Ianto's Birthday by a_silver_story | 03
Title: Ianto's Birthday
Chapter Complete 3/6
Author a_silver_story
Genre: Alternate Universe, 'Fix it'.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex, swearing
Summary: A re-edit of a section of my IM series so that it stands alone as its own fic. Jack fires Ianto in an attempt to keep him safe, Ianto has no idea where their relationship is really at and Gwen rolls her eyes a lot at the silliness of boys. All the while, Jack is being buffeted about through time, not quite realising that if he doesn't do something about it soon, existence itself will completely and utterly unravel. Cue hard decisions, a visit from a Doctor and some impromptu babysitting.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know. Now pass the retcon ...
Ianto was half way between asleep and awake. He just wasn't tired enough to properly drift off, nor awake enough to be up and about. His body refused to move, far too comfortable, sinking blissfully into the mattress. His mind, however, was very much active, running over the events of the previous week, regretting how he'd handled things and dwelling on what he wished he could change.
It had been six days since he'd been fired, and he'd done literally nothing. He stayed at home, watched television, cleaned what was already clean and sat around reading and doing nothing in particular. His body wasn't used to all the sudden leisure time, constantly itching at him to do something, and now that he could sleep basically whenever he wanted he didn't need as much coffee - which in turn led to caffeine withdrawal and then to headaches and pains.
Jack had agreed to support him, sending him money and helping him to find a new job. Ianto didn't want a new job, though. He wanted to work for Torchwood - with Jack and Gwen; Hell, he was even missing Janet and Myfanwy. He wondered briefly if anyone was remembering to feed Myfanwy, or if Jack was bothering to continue his research into Janet's increasingly strange behaviour.
The sound of the front door opening and closing distracted Ianto for a second, but he could tell from the two heavy thuds of CAT boots hitting the floor it was Jack. He felt inwardly relieved - they'd done this for three nights now, and he'd been starting to think Jack wasn't coming. Granted, he'd probably been held up at work, but Ianto had started to worry that maybe Jack was drifting. The first time it happened - two days after leaving Torchwood - Ianto had been properly asleep, waking in the middle of the night to find Jack lying beside him, watching him. They didn't even speak to each other, kissing non-committally and having sex for the sake of it. When Ianto woke the next morning, Jack had left, coming and going without saying a word.
The next night Ianto lay awake, pretending to be oblivious when he heard the front door. Jack lay on the bed next to him, stroking his hair and playing with his ear lobe, making him sleepy and eventually drift off. Again, when he woke, Jack was gone.
The third night, when Jack got in bed, Ianto wrapped himself around him and fell into unconsciousness with Jack's scent drowning his brain. Jack was gone by five AM, and Ianto hugged his knees for two hours before deciding to finally get out of bed.
It was the fourth night now, and Ianto wondered idly if tonight they would break the silence. The mattress dipped as Jack climbed onto the bed, his hands running over the covers and finding Ianto's body. He spooned into his back and kissed his nape, and Ianto shivered and forced his eyes open.
"I miss you at work," whispered Jack, kissing his neck.
"Let me come back then," Ianto replied, his voice thick with sleep.
Jack gave a small laugh, but didn't dignify the suggestion with a verbal answer. "Andy starts at Torchwood on Monday. For a trial."
"How wonderful."
"I think once we get over his naivete, he'll be a good field agent."
"He's a Cardiff PO. He's probably got very little naivete left," scowled Ianto, ignoring the strong hand splayed over his chest and searching out his heartbeat. He sighed heavily, asking what he'd been meaning to ask for nearly a week. "Have ... Have the time switches or whatever you're calling them happened again?"
"Not since that day, no," Jack replied, stroking Ianto's hair before slipping his arm under his head so that he could use his bicep as a pillow. Ianto fidgeted slightly, settled and got himself comfortable.
"Why are you here, Jack?" he asked, trying not to sound irritable.
"I want to be near you. I miss you. And I've brought you a cheque."
"You sound like a dad bringing child support."
Jack gave a small laugh, cuddling him tighter. "I'm always going to take care of you, Ianto."
"Even when I'm old and frail and donning a catheter?"
"I'll be changing the catheter," Jack joked. "Unless you go bald. I'm sorry ... I don't do bald ..."
Ianto sniggered. "Y'know ... baldness is the result of having too much testosterone ..."
"You'd better stop swallowing then."
Ianto laughed properly for the first time in a week, turning in Jack's arms and kissing his lips gently. "I know why you're doing this," he said softly, "but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"I know," Jack agreed solemnly. "I ... I've been looking into finding you a new job. One you'll like."
Ianto inwardly groaned, but figured he could at least throw Jack some form of line. "Yeah?"
"There's a little shop for sale on the bay. I was thinking ... if you got it, you could maybe open a coffee shop or something?"
"... with Starbucks just down the road?" Ianto pointed out.
Jack rolled onto his back. "Yeah ... you're right ... silly idea."
"I didn't say it was silly, Jack. I just ..." Ianto sighed. "... what would we do in my shop that would be different than Starbucks or Café Nero? What would be the niche in the market that would make people more likely to come to my place than a chain?"
"You could swear on your own grave that you'd never, ever burn the beans as badly as they constantly do in other places," suggested Jack. They were both silent in thought for a moment, before Jack decided to suggest something else. "What about ice cream? Home-made ice cream and coffee?"
"I don't like ice cream; it gives me a headache."
"I didn't say you'd have to eat it. Maybe you could do soup as well. Soup, sandwiches, ice cream and coffee."
"If I have ice cream, I'll have to do milkshake. Real milkshake, made from the ice cream and milk instead of that stupid instant powdery stuff they pedal these days."
"Italian biscuits. Or gingerbread. You could sell those chocolate things on sticks that you use to stir coffee."
"I could sell chocolates. A chocolate counter, where you pick which ones you want and put in an assortment bag."
"You can't sell chocolate. You'll get fat from sneaking it when no one's looking."
"I'm already getting fat," replied Ianto, poking his belly. Jack mimicked him, poking it himself a few times for good measure.
"Happy weight," Jack declared. "Though, if you want a new exercise regime ..."
"Hmmm," smirked Ianto. "Maybe - After all, chocolate is an aphrodisiac ..."
"Chocolate, Coffee, Ice Cream and Milkshake Parlour."
"Sounds a bit too much," yawned Ianto.
"Chocolate and Coffee. Aphrodisiac and caffeine. The perfect combination."
"Is this hypothetical shop for my benefit or yours?"
"I believe it would be win:win," smiled Jack.
"Mmmmm."
"So?" asked Jack carefully. "Would you ... like that?"
"It'd never happen, Jack," sighed Ianto resignedly. "First off, I can't afford the shop, let alone get backing for the equipment. I have no idea how to run a business - though I could probably get by on accounting and stock take. I'd have to get all sorts of legal advice, work out suppliers, pricing, potential profit, a target mark-"
"Shut up," interrupted Jack. Ianto blinked. "Why don't you just try it and see? I can get you money for the shop and the equipment. You can pay it back when you can without interest, so no need for banking or backers. I can get you all the legal advice you need - and I'm sure it won't be difficult for you to source materials. As for running a business: hire someone. Do you know anyone who has any qualifications in business studies?"
Ianto groaned audibly, rubbing his eyes.
"What?"
"The only person I know with an A Level in business studies or above is Rhiannon."
"The Jones Siblings' Chocolate and Coffee Bar."
"Piss off. Seriously. Not happening."
"I thought Rhiannon was unemployed for the moment?" smirked Jack. "I'm sure she'd be glad to -"
"She'd want a share in the business," scowled Ianto.
"She's your sister."
"She's the spawn of the Devil."
"Are you honestly trying to suggest that your sibling is worse than mine?" asked Jack, eyebrow raised.
Ianto bit his lip.
"My point exactly. You could bond
properly over this. I know things have been fine between you two lately - that makes the timing perfect."
"We could also fall apart," pointed out Ianto.
"Mmm," agreed Jack. Ianto yawned again, and Jack leant over and kissed his cheek. "You're sleepy."
"Yahummm," said Ianto, by way of reply. "Well, my body is. My mind won't switch off. I hate being unemployed."
Jack said nothing, sensing an argument suddenly sizzling into the room. Ianto felt it too, and kept his mouth shut. Instead he let Jack kiss him, before forcing him onto his back and straddling his hips. Jack lay there and let Ianto kiss his way down his abdomen, loosely lacing fingers through his hair and applying a little pressure, trying to direct him lower. Ianto laughed and looked up at him, kissing his palm and sucking the tips of a couple of fingers. He lifted his hips as Ianto tugged his trousers and boxers down, pulling out his erection. A millisecond before his lips touched the sensitive flesh, there was a frantic knock on the door.
"If that's Gwen, I doubt Rhys will ever see her alive again," growled Jack. Ianto sniggered, climbing from the bed to pull his dressing gown on and hide his own erection.
"You wait there, I'll go see who it is," he told Jack sarcastically, acknowledging the fact Jack hadn't even moved to cover himself, simply lying still and playing with himself a little. He playfully gave Ianto the finger, who stuck his tongue out as he backed out of the room. The frantic knocking was echoing through the flat again, and Ianto wrenched the door open in annoyance.
"What? - oh ... Rhiannon? It's eleven 'o' clock ... um. What's wrong?"
He found a bundle of small child shoved into his arms.
"David fell down the stairs and I think he broke something. You have to look after Mica - please! Just until I can get his arm set ... Mica? Stay with your Uncle Ianto. He's going to look after you while I take David to the hospital. Okay?"
"Woah woah woah ..." Ianto called as Rhiannon turned to leave. "I don't know how to look after a kid!"
"Just a couple of hours, Ianto. Stick a DVD on or something."
“Where's Johnny?”
“He's on night shift - and he's paid by the hour. Please, Ianto. I trust you.”
Ianto bit his lip and nodded, and Rhiannon looked beyond relieved. She said goodbye to him and Mica, then turned to rush back down the stairs.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked dubiously. The Mica giggled.
"In the child mentality, if the other sibling is awake, she has to be," Jack's voice called from the living room. "If David gets to be awake, so does she. Otherwise it's perceived as punishment."
Mica stared at Jack. "Hellow," she said sheepishly.
"Hello, Princess. I'm Jack. Wanna find a DVD to watch?"
"Yeah!"
She wriggled out of Ianto's arms - for which he was grateful, as she really was a bit too heavy to carry - and ran over to Jack, tightly clasping his hand and sitting on his lap on the floor as they examined Ianto's DVDs.
Ianto was immensely grateful for his foresight to put the porn elsewhere.
Two of us, one of her. No problem, thought Ianto. Well, I say that ... but I did see 'Two Men and a Baby'. And 'Baby's Day Out'. And ' Kindergarten Cop' …
Mica settled comfortably on Jack's lap as they read the back of a DVD cover together. She was reading out loud and slowly - she was what? Six? Seven? - and Jack had to help her on some of the bigger words. Ianto had a feeling that some of the struggle was for show, keeping Jack's attention on her.
Jack glanced up when he heard the door shut, and flashed Ianto a quick smile before returning to help Mica with the reading.
"Don't like it," declared Mica, throwing aside the last of the five DVDs within her age limitations to watch.
"Brilliant," muttered Ianto, sitting on the couch feeling useless with no idea what to do.
"Can we go to Blockbuster?" Mica asked.
"Blockbuster's is shut," Ianto replied dully.
"Let's play a game?" suggested Jack. "What games you got, Uncle Ianto?" he smirked.
Ianto shot him a quick glare. "I'll have a look Great Uncle Jack."
He got up off the sofa and went into the spare bedroom, opening the cupboard where he kept all kinds of tidbits from his childhood. He wasn't sure what games would be there, but was pleasantly surprised to find he'd kept a couple.
"Okay ..." he declared loudly as he re-entered the living room with his stack of boxes. He raised his eyebrow slightly when he saw Jack and Mica on their knees opposite each other, playing a hand-clap game to the rhyme of 'Pepsi Cola'. "Anyway ..." He cleared his throat. "We've got Operation, Ludo,Pictionary and Pokèmon Master Trainer."
"What's 'Pokèmon'?" Mica asked with a grimace.
Ianto stared at her. "Ohhh c'mon! You don't know what Pokèmon is? It was huge in the nineties!"
"She was born in 2003," Jack reminded him. "... and by then, weren't you a little old for Pokèmon?"
"Not as old as you were," grumbled Ianto, and Jack gave him a small laugh for his childishness.
"What do you want to play, Mica?" Jack asked her.
"I don't like any of those games," she huffed. "Haven't you got an Xbox?"
"An Xbox? You're six!" exclaimed Ianto.
"You're OLD!" she pouted.
"Not as old as Jack!" he retorted.
"Calm down, kids!" Jack interrupted. "Okay ... What do you do with your Mum and Dad?"
She smiled at Jack. "Sometimes we make biscuits."
"No," Ianto said instantly.
"What kind of biscuits?"
"Jack, it's going to be beyond messy," Ianto warned.
"Gingerbread men, cookies, yum yums ..."
"What're yum yums?"
"It doesn't matter. It's not happening."
"They're like the Scottish biscuits, but smaller and you use a fork to make ridges in the top."
"Will there be a recipe online?"
"Probably!"
"I think the internet broke."
"That's all right. Shortbread's easy. Flour, sugar, butter ..."
"Dammit! D'ya know what?" Ianto said melodramatically. "I have absolutely no flour. At all. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Looks like we can't do anything messy. Especially not baking."
Mica scowled at him. "You're mean."
Ianto blinked, a little taken aback. "I ... I'm not. I'm just ... it's not practical ... it's just gone eleven 'o' clock! You shouldn't even be awake!"
"David's awake," she pointed out.
"David's snapped his arm in two."
"There's a twenty-four hour Tesco less than a ten minute drive away," cut in Jack.
Ianto gave him The Death Glare.
"What?" asked Jack.
"You're spoiling her," he chastised. Mica gave a little giggle and wriggled to put her arms around Jack's waist.
"Apparently I'm 'Uncle Jack'. 'Uncle Jack' spoils his little Princess." He got up off the floor and when he was near enough to Ianto, he leant in close and whispered: "And so should Uncle Ianto." He pulled back and smiled down at the little girl clutching his hand. "Wanna ride in Uncle Ianto's car, or Uncle Jack's?"
"Uncle Jack's!"
Ianto sighed. "I'll fetch my coat."
~*~
"Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall, forty-five bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, forty-four bottles of beer on the wall. Forty-four bottles of beer on the wall, forty four bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around ..."
"I'm walking the rest of the way if she carries on like this," groaned Ianto, massaging his temples. "And you're not helping!"
Jack glanced over at him. "Loosen up - she's six! And it's a rather fun driving song."
"It's only fun if you're singing along," grumbled Ianto.
"Sing along then!" Jack chided, joining in the song with gusto.
Ianto began repeatedly knocking his head on the dashboard.
~*~
"I know you prefer the red packaging Mica, but the blue one is the one we need," Ianto repeated. A middle-aged woman gave him an 'awwww - been there' look. Ianto had the overwhelming urge to scream in the woman's face that he most certainly was not the sire of this spoilt little urchin, and anyone who assumed otherwise should be forced to write, a thousand times over, in fountain pen on cartridge paper: "Ianto Jones is in no way responsible for this accident of fluids, chromosomes, evolution, generally bad parenting and a split condom.".
Jack had bound off somewhere else - probably to get a ginormous sack of Pic'n'Mix, and when he'd found them again he'd dump it in the trolley and run away with the intention of getting something for Ianto and Mica, too.
Eventually, Ianto managed to persuade Mica that they had to get the packaging with blue flour, but only if they got something else that was red. He rolled his eyes, hefting the basket to rest in the crook of his elbow. "Do you think Uncle Jack would be able to find us if we went to the toy section?" he asked her.
"He's probably already in the toy section." she deadpanned.
Ianto laughed as they set off walking together, and she skipped happily beside him. She dragged him down an aisle that was very, very pink.
"Can I get this doll?" she asked, holding up a Bratz doll with dark skin and jet black hair, wearing ice skates and very little in the way of clothes - nothing more than a little silver skirt and fur-trimmed top and bolero. He raised an eyebrow.
"How many dolls have you got already?"
"I don't have an ice skater," she said, putting on her biggest smile as she squeezed out the word 'pleeeeeeeeese!'.
"If I get you something, I'll have to get David something," Ianto reasoned, remembering Jack's advice to spoil her. He wouldn't go out and fully Harkness© spoil her, but he could find something half way, he supposed. "What would David want?"
Mica shoved a similar box with a similar doll in it under his nose. This one was pale and blonde. "I think he'd want this one."
Ianto's eyebrow raised again. "Are you sure? Or is that just what you want?"
"Nope. He'd definitely want her."
"Right. Well, before we decide what to get him, shall we have a look at the boys toys and see if there's anything else we might think is better?"
He didn't wait for a reply before moving onto the next aisle, finding lots of cars, planes, action figures and Lego. He also found a Jack.
"Mica!" Ianto called. "You were right! Uncle Jack's already at the toys!"
She scurried around the corner, cannon-balling straight into Jack and nearly dropping her doll.
"What's that?" Jack asked, crouching down so that he was eye-level with her and taking the doll. He gave her an almost incredulous look. "Did ... did you pick her?" he asked.
"Yep. I've wanted her for ages," she beamed, trying to sit on Jack's knee where he was crouched. "I have all the others," she continued. "I don't have this one though."
"I thought you said you didn't have an ice skater?" Ianto pointed out.
"I have the other dolls in other sets," she explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Anyway ... what does David like? Planes, trains, cars, Lego ... how old is he, anyway?"
"Ten," replied Mica as Jack hoisted her up to sit on his hip to look at the die-cast planes.
"Does he like Star Wars?"
"Star Wars is for old people."
Ianto managed to somehow not drop the basket.
"Lord of the Rings?"
"Old People."
"Star Trek?"
"He's not old enough to see it."
Ianto blinked, then realised she meant the film that had just been released. "I meant the TV series ... oh my God ... Jack, I'm going to have to educate that boy. Starting with the Star Wars trilogy and the digitally remastered version of The Wrath of Khan ..."
"Calm down ..." Jack soothed. "... I'm sure he'll learn about the wonders of Science Fiction and Fantasy in good time - he's only ten!"
"He should be wandering around the playground making lightsabre noises."
"You are old!" giggled Mica. Ianto stuck his tongue out at her and she mimicked the gesture.
Ianto laughed, then focussed on who was stood behind Jack. "Ohhh ... buggeration ..." he hissed to himself.
"What's up?" asked Jack.
"Those people behind you," he whispered. "I went to college with the girl ... it ... well, it ended a badly ..."
Post Too Large - Click here for next part
Chapter Complete 3/6
Author a_silver_story
Genre: Alternate Universe, 'Fix it'.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex, swearing
Summary: A re-edit of a section of my IM series so that it stands alone as its own fic. Jack fires Ianto in an attempt to keep him safe, Ianto has no idea where their relationship is really at and Gwen rolls her eyes a lot at the silliness of boys. All the while, Jack is being buffeted about through time, not quite realising that if he doesn't do something about it soon, existence itself will completely and utterly unravel. Cue hard decisions, a visit from a Doctor and some impromptu babysitting.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know. Now pass the retcon ...
Ianto was half way between asleep and awake. He just wasn't tired enough to properly drift off, nor awake enough to be up and about. His body refused to move, far too comfortable, sinking blissfully into the mattress. His mind, however, was very much active, running over the events of the previous week, regretting how he'd handled things and dwelling on what he wished he could change.
It had been six days since he'd been fired, and he'd done literally nothing. He stayed at home, watched television, cleaned what was already clean and sat around reading and doing nothing in particular. His body wasn't used to all the sudden leisure time, constantly itching at him to do something, and now that he could sleep basically whenever he wanted he didn't need as much coffee - which in turn led to caffeine withdrawal and then to headaches and pains.
Jack had agreed to support him, sending him money and helping him to find a new job. Ianto didn't want a new job, though. He wanted to work for Torchwood - with Jack and Gwen; Hell, he was even missing Janet and Myfanwy. He wondered briefly if anyone was remembering to feed Myfanwy, or if Jack was bothering to continue his research into Janet's increasingly strange behaviour.
The sound of the front door opening and closing distracted Ianto for a second, but he could tell from the two heavy thuds of CAT boots hitting the floor it was Jack. He felt inwardly relieved - they'd done this for three nights now, and he'd been starting to think Jack wasn't coming. Granted, he'd probably been held up at work, but Ianto had started to worry that maybe Jack was drifting. The first time it happened - two days after leaving Torchwood - Ianto had been properly asleep, waking in the middle of the night to find Jack lying beside him, watching him. They didn't even speak to each other, kissing non-committally and having sex for the sake of it. When Ianto woke the next morning, Jack had left, coming and going without saying a word.
The next night Ianto lay awake, pretending to be oblivious when he heard the front door. Jack lay on the bed next to him, stroking his hair and playing with his ear lobe, making him sleepy and eventually drift off. Again, when he woke, Jack was gone.
The third night, when Jack got in bed, Ianto wrapped himself around him and fell into unconsciousness with Jack's scent drowning his brain. Jack was gone by five AM, and Ianto hugged his knees for two hours before deciding to finally get out of bed.
It was the fourth night now, and Ianto wondered idly if tonight they would break the silence. The mattress dipped as Jack climbed onto the bed, his hands running over the covers and finding Ianto's body. He spooned into his back and kissed his nape, and Ianto shivered and forced his eyes open.
"I miss you at work," whispered Jack, kissing his neck.
"Let me come back then," Ianto replied, his voice thick with sleep.
Jack gave a small laugh, but didn't dignify the suggestion with a verbal answer. "Andy starts at Torchwood on Monday. For a trial."
"How wonderful."
"I think once we get over his naivete, he'll be a good field agent."
"He's a Cardiff PO. He's probably got very little naivete left," scowled Ianto, ignoring the strong hand splayed over his chest and searching out his heartbeat. He sighed heavily, asking what he'd been meaning to ask for nearly a week. "Have ... Have the time switches or whatever you're calling them happened again?"
"Not since that day, no," Jack replied, stroking Ianto's hair before slipping his arm under his head so that he could use his bicep as a pillow. Ianto fidgeted slightly, settled and got himself comfortable.
"Why are you here, Jack?" he asked, trying not to sound irritable.
"I want to be near you. I miss you. And I've brought you a cheque."
"You sound like a dad bringing child support."
Jack gave a small laugh, cuddling him tighter. "I'm always going to take care of you, Ianto."
"Even when I'm old and frail and donning a catheter?"
"I'll be changing the catheter," Jack joked. "Unless you go bald. I'm sorry ... I don't do bald ..."
Ianto sniggered. "Y'know ... baldness is the result of having too much testosterone ..."
"You'd better stop swallowing then."
Ianto laughed properly for the first time in a week, turning in Jack's arms and kissing his lips gently. "I know why you're doing this," he said softly, "but that doesn't mean I have to like it."
"I know," Jack agreed solemnly. "I ... I've been looking into finding you a new job. One you'll like."
Ianto inwardly groaned, but figured he could at least throw Jack some form of line. "Yeah?"
"There's a little shop for sale on the bay. I was thinking ... if you got it, you could maybe open a coffee shop or something?"
"... with Starbucks just down the road?" Ianto pointed out.
Jack rolled onto his back. "Yeah ... you're right ... silly idea."
"I didn't say it was silly, Jack. I just ..." Ianto sighed. "... what would we do in my shop that would be different than Starbucks or Café Nero? What would be the niche in the market that would make people more likely to come to my place than a chain?"
"You could swear on your own grave that you'd never, ever burn the beans as badly as they constantly do in other places," suggested Jack. They were both silent in thought for a moment, before Jack decided to suggest something else. "What about ice cream? Home-made ice cream and coffee?"
"I don't like ice cream; it gives me a headache."
"I didn't say you'd have to eat it. Maybe you could do soup as well. Soup, sandwiches, ice cream and coffee."
"If I have ice cream, I'll have to do milkshake. Real milkshake, made from the ice cream and milk instead of that stupid instant powdery stuff they pedal these days."
"Italian biscuits. Or gingerbread. You could sell those chocolate things on sticks that you use to stir coffee."
"I could sell chocolates. A chocolate counter, where you pick which ones you want and put in an assortment bag."
"You can't sell chocolate. You'll get fat from sneaking it when no one's looking."
"I'm already getting fat," replied Ianto, poking his belly. Jack mimicked him, poking it himself a few times for good measure.
"Happy weight," Jack declared. "Though, if you want a new exercise regime ..."
"Hmmm," smirked Ianto. "Maybe - After all, chocolate is an aphrodisiac ..."
"Chocolate, Coffee, Ice Cream and Milkshake Parlour."
"Sounds a bit too much," yawned Ianto.
"Chocolate and Coffee. Aphrodisiac and caffeine. The perfect combination."
"Is this hypothetical shop for my benefit or yours?"
"I believe it would be win:win," smiled Jack.
"Mmmmm."
"So?" asked Jack carefully. "Would you ... like that?"
"It'd never happen, Jack," sighed Ianto resignedly. "First off, I can't afford the shop, let alone get backing for the equipment. I have no idea how to run a business - though I could probably get by on accounting and stock take. I'd have to get all sorts of legal advice, work out suppliers, pricing, potential profit, a target mark-"
"Shut up," interrupted Jack. Ianto blinked. "Why don't you just try it and see? I can get you money for the shop and the equipment. You can pay it back when you can without interest, so no need for banking or backers. I can get you all the legal advice you need - and I'm sure it won't be difficult for you to source materials. As for running a business: hire someone. Do you know anyone who has any qualifications in business studies?"
Ianto groaned audibly, rubbing his eyes.
"What?"
"The only person I know with an A Level in business studies or above is Rhiannon."
"The Jones Siblings' Chocolate and Coffee Bar."
"Piss off. Seriously. Not happening."
"I thought Rhiannon was unemployed for the moment?" smirked Jack. "I'm sure she'd be glad to -"
"She'd want a share in the business," scowled Ianto.
"She's your sister."
"She's the spawn of the Devil."
"Are you honestly trying to suggest that your sibling is worse than mine?" asked Jack, eyebrow raised.
Ianto bit his lip.
"My point exactly. You could bond
properly over this. I know things have been fine between you two lately - that makes the timing perfect."
"We could also fall apart," pointed out Ianto.
"Mmm," agreed Jack. Ianto yawned again, and Jack leant over and kissed his cheek. "You're sleepy."
"Yahummm," said Ianto, by way of reply. "Well, my body is. My mind won't switch off. I hate being unemployed."
Jack said nothing, sensing an argument suddenly sizzling into the room. Ianto felt it too, and kept his mouth shut. Instead he let Jack kiss him, before forcing him onto his back and straddling his hips. Jack lay there and let Ianto kiss his way down his abdomen, loosely lacing fingers through his hair and applying a little pressure, trying to direct him lower. Ianto laughed and looked up at him, kissing his palm and sucking the tips of a couple of fingers. He lifted his hips as Ianto tugged his trousers and boxers down, pulling out his erection. A millisecond before his lips touched the sensitive flesh, there was a frantic knock on the door.
"If that's Gwen, I doubt Rhys will ever see her alive again," growled Jack. Ianto sniggered, climbing from the bed to pull his dressing gown on and hide his own erection.
"You wait there, I'll go see who it is," he told Jack sarcastically, acknowledging the fact Jack hadn't even moved to cover himself, simply lying still and playing with himself a little. He playfully gave Ianto the finger, who stuck his tongue out as he backed out of the room. The frantic knocking was echoing through the flat again, and Ianto wrenched the door open in annoyance.
"What? - oh ... Rhiannon? It's eleven 'o' clock ... um. What's wrong?"
He found a bundle of small child shoved into his arms.
"David fell down the stairs and I think he broke something. You have to look after Mica - please! Just until I can get his arm set ... Mica? Stay with your Uncle Ianto. He's going to look after you while I take David to the hospital. Okay?"
"Woah woah woah ..." Ianto called as Rhiannon turned to leave. "I don't know how to look after a kid!"
"Just a couple of hours, Ianto. Stick a DVD on or something."
“Where's Johnny?”
“He's on night shift - and he's paid by the hour. Please, Ianto. I trust you.”
Ianto bit his lip and nodded, and Rhiannon looked beyond relieved. She said goodbye to him and Mica, then turned to rush back down the stairs.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked dubiously. The Mica giggled.
"In the child mentality, if the other sibling is awake, she has to be," Jack's voice called from the living room. "If David gets to be awake, so does she. Otherwise it's perceived as punishment."
Mica stared at Jack. "Hellow," she said sheepishly.
"Hello, Princess. I'm Jack. Wanna find a DVD to watch?"
"Yeah!"
She wriggled out of Ianto's arms - for which he was grateful, as she really was a bit too heavy to carry - and ran over to Jack, tightly clasping his hand and sitting on his lap on the floor as they examined Ianto's DVDs.
Ianto was immensely grateful for his foresight to put the porn elsewhere.
Two of us, one of her. No problem, thought Ianto. Well, I say that ... but I did see 'Two Men and a Baby'. And 'Baby's Day Out'. And ' Kindergarten Cop' …
Mica settled comfortably on Jack's lap as they read the back of a DVD cover together. She was reading out loud and slowly - she was what? Six? Seven? - and Jack had to help her on some of the bigger words. Ianto had a feeling that some of the struggle was for show, keeping Jack's attention on her.
Jack glanced up when he heard the door shut, and flashed Ianto a quick smile before returning to help Mica with the reading.
"Don't like it," declared Mica, throwing aside the last of the five DVDs within her age limitations to watch.
"Brilliant," muttered Ianto, sitting on the couch feeling useless with no idea what to do.
"Can we go to Blockbuster?" Mica asked.
"Blockbuster's is shut," Ianto replied dully.
"Let's play a game?" suggested Jack. "What games you got, Uncle Ianto?" he smirked.
Ianto shot him a quick glare. "I'll have a look Great Uncle Jack."
He got up off the sofa and went into the spare bedroom, opening the cupboard where he kept all kinds of tidbits from his childhood. He wasn't sure what games would be there, but was pleasantly surprised to find he'd kept a couple.
"Okay ..." he declared loudly as he re-entered the living room with his stack of boxes. He raised his eyebrow slightly when he saw Jack and Mica on their knees opposite each other, playing a hand-clap game to the rhyme of 'Pepsi Cola'. "Anyway ..." He cleared his throat. "We've got Operation, Ludo,Pictionary and Pokèmon Master Trainer."
"What's 'Pokèmon'?" Mica asked with a grimace.
Ianto stared at her. "Ohhh c'mon! You don't know what Pokèmon is? It was huge in the nineties!"
"She was born in 2003," Jack reminded him. "... and by then, weren't you a little old for Pokèmon?"
"Not as old as you were," grumbled Ianto, and Jack gave him a small laugh for his childishness.
"What do you want to play, Mica?" Jack asked her.
"I don't like any of those games," she huffed. "Haven't you got an Xbox?"
"An Xbox? You're six!" exclaimed Ianto.
"You're OLD!" she pouted.
"Not as old as Jack!" he retorted.
"Calm down, kids!" Jack interrupted. "Okay ... What do you do with your Mum and Dad?"
She smiled at Jack. "Sometimes we make biscuits."
"No," Ianto said instantly.
"What kind of biscuits?"
"Jack, it's going to be beyond messy," Ianto warned.
"Gingerbread men, cookies, yum yums ..."
"What're yum yums?"
"It doesn't matter. It's not happening."
"They're like the Scottish biscuits, but smaller and you use a fork to make ridges in the top."
"Will there be a recipe online?"
"Probably!"
"I think the internet broke."
"That's all right. Shortbread's easy. Flour, sugar, butter ..."
"Dammit! D'ya know what?" Ianto said melodramatically. "I have absolutely no flour. At all. Not even a teeny tiny bit. Looks like we can't do anything messy. Especially not baking."
Mica scowled at him. "You're mean."
Ianto blinked, a little taken aback. "I ... I'm not. I'm just ... it's not practical ... it's just gone eleven 'o' clock! You shouldn't even be awake!"
"David's awake," she pointed out.
"David's snapped his arm in two."
"There's a twenty-four hour Tesco less than a ten minute drive away," cut in Jack.
Ianto gave him The Death Glare.
"What?" asked Jack.
"You're spoiling her," he chastised. Mica gave a little giggle and wriggled to put her arms around Jack's waist.
"Apparently I'm 'Uncle Jack'. 'Uncle Jack' spoils his little Princess." He got up off the floor and when he was near enough to Ianto, he leant in close and whispered: "And so should Uncle Ianto." He pulled back and smiled down at the little girl clutching his hand. "Wanna ride in Uncle Ianto's car, or Uncle Jack's?"
"Uncle Jack's!"
Ianto sighed. "I'll fetch my coat."
~*~
"Forty-five bottles of beer on the wall, forty-five bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, forty-four bottles of beer on the wall. Forty-four bottles of beer on the wall, forty four bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around ..."
"I'm walking the rest of the way if she carries on like this," groaned Ianto, massaging his temples. "And you're not helping!"
Jack glanced over at him. "Loosen up - she's six! And it's a rather fun driving song."
"It's only fun if you're singing along," grumbled Ianto.
"Sing along then!" Jack chided, joining in the song with gusto.
Ianto began repeatedly knocking his head on the dashboard.
~*~
"I know you prefer the red packaging Mica, but the blue one is the one we need," Ianto repeated. A middle-aged woman gave him an 'awwww - been there' look. Ianto had the overwhelming urge to scream in the woman's face that he most certainly was not the sire of this spoilt little urchin, and anyone who assumed otherwise should be forced to write, a thousand times over, in fountain pen on cartridge paper: "Ianto Jones is in no way responsible for this accident of fluids, chromosomes, evolution, generally bad parenting and a split condom.".
Jack had bound off somewhere else - probably to get a ginormous sack of Pic'n'Mix, and when he'd found them again he'd dump it in the trolley and run away with the intention of getting something for Ianto and Mica, too.
Eventually, Ianto managed to persuade Mica that they had to get the packaging with blue flour, but only if they got something else that was red. He rolled his eyes, hefting the basket to rest in the crook of his elbow. "Do you think Uncle Jack would be able to find us if we went to the toy section?" he asked her.
"He's probably already in the toy section." she deadpanned.
Ianto laughed as they set off walking together, and she skipped happily beside him. She dragged him down an aisle that was very, very pink.
"Can I get this doll?" she asked, holding up a Bratz doll with dark skin and jet black hair, wearing ice skates and very little in the way of clothes - nothing more than a little silver skirt and fur-trimmed top and bolero. He raised an eyebrow.
"How many dolls have you got already?"
"I don't have an ice skater," she said, putting on her biggest smile as she squeezed out the word 'pleeeeeeeeese!'.
"If I get you something, I'll have to get David something," Ianto reasoned, remembering Jack's advice to spoil her. He wouldn't go out and fully Harkness© spoil her, but he could find something half way, he supposed. "What would David want?"
Mica shoved a similar box with a similar doll in it under his nose. This one was pale and blonde. "I think he'd want this one."
Ianto's eyebrow raised again. "Are you sure? Or is that just what you want?"
"Nope. He'd definitely want her."
"Right. Well, before we decide what to get him, shall we have a look at the boys toys and see if there's anything else we might think is better?"
He didn't wait for a reply before moving onto the next aisle, finding lots of cars, planes, action figures and Lego. He also found a Jack.
"Mica!" Ianto called. "You were right! Uncle Jack's already at the toys!"
She scurried around the corner, cannon-balling straight into Jack and nearly dropping her doll.
"What's that?" Jack asked, crouching down so that he was eye-level with her and taking the doll. He gave her an almost incredulous look. "Did ... did you pick her?" he asked.
"Yep. I've wanted her for ages," she beamed, trying to sit on Jack's knee where he was crouched. "I have all the others," she continued. "I don't have this one though."
"I thought you said you didn't have an ice skater?" Ianto pointed out.
"I have the other dolls in other sets," she explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Anyway ... what does David like? Planes, trains, cars, Lego ... how old is he, anyway?"
"Ten," replied Mica as Jack hoisted her up to sit on his hip to look at the die-cast planes.
"Does he like Star Wars?"
"Star Wars is for old people."
Ianto managed to somehow not drop the basket.
"Lord of the Rings?"
"Old People."
"Star Trek?"
"He's not old enough to see it."
Ianto blinked, then realised she meant the film that had just been released. "I meant the TV series ... oh my God ... Jack, I'm going to have to educate that boy. Starting with the Star Wars trilogy and the digitally remastered version of The Wrath of Khan ..."
"Calm down ..." Jack soothed. "... I'm sure he'll learn about the wonders of Science Fiction and Fantasy in good time - he's only ten!"
"He should be wandering around the playground making lightsabre noises."
"You are old!" giggled Mica. Ianto stuck his tongue out at her and she mimicked the gesture.
Ianto laughed, then focussed on who was stood behind Jack. "Ohhh ... buggeration ..." he hissed to himself.
"What's up?" asked Jack.
"Those people behind you," he whispered. "I went to college with the girl ... it ... well, it ended a badly ..."
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