Fireworks [One-Shot]
Title : Fireworks
Pairing : Juntoshi
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating : PG-13
Written for : riri8satoshi and harumarui
Warning : Character Death
Disclaimer : I only own the story!
Summary :For Jun, Ohno Satoshi is like a fireworks. He lightens up his life, filling it with colors and noises that Jun never know existed. But as everybody knows, fireworks doesn't last long, and so does he.
A/N : SO YEP! Another fic inspired by a song (Chris Hart - I Love You) Please listen to it when you read this, it'll move you to tears! XD This fic is actually requested by riri-chan, and I'm sorry for taking so long dear! I hope you'll like this! Enjoy! <3 (P.s its quite a long fic so sorry for thaat!)
“I’m not going.”
“Eeeh, why?” Jun watched his friend, Aiba, flopped himself down into a mattress that he just made up; he growled lightly at his friend, and upon realizing his mistake, Aiba quickly stood and he tried to make the mattress neat again in no time - having been working at a mattress company for years really put them in advantage; at least they could made up their bed in less than a minute now. “Why won’t you go to the karaoke with us?”
Jun shrugged as he moved to another mattress; he pulled on the sheets skillfully so there’d be no wrinkles on it as he answered, “I’m not interested.”
“But we’re short on people; Chinen - you know, the cute kouhai from the customer service - is sick so he couldn’t come.”
“Then just come with those who available, easy right?”
“But we need 3 people to match up with the girls!” Aiba whined as sit on the edge of the bed, careful so he wouldn’t make any unnecessary wrinkles. “Nino and I will come - that’s two of us, and we still need one more!”
“Try asking Higashiyama-san.”
“Our manager? Are you out of your mind -“
“In any case, I am not interested.” Jun stated sternly as he straightened his body; he left Aiba for the staff room, knowing full well that Aiba’d follow him behind like a puppy. Aiba did, but instead of trying to convince him like he usually did, this time Aiba was quiet until they reached the staff room. “Is it because you still remember him?”
Jun knew who was Aiba referring to even without him having to say his name, and he chose to stay quiet as he walked to his locker to get his bag. He rummaged through his locker, pretending that he didn’t see the sad look on Aiba’s eyes. “Do you miss Ohno-san?”
'Let’s just break up.’
Jun slammed his locker shut as the words and the memory of that day was playing behind his eyes yet again. Aiba flinched in surprise, and Jun knew that he should’ve apologized, but his mood has worsened and he said nothing but ‘Good night, Aiba-chan’ as he walked past the man, hurriedly leaving the office so he could reach his warm apartment. He tried not to think about it, about the stupid question that Aiba had asked him, because even after a year, his answer would always be the same.
I miss him so much and it hurts.
He shook his head as he could felt his emotion being twisted painfully again; God no, it has almost been a year, and it was ridiculous how much it still affected him even until now - it was ridiculous how his name only could stirred up such emotion inside him. But no, Jun knew that he couldn’t continue like this; he couldn’t let Ohno controlling his emotions anymore while the other was probably on top of the world right now, so he held his head high, and he looked around as he walked home, pushing everything out of his head so that he could forget about Ohno.
But it was never that easy.
Jun finally arrived home and he was taking off his suits and necktie when his doorbell rang. He walked lazily towards it, slightly hoping that it wouldn’t be Aiba asking for forgiveness; he opened the front door, and what he saw made him froze.
Because standing in front of him was a man that has made him lost the very precious person that he ever loved.
It was Sakurai Sho.
“Wait, Jun!” Jun had intended on slamming the door shut in front of his face, but maybe he was too easy to read, because Sho held the door in time, and he stared bravely at Jun even though Jun was literally trying to kill him with his glare. “Jun, please, I need to talk with you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He said, and he was kinda surprised on how…hurtful he sounded - but it did hurt. “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to give you something.” Sho hurriedly said as he held up the brown package he had in hand for Jun to see. “I want to deliver this.”
“I don’t need that.” Jun replied as he yanked his door from Sho’s grab. He managed to surprise Sho with his sudden move, and he was about to close the door shut when Sho desperately yell,
“It’s from Satoshi-kun!”
He froze. Jun stayed in place as millions of thoughts were running around in his head; he didn’t understand why Ohno’d give him anything now, and his skeptical-self thought that perhaps it was their wedding invitation or something that Ohno’d want to give him.
“It’s not.” Sho suddenly said, making Jun realize that he had said his thoughts out loud. “It’s not a wedding invitation or anything like that; in any case, this is very personal…” Sho gently offered the brown package to him, and when Jun stared at him in doubt, Sho quickly added, “He actually told me to send you this later, but I think…that isn’t right. You have to know the truth…”
Jun raised his eyebrows. “What are you saying?”
It surprised him how then Sho’s expressions saddened and his eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he practically forced the package to Jun’s hands, leaving him with no option but to receive this. “It’s your last chance.” Sho whispered then. “This is your last chance so… I’m begging you.”
Jun watched in wonder as Sho then bowed deeply at him, and before he could say or ask anything, Sho left. Jun stood on the door for a long while, thinking about how absurd and weird everything was, and then he finally looked down to the package on his hand. It was a medium-sized box, wrapped nicely in a blue ribbon with Ohno’s scribble on the corner of it.
To : Jun-kun.
Ah, it almost feels like he could hear his voice all over again. Sighing softly, Jun finally closed the door and he walked back inside his apartment. Without bothering to change his clothes first, he flopped down to the sofa in his living room and, finally, he untied the ribbon to open the package. He then opened the box and inside, he found a small notebook with a flash disk next to it. Curious, Jun reached for the blue notebook, and after a while, he finally opened it.
Written boldly on the first page was this, “It’s a quiz!” And on the next page, it was said:
***
For instance, since Jun was still new to the company, he didn’t have much works to do compared to all his senpai - they didn’t assigned him much with a client, and thanks to that, Jun had more than enough free time on his hands. Bored, he then decided to just look around, and he finally found the most peaceful spot in the store - there was a really expensive bed, but maybe thanks to that not many people took interest in it, and people rarely passed through it since it was on the furthest corner of the shop. Jun thought that it was such a perfect spot to laze around for a while, and so he did. He gingerly laid down on it, feeling the smoothness and the fluffiness on the bed, before then he stretched and made himself really comfortable on the double-sized bed.
But that was when a voice surprised him.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
Jun bolted up into a sitting position to see a man standing in front of him with his arms crossed - he quickly noticed him as one of his senpai, and he quickly get off from the bed to apologize to him. “I’m really sorry.” He apologized as he bowed deeply to him. “I know that I should’ve been working, and yet I’m -“
“This is my spot.”
“Huh?” Jun looked up at him and blinked. “I’m sorry…?”
“This is my spot.” The man repeated as he then flopped himself face first into the bed; he let out a satisfied noise before then he rolled around to his back to stare at Jun with sleepy, brown eyes. “This is my spot so if you’re going to take a nap, find some other place.”
“O…okay.” Jun was still confused with everything that had happened, so he just stood blankly there, openly staring at his - supposedly - senpai. His senpai dozed off and he looked like he was going to fall asleep anytime soon, but then suddenly he propped himself up with his elbow, and then he asked, “Anyway, who are you?”
Jun was surprised with how changeable the man was, but he quickly answered, “Ah, I just finished my training a few days ago, and now I’ll be working here.” He gave him a light bow. “My name is Matsumoto Jun, pleased to meet you.”
“Aah, so you’re a kouhai.” The man mumbled sleepily. He offered his hand at Jun though, and then, he smiled. “I’m Ohno Satoshi by the way. Nice to meet you.”
Jun walked forward to hold his hand in a handshake, but, to his surprise, Ohno pulled him down into the mattress, making him almost yelped in a surprise; he fell right beside Ohno, and when he turned to see the older man, he was giggling happily, just like a kid. “The bed is big enough for two.” He explained to Jun then, even though Jun had said nothing. “And I don’t mind sharing.”
And that was enough invitation for him to come back to that spot every day. Every day, after lunchtime, they’d lie side by side in the bed just like that, and they’d chat with each other. Some other day, Ohno’d really have a nap, and Jun was left staring at him, noticing every single details of his senpai, and knowing that no matter what, he shouldn’t touch him, though he wanted nothing more than that.
But the feelings of wanting him grew more and more every day, and one day, finally, Jun couldn’t hold it anymore.
They were hiding behind another bed that day because their manager suddenly showed up with a client, and since their manager was scary, they immediately hide, though they both were giggling like a child after doing some mischief. They were sitting very close with each other, shoulders touching, and Jun could feel his face getting warmer at how close they were right now. Ohno was oblivious to it though - like he always was - and Jun watched in fascination on how beautiful he was. He loved staring at Ohno’s smiles, loved hearing his soft voice and high-pitched giggle, loved smelling the sweet scent that was always drifting off from him - and at that moment, when they were so close and Ohno was smiling beside him, he finally realized that he wanted him so bad; he finally realized that he loved him so much.
And so, without thinking much, he said, “I love you.”
Ohno stopped laughing altogether, and his eyes widened as he stared at Jun, as if expecting him to say that it was just some kind of a prank or something. But of course it wasn’t, and Jun continued. “I love you.” He repeated then, feeling the words much more easier to say now. “Please go out with me.”
The older man stared at him for a long while before finally he broke into a smile yet again; he chuckled lightly, and Jun thought that he was going to be rejected, but then Ohno touched his hands shyly, lacing their fingers together as he nodded with a wide smile on his face.
And Jun didn’t need any answer more than that; he was happy, terribly so, and he couldn’t help himself for yelling in happiness after that. They got punishment from their manager afterwards, but Jun really didn’t mind, because he wasn’t alone; Ohno was there with him, and that was all that matters.
Ohno was finally his, and that was all that matters.
***
His relationship with Ohno was progressing really smoothly. After his sudden-confession, he was kinda worried that Ohno would think that he was just joking around, but thankfully the older man was quite serious about it. They went through a very awkward first date, through a much-less awkward second date, and finally, they were able to fully enjoy their date together without an air of awkwardness around them anymore; he even had asked him out to the beach and they fished together, just because he knew how much Ohno likes fishing. He himself didn’t really like it, but it was all worth because Ohno was talking-nonstop, and on their way home, Ohno had initiated their first kiss. It wasn’t anything that was overly sweet; they both were tired and sweaty and Jun could almost felt the taste of the sea on Ohno’s lips, but nevertheless, their first kiss was perfect because Jun could saw fireworks exploding behind his eyes as his lips met Ohno’s soft ones.
On their next date though, he bought him out to an amusement park, and Jun managed to steal a kiss as they were up-high in the sky, inside the Ferris wheel, and that was the first time they had deepened their kiss to the point that Ohno clings on him for support. This time, Ohno’s lips taste like the cotton candy he just ate, and it felt really sweet and addicting; this kiss was perfect too, almost like those kissing scenes in movies.
They’ve progressed a lot ever since that kiss and Jun was finally brave enough to bring Ohno to his apartment after their countless dates, which was approved by the older man with just a simple nod, again. Maybe Ohno could sense what was it that he really wanted though, because then the older man has borrowed his bathroom to shower, and when he came out, all damp and tiny in Jun’s t-shirt, he felt like his chest might explode with the desire to own every inch of this man. He pulled Ohno into his embrace without words, resting his head on his shoulder and kissing his neck lightly when suddenly Ohno stopped him. “Ah, I forgot my medicine.”
Ohno wriggled around to escape from his embrace, and Jun frowned as he went and rummaged around on his bag, pulling out a small box of medicines, and taking two pills from it before then he put it inside his bag again. “What was that for?”
“You said that I was too exposed to the sunlight from too many fishing, right? So I started taking some vitamins so at least my skin would still…well…” He was blushing lightly as he drunk his medicine, and Jun couldn’t help but smile at that. “You’re doing this for me?”
“Yeah, so be grateful!” Ohno stuck out his tongue at Jun as he walked back to Jun’s embrace. Jun held him tight, breathing on his scent and hearing the loud beating of Ohno’s heart as he whispered, “I love you so much, Satoshi.”
“I love you too.” Ohno whispered then. “I really, really love you.”
And this time, Ohno wasn’t pulling back when Jun went for his lips.
The next day, Jun gave him the key to his apartment, and Ohno was smiling broadly at him as he said, “So can we watch the fireworks festival from your balcony then?”
“We’ll watch them from our balcony.”
Ohno had laughed at that time, all smile and red cheeks; but when the day for them to finally watch the fireworks together come, Jun noticed that something was undoubtedly wrong with him. Ohno looked a bit distant, like he was hiding something from him. That was further proven when he then received a call, and if, usually, he’d just receive it in front of Jun, this time he left the room for a while to receive it, though Jun could still hear some of his conversation.
“So the result is out…”
Jun wondered what kind of result he was talking about, but he knew that he couldn’t; or maybe shouldn’t ask as Ohno went back with a smile on his face. He flopped back down into the sofa with him then, and he rested his head on Jun’s shoulder as a sigh escaped his lips. “Lots of things happened…” He mumbled then.
“Are you okay?” Jun asked him softly, but Ohno was quick to look up at him to give him a wide smile.
“I’m okay.”
Jun didn’t really believe it, but when he was about to ask him more, the fireworks festival has started, and Ohno jumped to his feet and dashed to the balcony, which Jun immediately followed. The dark sky was suddenly lightened up in various colors as the fireworks exploded, and for a while none of them were speaking; they were busy watching the fireworks when Ohno finally leaned against him and said, “If my life could become like fireworks…wouldn’t it be nice?”
“Why so?”
“Because everyone is always looking forward to it. And fireworks lightened up everything; don’t you think it was beautiful too?”
“But fireworks were short-lived.” Jun whispered then; he turned his face away from the fireworks because it wasn’t really tempting anymore. He watched how the light from the fireworks played all across Ohno’s face, turning it into red, green, and yellow - he watched the fireworks from Ohno’s eyes, and he wondered with what kind of feeling Ohno was watching the fireworks right now.
“Even if they’re short-lived…they’ll be remembered.”
The moment Ohno said that, his heart suddenly clenched in fear. He couldn’t help but pulling him into an embrace and kissing his lips passionately; Ohno kissed him back almost immediately as he circled his hands around Jun’s neck, and it was such a weird feeling to kiss under the fireworks. It was noisy with the sound of explosions all around them, and even though his eyes were closed, it felt like lights were leaking, fighting the darkness that used to be there when he closed it.
It was weird, but surely, he’d remember this.
“Why kissing me so suddenly like that?” Ohno whispered against his lips then.
“I don’t know.” He whispered back honestly. “It just… It’s almost feel like you’re going to disappear.”
He wanted Ohno to give him some kind of comforting words; he wanted Ohno to reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere, that Ohno’d stay, forever and ever. But Ohno said nothing, and he dive in for another kiss, and that was enough for Jun to forget about everything else.
And that kiss was perfect too.
But as if Ohno was trying to make Jun’s fear come true, after that night, Ohno was keeping a distance between them. At first it wasn’t really noticeable; Jun knew that since Ohno’s rank in the office was higher than him, of course he must’ve been more busy than him, and since Ohno also didn’t like to use his phone that much, Jun could also understand if he rarely picked up his phone or replying to messages. But there was no clear reason as why he’d almost always decline his invitation for lunch or dinner, and there was also no clear reason as why he’d also stay away from Jun at work. And it pained him, really. It pained him to know that Ohno was clearly avoiding him, but he talked so cheerfully with his coworker, Sakurai Sho - and of course that lead him into thinking that Ohno was cheating. As much as the thought scared him, he couldn’t help himself but to confront Ohno about it.
“Is it a man?” He asked once he managed to corner Ohno in works.
“Huh?” was the man’s simple reply.
“You were avoiding me and yet you seem to be going along well with Sakurai-san.” Jun said in a hushed voice, though one could tell very well that he was trying to control his anger and jealousy. “Are you seeing him - is that why you’re declining my invitation for dinner on last Wednesday?”
“That’s stupid.” Ohno replied with a chuckle; Jun didn’t understand how he could do it, but then Ohno smiled at him, and he said, “I’m busy, so talk to you later, okay?” before he then walked past Jun. Jun reached out to him, hand grabbing on Ohno’s arm, screaming voicelessly for him not to go away.
But Ohno smiled, and he shook his head as he took Jun’s hand on his - the simple touch sent shivers run down through his whole body, and he wondered if Ohno didn’t feel it too. “Talk to you later.” Ohno left no room for arguments, and then he left, just like that.
And really, Jun have no idea why.
As his last resort, however, Jun decided that maybe, he should surprise Ohno; somehow, he has to win him over again. And so he went all the way and he used up his previous saving to buy him a ring.
Yes, Jun had intended to propose to him.
It was autumn when Jun called Ohno out to propose him; thankfully, the older man had agreed to meet up with him at a park, and so Jun waited impatiently for him with the ring in the box in hands, hidden behind his back as he swayed back and forth with a giddy smile on his face. Ohno was late, but that was okay - Jun was so happy that he overlooked the fact that Ohno was an hour late, something that the older man never did before.
When he arrived, however, Ohno arrived with a car, and Jun knew well that it wasn’t his - Ohno couldn’t drive after all.
But he knew that he could ask about it later; he knew that what important now was to make Ohno fully his, to not let Ohno slipped from his grasp. He watched as Ohno ran to him in a hurry, fluffy brown hair bounced up and down as he was getting closer, and with that same smile on his face - though again, it seemed more distant. “I’m sorry I’m late.” Ohno said softly then as he was standing in front of Jun. Jun shook his head, trying to assure him that it was okay, and then both of them fell into a silence - Jun because he was gathering his courage, while Ohno was probably because he was waiting for Jun to start.
But oh how wrong he was.
“Satoshi, actually…” Jun started shyly. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about lots of things, and -“
“Me too.” Ohno suddenly cut him off. “Me too - I’ve been thinking about lots of things too.”
“You do?” Jun asked, though with the look on Ohno’s face, he wasn’t sure that they were thinking the same thing. Ohno was taking a deep breathe, eyes looking down for a while before then he looked up so their eyes would meet.
“Let’s just break up.”
Jun couldn’t believe his hearing.
“You’re right - it’s another man.” Ohno continued then as he ducked his face down. “When you asked me why I declined your invitation for dinner that day, it was because I was going out with a man, and I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him.” He said those things smoothly, plainly, and Jun felt like running from that place, because Ohno’s words pierced through him like bullets, and it hurts like hell.
Please tell me that you’re just joking.
“So, I’m sorry, but let’s just break up.” He bowed in front of Jun then.
I don’t want your apologize.
After saying that, Ohno bowed to him once more, before then he hurried off to leave the park, back into the car, and Jun could finally saw who was driving the car.
It was Sho, Sakurai Sho.
“You’re joking right?” Jun spoke out then, voice trembling in a mix of anger and sadness. “You said you love me!” He screamed to Ohno’s back. “You said you love me; was that a lie?!”
Ohno didn’t stopped walking; if anything, he only walked faster - to Sho.
“Satoshi!” He called out; he knew that he sounded desperate, but he was, and he felt like falling to the ground right at that moment, because he wanted to reach out for him. He wanted to ask for some kind of explanation, but he was too hurt and afraid to even ask. “Satoshi!”
Come back.
But then Ohno was gone, safe inside Sho’s car, and Jun saw Sho staring at him with pity on his eyes, and it only burned his anger more - it was a good thing that Sho then get into the car too and left, because Jun was sure that he’d have gone up and kill him right there. He stayed there for a while, on the empty park, before then he walked back home. With every step he took, the pain on his chest got more painful; with every step he took, it felt like the box of ring was getting more heavy and heavy, and he thought of throwing it away, but instead he kept it hidden in his closet, far away from him to see.
And that night, he slept with the thought that it was all just a dream, and that tomorrow, he could still see Ohno at work and trying to convince him; he can still win him over.
But the next day, Ohno was gone. He stopped from the company; he disappeared, just like that, and Jun couldn’t get any explanation even from Sho, and he was left wondering, to the point that he felt like going crazy.
And as he lay back down to the bed that they used to share together in the corner, he finally realized how big it was when he was alone.
And Ohno - he stayed true to his words. His life, at least for Jun, has become something like a firework. When Ohno came, his live has immediately brighten up - it was filled with colors that Jun never knew existed, and he was always looking forward to it, to him. But just like fireworks, it was short-lived, and now that Ohno was gone, his life has gotten very dull and quiet.
It didn’t really feel like he was living anymore.
***
Jun rubbed his face tiredly as the he closed the notebook; he hadn’t wanted to remember, but when he was faced with such questions, especially when it came to Ohno, of course he couldn’t help but remember. He put the notebook back to the box, and then his eyes darted to the flash disk next to it - he actually doubted if he should connect it to his computer, but finally, he gave up to his curiosity and he connected it to his computer. There was only a video inside the flash disk, and, with a nervous heart, he finally clicked on the video.
The video started, and there, in the video, Ohno was smiling at him.
Or at least, he thought it was Ohno. The man in the video was much thinner and paler than Ohno, and gone was his fluffy brown hair - that man was using a knitted cap, but even Jun knew that he must be bald under it. If it wasn’t from the smile, Jun wouldn’t be so sure at all, but it was the smile that still haunted his dream every single night, and so, even though with uncertainty, he believed that it was Ohno.
But if it was him, then what happened?
“Hey.” Ohno greeted him then; his voice was a bit hoarse, but Jun would’ve noticed his voice anywhere. “Jun-kun, long time no see.” The older man then pulled down on his knitted cap shyly, as if aware that Jun was staring at him right now. “You’ve must be surprised right now - I lost all my hair after all, but I hope you’ll still remember me.”
Of course I do, you idiot.
“So, yep.” Ohno sighed then as he spread his hand around; Jun immediately noticed the string that was connected to the IV drops in his hand, but most importantly, he noticed that the room was all white, almost like a -
A hospital room.
“Here I was.” Ohno said then, pulling Jun’s attention back to him. “I was stuck in the hospital for almost a year, but fear not, I’m in heaven now - if I’m lucky enough, that is.” He chuckled, voice as soft and enticing as it has always been. “So, I was saying to you before that I kinda went out with Sho-chan, but it was a lie. We didn’t - we never did anything like that. Sho-chan was the one who introduced me to the doctor here, and remember when I said that I went out with him? Well, I did, but we went to the hospital for a checkup, so I wasn’t cheating on you.”
“But the point is… well… I’m sick, Jun-kun. I’m really, really sick.”
And as the words left Ohno’s mouth, Jun felt like someone was pouring a cold water to his body; the feeling was so sickening and painful, and his mind immediately went back to the memories from years ago -
The medicine.
The result.
“And I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I couldn’t…” Ohno continued to speak, as if trying to save Jun from his jumbled minds. “I’m sorry for keeping it hidden for so long. I’m so sorry. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t tell you at all, but I don’t want you to keep on blaming yourself and stop you from going out with someone else, so…”Again, the older man chuckled despite his watery eyes. “Jun-kun…” His voice suddenly trembled then. “Jun-kun, I’m so happy.”
“Meeting you, and being able to spend time with you…” The Ohno in the video sobbed, and Jun could feel his tears falling down too, and he didn’t want to stop it, not at all. “I’m so happy, Jun-kun.”
“Satoshi…” He said in a broken whisper.
“And I want you to be happy too. After this, I want you to continue on with your life; I want you to be happy. And I… from the heaven, I’ll always, always -“
“I’ll always pray for your happiness.”
The video ended after that, and Jun was left staring at the black screen, feeling much at lost and not knowing what to do. But then suddenly the video started again, and it showed an address of the hospital and also a room number.
‘This is your last chance.’
Without much thinking, he rummaged through his closet and found the box of the ring that he had kept, and then he dashed out of the apartment. He ran and ran until he met a taxi, and he kinda half-threatened the driver to drive at the top speed because he needed to get to the hospital immediately. Thankfully, the road wasn’t crowded at all, and he got to arrive at the hospital in less than an hour; after paying for it, he quickly made his way inside the hospital. The problem with going to the hospital at night was that he got asked a lot by the security and nurses, and Jun was already on the edge of just kicking everyone away when thankfully, Sho showed up out of nowhere.
“Jun.” He called out with a relief smile on his face. “You finally came - come on, this way.”
Jun followed him without words to Ohno’s room, but really now, he felt all his hatred to this man melted into the ground; Sho was there to help Ohno through his sickness even though Jun was supposed to be the one who was there for him, and he even went all the way to give the video much earlier before Ohno really did passed away. And for that - for that, Jun couldn’t be thankful enough. He could only express his thankfulness by bowing deeply to Sho in front of Ohno’s room, and the older man only chuckled.
“Go meet him now.” He said as he patted Jun’s shoulder softly. “He missed you.”
“Me too.” Jun whispered, but now that he was outside of his room, he was kind of afraid; he didn’t know with what kind of face should he face him, or what should he said to him - but he realized that it didn’t matter anyway.
He just wanted to see him.
Taking a deep breath, he slide the door opened so slowly, and then he slipped into the room. The smell of medicine hit his nose strongly to the point that he felt nausea a bit, but he ignored it as his eyes fell to the sleeping figure on the bed.
To his Ohno.
Ohno was sleeping soundly on the bed, still with his blue knitted cap attached to his head, and he looked so peaceful that Jun was afraid that he was already gone. But the heart machine was still beeping, and although faint, Jun could still make out the faint rising of his chest. Slowly, he approached the older man and he sit on the stool near the bed; he immediately reached for his hand, and as he finally had Ohno’s hand on his again, his tears fell.
Because the warmth - the warmth was still the same despite how thin it was compared to how it used to.
He lifted the hand and he kissed it tenderly as a sob finally wrecked his body - God, he had lived his life for a whole year believing that Ohno was happy with Sho while in fact, the man was actually suffering. He was suffering, and Jun wasn’t there for him. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to Ohno. “I’m so sorry, Satoshi. I’m so sorry.”
Maybe he heard him, because then Ohno’s eyes fluttered open. He looked at Jun, but it was still unfocused that for a moment, it seems as if Ohno didn’t recognize him at all. But when he finally did, the older man’s eyes widened, and he tried to pull his hand away from Jun, though Jun didn’t let go - not anymore. “Why are you here?” Ohno asked with hoarse voice as his free hand went up to fix his cap with a shy manner. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“I am supposed to be here.” Jun insisted as he squeezed into Ohno’s hand tightly. “I am supposed to be here, with you.”
Ohno shook his head, and Jun could saw the tears that were already there on Ohno’s eyes, ready to fall. “Leave.” He told Jun hoarsely. “Leave now.”
“I don’t want to.”
“But you have to.” Ohno sobbed then, and he was finally crying. “You have to leave, now.”
“I’m not leaving you anymore.” Jun whispered. “Not anymore.”
“You don’t understand!” Ohno’s voice suddenly rose, and with it the beeping of his heart machine also went faster. “You have to leave, because if you’re here, then I’d become afraid to die! If I see you, then I wouldn’t have the courage to die anymore!” The older man punched on him weakly as he struggled to be freed from his grip. “Go away, Jun! Go away!”
Jun couldn’t said anything at all but just to hold Ohno closer, pulling him into his embrace; Ohno tried to fight him, but he was far too weak for it now, and in less than a minutes he has already stopped. Ohno finally rested himself against Jun, seemingly tired, before then he clutched on him tightly. “Jun… Jun…” He chanted his name again and again then, and Jun found himself crying even harder as he hugged Ohno back, tight but careful not to break him, because Ohno felt so fragile on his embrace now. “I’m afraid too.” He said between his sobs then. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then leave.” Ohno told him tiredly, but his grip on Jun’s clothes didn’t loosen. “Leave.”
Jun shook his head. “I don’t want to. I am afraid to lose you, but I’m more afraid of letting you go through it alone.” He kissed the top of Ohno’s head tenderly. “I love you so much, Satoshi. I love you so much.”
“Don’t.” Ohno sobbed into his shoulder. “Just don’t.”
But Jun didn’t care. He kept on telling him that he loved him, and it felt like melting an ice; he could feel how Ohno’s determination finally crumbled with every words he said, and how finally Ohno relaxed against him and he hugged him back, whispering and asking Jun not to leave - begging for him to stay with him no matter what.
And of course, Jun said yes. He waited until Ohno’s tears dried up, and then he showed the ring to him, softly asking him to marry him for no matter how short the time might be.
And he knew - he knew how painful everything was going to be when Ohno did pass away. He knew that the hole he left later on must’ve been much bigger than it was before, and he knew that he’d go through hell trying to deal with it.
But the tearful smile that Ohno gave him when he slipped the oversized ring to his finger was more than enough. The medicine-taste-like kiss was more than enough; the warmth that Ohno shared with him that night was more than enough.
The “I love you too” that Ohno said to him was more than enough.
If he was going to compare that moment with fireworks again, it’d be the biggest one in the summer festival; the one that was so big it filled up the sky and stayed for a long while before it disappeared - only this time, the memories stayed for forever in his mind.
***
Months later….
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.” Jun answered nonchalantly as he watered the plant in his balcony with his phone on his free hand. “Are you calling to ask me out for karaoke again?”
“Yeah.” Aiba laughed from the other end of the line. “I think that maybe, you need something to cheer you up. I’ll ask out Nino and Chinen too, and maybe Higashiyama-san too, if you want.”
Jun hummed as he placed the water can on the floor. “Why don’t you ask Sakurai-san too?”
“Seriously?” Aiba asked in a surprise. “Is it really okay for me to ask him out?”
“Why not?” Jun replied with a laugh. “Go ahead and ask him; he’s a very cool guy after all.”
“I will then!” There was a long pause before then Aiba asked again. “But really, are you okay now?”
Jun leaned against the balcony, and he stared at the ring that was placed perfectly on his finger for a while, before then he stared up to the blue, bright sky. “I’m okay.” He said with a smile. “I’m okay.”
And he really was.
Pairing : Juntoshi
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating : PG-13
Written for : riri8satoshi and harumarui
Warning : Character Death
Disclaimer : I only own the story!
Summary :For Jun, Ohno Satoshi is like a fireworks. He lightens up his life, filling it with colors and noises that Jun never know existed. But as everybody knows, fireworks doesn't last long, and so does he.
A/N : SO YEP! Another fic inspired by a song (Chris Hart - I Love You) Please listen to it when you read this, it'll move you to tears! XD This fic is actually requested by riri-chan, and I'm sorry for taking so long dear! I hope you'll like this! Enjoy! <3 (P.s its quite a long fic so sorry for thaat!)
“I’m not going.”
“Eeeh, why?” Jun watched his friend, Aiba, flopped himself down into a mattress that he just made up; he growled lightly at his friend, and upon realizing his mistake, Aiba quickly stood and he tried to make the mattress neat again in no time - having been working at a mattress company for years really put them in advantage; at least they could made up their bed in less than a minute now. “Why won’t you go to the karaoke with us?”
Jun shrugged as he moved to another mattress; he pulled on the sheets skillfully so there’d be no wrinkles on it as he answered, “I’m not interested.”
“But we’re short on people; Chinen - you know, the cute kouhai from the customer service - is sick so he couldn’t come.”
“Then just come with those who available, easy right?”
“But we need 3 people to match up with the girls!” Aiba whined as sit on the edge of the bed, careful so he wouldn’t make any unnecessary wrinkles. “Nino and I will come - that’s two of us, and we still need one more!”
“Try asking Higashiyama-san.”
“Our manager? Are you out of your mind -“
“In any case, I am not interested.” Jun stated sternly as he straightened his body; he left Aiba for the staff room, knowing full well that Aiba’d follow him behind like a puppy. Aiba did, but instead of trying to convince him like he usually did, this time Aiba was quiet until they reached the staff room. “Is it because you still remember him?”
Jun knew who was Aiba referring to even without him having to say his name, and he chose to stay quiet as he walked to his locker to get his bag. He rummaged through his locker, pretending that he didn’t see the sad look on Aiba’s eyes. “Do you miss Ohno-san?”
'Let’s just break up.’
Jun slammed his locker shut as the words and the memory of that day was playing behind his eyes yet again. Aiba flinched in surprise, and Jun knew that he should’ve apologized, but his mood has worsened and he said nothing but ‘Good night, Aiba-chan’ as he walked past the man, hurriedly leaving the office so he could reach his warm apartment. He tried not to think about it, about the stupid question that Aiba had asked him, because even after a year, his answer would always be the same.
I miss him so much and it hurts.
He shook his head as he could felt his emotion being twisted painfully again; God no, it has almost been a year, and it was ridiculous how much it still affected him even until now - it was ridiculous how his name only could stirred up such emotion inside him. But no, Jun knew that he couldn’t continue like this; he couldn’t let Ohno controlling his emotions anymore while the other was probably on top of the world right now, so he held his head high, and he looked around as he walked home, pushing everything out of his head so that he could forget about Ohno.
But it was never that easy.
Jun finally arrived home and he was taking off his suits and necktie when his doorbell rang. He walked lazily towards it, slightly hoping that it wouldn’t be Aiba asking for forgiveness; he opened the front door, and what he saw made him froze.
Because standing in front of him was a man that has made him lost the very precious person that he ever loved.
It was Sakurai Sho.
“Wait, Jun!” Jun had intended on slamming the door shut in front of his face, but maybe he was too easy to read, because Sho held the door in time, and he stared bravely at Jun even though Jun was literally trying to kill him with his glare. “Jun, please, I need to talk with you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He said, and he was kinda surprised on how…hurtful he sounded - but it did hurt. “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to give you something.” Sho hurriedly said as he held up the brown package he had in hand for Jun to see. “I want to deliver this.”
“I don’t need that.” Jun replied as he yanked his door from Sho’s grab. He managed to surprise Sho with his sudden move, and he was about to close the door shut when Sho desperately yell,
“It’s from Satoshi-kun!”
He froze. Jun stayed in place as millions of thoughts were running around in his head; he didn’t understand why Ohno’d give him anything now, and his skeptical-self thought that perhaps it was their wedding invitation or something that Ohno’d want to give him.
“It’s not.” Sho suddenly said, making Jun realize that he had said his thoughts out loud. “It’s not a wedding invitation or anything like that; in any case, this is very personal…” Sho gently offered the brown package to him, and when Jun stared at him in doubt, Sho quickly added, “He actually told me to send you this later, but I think…that isn’t right. You have to know the truth…”
Jun raised his eyebrows. “What are you saying?”
It surprised him how then Sho’s expressions saddened and his eyes were glistening with unshed tears as he practically forced the package to Jun’s hands, leaving him with no option but to receive this. “It’s your last chance.” Sho whispered then. “This is your last chance so… I’m begging you.”
Jun watched in wonder as Sho then bowed deeply at him, and before he could say or ask anything, Sho left. Jun stood on the door for a long while, thinking about how absurd and weird everything was, and then he finally looked down to the package on his hand. It was a medium-sized box, wrapped nicely in a blue ribbon with Ohno’s scribble on the corner of it.
To : Jun-kun.
Ah, it almost feels like he could hear his voice all over again. Sighing softly, Jun finally closed the door and he walked back inside his apartment. Without bothering to change his clothes first, he flopped down to the sofa in his living room and, finally, he untied the ribbon to open the package. He then opened the box and inside, he found a small notebook with a flash disk next to it. Curious, Jun reached for the blue notebook, and after a while, he finally opened it.
Written boldly on the first page was this, “It’s a quiz!” And on the next page, it was said:
- Do you remember the first time we meet?
- Do you remember all the happy memories we shared together?
***
- Do you remember the first time we meet?
For instance, since Jun was still new to the company, he didn’t have much works to do compared to all his senpai - they didn’t assigned him much with a client, and thanks to that, Jun had more than enough free time on his hands. Bored, he then decided to just look around, and he finally found the most peaceful spot in the store - there was a really expensive bed, but maybe thanks to that not many people took interest in it, and people rarely passed through it since it was on the furthest corner of the shop. Jun thought that it was such a perfect spot to laze around for a while, and so he did. He gingerly laid down on it, feeling the smoothness and the fluffiness on the bed, before then he stretched and made himself really comfortable on the double-sized bed.
But that was when a voice surprised him.
“Hey, what are you doing here?”
Jun bolted up into a sitting position to see a man standing in front of him with his arms crossed - he quickly noticed him as one of his senpai, and he quickly get off from the bed to apologize to him. “I’m really sorry.” He apologized as he bowed deeply to him. “I know that I should’ve been working, and yet I’m -“
“This is my spot.”
“Huh?” Jun looked up at him and blinked. “I’m sorry…?”
“This is my spot.” The man repeated as he then flopped himself face first into the bed; he let out a satisfied noise before then he rolled around to his back to stare at Jun with sleepy, brown eyes. “This is my spot so if you’re going to take a nap, find some other place.”
“O…okay.” Jun was still confused with everything that had happened, so he just stood blankly there, openly staring at his - supposedly - senpai. His senpai dozed off and he looked like he was going to fall asleep anytime soon, but then suddenly he propped himself up with his elbow, and then he asked, “Anyway, who are you?”
Jun was surprised with how changeable the man was, but he quickly answered, “Ah, I just finished my training a few days ago, and now I’ll be working here.” He gave him a light bow. “My name is Matsumoto Jun, pleased to meet you.”
“Aah, so you’re a kouhai.” The man mumbled sleepily. He offered his hand at Jun though, and then, he smiled. “I’m Ohno Satoshi by the way. Nice to meet you.”
Jun walked forward to hold his hand in a handshake, but, to his surprise, Ohno pulled him down into the mattress, making him almost yelped in a surprise; he fell right beside Ohno, and when he turned to see the older man, he was giggling happily, just like a kid. “The bed is big enough for two.” He explained to Jun then, even though Jun had said nothing. “And I don’t mind sharing.”
And that was enough invitation for him to come back to that spot every day. Every day, after lunchtime, they’d lie side by side in the bed just like that, and they’d chat with each other. Some other day, Ohno’d really have a nap, and Jun was left staring at him, noticing every single details of his senpai, and knowing that no matter what, he shouldn’t touch him, though he wanted nothing more than that.
But the feelings of wanting him grew more and more every day, and one day, finally, Jun couldn’t hold it anymore.
They were hiding behind another bed that day because their manager suddenly showed up with a client, and since their manager was scary, they immediately hide, though they both were giggling like a child after doing some mischief. They were sitting very close with each other, shoulders touching, and Jun could feel his face getting warmer at how close they were right now. Ohno was oblivious to it though - like he always was - and Jun watched in fascination on how beautiful he was. He loved staring at Ohno’s smiles, loved hearing his soft voice and high-pitched giggle, loved smelling the sweet scent that was always drifting off from him - and at that moment, when they were so close and Ohno was smiling beside him, he finally realized that he wanted him so bad; he finally realized that he loved him so much.
And so, without thinking much, he said, “I love you.”
Ohno stopped laughing altogether, and his eyes widened as he stared at Jun, as if expecting him to say that it was just some kind of a prank or something. But of course it wasn’t, and Jun continued. “I love you.” He repeated then, feeling the words much more easier to say now. “Please go out with me.”
The older man stared at him for a long while before finally he broke into a smile yet again; he chuckled lightly, and Jun thought that he was going to be rejected, but then Ohno touched his hands shyly, lacing their fingers together as he nodded with a wide smile on his face.
And Jun didn’t need any answer more than that; he was happy, terribly so, and he couldn’t help himself for yelling in happiness after that. They got punishment from their manager afterwards, but Jun really didn’t mind, because he wasn’t alone; Ohno was there with him, and that was all that matters.
Ohno was finally his, and that was all that matters.
***
- Do you remember all the happy memories we shared together?
His relationship with Ohno was progressing really smoothly. After his sudden-confession, he was kinda worried that Ohno would think that he was just joking around, but thankfully the older man was quite serious about it. They went through a very awkward first date, through a much-less awkward second date, and finally, they were able to fully enjoy their date together without an air of awkwardness around them anymore; he even had asked him out to the beach and they fished together, just because he knew how much Ohno likes fishing. He himself didn’t really like it, but it was all worth because Ohno was talking-nonstop, and on their way home, Ohno had initiated their first kiss. It wasn’t anything that was overly sweet; they both were tired and sweaty and Jun could almost felt the taste of the sea on Ohno’s lips, but nevertheless, their first kiss was perfect because Jun could saw fireworks exploding behind his eyes as his lips met Ohno’s soft ones.
On their next date though, he bought him out to an amusement park, and Jun managed to steal a kiss as they were up-high in the sky, inside the Ferris wheel, and that was the first time they had deepened their kiss to the point that Ohno clings on him for support. This time, Ohno’s lips taste like the cotton candy he just ate, and it felt really sweet and addicting; this kiss was perfect too, almost like those kissing scenes in movies.
They’ve progressed a lot ever since that kiss and Jun was finally brave enough to bring Ohno to his apartment after their countless dates, which was approved by the older man with just a simple nod, again. Maybe Ohno could sense what was it that he really wanted though, because then the older man has borrowed his bathroom to shower, and when he came out, all damp and tiny in Jun’s t-shirt, he felt like his chest might explode with the desire to own every inch of this man. He pulled Ohno into his embrace without words, resting his head on his shoulder and kissing his neck lightly when suddenly Ohno stopped him. “Ah, I forgot my medicine.”
Ohno wriggled around to escape from his embrace, and Jun frowned as he went and rummaged around on his bag, pulling out a small box of medicines, and taking two pills from it before then he put it inside his bag again. “What was that for?”
“You said that I was too exposed to the sunlight from too many fishing, right? So I started taking some vitamins so at least my skin would still…well…” He was blushing lightly as he drunk his medicine, and Jun couldn’t help but smile at that. “You’re doing this for me?”
“Yeah, so be grateful!” Ohno stuck out his tongue at Jun as he walked back to Jun’s embrace. Jun held him tight, breathing on his scent and hearing the loud beating of Ohno’s heart as he whispered, “I love you so much, Satoshi.”
“I love you too.” Ohno whispered then. “I really, really love you.”
And this time, Ohno wasn’t pulling back when Jun went for his lips.
The next day, Jun gave him the key to his apartment, and Ohno was smiling broadly at him as he said, “So can we watch the fireworks festival from your balcony then?”
“We’ll watch them from our balcony.”
Ohno had laughed at that time, all smile and red cheeks; but when the day for them to finally watch the fireworks together come, Jun noticed that something was undoubtedly wrong with him. Ohno looked a bit distant, like he was hiding something from him. That was further proven when he then received a call, and if, usually, he’d just receive it in front of Jun, this time he left the room for a while to receive it, though Jun could still hear some of his conversation.
“So the result is out…”
Jun wondered what kind of result he was talking about, but he knew that he couldn’t; or maybe shouldn’t ask as Ohno went back with a smile on his face. He flopped back down into the sofa with him then, and he rested his head on Jun’s shoulder as a sigh escaped his lips. “Lots of things happened…” He mumbled then.
“Are you okay?” Jun asked him softly, but Ohno was quick to look up at him to give him a wide smile.
“I’m okay.”
Jun didn’t really believe it, but when he was about to ask him more, the fireworks festival has started, and Ohno jumped to his feet and dashed to the balcony, which Jun immediately followed. The dark sky was suddenly lightened up in various colors as the fireworks exploded, and for a while none of them were speaking; they were busy watching the fireworks when Ohno finally leaned against him and said, “If my life could become like fireworks…wouldn’t it be nice?”
“Why so?”
“Because everyone is always looking forward to it. And fireworks lightened up everything; don’t you think it was beautiful too?”
“But fireworks were short-lived.” Jun whispered then; he turned his face away from the fireworks because it wasn’t really tempting anymore. He watched how the light from the fireworks played all across Ohno’s face, turning it into red, green, and yellow - he watched the fireworks from Ohno’s eyes, and he wondered with what kind of feeling Ohno was watching the fireworks right now.
“Even if they’re short-lived…they’ll be remembered.”
The moment Ohno said that, his heart suddenly clenched in fear. He couldn’t help but pulling him into an embrace and kissing his lips passionately; Ohno kissed him back almost immediately as he circled his hands around Jun’s neck, and it was such a weird feeling to kiss under the fireworks. It was noisy with the sound of explosions all around them, and even though his eyes were closed, it felt like lights were leaking, fighting the darkness that used to be there when he closed it.
It was weird, but surely, he’d remember this.
“Why kissing me so suddenly like that?” Ohno whispered against his lips then.
“I don’t know.” He whispered back honestly. “It just… It’s almost feel like you’re going to disappear.”
He wanted Ohno to give him some kind of comforting words; he wanted Ohno to reassure him that he wasn’t going anywhere, that Ohno’d stay, forever and ever. But Ohno said nothing, and he dive in for another kiss, and that was enough for Jun to forget about everything else.
And that kiss was perfect too.
But as if Ohno was trying to make Jun’s fear come true, after that night, Ohno was keeping a distance between them. At first it wasn’t really noticeable; Jun knew that since Ohno’s rank in the office was higher than him, of course he must’ve been more busy than him, and since Ohno also didn’t like to use his phone that much, Jun could also understand if he rarely picked up his phone or replying to messages. But there was no clear reason as why he’d almost always decline his invitation for lunch or dinner, and there was also no clear reason as why he’d also stay away from Jun at work. And it pained him, really. It pained him to know that Ohno was clearly avoiding him, but he talked so cheerfully with his coworker, Sakurai Sho - and of course that lead him into thinking that Ohno was cheating. As much as the thought scared him, he couldn’t help himself but to confront Ohno about it.
“Is it a man?” He asked once he managed to corner Ohno in works.
“Huh?” was the man’s simple reply.
“You were avoiding me and yet you seem to be going along well with Sakurai-san.” Jun said in a hushed voice, though one could tell very well that he was trying to control his anger and jealousy. “Are you seeing him - is that why you’re declining my invitation for dinner on last Wednesday?”
“That’s stupid.” Ohno replied with a chuckle; Jun didn’t understand how he could do it, but then Ohno smiled at him, and he said, “I’m busy, so talk to you later, okay?” before he then walked past Jun. Jun reached out to him, hand grabbing on Ohno’s arm, screaming voicelessly for him not to go away.
But Ohno smiled, and he shook his head as he took Jun’s hand on his - the simple touch sent shivers run down through his whole body, and he wondered if Ohno didn’t feel it too. “Talk to you later.” Ohno left no room for arguments, and then he left, just like that.
And really, Jun have no idea why.
As his last resort, however, Jun decided that maybe, he should surprise Ohno; somehow, he has to win him over again. And so he went all the way and he used up his previous saving to buy him a ring.
Yes, Jun had intended to propose to him.
It was autumn when Jun called Ohno out to propose him; thankfully, the older man had agreed to meet up with him at a park, and so Jun waited impatiently for him with the ring in the box in hands, hidden behind his back as he swayed back and forth with a giddy smile on his face. Ohno was late, but that was okay - Jun was so happy that he overlooked the fact that Ohno was an hour late, something that the older man never did before.
When he arrived, however, Ohno arrived with a car, and Jun knew well that it wasn’t his - Ohno couldn’t drive after all.
But he knew that he could ask about it later; he knew that what important now was to make Ohno fully his, to not let Ohno slipped from his grasp. He watched as Ohno ran to him in a hurry, fluffy brown hair bounced up and down as he was getting closer, and with that same smile on his face - though again, it seemed more distant. “I’m sorry I’m late.” Ohno said softly then as he was standing in front of Jun. Jun shook his head, trying to assure him that it was okay, and then both of them fell into a silence - Jun because he was gathering his courage, while Ohno was probably because he was waiting for Jun to start.
But oh how wrong he was.
“Satoshi, actually…” Jun started shyly. “Actually, I’ve been thinking about lots of things, and -“
“Me too.” Ohno suddenly cut him off. “Me too - I’ve been thinking about lots of things too.”
“You do?” Jun asked, though with the look on Ohno’s face, he wasn’t sure that they were thinking the same thing. Ohno was taking a deep breathe, eyes looking down for a while before then he looked up so their eyes would meet.
“Let’s just break up.”
Jun couldn’t believe his hearing.
“You’re right - it’s another man.” Ohno continued then as he ducked his face down. “When you asked me why I declined your invitation for dinner that day, it was because I was going out with a man, and I was planning on spending the rest of my life with him.” He said those things smoothly, plainly, and Jun felt like running from that place, because Ohno’s words pierced through him like bullets, and it hurts like hell.
Please tell me that you’re just joking.
“So, I’m sorry, but let’s just break up.” He bowed in front of Jun then.
I don’t want your apologize.
After saying that, Ohno bowed to him once more, before then he hurried off to leave the park, back into the car, and Jun could finally saw who was driving the car.
It was Sho, Sakurai Sho.
“You’re joking right?” Jun spoke out then, voice trembling in a mix of anger and sadness. “You said you love me!” He screamed to Ohno’s back. “You said you love me; was that a lie?!”
Ohno didn’t stopped walking; if anything, he only walked faster - to Sho.
“Satoshi!” He called out; he knew that he sounded desperate, but he was, and he felt like falling to the ground right at that moment, because he wanted to reach out for him. He wanted to ask for some kind of explanation, but he was too hurt and afraid to even ask. “Satoshi!”
Come back.
But then Ohno was gone, safe inside Sho’s car, and Jun saw Sho staring at him with pity on his eyes, and it only burned his anger more - it was a good thing that Sho then get into the car too and left, because Jun was sure that he’d have gone up and kill him right there. He stayed there for a while, on the empty park, before then he walked back home. With every step he took, the pain on his chest got more painful; with every step he took, it felt like the box of ring was getting more heavy and heavy, and he thought of throwing it away, but instead he kept it hidden in his closet, far away from him to see.
And that night, he slept with the thought that it was all just a dream, and that tomorrow, he could still see Ohno at work and trying to convince him; he can still win him over.
But the next day, Ohno was gone. He stopped from the company; he disappeared, just like that, and Jun couldn’t get any explanation even from Sho, and he was left wondering, to the point that he felt like going crazy.
And as he lay back down to the bed that they used to share together in the corner, he finally realized how big it was when he was alone.
And Ohno - he stayed true to his words. His life, at least for Jun, has become something like a firework. When Ohno came, his live has immediately brighten up - it was filled with colors that Jun never knew existed, and he was always looking forward to it, to him. But just like fireworks, it was short-lived, and now that Ohno was gone, his life has gotten very dull and quiet.
It didn’t really feel like he was living anymore.
***
Jun rubbed his face tiredly as the he closed the notebook; he hadn’t wanted to remember, but when he was faced with such questions, especially when it came to Ohno, of course he couldn’t help but remember. He put the notebook back to the box, and then his eyes darted to the flash disk next to it - he actually doubted if he should connect it to his computer, but finally, he gave up to his curiosity and he connected it to his computer. There was only a video inside the flash disk, and, with a nervous heart, he finally clicked on the video.
The video started, and there, in the video, Ohno was smiling at him.
Or at least, he thought it was Ohno. The man in the video was much thinner and paler than Ohno, and gone was his fluffy brown hair - that man was using a knitted cap, but even Jun knew that he must be bald under it. If it wasn’t from the smile, Jun wouldn’t be so sure at all, but it was the smile that still haunted his dream every single night, and so, even though with uncertainty, he believed that it was Ohno.
But if it was him, then what happened?
“Hey.” Ohno greeted him then; his voice was a bit hoarse, but Jun would’ve noticed his voice anywhere. “Jun-kun, long time no see.” The older man then pulled down on his knitted cap shyly, as if aware that Jun was staring at him right now. “You’ve must be surprised right now - I lost all my hair after all, but I hope you’ll still remember me.”
Of course I do, you idiot.
“So, yep.” Ohno sighed then as he spread his hand around; Jun immediately noticed the string that was connected to the IV drops in his hand, but most importantly, he noticed that the room was all white, almost like a -
A hospital room.
“Here I was.” Ohno said then, pulling Jun’s attention back to him. “I was stuck in the hospital for almost a year, but fear not, I’m in heaven now - if I’m lucky enough, that is.” He chuckled, voice as soft and enticing as it has always been. “So, I was saying to you before that I kinda went out with Sho-chan, but it was a lie. We didn’t - we never did anything like that. Sho-chan was the one who introduced me to the doctor here, and remember when I said that I went out with him? Well, I did, but we went to the hospital for a checkup, so I wasn’t cheating on you.”
“But the point is… well… I’m sick, Jun-kun. I’m really, really sick.”
And as the words left Ohno’s mouth, Jun felt like someone was pouring a cold water to his body; the feeling was so sickening and painful, and his mind immediately went back to the memories from years ago -
The medicine.
The result.
“And I wanted to tell you, I really did. But I couldn’t…” Ohno continued to speak, as if trying to save Jun from his jumbled minds. “I’m sorry for keeping it hidden for so long. I’m so sorry. I was thinking that maybe I shouldn’t tell you at all, but I don’t want you to keep on blaming yourself and stop you from going out with someone else, so…”Again, the older man chuckled despite his watery eyes. “Jun-kun…” His voice suddenly trembled then. “Jun-kun, I’m so happy.”
“Meeting you, and being able to spend time with you…” The Ohno in the video sobbed, and Jun could feel his tears falling down too, and he didn’t want to stop it, not at all. “I’m so happy, Jun-kun.”
“Satoshi…” He said in a broken whisper.
“And I want you to be happy too. After this, I want you to continue on with your life; I want you to be happy. And I… from the heaven, I’ll always, always -“
“I’ll always pray for your happiness.”
The video ended after that, and Jun was left staring at the black screen, feeling much at lost and not knowing what to do. But then suddenly the video started again, and it showed an address of the hospital and also a room number.
‘This is your last chance.’
Without much thinking, he rummaged through his closet and found the box of the ring that he had kept, and then he dashed out of the apartment. He ran and ran until he met a taxi, and he kinda half-threatened the driver to drive at the top speed because he needed to get to the hospital immediately. Thankfully, the road wasn’t crowded at all, and he got to arrive at the hospital in less than an hour; after paying for it, he quickly made his way inside the hospital. The problem with going to the hospital at night was that he got asked a lot by the security and nurses, and Jun was already on the edge of just kicking everyone away when thankfully, Sho showed up out of nowhere.
“Jun.” He called out with a relief smile on his face. “You finally came - come on, this way.”
Jun followed him without words to Ohno’s room, but really now, he felt all his hatred to this man melted into the ground; Sho was there to help Ohno through his sickness even though Jun was supposed to be the one who was there for him, and he even went all the way to give the video much earlier before Ohno really did passed away. And for that - for that, Jun couldn’t be thankful enough. He could only express his thankfulness by bowing deeply to Sho in front of Ohno’s room, and the older man only chuckled.
“Go meet him now.” He said as he patted Jun’s shoulder softly. “He missed you.”
“Me too.” Jun whispered, but now that he was outside of his room, he was kind of afraid; he didn’t know with what kind of face should he face him, or what should he said to him - but he realized that it didn’t matter anyway.
He just wanted to see him.
Taking a deep breath, he slide the door opened so slowly, and then he slipped into the room. The smell of medicine hit his nose strongly to the point that he felt nausea a bit, but he ignored it as his eyes fell to the sleeping figure on the bed.
To his Ohno.
Ohno was sleeping soundly on the bed, still with his blue knitted cap attached to his head, and he looked so peaceful that Jun was afraid that he was already gone. But the heart machine was still beeping, and although faint, Jun could still make out the faint rising of his chest. Slowly, he approached the older man and he sit on the stool near the bed; he immediately reached for his hand, and as he finally had Ohno’s hand on his again, his tears fell.
Because the warmth - the warmth was still the same despite how thin it was compared to how it used to.
He lifted the hand and he kissed it tenderly as a sob finally wrecked his body - God, he had lived his life for a whole year believing that Ohno was happy with Sho while in fact, the man was actually suffering. He was suffering, and Jun wasn’t there for him. “I’m so sorry.” He whispered to Ohno. “I’m so sorry, Satoshi. I’m so sorry.”
Maybe he heard him, because then Ohno’s eyes fluttered open. He looked at Jun, but it was still unfocused that for a moment, it seems as if Ohno didn’t recognize him at all. But when he finally did, the older man’s eyes widened, and he tried to pull his hand away from Jun, though Jun didn’t let go - not anymore. “Why are you here?” Ohno asked with hoarse voice as his free hand went up to fix his cap with a shy manner. “You aren’t supposed to be here.”
“I am supposed to be here.” Jun insisted as he squeezed into Ohno’s hand tightly. “I am supposed to be here, with you.”
Ohno shook his head, and Jun could saw the tears that were already there on Ohno’s eyes, ready to fall. “Leave.” He told Jun hoarsely. “Leave now.”
“I don’t want to.”
“But you have to.” Ohno sobbed then, and he was finally crying. “You have to leave, now.”
“I’m not leaving you anymore.” Jun whispered. “Not anymore.”
“You don’t understand!” Ohno’s voice suddenly rose, and with it the beeping of his heart machine also went faster. “You have to leave, because if you’re here, then I’d become afraid to die! If I see you, then I wouldn’t have the courage to die anymore!” The older man punched on him weakly as he struggled to be freed from his grip. “Go away, Jun! Go away!”
Jun couldn’t said anything at all but just to hold Ohno closer, pulling him into his embrace; Ohno tried to fight him, but he was far too weak for it now, and in less than a minutes he has already stopped. Ohno finally rested himself against Jun, seemingly tired, before then he clutched on him tightly. “Jun… Jun…” He chanted his name again and again then, and Jun found himself crying even harder as he hugged Ohno back, tight but careful not to break him, because Ohno felt so fragile on his embrace now. “I’m afraid too.” He said between his sobs then. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Then leave.” Ohno told him tiredly, but his grip on Jun’s clothes didn’t loosen. “Leave.”
Jun shook his head. “I don’t want to. I am afraid to lose you, but I’m more afraid of letting you go through it alone.” He kissed the top of Ohno’s head tenderly. “I love you so much, Satoshi. I love you so much.”
“Don’t.” Ohno sobbed into his shoulder. “Just don’t.”
But Jun didn’t care. He kept on telling him that he loved him, and it felt like melting an ice; he could feel how Ohno’s determination finally crumbled with every words he said, and how finally Ohno relaxed against him and he hugged him back, whispering and asking Jun not to leave - begging for him to stay with him no matter what.
And of course, Jun said yes. He waited until Ohno’s tears dried up, and then he showed the ring to him, softly asking him to marry him for no matter how short the time might be.
And he knew - he knew how painful everything was going to be when Ohno did pass away. He knew that the hole he left later on must’ve been much bigger than it was before, and he knew that he’d go through hell trying to deal with it.
But the tearful smile that Ohno gave him when he slipped the oversized ring to his finger was more than enough. The medicine-taste-like kiss was more than enough; the warmth that Ohno shared with him that night was more than enough.
The “I love you too” that Ohno said to him was more than enough.
If he was going to compare that moment with fireworks again, it’d be the biggest one in the summer festival; the one that was so big it filled up the sky and stayed for a long while before it disappeared - only this time, the memories stayed for forever in his mind.
***
Months later….
“How are you?”
“I’m fine.” Jun answered nonchalantly as he watered the plant in his balcony with his phone on his free hand. “Are you calling to ask me out for karaoke again?”
“Yeah.” Aiba laughed from the other end of the line. “I think that maybe, you need something to cheer you up. I’ll ask out Nino and Chinen too, and maybe Higashiyama-san too, if you want.”
Jun hummed as he placed the water can on the floor. “Why don’t you ask Sakurai-san too?”
“Seriously?” Aiba asked in a surprise. “Is it really okay for me to ask him out?”
“Why not?” Jun replied with a laugh. “Go ahead and ask him; he’s a very cool guy after all.”
“I will then!” There was a long pause before then Aiba asked again. “But really, are you okay now?”
Jun leaned against the balcony, and he stared at the ring that was placed perfectly on his finger for a while, before then he stared up to the blue, bright sky. “I’m okay.” He said with a smile. “I’m okay.”
And he really was.