Very spotty - very non-me ...grammatically speaking.

[_the_base_queen]

Yesterday, I broke down 1.75 times. .25 of the way in the Calder labs after reading Nikki's comments on my journal (which I know weren't supposed to scare me, so don't worry), 1.00 of the way at nine in the morning while writing my reply to the comments, and .5 of the way reading what she wrote back.

"Why aren't you ever mean to Cheyenne

Comments

[ambrosialvision]

My boyfriend told me last night that I'm too fragile. I told him it was because I'm fragile when the issue is about me, when it's personal, it's an attack.

Have you heard the song "Sensitive" by Jewel? It always resonated well with me, and for a time I felt that it was my themesong.

"I'm sensitive, and I'd like the stay that way."

Embrace your frailty and it becomes a thing of beauty! And it is beautiful!

You are beautiful, Cheyenne. :)

[ambrosialvision]

And as a side note, I think it's the facility to be hurt that helps us grow and blossom. We get wounded, badly, but we have to recover quickly, and so I think it forces some beautiful, powerful transformations.

Would my words, and your responses have meant a thing to you if they didn't hurt?

[enni]

actually, they wouldn't. i'd have blown them off as if they were nothing. and i'm proud to be depressed . . . happy people just creep me the hell out!

[enni]

thanks nikki! you're beautiful too!

[ambrosialvision]

Okay, one more thing. :)

About the testing, I'm not sure if you're having it done or not (since many women don't even know to), you should be having a yearly pap smear done with your doctor, and it's very important if you're not. I go every year, chat with my doc, have a physical, get my pap done, and have the test done.

It's so easy to do when they're already doing the pap, and the test is completely painless (though the pap can be a little uncomfortable). They just swab around up there, then you're done.

[enni]

i would if it wouldn't get shown on the medical bill that my parents pay. they'd ask all kinds of questions about why i want it done since my doc said that i don't need it done until i'm 21 unless i start having sex before then - which i obviously did. ...i've lied to them in the past that i'm trying my hardest to refrain from it, but i don't want to hurt them by telling them that i'm having sex with guys that i don't know.

....me and john are just going to go get me tested for stds and all that fun stuff. we'll take care of those issues before we tackle the larger ones.