“As Moonlight Unto Sunlight”, End notes
[ Endnotes posted 19 Aug 2012 ]
I’ve only done end notes in one other case (“ the Still, Small Voice”, which was the first story I posted on LJ), but I’ve kept the idea in place for a long time. In most cases, it would be a retrospective look at the fics I’ve done in the past. This time, though, I’m ready to go, so following are some of the questions I hope to address in subsequent end notes, even those going clear back to my first fic.
So, to begin:
Where did the idea for the story come from?
As I noted in my reply to texanfan’s comment on this fic, the original notion came from canon itself. In the second-season Angel episode, “Guise Will Be Guise”, wherein Wesley Wyndham-Pryce diverted an immediate crisis by impersonating Angel (and then had to follow through on the consequences), Cordelia later observed, “… this whole ‘I’m Angel’ thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could’ve been Angel, because, guess what, pretty much a girly name.” I was struck by how much fun it would have been if she had done that … but, no, it couldn’t have happened, because anyone who knew enough about Angel to send for him regarding a specific purpose (guarding a girl’s virginity until a virgin sacrifice could take place) would likewise know his gender.
Then, about a month ago, something made me think of Liam’s doomed sister Kathy (who, if you check the single episode in which she appeared, never actually spoke a line), and suddenly possibilities suggested themselves to me. I actually already had another story started, but that one was resisting me, and this one began speaking to me … so, I started doing a bit a day, and the next thing I knew, I was head and ears into it, and the week after that, I was done.
Is there any particular significance to the title?
Yes, actually. There’s a passage from a Tennyson poem (“Locksley Hall”, which poem I’ve cited in another fic):
Weakness to be wroth with weakness! woman’s pleasure, woman’s pain -
Nature made them blinder motions bounded in a shallower brain.
Woman is the lesser man, and all thy passions, match’d with mine,
Are as moonlight unto sunlight, and as water unto wine …
I considered going with “Blinder Motions” as the title, just because I liked how it sounded, but that would have been too much like endorsing the ‘woman is the lesser man’ opinion of Tennyson’s overwrought protagonist. “As Moonlight Unto Sunlight” seemed to highlight the idea of contrast, without committing to the notion that one was superior to the other.
What is the thing I like most about this story? the thing I like least, or about which I feel most doubtful?
To be honest, I genuinely wonder if it was a good idea to write it. It’s different from most of the other things I’ve done - though comparisons could perhaps be made to “ Beg to Differ” - and by the nature of its design, it’s fairly late in the telling before it becomes really clear that this is indeed an original tale and not just a re-telling of canon. More than that, the idea itself may simply not be that popular. (The incest angle, even if it’s far in the past and explicitly between two vampires who actively delight in evil, will unavoidably turn off some people. Unfortunately, there’s no way to warn about it without giving away a major twist before it can build to proper effect.) I’m not sorry I wrote it - the story really wanted to get out of me - but I see it as a decent effort rather than a favorite.
What I like most is that I actually built a plausible (IMHO) alternative reality, laid its foundations, and showed where the changes would lead. I also took some pleasure in shaping the language to not give away the central premise until the right time. And it was fun to see how the people we know would react to the same events being altered by a single detail being different. Anyone who’s read through my fic collection will be aware that I enjoy building alternate realities, and this was another opportunity.
The thing(s) about which I feel the greatest uncertainty … I love action, truly believe it’s one of the basic ingredients of most stories, and regret that I couldn’t strengthen this story by having that as one of the elements. (I did my best to make conflict an adequate substitute.) I already mentioned recognizing that the reference to past incest might make this a full-stop OH HELL NO for some people; I felt that what it added to the thematic intensity was worth what it might cost in the reaction of those who just can’t get past it - and I won’t blame anyone who can’t - but I can see that it’s at least potentially a problematic element. And, finally, though I feel I did decently in steering around the language that would have betrayed gender before I was ready for that to become apparent, there are at least a few spots where I might agree with someone who opined that it made the wording a bit clumsy.
Is there anything I think I could have done better, or might do differently if I had it to do over?
I’ve wondered if I could have added a few scenes, but in the part of me that judges a story from the gut, I felt I’d done as much as I needed to do and more would have overblown it. This fic is recent enough (just finished, as it happens) that it’ll be awhile before I’m able to give it the proper retrospective consideration.
Was there a different direction I might have wanted to take the story, and what would have been some of the advantages of the not-taken path?
This story focused on re-showing canon events in such a way as to gradually make apparent a difference that hadn’t yet been disclosed. That was the point, and that was how I derived my own entertainment. However, it might have worked just as well to open with the clear recognition that this version of Angel was female, and then showing the differences that made, and then offering an explanation before the final Cordy-as-‘Angel’ scene. The puzzlement of the reader would have been greater - unless such readers simply assumed “Oh, this is a story where Angel is female” and never wondered why - and the differences made by that difference could have been more strongly highlighted. I don’t regret doing it the way I did, but it would be interesting to see how the alternative approach would have looked and read.
Any observations to add at the end?
Just this: even though I have no intention of following up on this, or any idea how I would do so, I would be delighted in seeing what others might be able to do with the notion. Anyone who’s willing to tackle it, I would be deeply grateful if you would let me know so I can view the results.