Ianto's Birthday by a_silver_story | 02
Title: Ianto's Birthday
Chapter Complete 2/6
Author a_silver_story
Genre: Alternate Universe, 'Fix it'.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex, swearing
Summary: A re-edit of a section of my IM series so that it stands alone as its own fic. Jack fires Ianto in an attempt to keep him safe, Ianto has no idea where their relationship is really at and Gwen rolls her eyes a lot at the silliness of boys. All the while, Jack is being buffeted about through time, not quite realising that if he doesn't do something about it soon, existence itself will completely and utterly unravel. Cue hard decisions, a visit from a Doctor and some impromptu babysitting.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know. Now pass the retcon ...
Ianto stared at him as if he'd never seen him before. "I'm sorry ... d-d-did you just ask me what I thought you just asked me?" he stammered.
"Yes," said Jack firmly.
"Oh ..." Ianto averted his gaze. He fidgeted with his hands, then turned back to Jack, his eyes dark and scowling. "No - and I can't believe you even suggested it."
He got up and crossed the room, angrily pulling on a t-shirt as Jack scrambled off the bed to follow him. "Ianto! It's for the best - think about it."
"I have thought about it!" Ianto snapped.
"Not clearly," grumbled Jack, "Take a moment ..."
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. Torch. Wood. I don't know how I can make that any clearer, Jack."
"Just wait! Consider your options - our options! If you leav-"
"If I leave, I get retconned," Ianto cut him off, trying to locate his boxers. He winced as a pain shot up his calf from the bullet wound of the day before, and began making his way to the kitchen to find some paracetamol or ibuprofen. Jack followed him, not leaving it alone.
"I'm in charge. If I bent the rules for Rhys, I can bend them for us, too."
"Bend them for you, you mean," Ianto replied bitterly, punching two pills from a blister pack and running the tap for cold water.
"Well ... if you want to view it that way." Jack crossed his arms over his chest defensively.
Ianto didn't reply, drinking down his painkillers and noisily filling the sink and getting ready to do the washing up from the night before. Jack watched him for a moment or two, then reached for the tea towel to start drying. Ianto stared at him as if he'd never seen him before.
"Since when did Captain Jack Harkness help with the washing up?" he asked sarcastically.
"Since he rethought a few basic priorities," Jack replied neutrally, setting the now dry plate aside and reaching for the next.
Ianto gave him a sidelong glance. "Dare I ask?"
"I was thinking ... one day, you're gonna die-"
"... No shit, Sherlock."
"- and I was thinking ... it's not fair on you to ... y'know ... keep you at arm's length because ... you only get one shot at this. And I don't want to ruin it for you."
Ianto took the towel from Jack's hands and dried his own, frowning. "Are you ... breaking off with me?" he asked quietly.
"You know how I feel about you, Ianto. And I know how ... how you feel about me. Breaking off now would have been a waste of all that time and emotion, and I've wasted too much of your time."
"So ... You want me to leave Torchwood - but still be together?"
"Yeah. Maybe somewhere new. Not too far away ... but a change of scenery."
"Somewhere new?"
"Yeah."
"I'm confused."
"How?"
"When you said leave Torchwood ... Oh my God! Did you mean both of us?"
"Why not?"
"Jack! How can you be so selfish?" Ianto threw down the towel he hadn't realised he'd still been clutching.
"Selfish?" exclaimed Jack.
"You're supposed to be working to protect people - not wandering away whenever the feeling takes you!"
"Wandering awa- are you referring to when I left with the Doctor?"
Ianto rolled his eyes. "And that wasn't wandering away when the feeling took you, was it?"
"I waited over a hundred years for him to show up!"
Ianto took a deep breath. "Look ... Just ... What are you planning? Don't give it to me in chunks: tell me all at once."
"I want us to move away together and make a proper go of it."
Silence.
"Well?"
Silence.
"Ianto?"
"Gwen and Rhys are planning on having a baby," he said, turning to scrub the work surfaces. "There'll be no one left to look after Torchwood. The team needs a medic and a technician - if we leave too it will need a leader and an Archivist slash PA. We can't move away now, Jack. The timing is ... it's awful."
Jack stared at his toes. "Yeah ... you're right."
"I'm sorry, Jack."
"Don't be ... I was ... Never mind ..."
He took a step to walk away and Ianto pulled him into his arms, holding him tight.
~*~*~*~
“Morning!” Gwen grinned, rapping her knuckles on the door frame of Jack's office and poking her head in.
“Morning,” Jack dejectedly replied, signing the form in front of him and sighing as he put it into his Out tray then reached for the next.
“What's up?” Gwen asked, a concerned frown crinkling her brow. “You seem a bit … quiet. Well, for you anyway,” she winked.
Jack shrugged. “Just brooding.”
Gwen sat down on the chair opposite him. “I thought Ianto made you leave your brooding on the roofs?” she joked.
Raising his head, Jack's eyes narrowed. “Yeah? Well I don't always have to do what Ianto says, do I?”
“If you want to think that, that's fine,” Gwen chuckled in reply.
Jack didn't see the funny side. “What's that supposed to mean?” he demanded.
“Oh come on - you haven't noticed you're 'under the thumb'?”
Jack's jaw tense and his eyes flashed. “Leave me alone,” he eventually snapped. “Some of us are actually trying to do work.”
Gwen's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she decided not to rile him. She got up and left without saying anything further, pointedly closing the door. Frowning to herself, she decided to see if Ianto would be able to tell her what was up.
“Morning!” she smiled cheerfully, crossing to his workstation.
“Morning,” he replied distractedly, not looking up from what he was doing.
“What's up with Jack?” Gwen asked.
Ianto paused his typing. “How would I know?”
“Okay … What's up with you then?”
“Just got a lot on my mind,” Ianto murmured, making a show of trying to concentrate on his work.
“Okay,” Gwen repeated. “So when was the last time you and Jack went out?”
Ianto paused again, this time turning to her slightly, an eyebrow raised. “Why?”
“Because you're both in bad moods, and you're both annoying the Hell outta me.”
Ianto let out a small, impatient sigh. “Yeah,” he muttered, again returning his attention to his computer.
“C'mon,” Gwen coaxed. “What's up, Ianto?”
“Nothing.”
“Don't make me put you in a headlock again.”
“I haven't quite recovered from last time yet.”
“Well, unless you want it happening again, you'd better spill!”
Ianto let out a slow breath. He weighed up the pros and cons of telling and not, then gave in. “Jack asked me for something, and I couldn't give it to him,” he vaguely replied. “I may regret this next sentence, but here goes: That's all I'm saying.”
Gwen pulled up a chair. “Asked you for something? Was it something … y'know … kinky?” she asked with a grin.
Ianto's lips quirked slightly, then returned to their stoic position. “No, it wasn't. I'm not going to tell you, so leave it.”
“But … you told me so much already - you led me on,” Gwen reasoned.
“Did not! You kept asking questions!”
“And if you answer them, I'm gong to ask more,” she pointed out. “And you wouldn't have told me what you did unless you really do want to tell me.”
Ianto sighed dramatically. “Maybe I do want to tell you - but not for the right reasons.”
“The right reasons?” Gwen repeated.
“I'd only tell you because I'd take satisfaction in how jealous you'd be if you knew.”
“Oh?” Gwen asked, her voice faltering slightly. “What's he asked for?” she tried again.
“It doesn't matter. Please, just leave it. Anyway … weren't you saying the other day that you wanted to go to IKEA?”
“Yeah. I want some drawers that match the wardrobe we got last year. The old ones broke when we tried to rearrange the bedroom.”
“Sure they did,” nodded Ianto.
“Huh? What's that supposed to mean?”
“Jack uses the 'broken while moving' excuse in many official logs,” Ianto smirked.
Gwen's eyes widened, then she laughed. “We did break them while moving them!” she insisted.
“Sure,” nodded Ianto.
Gwen huffed out a breath through her nose, and watched Ianto's fingers typing incredibly fast for a moment or so. Eventually, she leaned forward to speak again. “So … What did he ask you for?”
Ianto ignored her, the only sign he'd heard what she'd said being a sudden type-o that required a lot of backspaces to fix.
Gwen pursed her lips. “Commitment?” she suggested, and Ianto rolled his eyes. Gwen bit her lip in thought. “Did he ask you to move into the Hub?”
“No, that's not what he asked - Will you be needing me ot help carry the drawers? I seem to remember Rhys nearly putting his back out with the wardrobe. And you'll be wanting me to build them, I'll presume.”
Gwen mock-gasped. “It's like you know.”
Ianto paused his typing to mimic her gasp. “It's like you're predictable!”
They both sniggered, and Ianto continued what he was doing, aware of Gwen waiting to ask her next question. He tensed slightly when he felt her hands resting on his shoulders as she pulled her chair closer to his, but couldn't help relaxing into her grip as she knowledgeably began to massage his neck and shoulders.
“Y'know,” pondered Gwen in his ear, “You never really told me … What's sex with Jack like?”
Ianto had stopped typing altogether and seemed to have forgotten everything except the hands on his shoulders. “Innovative,” he replied distantly. “Bordering on the avant garde.”
“I know that,” sighed Gwen. “I speak to Martha, too. I mean … what's it like?”
Ianto managed to drag himself into the present and pushed Gwen's hands away. “It's as blissful as having a day without you nagging at me asking what it's like to have sex with Jack.”
“Cheeky bugger,” pouted Gwen.
“If anyone's being cheeky, it's you invading my personal space, madam!”
“Fair play,” shrugged Gwen. “But you loved it.”
Ianto rolled his eyes, and the Rift Alarm began blaring through the Hub. Quickly and professionally, they both sprang to their feet and got themselves prepared for whatever the Rift was throwing at them now.
~*~*~*~
"Well that was a complete and utter failure," grumbled Ianto, turning the SUV back onto the motorway, pristine clean while Jack and Gwen were dripping from head to toe in alien vomit.
"How was I supposed to know it was a recovering drug addict - that bastard was three times the size of us!" snapped Gwen.
"It was a mutated sea monkey and I refuse to acknowledge it as anything but."
Gwen had given up trying to get the goo off her face, and was resigned to the fact she'd probably need a pressure washer to get it off. "How did you avoid being sicked on, anyway, Ianto?" she complained, trying her best not to get any vomit on the car seats and keep it on the plastic carrier bags Ianto had insisted on putting down before they'd been allowed near the vehicle.
"Yeah ... well ... Jack spent the entire time stood in front of me, didn't he? Turned on my side and the thing totally missed."
"It's a good job I was standing in front of you," Jack scowled. "It was eyeing you up. It'd have eaten you."
"Given the evidence of its digestive capabilities, I'd say it would have brought me back up sooner or later. You guys hungry?"
In answer, Jack's stomach rumbled loudly. "You must be psychic," he declared, chancing an affectionate sideways glance.
Ianto pulled off at the service station, and had to stop Jack three times from trying to get out. "You're staying in the SUV - you can't walk in there covered in alien vomit, people will stare. You'll probably be asked to leave, and not in the way you like."
Jack and Gwen watched him walk purposefully towards the building.
"So ..." began Gwen. "What's sex with Ianto like?" she asked innocently.
Jack glanced at her in the mirror, eyebrow raised. She was smirking, and he couldn't help but smirk back. "Different. Fun. Kinky. Sensual. The best way to spend every second of free time you have - maybe you should try it some day," he winked.
"Or not ..."
Jack jumped as Ianto's voice broke across the comms. Gwen sniggered.
"... and you can tell Gwen to stop asking questions about our sex life. It's bad enough when she does it in the comfort of the Hub."
Jack turned and gave her a raised eyebrow this time, and she shrugged. He pulled the comm out of his ear and after a number of minutes, Jack realised he was smirking to himself for no apparent reason.
"What's got in to you?" Gwen asked from the back seat.
"Nothing just ... thinking about what you asked me."
"You mean ... you're fantasising?" she smirked. "You're fantasising about Ianto?"
Jack shrugged. "Don't you?"
"Me? Me ... fantasise about ... about Ianto? Me? Well ... no ... never. Na-ah. Not once."
Her statement was met with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay ..." she admitted. "Just after I walked in on the two of you, I had this dream -"
"Back!" declared Ianto as he pulled open the door and plonked himself inside. "It's bloody freezing out there! I asked them to make the food hot for you both ..." He started unwrapping a sandwich to identify its owner, before hesitating and realising the awkwardness in the car. "What?"
"Nothing," replied Gwen and Jack in unison.
Ianto raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Gwen shifted uncomfortably.
"Have you been talking about me?"
"No," said Jack quickly. Ianto narrowed his eyes.
"What were you saying?"
"We weren't talking about you, sweetheart," Gwen assured him sweetly.
Ianto glanced over at Jack, and could see that at any moment he was going to snap and tell. "Jack?"
"Gwen has fun dreams about you!" he tumbled out, almost gleefully. "Oof!" he yelped as a gooey hand collided with his head.
Ianto had turned pink. "Erm ... I already knew about that ... and ... that was aphrodisiac-pollen induced ..."
"Oh ... the first one was pollen-induced ..." smirked Gwen, and Jack sniggered.
"That's your sandwich, Gwen," Ianto said, hurriedly shoving it into her hands and starting up the car. He reversed almost violently, driving quickly to get back onto the motorway and get the now very awkward journey over and done with. Jack didn't really seem to notice the awkwardness, quietly laughing to himself every couple of minutes.
Ianto considered throwing him out onto the hard shoulder and telling him to walk from there, but that would mean being left on his own with Gwen, and he really wouldn't look forward to that.
~*~
Post Too Large - click here for the next section
Chapter Complete 2/6
Author a_silver_story
Genre: Alternate Universe, 'Fix it'.
Rating: NC-17 overall
Warnings: Sex, swearing
Summary: A re-edit of a section of my IM series so that it stands alone as its own fic. Jack fires Ianto in an attempt to keep him safe, Ianto has no idea where their relationship is really at and Gwen rolls her eyes a lot at the silliness of boys. All the while, Jack is being buffeted about through time, not quite realising that if he doesn't do something about it soon, existence itself will completely and utterly unravel. Cue hard decisions, a visit from a Doctor and some impromptu babysitting.
Disclaimer: If I owned anything in this, I'd be a rich rich rich bitch. However, I am not a rich rich rich bitch so you may all, therefore, assume I own nothing. Which I don't. It all belongs RTD and the BBC, in case any of you didn't know. Now pass the retcon ...
Ianto stared at him as if he'd never seen him before. "I'm sorry ... d-d-did you just ask me what I thought you just asked me?" he stammered.
"Yes," said Jack firmly.
"Oh ..." Ianto averted his gaze. He fidgeted with his hands, then turned back to Jack, his eyes dark and scowling. "No - and I can't believe you even suggested it."
He got up and crossed the room, angrily pulling on a t-shirt as Jack scrambled off the bed to follow him. "Ianto! It's for the best - think about it."
"I have thought about it!" Ianto snapped.
"Not clearly," grumbled Jack, "Take a moment ..."
"I. Am. Not. Leaving. Torch. Wood. I don't know how I can make that any clearer, Jack."
"Just wait! Consider your options - our options! If you leav-"
"If I leave, I get retconned," Ianto cut him off, trying to locate his boxers. He winced as a pain shot up his calf from the bullet wound of the day before, and began making his way to the kitchen to find some paracetamol or ibuprofen. Jack followed him, not leaving it alone.
"I'm in charge. If I bent the rules for Rhys, I can bend them for us, too."
"Bend them for you, you mean," Ianto replied bitterly, punching two pills from a blister pack and running the tap for cold water.
"Well ... if you want to view it that way." Jack crossed his arms over his chest defensively.
Ianto didn't reply, drinking down his painkillers and noisily filling the sink and getting ready to do the washing up from the night before. Jack watched him for a moment or two, then reached for the tea towel to start drying. Ianto stared at him as if he'd never seen him before.
"Since when did Captain Jack Harkness help with the washing up?" he asked sarcastically.
"Since he rethought a few basic priorities," Jack replied neutrally, setting the now dry plate aside and reaching for the next.
Ianto gave him a sidelong glance. "Dare I ask?"
"I was thinking ... one day, you're gonna die-"
"... No shit, Sherlock."
"- and I was thinking ... it's not fair on you to ... y'know ... keep you at arm's length because ... you only get one shot at this. And I don't want to ruin it for you."
Ianto took the towel from Jack's hands and dried his own, frowning. "Are you ... breaking off with me?" he asked quietly.
"You know how I feel about you, Ianto. And I know how ... how you feel about me. Breaking off now would have been a waste of all that time and emotion, and I've wasted too much of your time."
"So ... You want me to leave Torchwood - but still be together?"
"Yeah. Maybe somewhere new. Not too far away ... but a change of scenery."
"Somewhere new?"
"Yeah."
"I'm confused."
"How?"
"When you said leave Torchwood ... Oh my God! Did you mean both of us?"
"Why not?"
"Jack! How can you be so selfish?" Ianto threw down the towel he hadn't realised he'd still been clutching.
"Selfish?" exclaimed Jack.
"You're supposed to be working to protect people - not wandering away whenever the feeling takes you!"
"Wandering awa- are you referring to when I left with the Doctor?"
Ianto rolled his eyes. "And that wasn't wandering away when the feeling took you, was it?"
"I waited over a hundred years for him to show up!"
Ianto took a deep breath. "Look ... Just ... What are you planning? Don't give it to me in chunks: tell me all at once."
"I want us to move away together and make a proper go of it."
Silence.
"Well?"
Silence.
"Ianto?"
"Gwen and Rhys are planning on having a baby," he said, turning to scrub the work surfaces. "There'll be no one left to look after Torchwood. The team needs a medic and a technician - if we leave too it will need a leader and an Archivist slash PA. We can't move away now, Jack. The timing is ... it's awful."
Jack stared at his toes. "Yeah ... you're right."
"I'm sorry, Jack."
"Don't be ... I was ... Never mind ..."
He took a step to walk away and Ianto pulled him into his arms, holding him tight.
~*~*~*~
“Morning!” Gwen grinned, rapping her knuckles on the door frame of Jack's office and poking her head in.
“Morning,” Jack dejectedly replied, signing the form in front of him and sighing as he put it into his Out tray then reached for the next.
“What's up?” Gwen asked, a concerned frown crinkling her brow. “You seem a bit … quiet. Well, for you anyway,” she winked.
Jack shrugged. “Just brooding.”
Gwen sat down on the chair opposite him. “I thought Ianto made you leave your brooding on the roofs?” she joked.
Raising his head, Jack's eyes narrowed. “Yeah? Well I don't always have to do what Ianto says, do I?”
“If you want to think that, that's fine,” Gwen chuckled in reply.
Jack didn't see the funny side. “What's that supposed to mean?” he demanded.
“Oh come on - you haven't noticed you're 'under the thumb'?”
Jack's jaw tense and his eyes flashed. “Leave me alone,” he eventually snapped. “Some of us are actually trying to do work.”
Gwen's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but she decided not to rile him. She got up and left without saying anything further, pointedly closing the door. Frowning to herself, she decided to see if Ianto would be able to tell her what was up.
“Morning!” she smiled cheerfully, crossing to his workstation.
“Morning,” he replied distractedly, not looking up from what he was doing.
“What's up with Jack?” Gwen asked.
Ianto paused his typing. “How would I know?”
“Okay … What's up with you then?”
“Just got a lot on my mind,” Ianto murmured, making a show of trying to concentrate on his work.
“Okay,” Gwen repeated. “So when was the last time you and Jack went out?”
Ianto paused again, this time turning to her slightly, an eyebrow raised. “Why?”
“Because you're both in bad moods, and you're both annoying the Hell outta me.”
Ianto let out a small, impatient sigh. “Yeah,” he muttered, again returning his attention to his computer.
“C'mon,” Gwen coaxed. “What's up, Ianto?”
“Nothing.”
“Don't make me put you in a headlock again.”
“I haven't quite recovered from last time yet.”
“Well, unless you want it happening again, you'd better spill!”
Ianto let out a slow breath. He weighed up the pros and cons of telling and not, then gave in. “Jack asked me for something, and I couldn't give it to him,” he vaguely replied. “I may regret this next sentence, but here goes: That's all I'm saying.”
Gwen pulled up a chair. “Asked you for something? Was it something … y'know … kinky?” she asked with a grin.
Ianto's lips quirked slightly, then returned to their stoic position. “No, it wasn't. I'm not going to tell you, so leave it.”
“But … you told me so much already - you led me on,” Gwen reasoned.
“Did not! You kept asking questions!”
“And if you answer them, I'm gong to ask more,” she pointed out. “And you wouldn't have told me what you did unless you really do want to tell me.”
Ianto sighed dramatically. “Maybe I do want to tell you - but not for the right reasons.”
“The right reasons?” Gwen repeated.
“I'd only tell you because I'd take satisfaction in how jealous you'd be if you knew.”
“Oh?” Gwen asked, her voice faltering slightly. “What's he asked for?” she tried again.
“It doesn't matter. Please, just leave it. Anyway … weren't you saying the other day that you wanted to go to IKEA?”
“Yeah. I want some drawers that match the wardrobe we got last year. The old ones broke when we tried to rearrange the bedroom.”
“Sure they did,” nodded Ianto.
“Huh? What's that supposed to mean?”
“Jack uses the 'broken while moving' excuse in many official logs,” Ianto smirked.
Gwen's eyes widened, then she laughed. “We did break them while moving them!” she insisted.
“Sure,” nodded Ianto.
Gwen huffed out a breath through her nose, and watched Ianto's fingers typing incredibly fast for a moment or so. Eventually, she leaned forward to speak again. “So … What did he ask you for?”
Ianto ignored her, the only sign he'd heard what she'd said being a sudden type-o that required a lot of backspaces to fix.
Gwen pursed her lips. “Commitment?” she suggested, and Ianto rolled his eyes. Gwen bit her lip in thought. “Did he ask you to move into the Hub?”
“No, that's not what he asked - Will you be needing me ot help carry the drawers? I seem to remember Rhys nearly putting his back out with the wardrobe. And you'll be wanting me to build them, I'll presume.”
Gwen mock-gasped. “It's like you know.”
Ianto paused his typing to mimic her gasp. “It's like you're predictable!”
They both sniggered, and Ianto continued what he was doing, aware of Gwen waiting to ask her next question. He tensed slightly when he felt her hands resting on his shoulders as she pulled her chair closer to his, but couldn't help relaxing into her grip as she knowledgeably began to massage his neck and shoulders.
“Y'know,” pondered Gwen in his ear, “You never really told me … What's sex with Jack like?”
Ianto had stopped typing altogether and seemed to have forgotten everything except the hands on his shoulders. “Innovative,” he replied distantly. “Bordering on the avant garde.”
“I know that,” sighed Gwen. “I speak to Martha, too. I mean … what's it like?”
Ianto managed to drag himself into the present and pushed Gwen's hands away. “It's as blissful as having a day without you nagging at me asking what it's like to have sex with Jack.”
“Cheeky bugger,” pouted Gwen.
“If anyone's being cheeky, it's you invading my personal space, madam!”
“Fair play,” shrugged Gwen. “But you loved it.”
Ianto rolled his eyes, and the Rift Alarm began blaring through the Hub. Quickly and professionally, they both sprang to their feet and got themselves prepared for whatever the Rift was throwing at them now.
~*~*~*~
"Well that was a complete and utter failure," grumbled Ianto, turning the SUV back onto the motorway, pristine clean while Jack and Gwen were dripping from head to toe in alien vomit.
"How was I supposed to know it was a recovering drug addict - that bastard was three times the size of us!" snapped Gwen.
"It was a mutated sea monkey and I refuse to acknowledge it as anything but."
Gwen had given up trying to get the goo off her face, and was resigned to the fact she'd probably need a pressure washer to get it off. "How did you avoid being sicked on, anyway, Ianto?" she complained, trying her best not to get any vomit on the car seats and keep it on the plastic carrier bags Ianto had insisted on putting down before they'd been allowed near the vehicle.
"Yeah ... well ... Jack spent the entire time stood in front of me, didn't he? Turned on my side and the thing totally missed."
"It's a good job I was standing in front of you," Jack scowled. "It was eyeing you up. It'd have eaten you."
"Given the evidence of its digestive capabilities, I'd say it would have brought me back up sooner or later. You guys hungry?"
In answer, Jack's stomach rumbled loudly. "You must be psychic," he declared, chancing an affectionate sideways glance.
Ianto pulled off at the service station, and had to stop Jack three times from trying to get out. "You're staying in the SUV - you can't walk in there covered in alien vomit, people will stare. You'll probably be asked to leave, and not in the way you like."
Jack and Gwen watched him walk purposefully towards the building.
"So ..." began Gwen. "What's sex with Ianto like?" she asked innocently.
Jack glanced at her in the mirror, eyebrow raised. She was smirking, and he couldn't help but smirk back. "Different. Fun. Kinky. Sensual. The best way to spend every second of free time you have - maybe you should try it some day," he winked.
"Or not ..."
Jack jumped as Ianto's voice broke across the comms. Gwen sniggered.
"... and you can tell Gwen to stop asking questions about our sex life. It's bad enough when she does it in the comfort of the Hub."
Jack turned and gave her a raised eyebrow this time, and she shrugged. He pulled the comm out of his ear and after a number of minutes, Jack realised he was smirking to himself for no apparent reason.
"What's got in to you?" Gwen asked from the back seat.
"Nothing just ... thinking about what you asked me."
"You mean ... you're fantasising?" she smirked. "You're fantasising about Ianto?"
Jack shrugged. "Don't you?"
"Me? Me ... fantasise about ... about Ianto? Me? Well ... no ... never. Na-ah. Not once."
Her statement was met with a raised eyebrow.
"Okay ..." she admitted. "Just after I walked in on the two of you, I had this dream -"
"Back!" declared Ianto as he pulled open the door and plonked himself inside. "It's bloody freezing out there! I asked them to make the food hot for you both ..." He started unwrapping a sandwich to identify its owner, before hesitating and realising the awkwardness in the car. "What?"
"Nothing," replied Gwen and Jack in unison.
Ianto raised an eyebrow. "What?"
Gwen shifted uncomfortably.
"Have you been talking about me?"
"No," said Jack quickly. Ianto narrowed his eyes.
"What were you saying?"
"We weren't talking about you, sweetheart," Gwen assured him sweetly.
Ianto glanced over at Jack, and could see that at any moment he was going to snap and tell. "Jack?"
"Gwen has fun dreams about you!" he tumbled out, almost gleefully. "Oof!" he yelped as a gooey hand collided with his head.
Ianto had turned pink. "Erm ... I already knew about that ... and ... that was aphrodisiac-pollen induced ..."
"Oh ... the first one was pollen-induced ..." smirked Gwen, and Jack sniggered.
"That's your sandwich, Gwen," Ianto said, hurriedly shoving it into her hands and starting up the car. He reversed almost violently, driving quickly to get back onto the motorway and get the now very awkward journey over and done with. Jack didn't really seem to notice the awkwardness, quietly laughing to himself every couple of minutes.
Ianto considered throwing him out onto the hard shoulder and telling him to walk from there, but that would mean being left on his own with Gwen, and he really wouldn't look forward to that.
~*~
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