SG-1 Fic: The Bullet Struck Hard, But I Do Not Bleed
Title: The Bullet Struck Hard, But I Do Not Bleed
Author: abyssinia4077
Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Characters: Teal'c, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter, Jack O'Neill
Rating/Warning: PG
Disclaimer: Sam Carter has yet to appear at my doorstep and offer me a job at SGC. I think this proves they are not mine. I make no money off them. Just think their sandbox is fun to play in.
Word Count: 1506
Author's Note: So, a long, long time ago (I think April?) I asked for some "five things" prompts and sg_fignewton gave me "Five ways Teal'c and Daniel work their way past Sha're's death" and I've been thinking about it for months. Anyway, here it is, before I get the urge to revise it again. Thanks to aurora_novarum for the beta! Title from "Remains" by William Crapser.
1) Because Daniel Jackson is still weak, Teal'c carries Sha're's body through the 'gate to Abydos. He wants her body's final memory to be of strength and warmth and friendship, not of the cold, hard boxes the Tau'ri use to transport injured and fallen comrades. Kasuf walks hollowly to one side of Teal'c and Daniel Jackson to the other, with O'Neill just behind his left elbow, an unassuming presence ready lest he stumble.
Teal'c stands with the Tau'ri as Sha're is lowered into the ground, beauty hidden within yards of linen. He mourns silently for the woman he barely knew but whose death he was twice responsible for. Daniel Jackson performs the funeral rites from a culture he'd told Teal'c was long-dead on his own planet and watches his wife's body disappear beneath a cascade of sand. Teal'c quietly translates their essence to Major Carter who passes the words to Doctor Fraiser. O'Neill does not ask for explanations. Daniel Jackson stands in Tau'ri boots and Abydonian robes and straddles as many homes among the stars - belonging at once to no place and too many places - as Teal'c himself.
When it is over and only a pile of rocks marks the grave apart from the rest of the desert, Teal'c stays back as the Tau'ri offer words and embraces to Daniel Jackson. Given the choice one hundred times over, Teal'c would have fired the staff weapon every time and he hopes one day Daniel Jackson will accept that inevitability. But Teal'c does not yet, if ever, expect forgiveness. He has not forgiven himself, not for firing the staff blast, but for stealing her away and standing by while Amaunet took her. Sha're was lost years before they placed her body in the ground.
When Daniel Jackson finishes his conversation with Doctor Fraiser he turns and, for a second, his eyes lock on Teal'c with an uncertain gaze. Teal'c bows his respect and straightens to find what almost looks like gratitude behind the Tau'ri's glasses, something he has not earned for as small an act as carrying a body. Before he can wonder if he too should approach his teammate, Daniel Jackson is swept away by a group of Abydonian women who are clucking their tongues and running fingers through his hair. Teal'c leaves him in their hands.
2) SG-1 stands down during the two weeks Daniel Jackson stays on Abydos. Colonel O'Neill goes fishing and Major Carter practically locks herself in her lab. Teal'c should visit his family, but recent events weigh too heavily on his mind. Daniel Jackson has mourned according to his wife's customs, but not those of the Tau'ri. Teal'c decides to study Tau'ri ritual, in hopes of better understanding how to help Daniel and perhaps ease what has come between them.
Each day he spends hours in Kel'noreem. He questions the base chaplain, consults the internet, and reads the texts in Daniel Jackson's office. The wide variety of traditions leave more questions than they answer.
Finally he tracks down Major Carter, up to her elbows inside a new design for the MALP, and asks her advice. She slides out, grease smeared across a cheek, and grabs a mug of coffee before sitting with him in the corner.
"I have been researching Tau'ri customs for those who have died," Teal'c tells her. "I had hoped there would be one which could offer Daniel Jackson some peace. But your world has many different traditions and I am unsure which Daniel Jackson chooses to follow."
She sips her coffee before answering. "Honestly, Teal'c, I don't know if Daniel does follow any. Did you find any that feel right for you?"
Teal'c shakes his head. "I am surprised by the great importance Tau'ri ritual places in the body of the deceased. In Jaffa traditions, once the soul has moved on, the body is meaningless. The Goa'uld turn a host's body into a prison and a Jaffa's body into a means of enslavement. Jaffa ritual focuses on the spirit that has been freed."
"Why not suggest a Jaffa ritual then?" Sam asks.
Teal'c considers this, but they are all too closely tied to the false gods who took Daniel Jackson's wife. "On Chulak, if I killed another man's wife, I would be forfeit to a punishment of his choosing," Teal'c explains. "I do not believe Daniel Jackson would accept such a responsibility."
"No, no, I don't think so," she agrees. "Mourning and forgiveness take time, Teal'c. I think right now Daniel just needs us. We're all the family he has. I'm sorry there aren't any easy answers." Teal'c thanks her and leaves so she can work again. Only rarely has life provided easy answers.
3) A week later O'Neill has the team over for pizza and a movie. The bottles on his table are a type of alcoholic beverage Teal'c knows O'Nell does not care for but Daniel Jackson prefers. Teal'c understands the offer, though forgetting and numbing with alcohol is a coping method more in character with O'Neill. This does not prevent Daniel Jackson from trying it.
Late in the evening Teal'c is on O'Neill's deck when Daniel Jackson swears and swings a fist at him. Teal'c has always, will always, overpowered the man in hand-to-hand combat so he allows it to land. Others follow, barely coordinated and not strong enough to cause injury. In the corner of his eye Teal'c can see Major Carter step toward them but O'Neill pulls her back and whispers in her ear. As suddenly as they began, the punches cease, and a strangled sob escapes Daniel Jackson's throat, reverberating across the deck.
Teal'c draws him close as he finally releases everything that was bottled up - guilt and grief and anger and loss - and lets him find composure in private. Later they all pretend not to hear when Daniel Jackson fails to remain silent while pretending not to vomit in O'Neill's bathroom. When he emerges Teal'c hands him a glass of water, and he swallows it all before looking at him. "Thanks," he says, and, "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing for which to apologize, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c tells him and he cocks his head to the side, nods, and heads back to where O'Neill and Carter are enjoying a movie. Teal'c is grateful Daniel Jackson does not echo the sentiments, for he still has much to earn forgiveness for.
4) A year after they place Sha're in the ground, Daniel Jackson returns to Abydos. There is a graveside ritual for this anniversary, one which is meant to free him from any obligations to his dead wife and allow him to move on with his life. Teal'c meets Daniel Jackson in the gateroom, accompanying him without question.
The night after the ritual Teal'c is roused from Kel'noreem as Daniel Jackson exits the tent. He waits thirty minutes and leaves himself, following the footprints to find his friend sitting on a sand dune - silvery moonlight washing out the shadows from beneath his eyes.
Teal'c joins him, sitting quietly for a long time before finally speaking. "Tell me of Sha're."
Daniel Jackson removes his glasses, rubs his eyes, then leans back on his hands. Finally he begins to speak and for the rest of the night it is as if Sha're is sitting with them - rebelling against a false god, learning to read and write, laughing at Daniel Jackson as he tries to weave a sleeping mat, and filling the night with her presence and spirit and warmth. The illusion shimmers away as the sun rises and the heat of the day begins to grow.
Walking back to their tent, Teal'c thinks Daniel Jackson may be standing a little bit straighter. He mourns for what his friend has lost, but a small part of him knows that without that loss Teal'c himself would still be First Prime to a false god. With the strength of Sha're's spirit on their side, Teal'c is more certain that one day the Goa'uld will fall.
5) Arrom sits before Teal'c - awkward at the knees and elbows in a way Daniel Jackson never was - and clutches Sha're's photograph like a starving man clutches a loaf of bread. Teal'c watches his face as he recalls and mourns a wife he didn't know he had. Now Teal'c too has lost a wife.
"I forgave you," Arrom says suddenly, breaking the long silence Teal'c had been content to provide.
"Your memories have not returned," Teal'c tells him. "Do not speak of it yet."
"No. I, I'm sure of this. I forgave you long ago," Arrom insists. "It wasn't your fault, Teal'c - none of it. I should have told you."
Teal'c considers, finds he is ready to hear this, and inclines his head in acceptance.
Arrom stands to leave but pauses in the doorway. Daniel Jackson looks back, scans the room once, and offers the faintest of smiles. "It's good to be back," he says before he leaves. His knuckles are white from clenching the frame which contains all he has left.
Author: abyssinia4077
Fandom: Stargate: SG-1
Characters: Teal'c, Daniel Jackson, Sam Carter, Jack O'Neill
Rating/Warning: PG
Disclaimer: Sam Carter has yet to appear at my doorstep and offer me a job at SGC. I think this proves they are not mine. I make no money off them. Just think their sandbox is fun to play in.
Word Count: 1506
Author's Note: So, a long, long time ago (I think April?) I asked for some "five things" prompts and sg_fignewton gave me "Five ways Teal'c and Daniel work their way past Sha're's death" and I've been thinking about it for months. Anyway, here it is, before I get the urge to revise it again. Thanks to aurora_novarum for the beta! Title from "Remains" by William Crapser.
1) Because Daniel Jackson is still weak, Teal'c carries Sha're's body through the 'gate to Abydos. He wants her body's final memory to be of strength and warmth and friendship, not of the cold, hard boxes the Tau'ri use to transport injured and fallen comrades. Kasuf walks hollowly to one side of Teal'c and Daniel Jackson to the other, with O'Neill just behind his left elbow, an unassuming presence ready lest he stumble.
Teal'c stands with the Tau'ri as Sha're is lowered into the ground, beauty hidden within yards of linen. He mourns silently for the woman he barely knew but whose death he was twice responsible for. Daniel Jackson performs the funeral rites from a culture he'd told Teal'c was long-dead on his own planet and watches his wife's body disappear beneath a cascade of sand. Teal'c quietly translates their essence to Major Carter who passes the words to Doctor Fraiser. O'Neill does not ask for explanations. Daniel Jackson stands in Tau'ri boots and Abydonian robes and straddles as many homes among the stars - belonging at once to no place and too many places - as Teal'c himself.
When it is over and only a pile of rocks marks the grave apart from the rest of the desert, Teal'c stays back as the Tau'ri offer words and embraces to Daniel Jackson. Given the choice one hundred times over, Teal'c would have fired the staff weapon every time and he hopes one day Daniel Jackson will accept that inevitability. But Teal'c does not yet, if ever, expect forgiveness. He has not forgiven himself, not for firing the staff blast, but for stealing her away and standing by while Amaunet took her. Sha're was lost years before they placed her body in the ground.
When Daniel Jackson finishes his conversation with Doctor Fraiser he turns and, for a second, his eyes lock on Teal'c with an uncertain gaze. Teal'c bows his respect and straightens to find what almost looks like gratitude behind the Tau'ri's glasses, something he has not earned for as small an act as carrying a body. Before he can wonder if he too should approach his teammate, Daniel Jackson is swept away by a group of Abydonian women who are clucking their tongues and running fingers through his hair. Teal'c leaves him in their hands.
2) SG-1 stands down during the two weeks Daniel Jackson stays on Abydos. Colonel O'Neill goes fishing and Major Carter practically locks herself in her lab. Teal'c should visit his family, but recent events weigh too heavily on his mind. Daniel Jackson has mourned according to his wife's customs, but not those of the Tau'ri. Teal'c decides to study Tau'ri ritual, in hopes of better understanding how to help Daniel and perhaps ease what has come between them.
Each day he spends hours in Kel'noreem. He questions the base chaplain, consults the internet, and reads the texts in Daniel Jackson's office. The wide variety of traditions leave more questions than they answer.
Finally he tracks down Major Carter, up to her elbows inside a new design for the MALP, and asks her advice. She slides out, grease smeared across a cheek, and grabs a mug of coffee before sitting with him in the corner.
"I have been researching Tau'ri customs for those who have died," Teal'c tells her. "I had hoped there would be one which could offer Daniel Jackson some peace. But your world has many different traditions and I am unsure which Daniel Jackson chooses to follow."
She sips her coffee before answering. "Honestly, Teal'c, I don't know if Daniel does follow any. Did you find any that feel right for you?"
Teal'c shakes his head. "I am surprised by the great importance Tau'ri ritual places in the body of the deceased. In Jaffa traditions, once the soul has moved on, the body is meaningless. The Goa'uld turn a host's body into a prison and a Jaffa's body into a means of enslavement. Jaffa ritual focuses on the spirit that has been freed."
"Why not suggest a Jaffa ritual then?" Sam asks.
Teal'c considers this, but they are all too closely tied to the false gods who took Daniel Jackson's wife. "On Chulak, if I killed another man's wife, I would be forfeit to a punishment of his choosing," Teal'c explains. "I do not believe Daniel Jackson would accept such a responsibility."
"No, no, I don't think so," she agrees. "Mourning and forgiveness take time, Teal'c. I think right now Daniel just needs us. We're all the family he has. I'm sorry there aren't any easy answers." Teal'c thanks her and leaves so she can work again. Only rarely has life provided easy answers.
3) A week later O'Neill has the team over for pizza and a movie. The bottles on his table are a type of alcoholic beverage Teal'c knows O'Nell does not care for but Daniel Jackson prefers. Teal'c understands the offer, though forgetting and numbing with alcohol is a coping method more in character with O'Neill. This does not prevent Daniel Jackson from trying it.
Late in the evening Teal'c is on O'Neill's deck when Daniel Jackson swears and swings a fist at him. Teal'c has always, will always, overpowered the man in hand-to-hand combat so he allows it to land. Others follow, barely coordinated and not strong enough to cause injury. In the corner of his eye Teal'c can see Major Carter step toward them but O'Neill pulls her back and whispers in her ear. As suddenly as they began, the punches cease, and a strangled sob escapes Daniel Jackson's throat, reverberating across the deck.
Teal'c draws him close as he finally releases everything that was bottled up - guilt and grief and anger and loss - and lets him find composure in private. Later they all pretend not to hear when Daniel Jackson fails to remain silent while pretending not to vomit in O'Neill's bathroom. When he emerges Teal'c hands him a glass of water, and he swallows it all before looking at him. "Thanks," he says, and, "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing for which to apologize, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c tells him and he cocks his head to the side, nods, and heads back to where O'Neill and Carter are enjoying a movie. Teal'c is grateful Daniel Jackson does not echo the sentiments, for he still has much to earn forgiveness for.
4) A year after they place Sha're in the ground, Daniel Jackson returns to Abydos. There is a graveside ritual for this anniversary, one which is meant to free him from any obligations to his dead wife and allow him to move on with his life. Teal'c meets Daniel Jackson in the gateroom, accompanying him without question.
The night after the ritual Teal'c is roused from Kel'noreem as Daniel Jackson exits the tent. He waits thirty minutes and leaves himself, following the footprints to find his friend sitting on a sand dune - silvery moonlight washing out the shadows from beneath his eyes.
Teal'c joins him, sitting quietly for a long time before finally speaking. "Tell me of Sha're."
Daniel Jackson removes his glasses, rubs his eyes, then leans back on his hands. Finally he begins to speak and for the rest of the night it is as if Sha're is sitting with them - rebelling against a false god, learning to read and write, laughing at Daniel Jackson as he tries to weave a sleeping mat, and filling the night with her presence and spirit and warmth. The illusion shimmers away as the sun rises and the heat of the day begins to grow.
Walking back to their tent, Teal'c thinks Daniel Jackson may be standing a little bit straighter. He mourns for what his friend has lost, but a small part of him knows that without that loss Teal'c himself would still be First Prime to a false god. With the strength of Sha're's spirit on their side, Teal'c is more certain that one day the Goa'uld will fall.
5) Arrom sits before Teal'c - awkward at the knees and elbows in a way Daniel Jackson never was - and clutches Sha're's photograph like a starving man clutches a loaf of bread. Teal'c watches his face as he recalls and mourns a wife he didn't know he had. Now Teal'c too has lost a wife.
"I forgave you," Arrom says suddenly, breaking the long silence Teal'c had been content to provide.
"Your memories have not returned," Teal'c tells him. "Do not speak of it yet."
"No. I, I'm sure of this. I forgave you long ago," Arrom insists. "It wasn't your fault, Teal'c - none of it. I should have told you."
Teal'c considers, finds he is ready to hear this, and inclines his head in acceptance.
Arrom stands to leave but pauses in the doorway. Daniel Jackson looks back, scans the room once, and offers the faintest of smiles. "It's good to be back," he says before he leaves. His knuckles are white from clenching the frame which contains all he has left.