on the writing life, or something like it

[abbzug]

so much i've wanted to say over the last few months, but i can't seem to get here, find the time, especially not with J. in bolivia for a month (12 days left!). that statement is a decent segue into what's on my mind this morning

Comments

addendum

[abbzug]

on the time thing: i do understand that this will get easier as the girls get older. but currently that seems kind of far away (maintaining perspective is not one of my strengths). V has started daycare recently, so that is definitely helping a bit. just doesn't seem like enough. maybe i'm being selfish anyway. maybe what i'm longing for is a state of balance that doesn't exist when one has children. i don't know if i believe you ever get your life "back." or your body, or hair, for that matter ;-)

on the inspiration thing: sounds like this is less a writing issue and more of a Self issue.

[calypso72]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I often find myself thinking about something I really want to do (more volunteering, traveling, etc.) and realizing I won't be able to do it until Sadie is off to college. Maybe I'll be surprised and it will happen a lot sooner, but based on talking to friends and family with teenagers, I doubt it. It's depressing to think I'm wishing part of my life away, but I try not to think about it that way.

[abbzug]

I'm relieved (but also sad) to hear that from another parent. I don't even figure in Big Stuff, like traveling anymore, since even a trip to visit family seems like a giant undertaking. But even the little things, taken together, seem Big too. I try not to think about my life being somewhat *on hold* as well, but it is often hard not to view it that way (or worry that by the time there is time for me, I'll be *old*!).

[eve_prime]

I am definitely going to reply to this post. I've thought about it multiple times yesterday and today. I've run out of steam for today, though, so I'm hoping to do it tomorrow.

[abbzug]

Aww, thanks! I feel a little like I'm sounding like a broken record - this issue is definitely not new for me (and I'm sure I've posted about it on LJ before). But it suddenly feels really urgent for some reason. Maybe that milestone birthday I had or something :-)

[eve_prime]

Finally, here I am

[abbzug]

I'm also definitely going to reply to your thoughtful response to my post! I've been thinking about it deeply - running is good for that! - and am composing my thoughts. Maybe tonight after the girls go to bed, or if Z isn't asleep till 10 like usual, tomorrow for sure! I so very much appreciate your thoughts and want to talk about them!

[eve_prime]

I'll look forward to that!

[abbzug]

Well, Z was awake until 10:15 :-( So I shall have to postpone my thoughts till later today.

[abbzug]

Sorry it's taken me so many days to respond L! V woke up with something yucky on Saturday morning and today is the first no-fever-and-other-misery day (the daycare won't let her back till she's been fever-free for 24 hours, so I'm home with her again today). I think you're right in that what much of this comes down to for me is feeling like there are few, if any, choices, and even less that I'm in any kind of control over this New Life with Girls. That problem predates them though, basically goes back to our arrival in Pittsburgh, when everything fell apart with the MFA program. I found myself goal-less for the first time in a long time, by circumstance rather than choice. But it's definitely looming larger and more disturbing in the last 3 years. And some of it has to do with all J's job uncertainty. I haven't made any effort really to start looking for options here, since I don't know if here is where we'll be (as an aside, I'm currently really excited about a job prospect for him in the Seattle area

[eve_prime]

I hope SSG has something helpful to say. I wish you could get a PhD over and done with, so that you'd have so many more options before you, and I wish that J had a great job, a settled job, so that you could start doing your own thing.