for Portia, whether she likes it or not :)

[a_lifestyle]

Prompt from moderndayportia:

Write me a drabble about a scene you would normally gloss over because you cannot bear to put it into detail or because you are worried it will make people cringe. Those things you typically only devote a couple of lines to and then cut to the next scene. Your character getting sick in the back alley of a bar, the stages of that

Comments

[flecksofpoppy]

This is graphic, disturbing and intense, and it struck me like a fucking icicle in the face. I think it's really good. It tips WAY more toward clean than flowery, IMHO. There are a few phrases where I could see what you mean, sort of, but I don't think it's flowery at all. Your descriptions are so acute and crisp, and it works really well given the content of the piece. Also, I love "spider web neck."

Only one thing: you put "you're" instead of "your" in the sixth paragraph--("So. You're lower body is a gritty pile...").

[a_lifestyle]

DAMN YOU ARE RIGHT.

Thanks for pointing that out, good gravy.

I'll call you sometime soon, we should catch up!

[moderndayportia]

Wow. I had a visceral reaction to this piece.It's sharp and painful and harsh. Goal accomplished!

I can infer it's about drug addiction and withdrawal. I don't intend to say that the goal of this type of writing is to present a puzzle to the reader must be solved. After all, I think the violence and madness of your language are point enough. But I do want to let you know that I saw it and got it.
"shoots cool, soothing orange juice through your veins"

I'm going to think about what the pilgrim dress symbolizes....

[moderndayportia]

OMG! I totally just saw that you titled it 'Detox.' I feel dumb now...

[a_lifestyle]

Ha! No worries! Don't feel dumb. I hate thinking of titles anyway; they're so hard!

I hope this fit the prompt. Has anyone else tried this out? Once I started writing, I thought of a billion other things I could have done, too. :D Very challenging!

[syl_luvs_silver]

Only about ten years late, sorry. Saw the link on Portia's LJ and decided to check this out, hope you don't mind.

Wow, this is raw. It's the kind of writing that really leaves an impression. They poke your body with their hands and move your organs around so much that you’re eating through your vagina and pissing through your ears. and You see the pointy parts of your knees through the elastic skin of her alien throat as she swallows you down.

Good grief, it's powerful. I imagine this must have been cathartic.

[a_lifestyle]

Oh, it's ok, thank you for your comments!
It was somewhat cathartic, but I have a difficult time writing about myself to begin with because I'm more of a "leave the past in the past" kind of person, so going back and revisiting is challenging. Thanks!

[a_lifestyle]

Hee hee, I think this was pretty early on, hadn't been active in the FC or anything yet. :D

Thank you, ooh, I want to squish you.