Tell Me - Part 5
Title: Tell Me
Fandom: McFly
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Rating: 12
Part: 5/8
Word Count: 563
Summary: Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
We’d been sat in this very same pub all those years ago when Doug broke the news to me that his dreams of travelling really weren’t just dreams, that he was really going to do it.
Even then I hadn’t believed him. I never dreamed he’d really leave me.
I was an idiot.
“I want to travel,” He’d said, “After the band. That’s what I’m going to do. See the sights, the wonders of the world,” he smiled. “You coming?”
Course, at the time of that first tentative mention I thought it was just a phase, and told him not to be stupid.
He never asked me again.
We argued about it whenever he brought the topic up. I guess that, deep down, I was scared, even then. Cocky and arrogant I may have been, but some part of me still knew he was strong enough to do it, and that I was weak enough to fall apart.
I guess I comforted myself in the thought that if we didn’t talk about it, he wouldn’t do it.
I was wrong.
He took my silence as a sign I thought the entire idea was stupid and didn’t want to come - so he went ahead and planned it all - and didn’t tell me until two days before he left.
Harsh, but as much my fault as his. I underestimated him and regretted it.
I barely even talked to him in those last two days, angry as I was, and that I regret even more.
Once he was gone I cried for weeks. I didn’t know what to do with myself at all. Part of me expected him to come running back after a few weeks, not ready to face the world alone.
He didn’t.
I moved on to hoping for phone calls, letters, postcards - anything.
But none came. Not for me, or Danny, or Tom. Not even for his family, not for a long time. By the time they received a postcard I’d fallen out of touch with then and heard about it from Danny weeks after the event.
And it contained no mention of me, no message, no nothing.
Instead it talked of how he was having the time of his life.
I forgot about it, blocked it out, burying it in the darkest depths of my memories, where I tired so hard to keep and thoughts of him, But there were so many, and so often, that they kept spilling over into my mind anyway, and even when I successfully locked them up during the day they always managed to creep out at night, taking over my dreams, and that was so much worse.
Countless times I awoke in the early hours of the morning in complete bliss, just for a moment, before I rolled over and saw the empty spot next to me, the despair sinking into stomach and into my blood like a drug, leaving me back at square one time and time again because, just for a minute, I’d truly remembered him.
In the end it became a lot easier to act like he died, because it prevented me from thinking he could come back. I destroyed all the hope I had, praying it would help me move on.
It hasn’t yet.
And now he’s stood before me and all my illusions, all my barriers, all my protections, are shattered.
Fandom: McFly
Pairing: PoynterJudd
Rating: 12
Part: 5/8
Word Count: 563
Summary: Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star,
One without a permanent scar,
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there
We’d been sat in this very same pub all those years ago when Doug broke the news to me that his dreams of travelling really weren’t just dreams, that he was really going to do it.
Even then I hadn’t believed him. I never dreamed he’d really leave me.
I was an idiot.
“I want to travel,” He’d said, “After the band. That’s what I’m going to do. See the sights, the wonders of the world,” he smiled. “You coming?”
Course, at the time of that first tentative mention I thought it was just a phase, and told him not to be stupid.
He never asked me again.
We argued about it whenever he brought the topic up. I guess that, deep down, I was scared, even then. Cocky and arrogant I may have been, but some part of me still knew he was strong enough to do it, and that I was weak enough to fall apart.
I guess I comforted myself in the thought that if we didn’t talk about it, he wouldn’t do it.
I was wrong.
He took my silence as a sign I thought the entire idea was stupid and didn’t want to come - so he went ahead and planned it all - and didn’t tell me until two days before he left.
Harsh, but as much my fault as his. I underestimated him and regretted it.
I barely even talked to him in those last two days, angry as I was, and that I regret even more.
Once he was gone I cried for weeks. I didn’t know what to do with myself at all. Part of me expected him to come running back after a few weeks, not ready to face the world alone.
He didn’t.
I moved on to hoping for phone calls, letters, postcards - anything.
But none came. Not for me, or Danny, or Tom. Not even for his family, not for a long time. By the time they received a postcard I’d fallen out of touch with then and heard about it from Danny weeks after the event.
And it contained no mention of me, no message, no nothing.
Instead it talked of how he was having the time of his life.
I forgot about it, blocked it out, burying it in the darkest depths of my memories, where I tired so hard to keep and thoughts of him, But there were so many, and so often, that they kept spilling over into my mind anyway, and even when I successfully locked them up during the day they always managed to creep out at night, taking over my dreams, and that was so much worse.
Countless times I awoke in the early hours of the morning in complete bliss, just for a moment, before I rolled over and saw the empty spot next to me, the despair sinking into stomach and into my blood like a drug, leaving me back at square one time and time again because, just for a minute, I’d truly remembered him.
In the end it became a lot easier to act like he died, because it prevented me from thinking he could come back. I destroyed all the hope I had, praying it would help me move on.
It hasn’t yet.
And now he’s stood before me and all my illusions, all my barriers, all my protections, are shattered.