Gunman/Scurvy

[a_wry]

I recently had to block a friend on Facebook. Some of you might have seen his short-lived replies to my outraged-feminist posts. This piece will get into a deeper analysis of that whole saga a little later on, but right now I want to concentrate on one particular part of that exchange

Comments

[puffy_wuffy]

Pow! I think I live in a pretty great bubble in Cambridge/Camberville in that no one has ever point-blank questioned feminism to my face. To be fair, I'm quite a bit more masculine looking than you and its possible no one wants to get their butt kicked (LOL, the thought of me even hurting someone verbally is ridiculous).

What you've touched upon here, the unwillingness to believe that one's self is responsible for doing something bad? Its a big, hairy beast. It causes people to lie, to lash out, to be unreasonable. "I'm not the problem! I'm not horrible!" And yet . . .

[nuclearpolymer]

I don't think it's that you are picking out flawed people to date or get close to. I think it's that once we are close to people, they are more comfortable telling us things. These sentiments that your ex expressed are sentiments that a lot of people, male and female, have. But, because of normal social reticence and politeness, the vast majority of these people will never get into it with you.

I try to remember this when I am jarred to find that people I love, and who love me, and who may even think that they are "feminist" and "allies of women", express beliefs that make me enraged. I often feel like telling people to stop congratulating yourself on how much of a liberated person you are, read some Ms magazine even if it's 'boring' and 'depressing', and think about how you're part of the problem too and could do more to be part of the solution.

[lokiect]

Thank you, I really liked how you wrote that, especially the gunman analogy.
I second np that I don't think it's you choosing particularly badly. Maybe it's that we want people we're close to to think we're good people. So if you're insecure about it and your friend tells you that you have a flaw maybe it's harder because they're supposed to tell you that you're a good person? Or maybe because they're self-worth is so tied in with being good- kind of like college students who have trouble not being top of the class in the big pond?