"Evolution." Chapter Six.

[an_ardent_rain]

Story: Evolution
Chapter: A Stranger's Arms (6/10)
Character(s)/Pairing: Crew
Prompt: 1: Yellow; 2: “Her clothes spread wide, and mermaidlike awhile they bore her up, which time she chanted snatches of old lauds, as one incapable of her own distress, or like a creature native and indued unto that element.” -Queen; Hamlet (IV.7.173-178)
Rating: PG

Comments

[willow_reece]

LOL! Oh the last line makes me laugh so hard. Also, the banana innuendo line. Simon would think he was saying something dirty when all he did was give her food. =P

This is very good, I don't think you have anything to be worried about. I love the slow progression of this story, I know a lot of people *heh. points to self* tend to just jump right into the relationship/and, or sexin' parts. I love the way you are building up to it in this fic. Your characterization is perfect by the way, you write everybody so well.

I'm jealous of your Simon--I find writing Simon to be a wee bit difficult most days.♥

[an_ardent_rain]

Hee - thanks for the comment! I'm glad it makes you laugh. Yeah, Simon always thinks the worst of Jayne. Heh heh.

I'm glad you like it! Yeah, I love slow progression, too - is my favorite. The jump straight to the fun stuff is good, too, though; I mean, those are the really good one-shots. And it's the best way to get people to read! Hee. This is probably one of my best written stories, but it doesn't get as many hits as the smut. Heh.

Oh, thank you! Characterization is something I work really hard to do well, so it's such a compliment when someone notices it. *beam* And I love Simon; I spend enough time drooling over him to be able to write him well. *laughs*

Anyway, thanks again! This comment brightened my day!

[isje]

Heehee, I love it when Jayne baffles the crew by being a relatively decent human being for a while. Also, Jayne-River friendshippy interaction is cute.

[an_ardent_rain]

Thanks very much for the comment! :)

Yes, they are always surprised when Jayne does something nice. And I love Jayne-River friendships. They could be a force to be reckoned with if they didn't dislike each other.

Anyway, thanks again. I really appreciate it.

[moonlightstorm]

Ahaha, I loved that ending! And just Jayne in general. :)

[an_ardent_rain]

Thanks so much for the comment! :)

Heh - yes, Jayne's a bit delightful. He's just so much fun to write! I'm glad you liked the ending, I was a little unsure about it.

Anyway, thanks again! I really appreciate the feedback.

[gilove2dance]

BANANA!!!!! You come up with the best lines EVER!!!

[an_ardent_rain]

*grins* :D Thank you! Hee. I do try to inject a little humor into my fics. Heh heh heh.

[idyllictorture]

Great story. I love the slow but shippery progression. The "yellow" was subtly done with the banana and the blanket. The line about Jayne giving River a banana was so funny.

Just one minor bit of concrit. I'm not sure "petting" is a good word to describe Simon and River. It has sexual connotations when you use it in regards to people.

But overall, fine work, you have nothing to be worried about. :D

[an_ardent_rain]

Thanks so much for the comment! Hee. I love slow progression - it's ridiculously fun to plan and write. And I'm glad my use of the prompt wasn't too overt or slap-in-the-face obvious. Heh.

Ahh - I didn't even think about that! It doesn't have that connotation to me, so I forget that it does for others. I'll have to think about how to tweak that...

Anyway, thanks again! ^^