt like it had been ages since they were so relaxed with each other that they could actually enjoy each other’s company. However, he didn’t want Emma to wake up alone. He adjusted the blankets around his daughter and fell asleep almost immediately.
Chapter 2