Ok, to elaborate on what I already said. It's good, but it needs more. You're trying to stand on awkwardness, but not quite selling it yet. You've got the reader wondering what the hell red-headed-slut needs, but to sell the car ride you need more than "She doesn't want to talk. [direction] [nod] etc."
When I said 'Hemingway-esque,' I was referring to how the car ride doesn't explain much. Hemingway doesn't waste space on detail, or anything, and it's a very dry, clipped style. The thing is, he really says something with what words he uses. The car ride would need something like that to really sell the awkwardness
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When I said 'Hemingway-esque,' I was referring to how the car ride doesn't explain much. Hemingway doesn't waste space on detail, or anything, and it's a very dry, clipped style. The thing is, he really says something with what words he uses. The car ride would need something like that to really sell the awkwardness
found the story I was looking for- Hills Like White Elephants
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