::huff:: i can't stand this shit.. i've got to go home and read his livejournal.. i must, i must, i must.... but my house smells so bad.. eh.. and my brother is there.. eh.. yuck.

i've got to.. i'll write nick a letter and go.

i'm cracking again.. what if i can't take care of my baby? what if i can't take care of myself, my husband? i'm so stupid to have thought that i could do this, that i was good enough to do this or strong enough or brave enough. i don't want to have money to worry about.. or a child to worry about or a life to worry about. i wish i was strong ( Read more... )

making a collage for nicholaus.. i'm not going to send him any more mail until i know he's gotten the letters i've been sending. no time to doddle.. i'm having indian lunch with my family.. need to be outta here in fifteen, promise to write more later.

p.s. i can't believe this feeling... the summer and the hang over and the cigarette on my ( Read more... )

Because I can ( Read more... )

i need to go home and do laundry.. but instead i'm going to take some wine home with me, lie in bed and smoke cigarettes and watch red dwarf waiting for esteban to call me. he's not going to call tonight, i'm sure of that but i want to pretend like he might, it feels good. i need to do laundry but instead i'm going to write my husband a letter ( Read more... )

we took a trip today ( Read more... )

the breakfast club is on teevee.

i just realised that esteban has over one hundered more journal entries than i. this must stop. i'm thinking maybe i should work round the clock to undo this horrible thing. i need to go get a couple tattoos. i really really do. i need to see how cheap my brother can get them for me ( Read more... )

nick left this morning.. he's in idaho now and ships off to fort benning tomorrow. he won't be home for four months. ::sigh:: we're really going to miss him. he called me when he got settled in to his hotel.. he's already homesick. spartacus is going to grow up so much while he's away. i vowed to write him every day that he's gone ( Read more... )

. : .

we -(nick, karena and i)- arrived at the hospital at six o'clock in the morning.. i promptly undressed and folded my underwear neatly.


( Read more... )