(Untitled)

[abexy]

Since I am all done with school now I've started doing research into limerence again. I plan on rewriting the rather sub-par Wikipedia article. I'm re-reading Tennov's Love and Limerence and I came across, once again, the part of limerence which has always baffled and confused me

Comments

[anonymous]

Because it's chemically addictive.

[abexy]

I don't understand why its chemical addictiveness is related to its reinforcement through adversity/diminishing through ease.

[sarah122881]

It's simple, really.

You want most what you can't have.

[abexy]

But why do we want most what we can't have?

Is what we can't have somehow inherently better? Perhaps struggle is good?

[sarah122881]

It's really the fantasy that we want and can't have.

It's like what you (or was it Wikipedia?) said when you like the person but in a way you actually like YOUR version of them (the fantasy). And if that is different from the actual limerent object that make's them a little uncomfortable.

It's the fantasy that we crave. Nothing ever goes wrong in the fantasy. Fantasy doesn't require work or compromise. Reality requires a whole lot of both. Fantasies don't have bad days, they don't say or do the wrong thing, they won't give you (as Wanda Sykes put it) "food poisoning", fantasies won't reject you, they won't break up with you, they won't cheat on you...unless, of course, you want them to. In reality, all of those things can happen and you don't get a choice.

In a way, i could see how this it's healthy if not a little adolescent. We get to think about what we want from a person and maybe prioritize a little. But then again we could be just trying to make a reality the stories/illusions that our culture has been telling us.