[fic] Marquee, or That TAY*J Fic - V (Akanishi Jin/Yamashita Tomohisa)
( one | two | three | four | five)
Jin woke up at six thirty with a pounding headache and the feeling that he was forgetting something important. Then he remembered the Oricon charts.
He dashed for his laptop, suddenly wide awake, and tapped impatiently on the table as he waited for the site to load. Someone should invent something better than the internet, he thought absently, maybe something where whatever he wanted to know was zapped immediately into his brain - there it was.
The page read:
Daily Single Ranking:
1. TAY*J Electric Shock
Jin knew that the daily rankings didn't count for much, and that Johnny's singles were almost always number one one their first day of sales, but that didn't stop a rush of exhilaration. He was pressing 'dial' before he was aware he'd opened his cell phone.
"Jin?" Yamapi's sleep-fogged voice answered. "That you?"
"Guess who's number one," Jin sang.
"What?" Yamapi suddenly sounded much more awake. "It's up? We are? Wait - " Jin could hear clattering in the background as Yamapi presumably got up, and then a crash followed by a muffled curse. "Okay," Yamapi said breathlessly a minute later, "I'm going there now - hey, we are."
"Didn't I say so?" Jin said, grinning from ear to ear. "Next is number one for the week - and the month - and the year - "
Yamapi laughed. "A million-seller, right?"
"Of course," Jin said. "I guess they don't all have to be sold before the end of the year," he added generously. "It's all right if it takes another few weeks to break a million."
"Be sure to mention that in our next interview," Yamapi advised. "'I, Akanishi Jin, hereby give you permission to wait until after December 31 to purchase my new single if you so desire - '"
"Wait, wait, I don't have pencil," Jin interrupted. "All right, now can you repeat that a little more slowly?" They both dissolved into laughter.
"Speaking of interviews," Yamapi said when they'd calmed down again, "what time do you have? We've got - "
" - at eight-thirty, I know," Jin said. "There's plenty of time. It's not even seven yet." He paused as that sunk in. "It's not even seven yet," he repeated, awed. "Why am I awake?" Especially after the night before.
"Hey," Yamapi said lightly, apparently following his thoughts. "You could have let me know when you left, you know."
"Um - " Jin's mind raced. "I don't know, you were sleeping pretty heavily and I didn't want to wake you up. You were making those noises again."
"What noises?" Yamapi said indignantly. "I don't make noises!"
"Yes, you do," Jin said, grinning. "You sound like my dog."
"I what?"
"Just like him. You know, those little excited sounds when he's dreaming about chasing something?” Jin sighed wistfully. "I really miss Pin."
"I can hear your stupid grin," Yamapi informed him. "You're lucky to be across town, Akanishi."
"So I'll see you in a couple hours," Jin said blithely.
"Yeah, yeah, see you later," Yamapi said in a voice that tried and failed miserably to sound exasperated, and they hung up.
The interview was for a midday "news" show, and it was followed by a countdown program, a VTR segment for a variety show, and a guest appearance on a call-in radio show, all of which began to blur together as they were whisked from studio to studio. Sometime around mid-afternoon Terada got a call from the weekly Oricon Style magazine to arrange an interview for the upcoming issue. "Because we're going to be number one," Jin said. "Number one, number one, number one," he and Yamapi chanted together, while Terada just shook his head and tried unsuccessfully not to smile.
Not long afterwards, Jin's mother called. They wanted to take Jin out for a celebratory dinner, she said; of course Yamapi and his mother were invited. They agreed to meet at an expensive yakiniku restaurant at seven, after their last engagement for the day.
Jin had always liked Yamapi's mother, although when he was younger he'd always felt like he had to be careful around her, like the tiredness around her eyes meant he might hurt her if he was too rowdy. Now, kneeling across from him in the private room Jin's parents had reserved, she asked him all the right questions about Hawaii, about the ocean and the sunshine and the people he met, nothing like "did you miss Japan?" or "how did you like being a student for a change?" Meanwhile, Jin's own mother was talking to Yamapi in a low voice at the other end of the table, and Jin had an eerie feeling that she was grilling him on whether or not Jin was taking care of himself.
Jin's parents insisted on paying for everyone. A year and a half ago, Jin would have been uncomfortable. Now, with only one paycheck in the bank since his return, he bit back his protests and thanked them like a dutiful son.
"I'm going back to my mom's house for a little while," Yamapi said, bumping his shoulder against Jin's as they trailed out of the restaurant behind their families. "So I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning."
"Okay," said Jin, unsure whether to feel relieved or disappointed. "See you tomorrow."
Jin's parents gave him a ride back to the apartment. "It's so nice that you're still such good friends with Tomohisa-kun," his mother said in the car. “Even after all that time you didn't see each other."
"Uh, yeah." Jin swallowed nervously.
"It really does seem like it's only been a year or two since you had him over for the first time," she continued with a little sigh. "Anyway, I'm glad you're spending so much time with him now. He'll make sure you take care of yourself."
Jin shifted uncomfortably in his seat and was extremely thankful when his father brought up Reo's recent audition, effectively changing the subject.
TAY*J was still number one the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that. Meanwhile, Jin and Yamapi were scheduled from early morning to late night with back-to-back meetings, interviews, and promotional appearances on what seemed to be every television show in existence. On Saturday, Terada mentioned a full-length album again; he said it should come out sometime after their second single, and how were those songs coming along, Akanishi-kun? On Sunday, they appeared on Hey! Hey! Hey!, and Jin's heart nearly stopped when Matsumoto, barely able to keep a straight face, asked, "Are you still living together?" Then he remembered what Yamapi had said months ago, "I practically live with Akanishi," in time to laugh along with the rest of the audience.
On Monday, Terada said "By the way, I've been meaning to talk about your concerts," and Jin sat straight up in his chair.
"We'd like your first national tour to coincide with the release of the album," Terada continued, "making it around mid-April. However - " he drew it out, " - the lineup for the NTV Best Artists concert is still flexible."
"Please," Jin said immediately, "please, please, everyone knows Johnny's can get whoever they want in it, they always have practically all of us on there anyway - "
"Calm down, Akanishi-kun," Terada said, the corners of his mouth curling up in amusement. "Your rankings for week will decide that. If you take number one for the week, you'll almost certainly get an invitation."
"So in other words we've got nothing to worry about," Yamapi said. "Right, Jin?"
"Don't be too cocky," Terada said reprovingly, before Jin could agree, but his barely concealed smile didn't match his tone. “
Unsurprisingly, that was all Jin could think about for the rest of the day. "November 28," he said as he and Yamapi waited at the train station. "That's only two and a half weeks away." He shivered happily.
"I bet they had a spot reserved for us the moment they announced the debut," Yamapi said. "Those shows are totally fixed."
Jin suddenly remembered that Yamapi had been on the same show last year, and the year before that, with the other two-person unit he'd been a part of.
Yamapi was apparently remembering the same thing, because he said carefully, "I think Kame's going to be there, too."
"Yeah?" Jin swung his arms out behind him. "That'd make it his third year in row, too, right?"
"Yeah." Out of the corner of his eye, Jin could see Yamapi watching him.
"Maybe I'll call him or something," Jin said offhandedly. "He sent us congratulations. I should say thank you."
Yamapi's eyebrows rose, but he didn't say anything more. His train rumbled into the station only a few minutes later, and he waved goodbye to Jin before disappearing through the sliding doors.
The train pulled out. Jin leaned back against the pillar with a sigh.
If he kept avoiding a decision, that was the same as making one. Jin knew that. But the thought of walking up to his best friend, looking him in the eye, and saying - whatever he would say - sent ice through Jin’s veins.
He had always thought of himself as straightforward. A hundred different interviews could attest to that. He did what he wanted, went for what he wanted, without letting anything get in his way.
Why did this have to be so hard?
On Tuesday, the night before the rankings came out, they got off relatively early.
"You coming over?" Yamapi asked as they got ready to go, poking Jin in the side. "I'm starting to feel like I live by myself again - oh, wait."
"Very funny," Jin said, making a face. "Fine, fine, I guess so. I don't want to make you beg or anything."
Yamapi rolled his eyes. "In your dreams," he said, but he couldn't keep the smile off his face.
It was nice not to eat by himself, even if neither of them had the energy for anything more than the same cheap takeout Jin had been eating alone for the last week. Maybe it was the exhaustion, or maybe it just wasn't as important, but Jin didn't feel nearly as wound up over the next day's rankings as he had over the events before. After the hectic pace of the past few days, it felt so good to be able to just stretch out on the couch and watch some mindless, predictable drama in comfortable silence.
Even if they'd been freed a little early, though, they'd worked just as hard that day as any of the others, and before too long Jin was beginning to fight back yawns. After another hour, he was no longer making the effort. The program was almost over, he reasoned with himself, so during the commercial break it wouldn't hurt to close his eyes for a moment...
He woke to Yamapi shaking his shoulder and whispering, "Jin. Jin."
"Huh?" Jin said groggily. "Is it time to leave?"
"You missed the last train," Yamapi said, still whispering. "Come on, you want to sleep in the bed?"
Jin thought about how well that had worked last time.
"It's okay," he whispered back. "I'll be fine out here."
"What?" Yamapi stared at him. "Here?"
"Yeah, it's pretty comfortable after all," he said. "After all, I slept on it for weeks before." He flashed Yamapi a smile.
Yamapi still didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"
"Really. It's fine. Otherwise I might I kick you." Jin thought quickly. "Or your dog sounds would keep me awake." He hoped fervently that Yamapi wouldn't mention how that had never bothered him before.
"I don't make dog sounds," Yamapi said reflexively, but he looked troubled. "Fine," he finally said, shaking his head. "Night."
"Night," Jin whispered, feeling obscurely guilty, and settled down against the cushions. Maybe he was imagining it, but they felt hard as rock.
He concentrated on thinking about the next day's rankings instead, and before long he was asleep.
Something was buzzing right by ear. Jin swatted at it irritably and turned over, burrowing deeper into his pillow. Except his pillow wasn't soft and yielding but hard and coarse, and the buzzing didn't go away. Groaning, Jin propped himself up on one elbow and opened his eyes
He'd been resting his head on his balled-up jacket, and the buzzing in his ear had been the sound of his cell phone vibrating in one of the pockets. Jin stared blankly at the quivering fabric for a moment before coming fully awake and hastening with a start to fumble at the pocket. "Hello?" he said when he finally got the phone out and open.
"Akanishi-kun, good morning," Terada's voice said, sounding uncharacteristically animated.
Jin flopped back down and screwed his eyes shut. "It's too early for work," he moaned.
"What? Did I wake you up?" There was a rustling in the background. "Oh, I suppose it is a little early, isn't it. I apologize, I wanted to let you know right away - "
"Wait, wait, wait," Jin said, abandoning the possibility of more sleep and levering himself upright. "Sorry, say that again?"
"If you just woke up you haven't seen the rankings yet, have you?"
Jin was suddenly wide awake. "The rankings? The weekly rankings?"
"That's what I've been trying to tell you, honestly, Akanishi-kun - "
"Wait," Jin interrupted him, "wait just a minute." He carefully set the phone down on one of the cushions. Then he vaulted over the back of the couch, skidded across the slick hardwood floor and burst into Yamapi's bedroom, where he hurled himself at the Yamapi-shaped lump under the covers and shook it insistently.
"Wake up," he said, "wake up, wake up, wake up - "
"I'm awake, I'm awake!" Yamapi erupted upright under the covers and tried to glare at Jin, a look that lost some of its effect when he rubbed at his eyes sleepily. "What?"
"Terada's on the phone," Jin said, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet. "It's about the weekly ranking."
"What?" Suddenly Yamapi was scrambling out of bed and making a beeline for the couch, ignoring the protest of "Hey!" as Jin followed after him. He seized the cell phone, grinning mischievously at Jin, and said "Hi, it's Yamashita. What about the single?"
"That's mine," Jin said indignantly and snatched it back as Yamapi laughed at him. "Hello?"
"Good, you're with Yamashita-kun," Terada said, and that was something new - he was too excited over whatever it was to either notice or care that Jin and Yamapi were already together and causing trouble at - Jin glanced at his watch - seven thirty in the morning. "The news is for the two of you. Will you both be able to hear?"
"Uh, sure, just a minute." Jin turned up the volume and gestured for Yamapi to lean closer, until their heads were bent together over the cell phone. "Go ahead."
"First I'll tell you the single ranking," Terada said. "Ready?" Jin put a finger to his lips; they both held their breath.
"Yes, of course you're number one," Terada said with an audible smile, and Jin and Yamapi both whooped.
"I told you! I told you!" Jin repeated, grinning like an idiot as he pumped a victorious fist over his head.
"I never disagreed," Yamapi said, grinning back. "Number one! Number one!" he started to chant, and Jin was quick to join in. "Number one! Number one!"
It was a minute before Jin heard the buzz sound of Terada's voice saying "Akanishi-kun? Yamashita-kun?" from the receiver. Jin had forgotten about the phone; he was still clutching it tightly in one of his hands. He hastily made a shushing sound at Yamapi and held the phone up again so they could both hear.
"Sorry," he said breathlessly. "We got a little excited. What were you saying?"
"Well - " Terada took a deep breath " - just a few minutes ago there was a call from - "
"From NTV?" Jin cut in excitedly. "The concert, we're going to be in it, right?" Neither he nor Yamapi could stop grinning at each other.
"What? Oh, yes, I did hear from them," Terada said, sounding confused. "Of course you'll be in the concert. That's not important. Are you both listening closely?"
They shared a look of puzzlement. "We're listening," Jin said, leaning in even closer; Yamapi did the same, until his hair brushed against Jin's cheek.
Terada drew another long breath. "There was a call from upper management today."
Jin's heart stopped.
"They've decided - " Terada paused, drawing it out. "They've decided TAY*J is to continue activities indefinitely."
For a moment Jin couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Then the sound of Yamapi's loud whoop next to his ear broke him out of his paralysis and the cell phone went flying as Jin tackled Yamapi in a hug, sending him staggering backward with a laugh of surprise and elation. He buried his grin in Yamapi's shoulder, felt Yamapi's arms come up around his shoulders, heard Yamapi's laughter in his ear. They rocked back and forth, squeezing each other tightly, until finally Jin lifted his head to see Yamapi grinning at him, eyes bright, and it was the most fitting, the most natural thing in the world to cup Yamapi's face in his hands and kiss him.
* * *
Yamapi's lips were soft. The rest of his body was stiff with surprise, but his lips were soft, and Jin couldn't bring himself to open his eyes as he kissed Yamapi slowly, lingeringly.
Finally, he pulled away. Yamapi was staring at him. His mouth was open and a little shiny -
Jin tore his eyes from Yamapi's mouth and met his stunned gaze as steadily as he could. Yamapi looked like he still couldn't understand what had just happened. Neither said a word.
The silence stretched, agonizing.
Jin swallowed. "Okay," he said, licking his lips, "that's all. That's all. I'll just, um, go ahead and, um - "
"Jin," Yamapi said unsteadily "you're so stupid." His hand came up and caught the back of Jin’s head and he tugged Jin close and kissed him fiercely.
Jin's mouth parted automatically. He was only peripherally aware of his hands clutching Yamapi's broad shoulders; all he could feel was the slickness of Yamapi's mouth and the pressure of Yamapi's hand against the back of his neck and the heat of Yamapi's body pressed against his. Jin made an involuntary sound deep in his throat and Yamapi shuddered, hard.
In the other room, Yamapi's ringtone went off. Jin ignored it, intent on Yamapi's mouth. The hands gripping his arms tightened, so he figured Yamapi didn't mind.
The ringing stopped and there was a blessed moment of silence. Then it started all over again.
With a groan, Jin broke away and dropped his forehead to Yamapi's shoulder. “Who's calling you so early?" he started to say, then realized.
He looked at Yamapi. "Terada," they said in unison.
"Oops," said Jin, a guilty smile creeping across his face, as Yamapi sighed and went to answer. Jin stood uncertainly in the living room for a minute before following Yamapi to the bedroom, where he lingered in the doorway.
"You have?" Yamapi was saying into his cell phone. "It didn't ring at all. No, it just cut out suddenly, we didn't know what had happened - " When he noticed Jin he put his hand over the receiver and whispered "Smooth, idiot. You broke your phone."
"You broke my phone," Jin protested automatically, as softly as he could, before the sentence registered. "Wait, what do you mean it's broken?"
Yamapi rolled his eyes, but there was a smile hovering around the corners of his mouth. Jin's stomach flip-flopped.
"Sorry," Yamapi was saying into the phone again, “that was Akanishi.” He paused. "I'll tell him. All right. Okay. We'll be there. 'Bye."
"We have to be at work by nine," Yamapi said as he flipped his phone shut and moved toward the doorway where Jin stood. "We better hurry if we're going to make it - " He glanced up expectantly and stopped.
Jin didn't move. The air was suddenly thick and heavy.
Involuntarily, Jin lifted a hand and slowly stroked a stray tendril of hair away from Yamapi's face, gazing in fascination. Yamapi looked back gravely. A hesitant smile turned up the corners of Jin's mouth.
"So, this is, you're - "
Yamapi groaned and the spell was abruptly broken. He was looking at Jin with that painfully familiar expression, the one that said he couldn't believe what Jin had just said. "Stupid, isn't it obvious," he said, and then smiled the widest, most dazzling smile Jin had ever seen.
With that, it suddenly hit Jin all over again that this was Yamapi and, grinning so widely it hurt, he pulled Yamapi in by the collar and kissed him again.
They made it to work on time after all, barely. Jin was hyper-aware of Yamapi's presence, inches away, all the way there. Waiting on the platform, standing on the train, walking from the station; underneath it all ran a low hum of awareness that if he wanted to drag Yamapi around the corner and push him up against the concrete wall and kiss him until Yamapi said his name again and again, he could.
"Akanishi-kun," Terada said in exasperation and Jin started.
"Huh? I mean, yes?" he said, glancing at Yamapi out of the corner of his eye for cues; Yamapi made a face and drew a finger across his throat. Jin winced.
"The concert," Terada said with awful calm. "Your performance for the concert."
Jin straightened quickly. "Yeah?"
"Your routine's going to be modified slightly," Terada said, probably not for the first time, "so you'll meet with the choreographers again this morning - as soon as we're done here, actually."
"I bet they missed us," Jin said cheerfully. "Right, Pi?"
"Of course," Yamapi said, grinning. "Who wouldn't?" Jin fought hard not to grin foolishly back.
"So where else did you say we're going today?" he said hurriedly, turning away, and caught a glimpse of Terada's sharp look, before their manager's expression smoothed over and he said, "As a matter of fact, I haven't told you yet, Akanishi-kun." He went through the day's schedule quickly. "Now if you're going to daydream for the rest of the morning, you might as well go see the choreographers now," he ended, and shooed them away before Jin had a chance to protest that he really was paying attention.
The rest of the day was torture.
Perversely, the dry, witty choreographer did seem to have missed them; at any rate, he said he was glad to see them again and didn't seem sarcastic about it. It was only once practice started that Jin realized the problem. He gritted his teeth and applied all of his concentration to the routine, but he kept catching sight of Yamapi out of the corner of his eye - rolling his hips, running a thumb down his chest, tossing his head to the side. When they got to the new adjustments and had to face each other instead of away from each other, Jin made the mistake of meeting Yamapi's eyes.
Jin swallowed. When he heard Yamapi's breath catch, that only made it worse.
It was like that all day, from lunch to the record company meeting to the radio interview, as they were shepherded relentlessly from appointment to appointment under Terada's watchful eye. Jin had never been so glad to be done for the day as he was when their last engagement finally ended and it was time to go home. He was zipping his jacket up and watching Yamapi, who was waiting by the doors, when behind him Terada's voice suddenly said "Akanishi-kun."
Jin started and whirled around. "You scared me!" he exclaimed.
Terada gave him a faint smile. "I apologize," he said. “May I talk to you for a minute?”
Jin frowned. "Sure," he said. "What's up?"
Terada was quiet for a minute. "I'm sure you know the official policy by now," he said finally. "We're supposed to report any potentially problematic behavior on the part of the talent. Anything that might lead to a disturbance or a scandal, anything that could interfere with business."
Jin went cold all over.
"So," Terada continued, "if anyone in the company were to do anything that might jeopardize their debut, they might want to be careful to do it where their manager wouldn't see them.” Terada held Jin's gaze for a long moment. Then he smiled. "Of course that's not an issue, is it?"
"No," Jin said faintly. "Of course not."
"Just as I thought." Terada actually patted Jin on the shoulder. "Let's keep it that way." He walked away, leaving Jin staring speechlessly after him.
"Jin," Yamapi called from the doors. "Hurry up!"
"Yeah - yeah, coming," Jin said and hurried across the lobby.
The walk to the station was silent.
"So," Yamapi finally said, clearing his throat. "Coming over?"
Jin had to swallow. "Sure," he said as casually as he could manage.
It didn't seem like there was anything to say after that.
Jin was careful not to stand too close on the train. There was a low buzz in the back of his head; his throat was dry. The taut, expectant air built as they got off at Yamapi's station, made their way down the crowded sidewalks, waited for the elevator in the lobby, all without saying a word, until at the door Yamapi fumbled with the keys, dropping them twice before he managed to insert them in the lock
The apartment was dark. Yamapi disappeared around the corner before Jin was finished taking his shoes off; he heard the click of a switch and light flooded the entryway. Jin left his shoes in a jumbled heap and followed.
Yamapi was standing in the middle of the apartment. "We forget to get something for dinner," he said, not looking at Jin.
"I guess we did." Jin approached slowly. The tension was suffocating. "We could order out," he offered.
Yamapi finally looked up at him. At the look on his face, Jin swallowed and spoke more quickly. "Or I could try to make - "
The next thing he knew, Yamapi's hands were gripping his shoulders and Yamapi was kissing him hungrily.
It was as good as before, or maybe better. Jin wasn't really sure which. It was rougher, that was certain, more demanding, desperate and feverish. Jin groaned and fisted his hands in the front of Yamapi's shirt; Yamapi's hands moved up to cradle the back of his head and they kissed until Jin was dizzy and aching.
They finally broke apart, and Yamapi gasped for breath as Jin moved to trail his mouth along Yamapi's jaw. "All day long," Yamapi said thickly, "I thought I was going to die - "
Jin groaned. "Me, too," he said, or tried to say, except he couldn't bring himself to lift his mouth from its path along Yamapi's jawline down his neck, where he stopped to suck langorously. Yamapi made a high sound in the back of his throat; his fingers tightened convulsively in Jin's hair. Then he made another noise, lower, like he was trying to say something.
"Huh?" Jin lifted his head and blinked wide eyes at Yamapi, licking his lips; Yamapi's breath caught and he pulled Jin toward him for another long kiss.
"Move," Yamapi muttered, in between tugging at Jin's lower lip with his teeth. "Lie down - " Jin got the hint and they stumbled back through the bedroom, ("Watch out," Jin said as Yamapi narrowly avoided crashing into a chair; "You're navigating, you watch out," Yamapi retorted) until Yamapi bumped up against the bed. Apparently unwilling to let go, he lost his balance and fell backward with a breathless laugh, pulling Jin with him.
Jin caught himself with one hand, so that he was braced above Yamapi. He grinned smugly, and Yamapi just had time to say "Hey, wait a minute," before Jin leaned down, cupping Yamapi's face in his hands and smoothing his thumbs across Yamapi's cheekbones, and kissed him slowly.
Yamapi went still underneath him, except for the long fingers flexing against his shoulders. Then he slid a hand down Jin's back, urging him closer. Jin went willingly, until they were pressed together chest to groin, and they both inhaled sharply at the sudden contact.
Yamapi's hands slid under the edge of his shirt and grasped his hips; Jin felt a thumb dip down and smooth across his hipbone and a harsh shudder ran through him. Now Yamapi was saying something again; Jin couldn't make out anything other than a ceaseless low, husky murmur and that was enough to make him grind down involuntarily.
Yamapi tossed his head back with a gasp; it was the perfect opportunity for Jin to swirl his tongue in the hollow of Yamapi's throat, drawing out another moan. Yamapi let go of Jin's hips in favor of running his hands up Jin's sides, splaying them against his back. The feel of Yamapi's smooth hands against his bare skin set Jin on fire and he rocked against Yamapi in an erratic rhythm, grinding their hips together, as Yamapi arched up to meet him. He dropped his forehead to Yamapi's shoulder with a gasp, closing his eyes, and suddenly he was close enough to understand Yamapi's low murmur.
"Jin," Yamapi was saying. "Jin."
Jin sucked in a breath.
Yamapi's eyes flew open as Jin scrambled up and sat back and he stared at Jin in dazed incomprehension. Jin swallowed thickly at the look in Yamapi's dark eyes.
"Here," he said, "just - don't move, I'll - " He leaned forward, bracing himself with one hand, and reached for the fastening of Yamapi's jeans.
Comprehension dawned. "Jin," - Yamapi tried to seize his wrist - "you don't have to, you don't, really - "
"Shut up," he said, batting Yamapi's hands away. "I want to." He finally succeeded in unfastening the button and slid his hand inside, and Yamapi arched into his touch with a gasp. Jin felt an answering throb pulse through his body. He began to stroke, a little hesitantly at first, then more confident as Yamapi's head fell back and he groaned.
Jin ached. He forced himself to concentrate on Yamapi, on the bruising grip on his arms and the feel of hot, smooth skin under his hand. Yamapi's breath was coming in short, choked little gasps. "Jin," he said again, as Jin stroked harder and harder, "Jin, Jin - " Then his grip tightened, he stiffened sharply, and with a low cry, he came.
Jin almost whimpered. Instead he bit his lip and blindly undid his own jeans. His eyes fell shut. One rough stroke, two, three - a warm hand covered his. He opened his eyes to see Yamapi struggling upright. "Wait," Yamapi said, "let me."
His hand was warm and smooth and firm; his strokes were agonizingly slow, almost lingering, and Jin bucked his hips into Yamapi's hand and clutched at Yamapi's shoulders.
"Hurry up," he said, or tried to say, "come on, Pi, please - "
"Shh, it's fine, just a minute," Yamapi said, moving faster. Jin was babbling now, a stream of incoherent, meaningless words tumbling from his mouth. Yamapi's breath was heavy in his ear, and he couldn't seem to stop saying Jin's name, over and over again. Jin could taste the tang of blood in his mouth. Then Yamapi gripped him harder and gave one long, smooth stroke, and Jin dug his fingers into Yamapi’s shoulders and came.
When he could think clearly again, he realized he was collapsed against the sheets in a boneless heap. Yamapi was next to him. Jin rolled over until he was half curled on top of Yamapi, resting his head against Yamapi's shoulder and making a little contented sound. Yamapi's hand came up to stroke his hair, and he had the funny feeling Yamapi was smiling.
"Bakanishi," Yamapi finally said softly. "Really."
"It's not like it was just up to me," Jin mumbled.
Yamapi said, "It was always up to you."
Jin pressed his face against Yamapi's shoulder. "I didn't want everything to change."
The puff of air from Yamapi's chuckle tickled Jin's ear. "Nothing's going to change, stupid," he said.
"Hey," Jin said, smiling into Yamapi's collarbone. "Shut up."
"See?" Yamapi continued. "It doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly pretend you're smart or anything." His voice was quivering with barely suppressed laughter. Jin rolled over and propped himself on his elbows over Yamapi. "I'll still - hey," he said, as something of what Jin was thinking must have shown on his face. Yamapi tried fruitlessly to wriggle free. "Don't even think about it, I mean it - "
Jin attacked. Yamapi was powerless to fight back and collapsed in high-pitched laughter as Jin tickled him relentlessly. He thrashed helplessly, finally succeeding in rolling them over and over until they both rolled off the bed to land on the floor in a tangled heap. Jin struggled free first and looked down at Yamapi, who had given up and was lying on his side shaking with laughter.
Nothing was going to change, he realized. He was going to get up tomorrow and go to work with Yamapi, and they were going to tease each other on national television, or practice for their concert, or maybe work on a song together, or just make stupid jokes and goof off until their manager had a nervous breakdown. Then they'd go home and talk or listen to music or watch TV or do anything they wanted, even if had nothing to do with each other, except Jin wouldn't have to go back to his own apartment when it was over. And in between all of that, whenever he felt like it, Jin could do it again, could cup Yamapi's face in his hands or slide an arm around Yamapi's neck or tilt his head up willingly - and Yamapi would kiss him back.
So when Jin leaned down and did kiss Yamapi, once more, he wasn't thinking of nine years of friendship or eleven months in America or eight weeks as the best unit of all time - he was thinking of the next day, and the next, and every one that would come after.
Epilogue: November 28, 2007
Jin remembered the Nippon Budokan Hall, of course, but he didn't remember backstage being this cramped. It was hot, stuffy, and crowded, and the clamor of performers chatting and headsets crackling and staff dashing to and fro in various stages of panic was so deafening that Jin could barely hear Kamenashi singing over the screams of the packed hall. Nevertheless, he couldn't keep the huge, silly grin off his face as he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to pretend he was calm.
"You're doing it again," Yamapi informed him.
"Huh?" Jin looked down. Sure enough, one foot was tapping out an incessant rhythm against the concrete floor. "Sorry," he said, but he didn't stop smiling.
Yamapi just laughed at him. "Hey," he said with a suggestive grin, "I bet I know how to help you relax."
"Really?" Jin said, feigning wide-eyed innocence. "What's that?"
Before Yamapi could answer, there was a distinctive cough only a few feet away. They turned to see Terada looking pointedly at them. Yamapi raised his hands innocently as if to say "look, not touching!" With a sigh that was visible if not audible, Terada held up two fingers - two performances before TAY*J was up - and turned away, shaking his head to himself. They both snickered.
Out front, the screams suddenly swelled; Kamenashi must have left the stage and started circulating through the hall.
Jin cleared his throat. "You know, I got an email from Nakamaru yesterday," he said offhandedly. "He thinks we should all get together for dinner some time, you know, everyone from KAT-TUN."
Jin didn't realize what he'd said until he saw the look on Yamapi's face. He shrugged and gave him a little half-smile. Yamapi smiled back and said, "You're going, right?"
"Yeah." Jin looked down and tugged at the hem of his jacket. "It'd probably be fun. Hanging out again without work getting in the way."
"Probably," Yamapi agreed, and bumped his shoulder against Jin's. From the direction of the stage, the sound of Kamenashi's voice filtered through the commotion again as he neared the end of his performance.
One more act until they were on. A little thill ran down Jin's spine.
The music ended, the screaming reached a fever pitch, and a moment later, Kamenashi appeared backstage, where he was immediately swarmed by his manager and a cluster of others Jin didn't recognize. Kamenashi was polite as always, smiling and nodding and looking attentive as the knot of people swept him toward the exit. Just before he vanished from sight, he looked across the wings, right at Jin. Their eyes met.
Jin gave Kamenashi a thumbs-up.
Kamenashi smiled faintly and mirrored the gesture. Good luck, he mouthed. Then he disappeared.
"We're next," Yamapi said in Jin's ear; Jin started and turned to see Yamapi standing there watching him with a stupid, affectionate little smile. Jin's over-excitable heart fluttered, and then Yamapi's words sank in.
"Next," he repeated. It seemed almost unreal.
“Come on, over here,” Yamapi said, putting both hands on Jin's shoulders and propelling him over to the side where Terada was waiting.
"They'll call you over for standby any minute now," Terada said when they reached him. "Just wait here and try and relax." He eyed Jin. "As much as you can."
One year, six months, fifteen days. Jin could wait five more minutes.
The three of them stood together in silence, listening to the melodious strains of a piano float through the hall. It was Ichihara, Jin realized. The audience was quiet now, and if he listened hard he could make out every word she sang.
Two minutes. Three.
Then all of a sudden, an exhausted staff member materialized out of nowhere and said, "TAY*J, please stand by."
Jin's heart skipped a beat. Just as he and Yamapi moved to follow her, Terada cleared his throat. They looked at him obediently
He opened his mouth, looked at them, and closed it again. His mouth curved up in a smile. "Enjoy yourselves," he said, pushing his glasses up his nose, and watched them walk away.
The staff member led them to their place in the wings as Ichihara began the second chorus repetition, nearing the end of her song. There would be a moment for applause after the performance was finished, then the announcer would introduce them and at the staffer's cue they would go on.
Jin's heart was racing. His nerves tingled. His pulse pounded in his ears, and any minute now he was going to explode -
A hand slipped into his and squeezed gently.
He glanced to the side. Yamapi was looking out across the stage, a tiny smile on his face. Jin swallowed around the lump in his throat and squeezed lightly back.
Neither had let go by the time Ichihara played a last wistful arpeggio, and then slowly released the keys and put her hands in her lap. There was a moment of silence as the last note faded away, and then the audience burst into applause. She was smiling tremulously, looking like she was about to cry, as she left the stage.
Then the announcer was stepping up, and the applause died down. Yamapi's grip tightened. "This is it," he murmured.
Jin held his breath.
"Next up," the announcer boomed, "is a brand-new group, fresh from their debut but already hugely popular, looking ready to take one of the top spots for the year with the number one single for the past two weeks - TAY*J!"
The hall erupted in screams. The announcer was saying something else, but Jin couldn't hear him over the deafening roar. The cheering was almost rhythmic, almost like -
Yamapi nudged him, grinning. "That's you."
Jin listened closely.
"...in! Jin! Jin!"
His throat was tight. He blinked once, twice. Someone was talking, telling them that was their cue, but Jin couldn't move. Then he felt Yamapi's warm hands on his shoulders, pushing him gently toward the stage.
"Go ahead," Yamapi whispered.
Jin ran out under the bright lights, toward the sound of cheering.
start: 10/12/2006
finish: 01/15/2007