(TM) 186. Religion
Religion
William Adama has no religion.
He's not sure if he ever really had any. He attended Temple observances with his family, but his rationalist accountant mother and intellectual lawyer father treated these weekly occasions as times to socialize and network, not as anything that had much impact on the way they viewed the world. After he left childhood behind, the First Cylon War ensured that he and the Lords of Kobol would never be on speaking terms. Athena had no place in those battles that he could see, and the chaos and death came from mundane forces, not the gods ... not even one as cruel and capricious as Ares.
But then the worlds ended, and the Lords started cropping up in the damnedest places. Presidential policy decisions, for example.
As useless as the hindsight is, he knows that his lack of a deeper understanding of the power of religion allowed him to be blindsided by Laura Roslin. Though he respects the inclination of people to reach to the gods for strength, especially in desperate situations, he can not wrap his mind around the idea of basing choices that affect the very survival of the human race on millennia-old religious scripture. Her use of those same scriptures as an excuse both to break her promise to him and to encourage mutiny among his people (his!) triggered a fury that pushed him into the unthinkable, a military coup.
As he stalks down the corridor, he ticks off the litany of betrayal in his mind. Lee and Kara top the list, of course. Dee pretty well had to be involved in Lee and Roslin's breakout from the brig, Venner also seems very likely, and he knows damn well that Cottle was never threatened, even if he can't prove it. And Roslin herself ... his rage at her didn't diminish with Tigh's revelation of her cancer; if anything it only deepened with the welter of other emotions that poured through him. Turning to religion for solace because she is dying (Dying! How can she be dying?!) is one thing, but dragging a third of the fleet and his son with her to their deaths on Kobol is insane. Unforgivable. He believed she was an intelligent, pragmatic woman before this ... what could have possessed her?!
And then when he called Dee to his quarters (both to vent and to gauge her loyalties), she had the balls to call the entire FUBAR his fault, for failing to follow through on his promise to bring them all to Earth.
To Earth ...
He stops abruptly in mid-stride. The realization, building for days, hits him like the ocean swell that used to overturn his dinghy when he was first learning to sail.
Who the frak was the first to bring up religion and scripture as a solution to this mess? You were, Adama.
But you were lying. She isn't. She ... has faith.
He stands in the empty corridor, alone with his memory of explaining his lie to Laura Roslin. It's not enough to live. You have to have something to live for. But even something to live for can't be enough. Without faith that the goal they strive for is achievable, the last remnants of humanity will slide into despair.
He gave them the goal. Who will give them the faith?
He knows the answer even as he asks the question, feels it in other memories that press on him. The fey tone in Kara's voice before she jumped the Raider. Lee's stubbornly set jaw as he stood handcuffed in CIC. Tigh's unease as he described the Quorum's reaction to Roslin's declaration of prophecy. Cottle's truculent assertion that yes, Laura Roslin was in full possession of her faculties, was in fact one of the sanest people he's ever met.
Dee's clear eyes and calm voice as she laid her hand on his arm. "It's time to heal the wounds, Commander."
Reflexively he glances down at his left side, where his uniform covers the two bullet wounds that put him in a coma at the most critical of moments. Had he not been taken out of the action, could he have averted the whole fiasco? Could he and Laura have bridged the gaping divide between them?
Could they now?
The decision strikes as suddenly as the realization did, and as forcefully. He wheels and strides to CIC.
"Mr. Gaeta, I want to see all recon material on Kobol immediately in my quarters."
"... Aye, sir?"
"Kobol?!"
He turns back toward Tigh, but he addresses all present. "Yes. I'm putting the fleet back together. I'm putting our family back together.
"This ends now."
He turns to leave, but not before he catches the brightening eyes, the straightening postures. Even with his back turned he feels the upsurge behind him, not just of relief, but of renewal. Renewal of direction, of purpose ... of hope.
He smiles, recognizing the same renewal in himself.
William Adama may not be a man of religion, but he is every inch a man of faith.
Muse: Admiral William Adama
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica '03
Word count: 784
William Adama has no religion.
He's not sure if he ever really had any. He attended Temple observances with his family, but his rationalist accountant mother and intellectual lawyer father treated these weekly occasions as times to socialize and network, not as anything that had much impact on the way they viewed the world. After he left childhood behind, the First Cylon War ensured that he and the Lords of Kobol would never be on speaking terms. Athena had no place in those battles that he could see, and the chaos and death came from mundane forces, not the gods ... not even one as cruel and capricious as Ares.
But then the worlds ended, and the Lords started cropping up in the damnedest places. Presidential policy decisions, for example.
As useless as the hindsight is, he knows that his lack of a deeper understanding of the power of religion allowed him to be blindsided by Laura Roslin. Though he respects the inclination of people to reach to the gods for strength, especially in desperate situations, he can not wrap his mind around the idea of basing choices that affect the very survival of the human race on millennia-old religious scripture. Her use of those same scriptures as an excuse both to break her promise to him and to encourage mutiny among his people (his!) triggered a fury that pushed him into the unthinkable, a military coup.
As he stalks down the corridor, he ticks off the litany of betrayal in his mind. Lee and Kara top the list, of course. Dee pretty well had to be involved in Lee and Roslin's breakout from the brig, Venner also seems very likely, and he knows damn well that Cottle was never threatened, even if he can't prove it. And Roslin herself ... his rage at her didn't diminish with Tigh's revelation of her cancer; if anything it only deepened with the welter of other emotions that poured through him. Turning to religion for solace because she is dying (Dying! How can she be dying?!) is one thing, but dragging a third of the fleet and his son with her to their deaths on Kobol is insane. Unforgivable. He believed she was an intelligent, pragmatic woman before this ... what could have possessed her?!
And then when he called Dee to his quarters (both to vent and to gauge her loyalties), she had the balls to call the entire FUBAR his fault, for failing to follow through on his promise to bring them all to Earth.
To Earth ...
He stops abruptly in mid-stride. The realization, building for days, hits him like the ocean swell that used to overturn his dinghy when he was first learning to sail.
Who the frak was the first to bring up religion and scripture as a solution to this mess? You were, Adama.
But you were lying. She isn't. She ... has faith.
He stands in the empty corridor, alone with his memory of explaining his lie to Laura Roslin. It's not enough to live. You have to have something to live for. But even something to live for can't be enough. Without faith that the goal they strive for is achievable, the last remnants of humanity will slide into despair.
He gave them the goal. Who will give them the faith?
He knows the answer even as he asks the question, feels it in other memories that press on him. The fey tone in Kara's voice before she jumped the Raider. Lee's stubbornly set jaw as he stood handcuffed in CIC. Tigh's unease as he described the Quorum's reaction to Roslin's declaration of prophecy. Cottle's truculent assertion that yes, Laura Roslin was in full possession of her faculties, was in fact one of the sanest people he's ever met.
Dee's clear eyes and calm voice as she laid her hand on his arm. "It's time to heal the wounds, Commander."
Reflexively he glances down at his left side, where his uniform covers the two bullet wounds that put him in a coma at the most critical of moments. Had he not been taken out of the action, could he have averted the whole fiasco? Could he and Laura have bridged the gaping divide between them?
Could they now?
The decision strikes as suddenly as the realization did, and as forcefully. He wheels and strides to CIC.
"Mr. Gaeta, I want to see all recon material on Kobol immediately in my quarters."
"... Aye, sir?"
"Kobol?!"
He turns back toward Tigh, but he addresses all present. "Yes. I'm putting the fleet back together. I'm putting our family back together.
"This ends now."
He turns to leave, but not before he catches the brightening eyes, the straightening postures. Even with his back turned he feels the upsurge behind him, not just of relief, but of renewal. Renewal of direction, of purpose ... of hope.
He smiles, recognizing the same renewal in himself.
William Adama may not be a man of religion, but he is every inch a man of faith.
Muse: Admiral William Adama
Fandom: Battlestar Galactica '03
Word count: 784