Height and Breadth - Moments Chapter 13
Title: Height and Breadth - Moments Chapter 13
Pairing: Heechul/Kyuhyun,
Length: 2137
Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance
Rating: R for language mainly
Summary: HeeChul and KyuHyun begin to deal with the aftermath of their rift
A/N I know this update is kinda short but that's how I roll sometimes. I hope you like it anyway. Chapter Title is referencing a line in a poem by Elizabeth Barret Browning "I love thee to the breadth and height and depth my soul can reach."
Please also see my new Disclaimer of Doom if you like
Warning: References to/mentions of self-harming which may be triggering for some.
See my Master List for previous chapters and other fic. Crossposted to my lj, miracle______, kyuchul4ever and k_pop_fanfics If you like KyuChul please consider joining kyuchul4ever :D
KyuHyun wakes up slowly, rising up through layers of warmth and a sense of sweetness that lingers like a taste in his mouth. The bed is warm, soft sheets tangled around him haphazardly and automatically one hand sweeps out to search for the other body that should be nearby. He gropes for HeeChul as if he were drowning and his lover is the only possible life saver. Not finding the warmth of HeeChul's skin and hair under his hand, panic pours through him and KyuHyun sits up all in one abrupt movement as if dashed with icy water.
"Heenim!" he calls, much louder than intended, gazing around him with wild eyes when there is no immediate answer.
Then the bathroom door opens and shuts and there is HeeChul draped in one of his outlandish and expensive robes, this one in purple quilted satin and in a glance it seems the older man perceives the problem. In a rustle of satin and a waft of steam mingled with expensive cologne, HeeChul climbs back onto the bed and gathers KyuHyun into his arms as though the younger man is a child instead of a man.
"Shhh, shhh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he says in hushed tones, enduring KyuHyun's clinging grip and the kisses pressed to his neck almost frantically without a wince. "I'm here...."
Privately, HeeChul is making rash promises to himself regarding ever having such arguments, such rifts between them again. Nothing that was said the night before could tell him as much about KyuHyun's suffering as this sudden sleep-dazed clutch. "I just took a shower, aegi, that's all...just a shower..and ordered some food." HeeChul whispers, brushing the hair back from KyuHyun's face.
KyuHyun begins to recover his composure and blushes darkly, tilting his head away. "I was asleep and ...I guess I was having a dream," he manages, feeling the epitome of weak and foolish at that moment. His gaze focuses on one of the pink camellias on the shoulder of HeeChul's robe rather than meeting HeeChul's eyes.
HeeChul doesn't answer immediately but he also doesn't let KyuHyun pull away as it seems the younger man wants to do. "Stop it," he commands firmly, continuing to pet his fingers through KyuHyun's hair. "You're a bit less than tough as nails at the moment, I'm the last person to judge you." he says tartly.
Digesting that for a moment, KyuHyun relaxes, finding the sift of HeeChul's fingertips pleasurably soothing. "If you say so," he agrees grudgingly, feeling the deep blush beginning to subside. "Don't tell anyone though, eh?"
"Oh of course, because I was going to rush right out and tweet about you being so clingy and girlish?" HeeChul asks, giving a firm pull to KyuHyun's hair.
"Ouch!" KyuHyun sits up and surveys HeeChul from the top of his still damp hair pinned to the top of his head in a knot, to bare feet. "How is it you always look stunning in the morning and I look like something dragged out of a dumpster?" he complains, brushing a kiss to HeeChul's cheek before climbing out of bed.
"I have my ways," HeeChul answers, his tone smug. "Don't take too long, breakfast is on the way, including coffee."
Lounging on the bed, HeeChul turns to watch his boyfriend's pajama pants clad butt disappear into the bathroom. Sighing happily, he leans back agains the pillows to await either food or sexy lover to be brought forth. Both if possible.
...
Within twenty minutes KyuHyun has managed to achieve something close to human though he will never get to HeeChul's level of effortless perfection. Still, morning breath has been erased and his hair looks better than a rat's nest and he faces himself in the mirror. His panic earlier still has left him feeling a bit ashamed of himself. Is this how a strong man acts? All he can say to his own question is that even the strongest can be broken.
He steps out of the bathroom in his plain blue bathrobe to see HeeChul commanding the room service delivery person with his usual royal condescension, making sure the table is placed just so and the food arranged the way he wants it before slipping the poor man a generous tip and waving him away.
"Are you finished?" KyuHyun asks, smirking as he leans against the bathroom doorframe and watches HeeChul check to make sure the hall door is shut and that the little do not disturb sign is hanging on the knob. "I mean, I can come back if you want to order around the help some more."
HeeChul just rolls his eyes and plops down on a chair, unfolding the napkin with a little fluorish and laying it politely on his knees. "I know my screen name is HeeDictator and all but I'm not that bossy." He pauses then to consider that and smiles. "Okay, maybe I am, sometimes."
Laughing, KyuHyun takes the chair opposite HeeChul and sits there for a moment, playing with the napkin. "I'm so glad you're here Heenim," he says softly. "I'm amazed, actually, in a good way." His dark eyes lift to HeeChul's face, absorbing every nuance of that beloved visage.
"That's me, amazing," HeeChul answers and smiles. Gazing at KyuHyun he has the urge to pinch himself just to make sure this isn't a dream. "Just so you know? I'm never letting you go, got that?" As he speaks, he reaches over the table and takes hold of KyuHyun's hand, holding tightly.
"I wonder if I can get that in writing. Signed in triplicate," KyuHyun jokes, but he squeezes Heenim's hand just as tight. He feels the bandage, or one similar to it across his lover's palm and frowns, turning HeeChul's hand over.
"What's this, baby?" he asks, nimble fingers picking lightly against the sticky tape holding the gauze in place.
HeeChul's face changes, shuts down, and he pulls his hand away. To cover the change, he reaches for a piece of bacon with the opposite hand and takes a bite. "It's nothing," he says belatedly.
KyuHyun knows HeeChul very well. He watched the older man for a long, long time, long before there was a them and everything about the way HeeChul is behaving tells him that whatever is wrong with his boyfriend's hand is not going to be good news.
"Don't lie to me, Heenim. I always know," he says softly and slides out of the chair, knee walking the few feet it takes him to end up kneeling beside HeeChul's chair. KyuHyun takes HeeChul's injured hand and gently coaxes the small fingers to unfold again.
"Kyu," HeeChul starts, and drops the bacon on his plate while his stomach grows full of butterflies. "I...," he begins and then feels as though he can't speak. His heart has jumped up in his throat and he reaches out, stroking KyuHyun's hair.
"I was as sad as you were," he confesses, trying not to flinch when Kyu begins to pry the bandage off bit by bit.
"HeeChul," KyuHyun says, lifting his gaze to look into his lover's eyes. "What did you do?" he asks, suddenly stricken by a stab of fear. He pulls the bandage the rest of the way off and stares down at the healing burn that looks angry and painful though the older man has shown little sign of discomfort.
"What did you do?" he whispers, gently stroking the back of HeeChul's hand.
"I didn't mean to," HeeChul answers, bending down until his body is half draped over KyuHyun's shoulders, their faces close together. "I didn't mean to Kyu-baby, I swear. It just...I just...sometimes pain on the outside feels better than on the inside," he whispers, feeling the shame of his confession and of his own actions.
KyuHyun feels a deep hard sob start to well up in his chest. He wraps his free arm around himself to hold it in. "I can't believe you did this..." His voice seems to have disappeared on him leaving with nothing more than a cracked murmur. "No matter what, you can't do this to yourself. Promise me Heenim, promise," he pulls back so he can see his lover's face, still holding the injured hand tenderly as if it were made of porcelain.
HeeChul is shocked at the look on KyuHyun's face, far worse than even last night before their conversation. It kills him to see that look and he touches his lover's jaw with his free, healthy hand. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says again and again. "Please forgive me..."
"HeeChul! Promise!" KyuHyun pulls back, gently releasing HeeChul's palm and curling his own hands into white-knuckled fists. "Promise me." He's not shouting but in some ways the intensity of his tone is underscored even more by the very softness of his speech.
Inside, HeeChul is cursing everything from the invention of cigarettes to his own tendency to self-destruction. This man next to him is almost a stranger, white faced and dark eyed with the glaze of tears unshed, and cords standing out as if every muscle is taut to the point of breaking.
"I promise. I swear. I won't do it again," HeeChul gasps. "I'm sorry, I promise."
Before he is even finished with the rush of promises KyuHyun is gathering him up into his arms and stalking back towards the rumpled sheets on their shared bed. "This is mine, Heenim," KyuHyun growls,"Mine. Don't you dare ever hurt yourself again. I swear I will kick your ass for it."
KyuHyun doesn't know quite what has come over him, his heart is pounding and terror keeps nipping at his senses to the point that he can hardly think straight. The idea, the mere possibility that the older man could do such a thing has torn something in him and he only knows he has to make it clear how unacceptable such actions are.
HeeChul feels himself falling back onto the mattress and KyuHyun crawling up beside him with a kind of bewilderment that's laced with anticipation. His hungry gaze slides over KyuHyun's face and he takes in the words with a full body tremor. Immediately he reaches up to wrap his arms and legs around his lover, clinging hard.
"You're mine too," he says almost mildly, "and I promised. I always keep my promises, Kyu-baby."
"Oh Heenim," KyuHyun answers on something close to a sob and rolls over, gathering HeeChul with him to lay over him like a blanket. "Don't you know, can't you feel what you do to me? I'm only half a person now, you're the other half and I cannot live with out you and your pain is my pain," he whispers, reaching up to pull the pins from HeeChul's hair to tangle his hands in the still damp fragrant mess of silky strands.
"KyuHyun," HeeChul whispers back, and finds himself simply lost in KyuHyun's eyes. "It's no different for me. I promise you."
KyuHyun softly pulls HeeChul's face to his by his grip on the inky tendrils in his fists and kisses HeeChul. Their lips brush moistly, sensuously with almost palpable sweetness. Back and forth and back and forth until HeeChul can't take it any more and presses harder, sliding his tongue over the shape of his lover's mouth until he invites him inside. Their tongues tangle then, stroking and gliding and it seems almost as if this is the very first time they are kissing this way.
HeeChul stretches out over Kyuhyun, jerking loose the tie on his robe so he can drape himself that much closer over the younger man's frame. He kisses KyuHyun again and again, each time hardly pausing for a gasping breath before their mouths are fused again. He luxuriates in the feel of one of KyuHyun's palms sliding over his back, down his spine then seeming to force their lower bodies together hard in a sexy grind that makes HeeChul's breath hitch.
The passion that underscores the way his heart seems to beat for HeeChul and nothing else rises fast and KyuHyun is willing to drown in it if it means he can have HeeChul's kisses right now. He digs a bare heel into the mattress, rolling his hips into the older man's pelvis with a moan against HeeChul's mouth.
"Need you," KyuHyun says quietly, nipping at HeeChul's lips. "Need you so badly, Heenim."
Kissing KyuHyun is like sipping wine and baking in a sauna and being wrapped in layers of silk. It's intoxicating in every possible way and HeeChul doesn't think he'll ever get tired of this kind of drunkenness. "I'm here, aegi," he answers, leaning up on his elbows to look down at KyuHyun. "Just tell me what you want."
OOH, Cliffie :D
Pairing: Heechul/Kyuhyun,
Length: 2137
Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance
Rating: R for language mainly
Summary: HeeChul and KyuHyun begin to deal with the aftermath of their rift
A/N I know this update is kinda short but that's how I roll sometimes. I hope you like it anyway. Chapter Title is referencing a line in a poem by Elizabeth Barret Browning "I love thee to the breadth and height and depth my soul can reach."
Please also see my new Disclaimer of Doom if you like
Warning: References to/mentions of self-harming which may be triggering for some.
See my Master List for previous chapters and other fic. Crossposted to my lj, miracle______, kyuchul4ever and k_pop_fanfics If you like KyuChul please consider joining kyuchul4ever :D
KyuHyun wakes up slowly, rising up through layers of warmth and a sense of sweetness that lingers like a taste in his mouth. The bed is warm, soft sheets tangled around him haphazardly and automatically one hand sweeps out to search for the other body that should be nearby. He gropes for HeeChul as if he were drowning and his lover is the only possible life saver. Not finding the warmth of HeeChul's skin and hair under his hand, panic pours through him and KyuHyun sits up all in one abrupt movement as if dashed with icy water.
"Heenim!" he calls, much louder than intended, gazing around him with wild eyes when there is no immediate answer.
Then the bathroom door opens and shuts and there is HeeChul draped in one of his outlandish and expensive robes, this one in purple quilted satin and in a glance it seems the older man perceives the problem. In a rustle of satin and a waft of steam mingled with expensive cologne, HeeChul climbs back onto the bed and gathers KyuHyun into his arms as though the younger man is a child instead of a man.
"Shhh, shhh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," he says in hushed tones, enduring KyuHyun's clinging grip and the kisses pressed to his neck almost frantically without a wince. "I'm here...."
Privately, HeeChul is making rash promises to himself regarding ever having such arguments, such rifts between them again. Nothing that was said the night before could tell him as much about KyuHyun's suffering as this sudden sleep-dazed clutch. "I just took a shower, aegi, that's all...just a shower..and ordered some food." HeeChul whispers, brushing the hair back from KyuHyun's face.
KyuHyun begins to recover his composure and blushes darkly, tilting his head away. "I was asleep and ...I guess I was having a dream," he manages, feeling the epitome of weak and foolish at that moment. His gaze focuses on one of the pink camellias on the shoulder of HeeChul's robe rather than meeting HeeChul's eyes.
HeeChul doesn't answer immediately but he also doesn't let KyuHyun pull away as it seems the younger man wants to do. "Stop it," he commands firmly, continuing to pet his fingers through KyuHyun's hair. "You're a bit less than tough as nails at the moment, I'm the last person to judge you." he says tartly.
Digesting that for a moment, KyuHyun relaxes, finding the sift of HeeChul's fingertips pleasurably soothing. "If you say so," he agrees grudgingly, feeling the deep blush beginning to subside. "Don't tell anyone though, eh?"
"Oh of course, because I was going to rush right out and tweet about you being so clingy and girlish?" HeeChul asks, giving a firm pull to KyuHyun's hair.
"Ouch!" KyuHyun sits up and surveys HeeChul from the top of his still damp hair pinned to the top of his head in a knot, to bare feet. "How is it you always look stunning in the morning and I look like something dragged out of a dumpster?" he complains, brushing a kiss to HeeChul's cheek before climbing out of bed.
"I have my ways," HeeChul answers, his tone smug. "Don't take too long, breakfast is on the way, including coffee."
Lounging on the bed, HeeChul turns to watch his boyfriend's pajama pants clad butt disappear into the bathroom. Sighing happily, he leans back agains the pillows to await either food or sexy lover to be brought forth. Both if possible.
...
Within twenty minutes KyuHyun has managed to achieve something close to human though he will never get to HeeChul's level of effortless perfection. Still, morning breath has been erased and his hair looks better than a rat's nest and he faces himself in the mirror. His panic earlier still has left him feeling a bit ashamed of himself. Is this how a strong man acts? All he can say to his own question is that even the strongest can be broken.
He steps out of the bathroom in his plain blue bathrobe to see HeeChul commanding the room service delivery person with his usual royal condescension, making sure the table is placed just so and the food arranged the way he wants it before slipping the poor man a generous tip and waving him away.
"Are you finished?" KyuHyun asks, smirking as he leans against the bathroom doorframe and watches HeeChul check to make sure the hall door is shut and that the little do not disturb sign is hanging on the knob. "I mean, I can come back if you want to order around the help some more."
HeeChul just rolls his eyes and plops down on a chair, unfolding the napkin with a little fluorish and laying it politely on his knees. "I know my screen name is HeeDictator and all but I'm not that bossy." He pauses then to consider that and smiles. "Okay, maybe I am, sometimes."
Laughing, KyuHyun takes the chair opposite HeeChul and sits there for a moment, playing with the napkin. "I'm so glad you're here Heenim," he says softly. "I'm amazed, actually, in a good way." His dark eyes lift to HeeChul's face, absorbing every nuance of that beloved visage.
"That's me, amazing," HeeChul answers and smiles. Gazing at KyuHyun he has the urge to pinch himself just to make sure this isn't a dream. "Just so you know? I'm never letting you go, got that?" As he speaks, he reaches over the table and takes hold of KyuHyun's hand, holding tightly.
"I wonder if I can get that in writing. Signed in triplicate," KyuHyun jokes, but he squeezes Heenim's hand just as tight. He feels the bandage, or one similar to it across his lover's palm and frowns, turning HeeChul's hand over.
"What's this, baby?" he asks, nimble fingers picking lightly against the sticky tape holding the gauze in place.
HeeChul's face changes, shuts down, and he pulls his hand away. To cover the change, he reaches for a piece of bacon with the opposite hand and takes a bite. "It's nothing," he says belatedly.
KyuHyun knows HeeChul very well. He watched the older man for a long, long time, long before there was a them and everything about the way HeeChul is behaving tells him that whatever is wrong with his boyfriend's hand is not going to be good news.
"Don't lie to me, Heenim. I always know," he says softly and slides out of the chair, knee walking the few feet it takes him to end up kneeling beside HeeChul's chair. KyuHyun takes HeeChul's injured hand and gently coaxes the small fingers to unfold again.
"Kyu," HeeChul starts, and drops the bacon on his plate while his stomach grows full of butterflies. "I...," he begins and then feels as though he can't speak. His heart has jumped up in his throat and he reaches out, stroking KyuHyun's hair.
"I was as sad as you were," he confesses, trying not to flinch when Kyu begins to pry the bandage off bit by bit.
"HeeChul," KyuHyun says, lifting his gaze to look into his lover's eyes. "What did you do?" he asks, suddenly stricken by a stab of fear. He pulls the bandage the rest of the way off and stares down at the healing burn that looks angry and painful though the older man has shown little sign of discomfort.
"What did you do?" he whispers, gently stroking the back of HeeChul's hand.
"I didn't mean to," HeeChul answers, bending down until his body is half draped over KyuHyun's shoulders, their faces close together. "I didn't mean to Kyu-baby, I swear. It just...I just...sometimes pain on the outside feels better than on the inside," he whispers, feeling the shame of his confession and of his own actions.
KyuHyun feels a deep hard sob start to well up in his chest. He wraps his free arm around himself to hold it in. "I can't believe you did this..." His voice seems to have disappeared on him leaving with nothing more than a cracked murmur. "No matter what, you can't do this to yourself. Promise me Heenim, promise," he pulls back so he can see his lover's face, still holding the injured hand tenderly as if it were made of porcelain.
HeeChul is shocked at the look on KyuHyun's face, far worse than even last night before their conversation. It kills him to see that look and he touches his lover's jaw with his free, healthy hand. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says again and again. "Please forgive me..."
"HeeChul! Promise!" KyuHyun pulls back, gently releasing HeeChul's palm and curling his own hands into white-knuckled fists. "Promise me." He's not shouting but in some ways the intensity of his tone is underscored even more by the very softness of his speech.
Inside, HeeChul is cursing everything from the invention of cigarettes to his own tendency to self-destruction. This man next to him is almost a stranger, white faced and dark eyed with the glaze of tears unshed, and cords standing out as if every muscle is taut to the point of breaking.
"I promise. I swear. I won't do it again," HeeChul gasps. "I'm sorry, I promise."
Before he is even finished with the rush of promises KyuHyun is gathering him up into his arms and stalking back towards the rumpled sheets on their shared bed. "This is mine, Heenim," KyuHyun growls,"Mine. Don't you dare ever hurt yourself again. I swear I will kick your ass for it."
KyuHyun doesn't know quite what has come over him, his heart is pounding and terror keeps nipping at his senses to the point that he can hardly think straight. The idea, the mere possibility that the older man could do such a thing has torn something in him and he only knows he has to make it clear how unacceptable such actions are.
HeeChul feels himself falling back onto the mattress and KyuHyun crawling up beside him with a kind of bewilderment that's laced with anticipation. His hungry gaze slides over KyuHyun's face and he takes in the words with a full body tremor. Immediately he reaches up to wrap his arms and legs around his lover, clinging hard.
"You're mine too," he says almost mildly, "and I promised. I always keep my promises, Kyu-baby."
"Oh Heenim," KyuHyun answers on something close to a sob and rolls over, gathering HeeChul with him to lay over him like a blanket. "Don't you know, can't you feel what you do to me? I'm only half a person now, you're the other half and I cannot live with out you and your pain is my pain," he whispers, reaching up to pull the pins from HeeChul's hair to tangle his hands in the still damp fragrant mess of silky strands.
"KyuHyun," HeeChul whispers back, and finds himself simply lost in KyuHyun's eyes. "It's no different for me. I promise you."
KyuHyun softly pulls HeeChul's face to his by his grip on the inky tendrils in his fists and kisses HeeChul. Their lips brush moistly, sensuously with almost palpable sweetness. Back and forth and back and forth until HeeChul can't take it any more and presses harder, sliding his tongue over the shape of his lover's mouth until he invites him inside. Their tongues tangle then, stroking and gliding and it seems almost as if this is the very first time they are kissing this way.
HeeChul stretches out over Kyuhyun, jerking loose the tie on his robe so he can drape himself that much closer over the younger man's frame. He kisses KyuHyun again and again, each time hardly pausing for a gasping breath before their mouths are fused again. He luxuriates in the feel of one of KyuHyun's palms sliding over his back, down his spine then seeming to force their lower bodies together hard in a sexy grind that makes HeeChul's breath hitch.
The passion that underscores the way his heart seems to beat for HeeChul and nothing else rises fast and KyuHyun is willing to drown in it if it means he can have HeeChul's kisses right now. He digs a bare heel into the mattress, rolling his hips into the older man's pelvis with a moan against HeeChul's mouth.
"Need you," KyuHyun says quietly, nipping at HeeChul's lips. "Need you so badly, Heenim."
Kissing KyuHyun is like sipping wine and baking in a sauna and being wrapped in layers of silk. It's intoxicating in every possible way and HeeChul doesn't think he'll ever get tired of this kind of drunkenness. "I'm here, aegi," he answers, leaning up on his elbows to look down at KyuHyun. "Just tell me what you want."
OOH, Cliffie :D