Locked, Locket, Locker (3/6)
Liam thought that it was cool that Finn was in Glee. Which was crazy, because Glee was the least cool thing on the planet. It was stupid and lame and everyone there was a jerk and Finn missed it so much that sometimes it ached.
(Finn thought it was kind of cool that Liam thought it was cool.)
I really want to try out for our Glee club, but I really don’t need to embarrass myself any more than usual.
You should go for it, Finn wrote back. Everyone is embarrassed to be in glee, but they do it because they love it. That’s what makes it cool. It was awesome being around people who did something because they wanted to, or because they didn’t think not to do it instead of being around people who do things because it’s cool or because they want to be better than someone else.
That sounds amazing, Liam’s scrawl told him. I don’t know how you could leave something like that.
And it took Finn a long time to reply, because he still couldn’t imagine ever going back.
*
“So,” Kurt said, sliding delicately into his seat next to Finn in Spanish, “you seem to be taking your academics seriously of late.”
Finn looked at Kurt, and blinked. “Huh?”
Kurt nodded at the pen in Finn’s large hand. “You’re always writing these days. I was implying that you were spending all of your free time on your homework.”
“Oh. No. Definatly no. I mean, sometimes. But usually Halo, or helping my mom.”
“Or writing to your pen pal?”
There was a pause as Finn considered the words, wondering how much to divulge in response. “Yeah,” he said at last. “Or that.”
Kurt nodded. “I think it’s good. That you have someone to talk to. I mean, after last term, practically no one has more to get off their chest than you, right?” Kurt let out a weak laugh, and glanced over at Finn. “You’re looking better,” he said, pulling his books out of his bag. “Not as angry.”
“I’m still angry,” Finn said. “But... what’s the word, when you’re angry but you don’t have the energy anymore?”
“Depressed?”
“No, that’s not it. It’s more like, I know I’m going to be angry about this for a long time. So, whatever. I’ll be angry. Doesn’t mean I have to spend all day looking to punch something. Is there even a word for that?”
“Resigned? That means that you just give in to something and accept it.”
“Yeah,” Finn said as Mr Schue walked in and began wiping down the board for the start of the lesson. “That’s what I am.”
“Well, I hope that soon you stop being angry altogether. All that frowning will give you wrinkles,” Kurt said, with a playful smile. He then turned serious. “If you ever need someone to talk to, Finn...”
Finn shifted awkwardly. “Thanks, but I’ve kind of got all the talking covered, you know? I mean, thanks.”
Kurt nodded, and turned his attention to the front of the room, his face stony. “I just hope your pen friend deserves your trust.” After a moment, he softened. “I’m shouldn’t have said that. Really, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Finn replied, speaking haltingly around the heavy feeling in his stomach. “I mean, it’s not like I’m the best judge of character.”
“I’m sure your pen friend is a worthwhile confidant. And I understand that you might need someone not so close to everything. But, if you need anyone to talk to-”
“Right.”
“-or anyone to cut some brake lines for you. Well, I’m here for you.”
Finn let a small smile grace his lips. “Thanks, Kurt. That means a lot to me.” He reached over and gently punched Kurt in the shoulder, and while Kurt looked startled and a little appalled at the action, he gradually returned a smile of his own.
*
So, secret locker BFF, since we’re getting to know each other so well, and since you’ve already demanded my panties at least once, I have to know: what do you look like?
Finn wondered if maybe that was out of line - he’d never had a pen pal, or a biro-buddy, or whatever before. He didn’t know what kind of rules went with it. But he got a reply by lunchtime.
Well, people tell me that I look kind of like the lovechild of Marilyn Monroe, and Cindy Crawford. Like Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, but hotter. You?
Finn spent some more time on the computers during lunch, because he knew Cindy Crawford, and he knew of Marilyn Monroe, and even though he knew it was a joke he had gotten into the habit of trying to understand Liam’s little comments. He was scrolling through IMDB when Mr Schue stopped behind him.
“There’s a face I haven’t seen in a while.”
Finn turned around, and saw Mr Schue looking at the screen with a fond smile on his face. “You know her?” he asked.
“Tiffani Theissen? She was Kelly Kapowski on ‘Saved By The Bell’. When I was in high school, everyone had a crush on Kelly Kapowski.”
Finn racked his brains. “I think I remember that show? Everyone wore bright shirts with denim? And there was that guy, and a principal or something?”
Mr Schue looked at him with a crooked smile. “I’m surprised you even know it that well. It finished the same year I graduated.”
“Huh.” Finn clicked on the show profile, and then clicked on the image gallery. It was full of pictures of VHS covers. “Was it any good?”
“I can’t even remember it that well,” Mr Schue admitted.
Finn swivelled around in his computer chair, and took a look at the books of sheet music under Mr Schue’s arm. He could just make out ‘Best Pop Hits of the Nineties’. “Looks like you have the tunes to jog your memory,” he said. “That for Glee?”
“Yeah.” Mr Schue looked down at the books in his arms. “There was a debate about whether girl bands or boy bands were more influential, so I’m getting everyone to pull together pieces of songs that they feel best represent the nineties. Or their memory of it, at least.”
Finn pulled a book free and flipped through it. “No Goo Goo Dolls? No Matchbox 20?”
Mr Schue looked like he was trying to hide a smile. “The rock side of any period has been a little neglected during your absence.”
Finn shook his head in mock disappointment. “I’m sorry to say it, Mr Schue, but I expected something a little more rockin’ from you.”
This time Mr Schue did smile at him, bright and a little teasing. “I’m just saving it for when you come back.”
Finn didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t help returning the smile as he slipped the book of sheet music back into Mr Schue’s arms. “Yeah, well. We’ll see.”
When Finn got back to his locker, he tore a slip off the bottom of Liam’s note, and wrote his own description.
Same.
*
While Finn’s heart didn’t skip a beat for Kelly Kapowski, it still did annoying, painful things in his chest when he saw Quinn. They weren’t talking. Sometimes they’d make eye contact in the halls, and she’d look away and then glance back at him. Finn could remember her doing the same thing before they’d been a couple, looking at him, then turning away to talk to Santana, glancing back with a smile curving her lips. But now there was no smile. Just that look on her face. Sad, maybe.
They hadn’t been a great couple. Not even a good one, in retrospect. And as mixed up as Finn was with his feelings about Rachel, about sex and girls, and most things in general, it still hurt. Getting cheated on, and breaking up, and having everyone fucking know.
That really hurt.
Even as a little voice in the back of his head said ah, but you did kiss Rachel. Is that so different? Finn’s mom often gave him that line about living in glass houses and throwing stones, but Finn didn’t really get what that meant. And usually he got distracted thinking about how cool it would be to live in a glass house. You would always know what the weather was like, for one. And you could lay in bed all day, looking for shapes in the clouds.
Clouds were a lot easier to figure out than girls.
Tell me about the girl’s in your time, Finn wrote. Is there anyone special?
There’s one girl, Liam wrote back. And she’s a goddess.
And with that, it was like a floodgate was opened. Liam wrote about the girl, the only girl in his world, and how amazing her voice was, how bright her smile was (and that stirred some memories in Finn). How she was always laughing, how she was so beautiful and popular and out of Liam’s league, even a sly line about her body.
I’ve never even spoken to her. Not hard, since she’s years above me. And even then we’re still worlds apart - you probably know her type, always surrounded by people and the centre of attention and loving it. And I’m not. She always has someone impressive on her arm, while I’m fearful fifteen and never been kissed. I don’t even know what I’d say to her if I got the chance. I don’t think there even are words. April Rhodes is beyond description.
Finn was drawn up short. April Rhodes. April Rhodes? Huh.
Well, if April was at William McKinley at the same time as Liam, then that might make Liam a little easier to find. Finn was sitting in the library, trying to decide which edition of the Thunderclap to randomly start leafing through when Kurt flopped into the seat across from him.
“Hey,” Finn said. Then he remembered what day it was. “Isn’t there Glee now?”
Kurt rolled his eyes, and carefully brushed his fringe back into place. “Mr Schuester cancelled it.”
“How come?”
“Because Mrs Schuester turned up sometime during the afternoon and they haven’t stopped yelling at each other yet.”
“Oh, wow.” Finn scratched absently at his ear. “That must suck.”
“It certainly put a damper on the creative process.” Kurt ran his fingers over his hair again, satisfying himself that all was perfect. “And how are you keeping yourself occupied this fine afternoon?”
“I was going to see if I could find April Rhodes in any of the yearbooks.”
“Oh? Any reason for the interest in Miss Rhodes?”
Finn shrugged. “I was thinking about her the other day, and I was wondering when she graduated. I mean, when she would have, if she had graduated.” Finn shrugged again. “I was just curious.”
Kurt tilted his head to one side and pursed his lips. “She was prom queen in ’92. I think that was her senior year.”
Finn raised an eyebrow at Kurt. “You know what year she was prom queen?”
Kurt gave Finn a superior look in response. “The topic of tiaras just happened to come up in conversation,” he said coolly.
“... Right.” Finn hauled himself out of his chair, and grabbed the 1992 edition of the Thunderclap off the shelf.
Kurt took it out of his hands and flipped it open. “There she is. Wow, she looks so young.”
“And so hot,” Finn added. As a seventeen year old, April’s face was round and not so weathered. She was attractive, and clearly knew it, but there was something more casual in her grin, more honest and relaxed than the bright face full of teeth Finn had met earlier in the year.
He and Kurt leafed through pages of photos together, their heads bent over the book as Kurt pointed out horrible clothes and vintage pieces, and Finn pointed out friends’ parents, or aunts and uncles. They flipped to the spread of the ’92 junior prom, and Finn’s eye was caught by a bright smile and a mop of curly hair.
“Oh gods,” Kurt said. “It’s Mr Schue. And Mrs Schue,” he added, pointing the girl in a blue dress on Mr Schue’s arm.
“They look really happy together,” Finn said after a long moment.
“But look where they ended up,” Kurt replied. “It’s probably just as well you and Quinn broke up. High school romances are for high school, not the rest of your life.”
“I don’t know,” Finn said absently. “Some people make it work.” Mr Schue was in the year below April. Mr Schue and Liam were in the same year. “And hey,” he said, looking up and giving Kurt a lopsided smile. “You never know how things are going to turn out until you try, right?”
Kurt stared at Finn for a long moment, staring deep into Finn’s eyes with his mouth a little open, like he’d forgotten what he was going to say. “Yeah,” he finally breathed.
Finn turned his attention back to the Thunderclap, leafing through to the class photos, scanning the names at the bottom of each page.
Part Four
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