Avalanche
"Hi, Dad."
It was, Ellen knew, a little unfair to drag out her time at Milliways when Star Paladin Cross was frozen in time back in Vernon Square. She felt kind of guilty about that- but only kind of. There were things that needed taking care of first, and this was one of them.
"So." She shoved her hands into the pocket-slits of her Regulator duster, leaned back on her heels, did her best not to look at the vast and cloudy sky overhead. The Bar was well behind her; she doubted anyone would come this far out along the... lake? It was a lake, right?... and overhear anything she was doing, or saying. "I've been talking to some people. Alive ones."
She swallowed, closed her eyes a moment.
"You know, Dad... I'm glad for what you did for me. I really am. I mean, I'm okay, right? I made it to nineteen? I learned a lot of things, and I'm doing all right for myself. That was you. That wouldn't've happened if it wasn't for... you know, what you did. So I wanted to thank you for that."
"But, you know. There's this- this soldier. His name's John-117. I was talking to him the other day and he asked me some questions. And, you know..."
Something brushed against her leg. Startled, she looked down. It was only Dogmeat, looking up at her with one worried blue eye, one worried brown eye. She offered the dog a weak smile and reached down to rub him behind the ears before she went any farther.
"Dad, you kind of stink."
There.
"I'm not kidding, Dad. Seriously. Do you know that?" She shook her head. "I don't even know where to start. I mean, normally, I'd start with lying to me for nineteen years, but... you were screwing up even before that. With Dr. Li. And the Brotherhood. Dr. Li was totally counting on you, you know that? And when Mom died you just what, you said you had to leave? So you ruined somebody else's life because of that. And you ruined your whole project because of that, because you had to put me somewhere safe. And then lie to me. Every day. For nineteen years."
She straightened up; she didn't want her hand near the dog for this.
"You didn't tell me anything I needed to know. You assumed I'd be okay. You didn't even try. You didn't trust me enough to say anything, but you trusted Amata's father not to go crazy even though you knew exactly what kind of man he was. So you ran away, again, because you were done with what you were interested in. And that was that."
"And you just up and walked right into Rivet City and tried to talk Dr. Li into helping you without even setting up anything to deal with all the mutants at the Memorial. Like you figured someone would just come along and kill them all. Like you had something in mind, but you didn't tell anybody what you had in mind, did you? Because you just didn't do that kind of thing." She snorted. "You just knew best. You didn't have to tell anybody anything. Because it was your plan, and you knew what you were doing, and how could it go wrong."
"And now you're dead. Dr. Li was having a nervous breakdown the last time I saw her. I bet you didn't think of that." It was all too easy to remember the hysterical edge to the woman's voice as she pleaded with Elder Lyons, as she tried to answer the Paladins' questions later that day. "You didn't tell her what you were planning. You didn't tell me what you were planning. You didn't tell anyone. You just wanted your dream and you- you- what the hell were you thinking? Huh?"
Definitely a good thing she was well away from the Bar, the way her voice was starting to shake...
"Fix the purifier! Sure, it'll work as soon as you show up, you're James Park and it's your dream, isn't it? Oh, whoops, it needs a GECK, and you don't have one- well, somebody's going to get it, aren't they? Because it's James Park's dream and that means it's going to happen! Oh, that's right, you're in the Capital Wasteland and there's no pipes or roads or vehicles or anything, so how's the water going to get to people? Who knows? Not me! I'm not James Park! Who's going to drive out the Enclave and keep the place safe the next time the mutants arrive? The Brotherhood, who you didn't talk to for nineteen years? Who knows? James Park didn't write that down! Somebody's going to have to, though, aren't they? Somebody's going to have to run the place! Someone's going to have to arrange for the water to get delivered and the place to keep running and the mutants to be held at bay! Someone's going to have to figure out all of your work and make sure that it doesn't break down right when people start relying on it! Because you're not there! Because you didn't tell anyone! Because you didn't follow through! You didn't give enough of a damn to bring anyone else in on the important stuff, because you and what you wanted- because- because! It was you! It was all about you! It was always about you!"
"And now you're gone and you're dead and it's all falling apart and I! Have! To! Be! You! Because you're not here to do it, and SOMEONE has to!"
She was screaming, or she was crying, or both, and she didn't really care any more.
"If I ever find out what the Enclave did with your body I'm going to dig it up so I can scream at you properly, you idiot! I have to be you now, I have to do your work now, and I don't know how! What were you thinking? What on Earth was wrong with you?" Her hands were bunching into fists, her nails cutting into her palms. "You lied about everything! Ever! I don't even know if I can trust you about Mom!"
"Dad, you stink!!"
The inarticulate scream that followed was really the only logical way it all could have ended. By the time it died away her throat was as raw as she'd ever felt it.
There was nothing else Ellen could think to say, and not much else she could think to do, so she reached out to the wide-eyed Dogmeat and nodded towards the Bar. Might as well go and get something to drink, now that the big stuff was over.
It was, Ellen knew, a little unfair to drag out her time at Milliways when Star Paladin Cross was frozen in time back in Vernon Square. She felt kind of guilty about that- but only kind of. There were things that needed taking care of first, and this was one of them.
"So." She shoved her hands into the pocket-slits of her Regulator duster, leaned back on her heels, did her best not to look at the vast and cloudy sky overhead. The Bar was well behind her; she doubted anyone would come this far out along the... lake? It was a lake, right?... and overhear anything she was doing, or saying. "I've been talking to some people. Alive ones."
She swallowed, closed her eyes a moment.
"You know, Dad... I'm glad for what you did for me. I really am. I mean, I'm okay, right? I made it to nineteen? I learned a lot of things, and I'm doing all right for myself. That was you. That wouldn't've happened if it wasn't for... you know, what you did. So I wanted to thank you for that."
"But, you know. There's this- this soldier. His name's John-117. I was talking to him the other day and he asked me some questions. And, you know..."
Something brushed against her leg. Startled, she looked down. It was only Dogmeat, looking up at her with one worried blue eye, one worried brown eye. She offered the dog a weak smile and reached down to rub him behind the ears before she went any farther.
"Dad, you kind of stink."
There.
"I'm not kidding, Dad. Seriously. Do you know that?" She shook her head. "I don't even know where to start. I mean, normally, I'd start with lying to me for nineteen years, but... you were screwing up even before that. With Dr. Li. And the Brotherhood. Dr. Li was totally counting on you, you know that? And when Mom died you just what, you said you had to leave? So you ruined somebody else's life because of that. And you ruined your whole project because of that, because you had to put me somewhere safe. And then lie to me. Every day. For nineteen years."
She straightened up; she didn't want her hand near the dog for this.
"You didn't tell me anything I needed to know. You assumed I'd be okay. You didn't even try. You didn't trust me enough to say anything, but you trusted Amata's father not to go crazy even though you knew exactly what kind of man he was. So you ran away, again, because you were done with what you were interested in. And that was that."
"And you just up and walked right into Rivet City and tried to talk Dr. Li into helping you without even setting up anything to deal with all the mutants at the Memorial. Like you figured someone would just come along and kill them all. Like you had something in mind, but you didn't tell anybody what you had in mind, did you? Because you just didn't do that kind of thing." She snorted. "You just knew best. You didn't have to tell anybody anything. Because it was your plan, and you knew what you were doing, and how could it go wrong."
"And now you're dead. Dr. Li was having a nervous breakdown the last time I saw her. I bet you didn't think of that." It was all too easy to remember the hysterical edge to the woman's voice as she pleaded with Elder Lyons, as she tried to answer the Paladins' questions later that day. "You didn't tell her what you were planning. You didn't tell me what you were planning. You didn't tell anyone. You just wanted your dream and you- you- what the hell were you thinking? Huh?"
Definitely a good thing she was well away from the Bar, the way her voice was starting to shake...
"Fix the purifier! Sure, it'll work as soon as you show up, you're James Park and it's your dream, isn't it? Oh, whoops, it needs a GECK, and you don't have one- well, somebody's going to get it, aren't they? Because it's James Park's dream and that means it's going to happen! Oh, that's right, you're in the Capital Wasteland and there's no pipes or roads or vehicles or anything, so how's the water going to get to people? Who knows? Not me! I'm not James Park! Who's going to drive out the Enclave and keep the place safe the next time the mutants arrive? The Brotherhood, who you didn't talk to for nineteen years? Who knows? James Park didn't write that down! Somebody's going to have to, though, aren't they? Somebody's going to have to run the place! Someone's going to have to arrange for the water to get delivered and the place to keep running and the mutants to be held at bay! Someone's going to have to figure out all of your work and make sure that it doesn't break down right when people start relying on it! Because you're not there! Because you didn't tell anyone! Because you didn't follow through! You didn't give enough of a damn to bring anyone else in on the important stuff, because you and what you wanted- because- because! It was you! It was all about you! It was always about you!"
"And now you're gone and you're dead and it's all falling apart and I! Have! To! Be! You! Because you're not here to do it, and SOMEONE has to!"
She was screaming, or she was crying, or both, and she didn't really care any more.
"If I ever find out what the Enclave did with your body I'm going to dig it up so I can scream at you properly, you idiot! I have to be you now, I have to do your work now, and I don't know how! What were you thinking? What on Earth was wrong with you?" Her hands were bunching into fists, her nails cutting into her palms. "You lied about everything! Ever! I don't even know if I can trust you about Mom!"
"Dad, you stink!!"
The inarticulate scream that followed was really the only logical way it all could have ended. By the time it died away her throat was as raw as she'd ever felt it.
There was nothing else Ellen could think to say, and not much else she could think to do, so she reached out to the wide-eyed Dogmeat and nodded towards the Bar. Might as well go and get something to drink, now that the big stuff was over.