Beautiful Disaster - Chapter 2
Pairing: Jalex, Alex/Flyzik
Summary: Jack and Alex have loved each other for years. After a fatal accident, it has left one boy heartbroken and the other dead.
POV: Alex Gaskarth
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.
A/n: This is a flashback.
As Jack and I step out of his car, the rain starts to beat down faster. He looked over and winked; I could read his thoughts clearly. Jack loved the rain. He loved the smell of it, the feel of it and the promise of a rainbow to come. While raining, he usually became even sillier than he normally is. Whenever the rain clouds took control over the sky, he liked to remind me of how much he really loved this kind of weather. “I don’t understand the people who say they hate Vancouver,” he would say with a small frown on his face. “They don’t deserve the rain if they can’t appreciate it.”
Before I could take a step, his arms were around my waist. Pulling my closer to his chest, he leaned down to leave a soft kiss on my neck. It was never in a sexual way, only lust. “Lexy, what do you want to do today?” He asked in my ear.
I tilt my head up so I could see his brown eyes. After leaving a peck on his lips, I shrug. “Lets go get cupcakes and then go to the beach,” I say after a couple seconds of taking in the scenery around us.
This morning, I had woken to a text from Jack. “I’m picking you up today,” it said. I was used to his vague messages; he left them all the time. Jack was certainly not one for words. I assumed he’d want to stop for breakfast, so I waited outside on my step with a pile of cash in my pocket. I always hated when he paid. I was surprised, however, when we drove past all of our favourite diners. I asked him, time and time again, where we were going. I didn’t catch on until about an hour later, we were on our way to the heart of Vancouver.
Every couple of months, the two of us skip school and head out here. Living in such a small town, it makes you almost crave the smells and sights of a big city. Before we could even drive, we were catching the buses that went out of Chilliwack, heading anywhere close around for some adventure.
Two hours later, we were parked in a random parking lot in downtown Vancouver, having the whole day ahead of us to just explore. Jack nods at my suggestion of cupcakes and the beach. We both let out a small groan as he pulls away, not wanting to separate. I quickly grab onto his hand, squeezing it in mine. He looks over and gives me a half smile.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, both worried and paranoid. Lately, he’s been getting into moods. Weird moods. He’s not the playful Jack he usually is. I know I should be used to them by now, they’ve been happening since I’ve met him. But, recently, I have found out things my boyfriend has been keeping from me for a while now.
Jack is depressed; he says it’s been that way since he was born. He’s never snapped out of it. It’s always been there, floating between us. He’s made it obvious a few times, but I never really considered it. It wasn’t until one night, when he full out came out and told me. I’ve had constant worry, building in my stomach ever since.
He quickly shook his head, “Nothing, Alex. It’s fine. I’m just tired,” he shrugged it off with a lie. Faking a yawn for good measure, he pulled me across the busy street with him. I decided to let it go. There was nothing I could do, except for let him come to me whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on.
Once getting to the cupcake shop, he opens to the door for me. I giggle and bow, saying thank you with my gaze. Ignoring all the eyes on us, which we’re used to, we head to the counter and order a dozen mini chocolate chip cupcakes. They’re Jacks favourite.
I pay and hold the container in my hand as we head back out, in search for a random beach.
After walking for what seems like forever, we finally found an almost empty beach. Jack breaks free from my grip and jogs ahead of me. I'm just making it to the edge of the sand by the time he's already rolling up his pant legs to walk into the ice cold water.
I find a place to sit and plop down, putting the cupcakes beside me. As I watch Jack, a smile appears on my face. I watch him waddle out until his ankles are completely covered. He stops and stares straight ahead, completely emotionless.
I sit there, holding my breath, waiting for him to move. The cold wind is causing his brown hair to stand up. I shiver.
Eventually, Jack comes back to where I am. He has a funny look on his face. He sits down and doesn't say a word. I watch him, still holding his breath. I wait for him to say something. Jack keeps staring, at nothing. "Jack..?" I ask softly, my voice shaking slightly.
"Alex," he says emotionless, still staring at nothing. He has a look of pain on his face. it's something I've never seen on him before. He's deep in thought. I feel funny. I finally catch on; somethings wrong. there's a reason he brought me here today.
"Alex, I love you, okay?" he finally turns his gaze to meet mine. His eyes are full of tears, just daring to fall over. I hold my breath for the second time in the past half an hour. I stay silent, waiting for him to continue. After coughing awkwardly, he talks.
"Have you ever.. thought about death?" His eyes dart away from mine as if he's scared.
Still, I stay silent. I don't know how to answer his question. I've been waiting for this conversation for almost two years. Ever since he told me about his depression. Every time that look fills his eyes, I know he's thinking about death. His death, to be exact. It terrifies me. I'm terrified of losing him.
"I want to die, Lexy," he said so softly, I had to lean in closer to hear him. His voice cracked, I could tell he was scared. I was too. I tried leaning over to hold his hand, but Jack quickly snatched his away as soon as he felt the contact.
Feeling rejected, I move my hand back and place them in my lap, one on top of the other. Again, I wait.
"I want to die," he said again. Louder this time. "I don't want to live. Nothing is worth it anymore." He reaches up and wipes his eyes. I reach up and wipe the water from my face. I just thought it was the rain, the rain that was pouring down around us. I realised then, I was crying. I was crying along with him, my heart breaking with each word he spoke.
"What about me, Jack?" I ask, the pain clearly visible in my voice. "I could be your reason for living," I choke out. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure that if it wasnt raining, Jack would have been able to hear it.
Silence filled our space, neither of us dared to say anything. We were both scared of saying the wrong thing.
"Do it with me," he blurts out finally. I stare at him, confused. Do what with him? I asked myself. "Lets make a suicide pact. We'll die together." I keep staring at him, not blinking. Is he serious? My mouth hangs open a slight bit. "Please Alex," he begs and reaches over to grab onto my arm. His nails dig into my skin and I cringe. "I don't think I'd have enough strength to do it alone."
I don't say anything for the longest time. I just stare at him, completely emotionless. I think, it would be fun. The thought of death always excited me in some way. Eventually, way, way in the future, I couldn't wait to die. Key words, in the future. I never thought about living a short life. I've always had dreams, of saving peoples lives. I've always pictured myself having a future. I had no reason to kill myself.
Finally, I nod. Ever so slightly, I was worried Jack didn't see me. However, he did. As soon as I gave him a response, he bursted into that silly smile he had. "Oh Lexy, thank you so much!" He leaned over and hugged me tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I stay silent and still, scared of what I just promised him. Jack and I were going to end our lives short. We were going to die in eachothers arms. This was the biggest sacrafice I have ever made for him. But I made him happy. That's all that mattered. He was smiling, that's all that I needed to see to know I was doing the right thing. I gave him a small smile back, letting the excitement grow in my stomach.
Summary: Jack and Alex have loved each other for years. After a fatal accident, it has left one boy heartbroken and the other dead.
POV: Alex Gaskarth
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.
A/n: This is a flashback.
As Jack and I step out of his car, the rain starts to beat down faster. He looked over and winked; I could read his thoughts clearly. Jack loved the rain. He loved the smell of it, the feel of it and the promise of a rainbow to come. While raining, he usually became even sillier than he normally is. Whenever the rain clouds took control over the sky, he liked to remind me of how much he really loved this kind of weather. “I don’t understand the people who say they hate Vancouver,” he would say with a small frown on his face. “They don’t deserve the rain if they can’t appreciate it.”
Before I could take a step, his arms were around my waist. Pulling my closer to his chest, he leaned down to leave a soft kiss on my neck. It was never in a sexual way, only lust. “Lexy, what do you want to do today?” He asked in my ear.
I tilt my head up so I could see his brown eyes. After leaving a peck on his lips, I shrug. “Lets go get cupcakes and then go to the beach,” I say after a couple seconds of taking in the scenery around us.
This morning, I had woken to a text from Jack. “I’m picking you up today,” it said. I was used to his vague messages; he left them all the time. Jack was certainly not one for words. I assumed he’d want to stop for breakfast, so I waited outside on my step with a pile of cash in my pocket. I always hated when he paid. I was surprised, however, when we drove past all of our favourite diners. I asked him, time and time again, where we were going. I didn’t catch on until about an hour later, we were on our way to the heart of Vancouver.
Every couple of months, the two of us skip school and head out here. Living in such a small town, it makes you almost crave the smells and sights of a big city. Before we could even drive, we were catching the buses that went out of Chilliwack, heading anywhere close around for some adventure.
Two hours later, we were parked in a random parking lot in downtown Vancouver, having the whole day ahead of us to just explore. Jack nods at my suggestion of cupcakes and the beach. We both let out a small groan as he pulls away, not wanting to separate. I quickly grab onto his hand, squeezing it in mine. He looks over and gives me a half smile.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, both worried and paranoid. Lately, he’s been getting into moods. Weird moods. He’s not the playful Jack he usually is. I know I should be used to them by now, they’ve been happening since I’ve met him. But, recently, I have found out things my boyfriend has been keeping from me for a while now.
Jack is depressed; he says it’s been that way since he was born. He’s never snapped out of it. It’s always been there, floating between us. He’s made it obvious a few times, but I never really considered it. It wasn’t until one night, when he full out came out and told me. I’ve had constant worry, building in my stomach ever since.
He quickly shook his head, “Nothing, Alex. It’s fine. I’m just tired,” he shrugged it off with a lie. Faking a yawn for good measure, he pulled me across the busy street with him. I decided to let it go. There was nothing I could do, except for let him come to me whenever he needed a shoulder to cry on.
Once getting to the cupcake shop, he opens to the door for me. I giggle and bow, saying thank you with my gaze. Ignoring all the eyes on us, which we’re used to, we head to the counter and order a dozen mini chocolate chip cupcakes. They’re Jacks favourite.
I pay and hold the container in my hand as we head back out, in search for a random beach.
After walking for what seems like forever, we finally found an almost empty beach. Jack breaks free from my grip and jogs ahead of me. I'm just making it to the edge of the sand by the time he's already rolling up his pant legs to walk into the ice cold water.
I find a place to sit and plop down, putting the cupcakes beside me. As I watch Jack, a smile appears on my face. I watch him waddle out until his ankles are completely covered. He stops and stares straight ahead, completely emotionless.
I sit there, holding my breath, waiting for him to move. The cold wind is causing his brown hair to stand up. I shiver.
Eventually, Jack comes back to where I am. He has a funny look on his face. He sits down and doesn't say a word. I watch him, still holding his breath. I wait for him to say something. Jack keeps staring, at nothing. "Jack..?" I ask softly, my voice shaking slightly.
"Alex," he says emotionless, still staring at nothing. He has a look of pain on his face. it's something I've never seen on him before. He's deep in thought. I feel funny. I finally catch on; somethings wrong. there's a reason he brought me here today.
"Alex, I love you, okay?" he finally turns his gaze to meet mine. His eyes are full of tears, just daring to fall over. I hold my breath for the second time in the past half an hour. I stay silent, waiting for him to continue. After coughing awkwardly, he talks.
"Have you ever.. thought about death?" His eyes dart away from mine as if he's scared.
Still, I stay silent. I don't know how to answer his question. I've been waiting for this conversation for almost two years. Ever since he told me about his depression. Every time that look fills his eyes, I know he's thinking about death. His death, to be exact. It terrifies me. I'm terrified of losing him.
"I want to die, Lexy," he said so softly, I had to lean in closer to hear him. His voice cracked, I could tell he was scared. I was too. I tried leaning over to hold his hand, but Jack quickly snatched his away as soon as he felt the contact.
Feeling rejected, I move my hand back and place them in my lap, one on top of the other. Again, I wait.
"I want to die," he said again. Louder this time. "I don't want to live. Nothing is worth it anymore." He reaches up and wipes his eyes. I reach up and wipe the water from my face. I just thought it was the rain, the rain that was pouring down around us. I realised then, I was crying. I was crying along with him, my heart breaking with each word he spoke.
"What about me, Jack?" I ask, the pain clearly visible in my voice. "I could be your reason for living," I choke out. My heart was beating so fast, I was sure that if it wasnt raining, Jack would have been able to hear it.
Silence filled our space, neither of us dared to say anything. We were both scared of saying the wrong thing.
"Do it with me," he blurts out finally. I stare at him, confused. Do what with him? I asked myself. "Lets make a suicide pact. We'll die together." I keep staring at him, not blinking. Is he serious? My mouth hangs open a slight bit. "Please Alex," he begs and reaches over to grab onto my arm. His nails dig into my skin and I cringe. "I don't think I'd have enough strength to do it alone."
I don't say anything for the longest time. I just stare at him, completely emotionless. I think, it would be fun. The thought of death always excited me in some way. Eventually, way, way in the future, I couldn't wait to die. Key words, in the future. I never thought about living a short life. I've always had dreams, of saving peoples lives. I've always pictured myself having a future. I had no reason to kill myself.
Finally, I nod. Ever so slightly, I was worried Jack didn't see me. However, he did. As soon as I gave him a response, he bursted into that silly smile he had. "Oh Lexy, thank you so much!" He leaned over and hugged me tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
I stay silent and still, scared of what I just promised him. Jack and I were going to end our lives short. We were going to die in eachothers arms. This was the biggest sacrafice I have ever made for him. But I made him happy. That's all that mattered. He was smiling, that's all that I needed to see to know I was doing the right thing. I gave him a small smile back, letting the excitement grow in my stomach.