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May 18, 2006 22:38

There is nothing more remarkable to an artist then to be inspired to work in an art form they've never worked with before. I've been an actor for years, I directed a short film last year, and I've even recorded a song or two. Writing is a frontier I have yet to explore but thanks to
my eagerness to work with Jen as soon as possible I have fully embraced my new career path. It's absolutely true that if you want something done properly you need to do it yourself.

Jen and I desperately need deserve a script to the world we're not washed out how amazingly talented we are. I think I can safely speak for both of us when I say that I want this project of ours to win us tons of awards, keep us on the covers of magazines for years to come and make Brad and that woman decide to stay in the jungles of Africa forever inspire the masses and maybe even change the world. I want this to be a collaborative effort between the two of us but I've been working on some scenes. Apple was in an uncharacteristically quiet mood today and even Moses was well behaved so I was able to be a slave to the muses for an hour or two. I just couldn't help myself now that Orlando has expressed interest in being involved.

I know I shouldn't spoil anything before we begin to shoot but I'm so excited and proud of my work that it would be cruel of me not to share a tiny bit of what I've done. I'm most curious to receive everyone's thoughts on this, especially Ms. Rowling's since she is such a famous author.



Gwyneth Paltrow = Clementine L'orange
Jennifer Aniston = Wilhelmina "Mina" Shakes
Orlando Bloom = Methuselah Adams

INT- CLEMENTINE's bedroom in her beachside cabana. It's a humid summer night and the only relief from the oppressive heat is one lone ceiling fan and the open windows that let the salty sea air waft in from the beach.

CLEMENTINE is sprawled on her bed, wearing nothing more then bikini bottoms and a white tank top that is plastered to her body. She glistens with womanly sweat as she studies the contents of a beat up cardboard box. She looks up as if she's heard a noise but no sound can be heard. As she reaches behind her pillow, showing remarkable flexibility and grace, a shadowy figure appears in the doorway. A weaker woman would show fear but years of exercise and healthy eating have erased all fear from CLEMENTINE's soul.

She smiles at the shadowy figure and seductively crawls out of bed and stands tall and proud. Her posture is perfect and the muscles of her legs are lean and toned. She points her gun at the shadowy intruder.

Clementine: Did Mina send you?

The intruder steps into the room. He is young and almost unnaturally handsome. He wear's his dark curly hair long and tendrils of it brush his bare shoulders. He is wearing a pair of tight blue jeans and nothing else. His chest is strong and smooth and his lower torso is taut and muscular. He is an ancient God come to life and yet he stares at CLEMENTINE as if she was the Goddess.

Methuselah: She did not tell me you would be so beautiful.

CLEMENTINE blushes and steps forward so that there are mere centimeters between her body and METHUSELAH's.

Clementine: You should be more concerned with the beauty of the weapon I hold in my hand. It is far more dangerous then I. Now tell me, who are you and why have you disturbed me?

Methuselah: Let us not speak of such trivial matters as life and death or that I was sent here to murder you. You have intoxicated me with your clear skin and shiny hair. I think I have fallen in love with you.

CLEMENTINE begins to weep. Her crying is understated and realistic.

Clementine: I have searched my whole life for a man beautiful enough to share my life with. You are that man. I love you too.

They lean in to kiss but before their perfect lips can meet and press tightly together as they gently work their tongues into each other's mouths and press so close together with their bodies that their hearts beat as one they are interrupted by the arrival of MINA. She stands in CLEMENTINE's doorway, wearing a leather coat by Calvin Klein over a Stella McCartney blouse and Prada mini skirt. Her thigh high boots are limited edition Moschinos.

Mina: I see that the two of you have met.

Clementine: Your taste in henchmen is exceeded only by your taste in clothes.

Mina: I thank you for your compliments. One should always look their best when they come to avenge the death of family members.

CLEMENTINE winces at MINA's words and her lips tremble at the perfect look of anguish and grief on MINA's face.

Clementine: I have already apologized to you for the death of your sister. I have even promised you information in exchange for your pardon.

Mina: Yes. But you have not apologized for running over my dog.

METHUSELAH gasps and takes a step away from his love. CLEMENTINE reaches out to him, unable to be even a few feet away from the love of her life.

Clementine: Oh, Mina. That was not me who ran over your job. That was our shared sworn enemy Angela Gina. She wore a wig and decent, respectable clothing so that you would think it was me. I can prove it to you. I have records that show on that horrible day that your dog was run over I was being treated for a rare and deadly disease that almost killed me and permanently robbed me of my ability to smell.

MINA looks confused and suspicious. She begins to silently cry and turns pale. There is no living person that could witness her in this traumatic moment and not be moved.

Mina: You also told me this morning that you knew where I could find my ex husband. Was that the truth?

Clementine: It was. This may seem shocking but my sources tell me that he is traveling with Angela Gina. She seems to be using some sort of high tech mind control on him. I propose that we go to Africa, break the mind control device, destroy Angela Gina and her organization, use your ex husband to access your Swiss bank accounts, take the money that you stole from me seven years ago, use that money to take down my former employer who you are also allegedly working for and then maybe we can finally be at peace with our lives.

That's all I have so far. I would have gotten further but in the five seconds no one was watching her Apple drew a cat on her brother's head. Teaching her that drawing on your brother is wrong and washing Moses's head has taken up the rest of my day. I hope you all enjoyed what I've written.
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