differences between the U.S. and Germany re: common courtesy

[suscipe_me]

Hello there

Comments

[korean_guy_01]

I think you've taken a few isolated data points and used them to formulate an inaccurate picture of common courtesy here. You're not going to stand out as strange by your peers or instructors if you call your instructor as "Doctor/Professor Last name" in converstation or e-mail. As far as house invites & personal life divulgence, neither are common occurrences.

In short, you can keep things professional at US universities.

[suscipe_me]

Oh yes, I always try to do that - but it doesn't quite get rid of the uncomfortable feeling that my courtesy radar (which is telling me that NO WAY do you address an old and distinguished professor by his first name, no matter how he introduced himself) is a bit off in these situations. But I guess it will adjust :-).

[elorie]

The simplest thing to do is follow the lead of your specific professors. It's never wrong to be formal, and I wouldn't call a professor by his or her first name until it was clear that it was ok to do so...either because they told me so, or because I'd been working with him or her for a while. From my observation, the degree of formality is determined by your relationship with said professor...that is, I feel comfortable calling my major professor and the other people on my committee by their first names, but wouldn't call a professor I didn't know well by his or her first name. I also typically refer to them by their first names when talking to their other students, but as "Dr. Soandso" when talking to someone else about them.

[elorie]

I was also going to add that it makes a lot of difference what the culture of your department & university are. I'm in a Creative Writing program and we're pretty informal. Others aren't so much. Either way, it'll be pretty obvious if you pay attention to what other people are doing.

[suscipe_me]

Thank you, this is all very interesting!

[kat_zilla]

As long as you're aware of what effect it has on others, I don't think it will hurt you to err on the side of too-formal rather than the other way around. I have trouble breaking from my Southern-female roots and have trouble calling professors by their first name (it doesn't help that my PI goes by Dr. SoandSo to everyone), however it doesn't seem to really bother anyone in the department.

[suscipe_me]

I think one of my professors in England actually enjoyed the fact that I kept calling him Prof. Lastname while evreyone else addressed him by his first name. Particularly the younger lecturers though were a bit confused about why I didn't simply use their first names. The joys of intercultural communication!

[aileen8aalien]

I went through my entire graduate school career without calling my professors by their first name. And it was only for department-wide functions that I was invited to faculty houses. I always thought it was weird when faculty would ask grad students to house sit, babysit, or pet sit or anything along those lines. But I have never been one who is comfortable with those boundaries getting crossed and I expect my students to refer to me by my professional name.

Always go formal with emails. It is a sign of respect and faculty, in general, appreciate a well-written respectful email.

[suscipe_me]

Thanks a lot for your comments! I have to admit that I still blush a bit every time I address a professor by their first name - and it usually is only after they have repeatedly addressed me by my first name and signed their emails in this way. This has the effect that here in Germany there is a professor who uses my first name in conversation even though I always address him by his title, which I honestly find a bit rude from his side....

[amleto]

Ditto on formality in emails. I usually opt to refer to professors, staff, etc., by their titles until specifically asked to call them *first name*.

As for overlap between professional and social, it very much depends on the individual. I have not personally had an American professor who invited me to their home, but I have had professors who provided me with coffee or snacks in class or a meeting. This is not really an American thing, however- in Italy, I visited my professor's homes on many occasions, for purely social reasons. In the UK, many professors invited their students to their home for a social event, and frequently went out drinking with us.

I would say to feel free to become closer with those professors who extend friendship, but if you're not comfortable blurring the lines of hierarchy, that's fine as well. The situation may not even arise.

[suscipe_me]

See, the problem is I am afraid that while I am trying to simply reciprocate the friendship shown to me - one prof in particular is extremely friendly to me - I might actually cross a line I did not even know existed because our lines are drawn so differently. Does that make sense? In any case, thanks a lot for your comment!