ASGC 'Verse: 2.4 Children and Other Common Facts of Average Domesticity
A story from the ASGC Universe, set ca. 5 years post ASGC. This was supposed to be a birthday present for Pet, but first I was late and then it turned out to be not good enough to be one. So it’s just what it is: a very simple oneshot from my first but still beloved universe.
2.4 CHILDREN AND OTHER COMMON FACTS OF AVERAGE DOMESTICITY
++An ASGC Universe Story++
Justin carefully closed the door behind him as he walked into Brian’s home office. He usually avoided interrupting Brian when he was working but the matter that brought him here now was of utmost importance and he felt like he couldn’t wait any longer.
“Brian?” Justin tentatively asked, gauging his partner’s attention and mental availability for the serious talk that lay ahead of them.
“Hm?” Brian replied distractedly, not bothering to look up from his work.
“Are you busy?” Justin asked and ignored Brian rolling his eyes.
“No,” Brian replied sarcastically, “just fine-tuning my world domination plan.”
“Good,” Justin replied, not really listening to the answer. He sat down on the sofa in the corner of the room and fixed Brian with an unmoving stare.
He remained quiet and Brian was forced to abandon his attempt at getting through the financial budget for the upcoming quarter. He returned Justin’s silent stare and after a moment, when no explanation followed, prompted, “Justin?”
“Huh?” Justin said. “Oh, yeah.” He sighed and, lowering his voice to an almost whisper, said, “She wants a dog.”
“Who?”
“Emma!” Justin exclaimed, annoyed at Brian’s not following.
Brian’s reply consisted of him continuing to look calmly at Justin. He shrugged. “So get her one,” he said and moved to go back to Ted’s reports.
“Are you fucking out of your mind?” Justin retorted outraged, his indignation somewhat diminished by his attempt not to raise his voice. Instead, the exclamation came out as a hissed spit complete with a facial expression lined by the horror at the mere thought.
“Why?” Brian wrinkled his brow, trying to understand but failing.
“Because it’s a fucking dog!” Justin stressed the last word.
“Aren’t those the furry four-legged creatures that are supposed to be a man’s best friend or something?”
“Yes. And they are hairy and they bark and they stink and they need someone to take them for a walk and we are not getting a dog.”
“So tell her that,” Brian reasoned, the issue closed and dealt with in his mind.
“You think it’s that easy, huh? Have you seen her eyes? When she looks at you all innocent and hopeful and pleading? And why are you not against it? I trusted you to be the strict parent here and say no.”
“We have enough room, we have a garden and a housekeeper as well as several cleaning ladies. I’m sure that, after certain arrangements have been made, I could accept a hairy, barking, stinky four-legged beast in the house,” Brian answered using Justin’s phrasing.
“Ugh,” Justin replied, completely disgusted. “You’re only saying that because you don’t want to be the one to tell her no.”
“So you want me to go and talk to her?”
“No,” Justin replied sullenly.
Brian tried hard not to smile. “Justin, what exactly do you want from me?”
“I want you to slip into your alpha-male, patriarch role and speak the word. The word of course being ‘I forbid it’ in case you were unclear about my wishes.”
“Oh, honey,” Brian answered in a mocking falsetto, “I didn’t know you were thinking of me in that way.”
“Oh ha-ha, Brian, so funny. Be serious! What am I going to do?”
Brian stood up and came around his desk. Reaching the sofa, he grabbed for Justin’s hands and pulled him upwards and into his chest. Justin’s limp form immediately molded itself to him. For a moment, they simply stood there, Brian combing idly through Justin’s hair that was getting too long again.
“You’re gonna tell her that she cannot, under any circumstances, have a dog because she’s not old enough to take care of one properly and because a dog would ruin our beautiful hardwood floors and because you are allergic to them.”
“But I’m not allergic to dogs,” Justin protested.
“She doesn’t know that.”
Suddenly, Justin became alive again. He face dissolved in a grin and he pressed a quick and dry kiss onto Brian’s lips before turning on his heel and stalking out of the room. Brian watched him go with a smirk. When the door fell into its lock again, he returned to his work.
Less than ten minutes later Justin poked his head back in. He looked a bit flabbergasted and his hair stood at odd angles, like he’d been running his hands through it a lot, but he was braving a smile and nodded to himself as he said, “We’re getting a cat.”
The next second he disappeared again, leaving Brian in a stunned silence. Not of the barking variety, and probably less stinky, but still hairy and four-legged. Huh. Brian didn’t know when Justin intended to do the actual ‘getting’ part, but just in the improbable case that they were planning on going to an animal shelter right now, Brian thought he’d advise them to get a kitten. Between the two of them, Emma and Alex had enough energy to wear down the most agile animal; or Emmett whom Brian regularly thought of as the personification of the Duracell bunny, but that was before he’d met their daughters. Brian wanted to make sure they got a pet that would be able to keep up with the girls.
Glancing into the kitchen and the adjoining dining room that they rarely used anyway, Brian found both rooms deserted. Strolling through the other downstairs rooms and finding them equally empty, he tried his luck upstairs.
Passing the twins’ play room, he heard Alex’s excited voice. He didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but the high-pitched delighted squeal followed by a hurried, “Shhh, Emma!” made him stop dead in his tracks and listen.
“What did you say? What did Daddy say?” Alex asked her sister breathlessly.
“He said we could not have a dog, and he said it was because of his allergies, just like you said he would.” Brian peeked through the tiny sliver of the open door and caught Alex nodding fervently while holding both her sister’s hand in hers. Emma continued, “And then I pouted like this,” Emma pulled a most adorable face, designed for the sole purpose of melting hearts, “and fluttered my eyes, like that,” she re-enacted that too, “and I was just about to pretend like I was about to cry, and then he said, ‘Maybe you want to start with a goldfish?’ And then I said, ‘But I can’t play with a goldfish.’ And then he thought for a second and said, ‘I suppose a cat would be alright. What about a cat?’”
Alex asked, “You didn’t even have to ask him?”
Emma shook her head. “No.” She laughed and Alex laughed with her. Then they both started jumping up and down, still holding hands.
After a moment they stopped and Emma said, breathlessly, “It worked exactly like you said it would. You’re a genius, Al.”
“Don’t call me Al, Em,” Alex said, but she was still laughing.
“Don’t call me Em,” Emma replied through fits of giggles.
Brian retreated in silence, careful not to make any noise that would give him away. He decided Justin needn’t know that they both had fallen prey to their daughters’ complot. He also wouldn’t tell him that he was secretly pretty proud of them too.
* * *
Brian was concentrating on navigating through the afternoon rush hour traffic and barely listening to the chatter in the back seat. Justin sat in the passenger seat, absentmindedly shaking his head as if not believing that this was really happening. Brian had to use a lot of his self-composure to not laugh out loud; it amused him to no end to see Justin so completely overwhelmed by the events, as if run over by a steamroller. Usually, it was him who was taken aback by something Justin and the twins had cooked up and declared an important family activity to prevent Brian from bailing. It was a nice change of scene and Brian focused back on the road in good humor. Eventually Justin gave up on trying to figure out how all of this happened and half turned around to face his daughters.
“Do we get a boy kitten or a girl kitten, Daddy?” Alex asked promptly.
“It depends,” Justin replied. “We’ll see if they have any kittens at all.”
“Do we still get a cat if they don’t?” Emma asked concerned.
Out of the corner of his eyes, Brian saw Justin grimace before he answered, “I promised you that you’ll get one. Just maybe not today. If they don’t have any kittens or young cats, you’ll have to wait a few days till we find one.”
Emma released a relieved breath. “That’s good. Because I’ve already decided on the names.”
“Yeah? What will they be?” Justin asked.
“Emma wants Marlon for a boy and Jasmine for a girl,” Alex answered.
“That’s pretty fancy names. You’ve thought about it for a long time, huh?” Justin asked Emma and laughed under his breath. Brian thought he probably just figured out that they’d been played but didn’t let it on. Instead, Justin continued to chat with the twins for some time before turning back around and sagging into the seat. Whatever his initial thoughts on acquiring a pet might have been, Brian reckoned by now they were forgotten; or at least replaced by the contagious excitement of the girls. A couple minutes later an amused smirk appeared on the blond’s face which Brian couldn’t help but notice.
“What are you smirking at, Blondie?” Brian asked, voice subdued so the twins wouldn’t hear.
“Nothing,” Justin replied, but the smirk on his face only deepened further.
“Uh-huh,” Brian only answered, suspicious and a bit alarmed. Justin’s ‘nothing’s were infamous; usually preceded by announcements that were bound to make Brian groan with frustration. Like that one time when Justin suggested Brian host a picnic for all of Kinnetik’s staff and didn’t let go of the idea until Brian directed him to Cynthia to work out the details.
Justin released a small laugh which brought Brian back to the present. “I’m waiting for you to queen out,” he said and laughed again.
Brian looked around him, glanced into the rearview mirror and risked a glance back at the girls that were still chatting animatedly and too engrossed in their talk to notice anything else. “Queen out about what? And for the record, I do not queen out.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Justin replied, off-handedly ignoring the last part. He looked back quickly too, and wriggled deeper into the seat’s cushions before answering. “This,” he said, gesturing grandly at everything. “We’re in a car, going to an animal shelter, to get a cat for our kids. This is all so fucking domestic. We’ve become one of those stereotypical couples who drive a safe car and have 2.4 children. Now we’re getting a pet animal to complete the picture. Shouldn’t you be getting pimples or some kind of skin rash at the fact of having become one of them and so very average Joe?”
“Careful,” Brian warned but with no malice in his tone. “Whom are you calling average? Or have you forgotten last night?” He glanced back briefly once again and continued in a hushed whisper, “Those handcuffs are still in my nightstand drawer, you know. Besides, I’m sure average Joe doesn’t get to fuck at least twice a day after almost ten years marriage. I’m sure average Joe doesn’t have as unconventional and colorful family members as we do. And I’m sure average Joe doesn’t get a raving full page write up in the New York Times. And I’m also very sure that average Joe’s kids are not nearly as clever or cunning as those two,” Brian motioned towards the back of the car. “We’re nothing like them, Sunshine. We never will be.”
Justin grinned wide and leaned over the middle console to kiss the side of Brian’s neck. “Yeah,” he breathed against the beginning five o’clock shadow.
Brian suddenly realized that it’s gotten very quiet in the car and glanced in the rearview mirror, adjusting it to be able to see the two little passengers in the back. Justin turned around too to see Alex and Emma, both sporting happy smiles and quietly watching their parents.
* * *
“You’re in luck,” the friendly help ant the animal shelter said to Brian and Justin after they explained what they were looking for. “This shortly after Christmas, there’s usually a huge number of animals to choose from. You know, it’s the old story,” she explained, “kids wish for a pet and after a few weeks they realize how much work it is, so parents return them.”
While she chatted on about all cats having been thoroughly examined by medical staff, she led them down the rows of cages of varying sizes until they reached what appeared to be the cats section. The young woman walked into the center of the room and started pointing to possible prospects, explaining their quirks and individual character traits, and the circumstances that led to the pitiful creatures ending up at the shelter.
Brian, holding Alex’s hand, followed her inside while Justin and Emma brought up the rear. Emma immediately made to reach for the nearest cat, but Justin held her back. Holding her small hand in one of his, he reached for Brian’s hand with the other and squeezed. In that moment Brian knew that Justin was lost to the cause. He might have been the one to object to having a four-legged furred thing in the house, but faced with so much furry cuteness, it was obvious that Justin was a goner. Brian sighed and tried to focus on the woman who had walked over to a scratching post around which two perfectly white kittens were chasing each other’s tails. He listened as the enthusiastic woman explained how the mother of the kittens had died giving birth to these kittens that were then brought to the shelter by the owner of the cat.
Brian saw the excitement at the prospect of owning two cats play in the girls’ eyes and was about to point out to the young worker that they had only planned on taking one cat, but Justin started squeezing his hand almost violently and Brian knew he needed to talk to his partner first. Without the twins present.
Asking the young worker to take the girls on a tour through the rest of the shelter, Brian sent them out. Before leaving, Emma turned around to face her daddies.
“Daddy?” she asked and tried her best pleading look with the lower lip sticking out and clear blue-greenish eyes blinking in rehearsed innocence. Brian remained stoic on the outside but spared a thought to admit that knowing that it was a clever tactic on Emma’s part didn’t prevent it from working.
“Give us five minutes, okay?” Brian reasoned.
“Okay,” Emma relented. “But we are getting a cat, right?”
“Didn’t Daddy promise you?” Brian asked in return.
She nodded.
“And what did we tell you about promises?”
“You shouldn’t give them lightly but if you do, you have to keep them,” she recited obligingly. After a second, the meaning sunk in and she smiled wide, reassured now. She turned to follow the female worker and Alex out the room, but stopped one last time. “Five minutes,” she admonished. “I’ll have Alex watch the clock.” With that, she was gone.
Justin chuckled at his daughter’s antics.
“What?” Brian asked.
The amusement was gone immediately from the blond’s face and was replaced by despair. “They’re too cute!” he exclaimed.
“Who?”
Justin looked confused, alternately eyeing the door through which Alex and Emma had left and the animals around them. “Both. Or rather all of them.”
“So, what do you want me to do?” Brian asked.
Justin furrowed his brow in concentration. “Stick to the plan,” he decided.
Now it was Brian’s turn to be confused. “The plan being?” Brian thought he had an idea, but he wanted to make sure they were on the same page.
“We’re only getting one cat,” Justin announced. “Like we decided.”
“We decided?” Brian raised a skeptical brow at which Justin rolled his eyes in defiance.
“Oh, alright. I. It was me alone. But we’ve gotta stand united here,” Justin pleaded.
“Okay.” Brian nodded once.
“So, tell them,” Justin said.
“Why do I have to be the bad one? You are the one who doesn’t want a pet. You can tell them,” Brian decided.
“I can’t,” Justin replied in a whiny voice.
“Why not?”
Justin bent down to pick up one of the snow-white kittens and held it up to Brian’s eye level. “Because they’re cute!” he said slowly, over-enunciating. “See?” He pressed his nose into the soft fur and snuggled the kitten to him.
Brian eyed his partner. Justin was worse than their daughters. If he’d known earlier, he probably would have put up more of a fight, or rather put up a fight at all. “You sure you’re not allergic to them?” Brian asked as he watched Justin’s silly antics.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Justin answered, his voice muffled by the fur. “I never tested positive for animal hair allergens.” After a pause he added with a grin, “I’m also not allergic to flowers.”
Brian tried to look irritable, but couldn’t help but grin back. That’s what you got from a drunken confession, Brian thought.
Justin set down the kitten and straightened up, putting on his ‘stern parent’ mask. “Okay,” he said while nodding. “I’m ready.” And then, to reassure himself, added, “We’re the parents. They’ve gotta listen to us, right?”
‘In theory,’ Brian was about to reply, but Justin didn’t give time to do so and interjected, answering his own rhetorical question, “Right!”
Before Brian opened the door to call for the twins, Justin repeated, “One cat. Just one!”
* * *
“I think I’m gonna name mine Muriel,” Emma said on their car ride back home, eyeing one of the cat carriers and the large bags containing assembled masses of various supplies, ranging from bowls, toys, food, and animal hygiene products. “What will you name yours, Al?”
“I don’t know yet,” Alex replied. “I like Max.”
“Then I’ll definitely go with Muriel. This way they’ll both have names that start with an M,” Emma reasoned.
“What happened to Marlon or Jasmine?” Justin asked from the front seat.
After they had filled out an application and paid the required donation, Justin had pretended to sulk for a few minutes. But Brian had seen right through him and the wide smile on his husband’s face now told him that he’d been right.
“She doesn’t look like a Jasmine,” Emma explained. “And since the male kitten is Alex’s, she should pick the name for him.”
“Max and Muriel,” Alex tried the names. “Hmmm, I don’t know.”
“Where do you come up these names?” Brian asked his kids.
“Books,” Emma gave as a short answer.
“You read books?” Justin asked, surprised.
“No,” Emma answered. “But Alex reads them all the time and then she tells me the stories.”
“If you like the stories, you might want to try to read them yourself,” Justin suggested not for the first time, knowing that Emma had no patience for books. Or any other activity that required her to sit still for longer than ten minutes.
“What for?” Emma wondered. “Alex tells them way better anyway.” She grinned at her sister and Alex smiled back.
* * *
“Okay, listen up. Here are the rules,” Justin announced once they stepped inside Britin and clapped his hands twice to get the girls’ attention who were busy releasing their respective cats from their transport boxes. “Cats are not allowed on the furniture. Sofas and chairs are okay, but not on tables, nightstands, shelves, or the kitchen counter. And they are also not to go into your beds. That’s what they have their own beds for. Understood?”
Justin fixed first Alex then Emma with a stare till both girls nodded their agreement.
The natural curiosity of the young cats led them to disappear from view almost immediately after being released from their carriers and Brian didn’t doubt for a second that in less than an hour’s time they would have explored every nook and cranny of the huge mansion. Before Alex and Emma disappeared from view too, in pursuit of their pets, Emma came over to Justin and hugged him. “Thanks, Daddy.”
Justin smiled down at his daughter. “You’re welcome, Princess.” When Emma released her Dad to go and thank Brian, Alex took her place and kissed the cheek of her father in a silent thank you too.
* * *
It was already late evening when Brian and Justin finally settled down in the entertainment room. Having put to bed Alex and Emma and the two cats, Brian had put in a DVD and stretched out on the large couch in front of the plasma TV. Justin crouched down on the floor beside the sofa, using one of Brian’s legs that had slipped off the couch cushions as a support for his shoulder. He had a Tablet Drawing Computer in his lap and was doodling absently. Neither of them was paying much attention to the movie that was playing, both of them having seen it numerous times.
“I forgot I always wanted a pet,” Justin reminisced.
“You forgot?” Brian asked. “How can you forget that you wanted a pet?”
“When I was little and we moved to a bigger house after Molly was born, I met Daphne. And she had this dog. He was a totally adorable labradoodle. But he was old and when he died, I tried to get my mom to buy me a dog. But she said dogs are hairy, stinky and loud. And I was too young to be responsible for one because dogs need to be taken for a walk etcetera.”
“Sounds familiar,” Brian said remembering Justin’s earlier objections.
“Yeah,” Justin laughed. “I guess it kinda stuck.”
“So get a dog if you want one,” Brian suggested.
“Oh god, no. I think two cats are enough for a start. Let’s see how that goes.” Justin thought for a second. “Besides, I might turn out to be a cat person after all.”
“How you figure?”
“I understand they’re more self-sufficient than dogs. It suits me well.”
“You mean you’re a lazy-ass.”
“Yes,” Justin replied through a fit of laughter. “Also, you’re already as high maintenance as they come. Where would I find the time?” Justin sighed dramatically.
“You’re comparing me to a dog?”
“Nooo,” Justin replied in a mockingly horrified tone. “Dogs can be trained. You’re still as stubborn and unrelenting as when I met you,” he joked.
“Really?” Brian drawled lazily, a veiled dare to take it further recognizable in his voice.
“Hmm…” Justin pretended to think. “Well, no, you’ve gotten fuzzy around the edges,” he relented. “A bit worse for wear and all that.”
Brian reached out and tried to pinch him, but Justin, expecting it, moved away quickly and easily escaped. Brian didn’t bother to sit up to chase him, tired and too comfortable in his current position. Eventually Justin settled back again in his previous spot, hugging Brian’s leg again and leaning his head against his knee.
An hour or so later, Brian had dozed away to the familiar words and voice of Cary Grant as the movie played on. Justin was still doodling, but he’d exchanged his tablet PC for a real sketch pad when Alex appeared in the doorframe, carrying Max. Or maybe Muriel - Justin couldn’t yet tell them apart.
“What is it, sweetie?” he asked in a hushed voice.
“Max keeps crawling back into my bed,” Alex explained, also whispering after seeing Brian asleep. “I keep putting him back into his own bed, but he doesn’t seem to like it. He jumps right out.”
“Maybe he doesn’t like the place we put it in. We’ll move it tomorrow,” Justin suggested. “Put him in bed with the other kitten for tonight.”
Alex squinted for a second, thinking. Then she wordlessly made her way over to her fathers and set the small ball of white fur down in the middle of Brian’s bare chest who barely moved in his sleep. Surprisingly, the kitten immediately curled up and got comfortable, starting to purr softly, obviously content with its sleeping place.
Alex stroked him a few times before bending down and whispering into the kitten’s ear, “See, I told you you’d like it. It’s my favorite spot too.”
Then she hugged Justin. “Good night, Daddy,” she said.
Justin held her for a second longer before finally releasing her. “Night, sweetie.”
After Alex had gone back to bed, Justin watched Brian as he continued to doze peacefully with the little kitten on top that for all the world looked like it was resting on a throne. Justin couldn’t fault the cat; or Alex. It was his favorite spot too.
The End.
The next story to follow in this universe is:
LAST DAYS OF SUMMER
(But be aware of a HUGE time leap in between the story you've just read and this next one.)