Hey there. I'm not Canadian and I haven't been where you are now, but until someone else answers here's some info...
National Domestic Violence Hotline (Canada) Toll-free: 1-800-363-9010 All provinces. Bilingual (English and French).
If you can get to a phone for long enough then you should be able to get the support you're looking from these people.
There are also a lot of Canada-specific websites where people can share experiences that can be found here.
I hope that these are a help, and that you can find someone who's going through what you are now. However, what your partner is saying is a LIE. He is saying that to make you afraid and force you to stay with him getting hurt. PLEASE get help, or at least phone a line that can give you more advice, because this man should not have the power to scare you like this.
Thank you so very much for taking the time to get back to me and giving me these resources. I need all the help I can get to get out of my situation because I know it's not right. I am determined to beat this. I know he lies and tries to manipulate me, but he's too good at it. Thankfully for me I am stronger than he thinks I am.
Thank you so very much. You have been a help. I will definitely be checking out these resources you have provided.
Thabk you so much for the sdvice. He is now in custody. He was arrested a few days ago. It's in the process of happening now, so I am happy. It's still pretty bittersweet, though.
The 2 of us aren't married. We were just in a longterm (6 years) relationship and engaged at one point. We have been broken up for a long time... so then we were just 2 parents living together.
Can I ask you a personal question? How has this affected you daughter? Did she see these events occur, and at what age (if she did). I appologize if I am being invasive, and feel free to ignore this comment. I am just terribly worried about how this has and is affecting my 3 year old son. I don't know what to say when he asks for daddy.
I know your question was directed to sol_lasciva, but please allow me to jump in here.
My father was my abuser. I watched my mother have things thrown at her, and her being physically held against the wall when she threatened to leave once. I remember hiding in a locked bathroom listening to them fight.
Tell your son the truth. "Your daddy and I are having an argument. We both still love you very much, and that isn't going to change. It's just that we need to be away from eachother. We're better people when we aren't living together." You're not telling your son that his father is a bad person, and you are reassuring him that it is not his fault and that he is still loved.
I'm glad things are turning out better. Take it one day at a time. If that's too long, take it one hour, minute, heartbeat.
Thanks so much for the insight. I don't want my son remembering this if that's even possible. If he does then I need a game plan.
Everything will work out eventually. Time might not heal the wounds, but it will hopefully at least scab them over so life can go on somewhat normally for my son.
If you don't mind me asking, how old were you? Also, do you resent your father despite being reassured?
I'm glad bethanthepurple had some resources, because sadly, I don't know any.
But my advice: go somewhere, anywhere that he doesn't know how to get to. A relative's, a friend's, or heck, even an old high school buddy. Make *no* phone calls from your house, or look up any phone numbers from your home computer (too easy to re-do a search).
Take as much clean underwear as you can, paperwork for yourself and your son and just *go*
The only way I was able to be safe when I left my abusive boyfriend was to have one of my friends take me to a place he didn't even have a clue where I was. We even had to spend 20 minutes in a police department parking lot honking the horn to get my boyfriend to stop following us to where we were going (the nice police officers tailed us, too, to make sure no one was following when we left). It meant having to be in a foreign place for a week... but it was so worth freedom.
::big hugs:: You'll be in my thoughts and (safe nondenominational) prayers
If you're not ready to leave right now, then start planning to leave. Open up a private savings account or simply hide money (in shoes you don't use anymore). If you have extra purses around that you don't use, put in a package of underwear (one for you, one for your son) and keep it close to the door. Put your son's and your important papers in a safety deposit box.
If you have physical marks left by his abuse, go to a clinic or hospital to have them documented. If you can, make a journal of what he's been doing to you.
Keep your son and yourself safe. If you need to, lie to get out of the house. "I'm going to the store/I'm getting the mail/I'm going to ask for a cup of sugar from the neighbors." Then run to the nearest safe place, like a hospital, the police, a friend he doesn't know, a shelter, or family. Get a restraining order and a divorce. You are a special person and you DO NOT deserve what he is doing to you.
Well, things have been done since I posted this. He is now in jail, and i have a temporary restraining order against him until a further court date when hopefully it can be extended. I don't know what is going to happen now, but I am trying to be optimistic.
It's going to be a long road, and it isn't going to be easy, but I know I am a strong person.
Thank you for your advice. It is very much apprediated.
Comments 26
National Domestic Violence Hotline (Canada)
Toll-free: 1-800-363-9010
All provinces. Bilingual (English and French).
If you can get to a phone for long enough then you should be able to get the support you're looking from these people.
There are also a lot of Canada-specific websites where people can share experiences that can be found here.
I hope that these are a help, and that you can find someone who's going through what you are now. However, what your partner is saying is a LIE. He is saying that to make you afraid and force you to stay with him getting hurt. PLEASE get help, or at least phone a line that can give you more advice, because this man should not have the power to scare you like this.
We're here for you as long as you need us.
B xxx
Reply
Thank you so very much for taking the time to get back to me and giving me these resources. I need all the help I can get to get out of my situation because I know it's not right. I am determined to beat this. I know he lies and tries to manipulate me, but he's too good at it. Thankfully for me I am stronger than he thinks I am.
Thank you so very much. You have been a help. I will definitely be checking out these resources you have provided.
:)
Reply
My thoughts are with you, and yes, you ARE strong, and you can do this.
Reply
It is much appreciated.
:)
Reply
*hugs*
Reply
Doesn't mean everything is better, it's just more complicated. My family is ever so supportive, though.
Thank you.
Reply
Reply
The 2 of us aren't married. We were just in a longterm (6 years) relationship and engaged at one point. We have been broken up for a long time... so then we were just 2 parents living together.
Can I ask you a personal question? How has this affected you daughter? Did she see these events occur, and at what age (if she did). I appologize if I am being invasive, and feel free to ignore this comment. I am just terribly worried about how this has and is affecting my 3 year old son. I don't know what to say when he asks for daddy.
:/
Reply
My father was my abuser. I watched my mother have things thrown at her, and her being physically held against the wall when she threatened to leave once. I remember hiding in a locked bathroom listening to them fight.
Tell your son the truth. "Your daddy and I are having an argument. We both still love you very much, and that isn't going to change. It's just that we need to be away from eachother. We're better people when we aren't living together." You're not telling your son that his father is a bad person, and you are reassuring him that it is not his fault and that he is still loved.
I'm glad things are turning out better. Take it one day at a time. If that's too long, take it one hour, minute, heartbeat.
Reply
Everything will work out eventually. Time might not heal the wounds, but it will hopefully at least scab them over so life can go on somewhat normally for my son.
If you don't mind me asking, how old were you? Also, do you resent your father despite being reassured?
:)
Reply
But my advice: go somewhere, anywhere that he doesn't know how to get to. A relative's, a friend's, or heck, even an old high school buddy. Make *no* phone calls from your house, or look up any phone numbers from your home computer (too easy to re-do a search).
Take as much clean underwear as you can, paperwork for yourself and your son and just *go*
The only way I was able to be safe when I left my abusive boyfriend was to have one of my friends take me to a place he didn't even have a clue where I was. We even had to spend 20 minutes in a police department parking lot honking the horn to get my boyfriend to stop following us to where we were going (the nice police officers tailed us, too, to make sure no one was following when we left). It meant having to be in a foreign place for a week... but it was so worth freedom.
::big hugs:: You'll be in my thoughts and (safe nondenominational) prayers
Reply
If you have physical marks left by his abuse, go to a clinic or hospital to have them documented. If you can, make a journal of what he's been doing to you.
Keep your son and yourself safe. If you need to, lie to get out of the house. "I'm going to the store/I'm getting the mail/I'm going to ask for a cup of sugar from the neighbors." Then run to the nearest safe place, like a hospital, the police, a friend he doesn't know, a shelter, or family. Get a restraining order and a divorce. You are a special person and you DO NOT deserve what he is doing to you.
Reply
It's going to be a long road, and it isn't going to be easy, but I know I am a strong person.
Thank you for your advice. It is very much apprediated.
:)
Reply
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