(Untitled)

[pinklittlepills]

Comments

[blueserenity22]

Setting healthy boundaries is something that I've struggled with, because I didn't have them growing up. My first suggestion is to think about finding a therapist to help you in the day-to-day addressing of any kind of co-dependency or unhealthy boundaries

[sistahraven]

A vast majority of what I was going to say is here, so consider this thoroughly seconded.

[fuyuhimi]

I *think* it may prove useful for his own well-being if he seeks some kind of counsel for his emotional problems, or if he at least becomes aware there are ways of dealing with them other than crying on hours alone/in the company of his acquittances. That is kind of draining and I imagine he'd better know he can take over his life actively before his life takes over him

[joonzmoon]

I second a lot of what blueserenity22 said.

I also want to stress that I don't think it's possible to figure out what healthy relationship boundaries are until you know yourself very well and what your own, personal boundaries.

I was in strongly codependent and unhealthy relationships for most of my life, even when I thought that wasn't the case because my partner happened to be incredibly sweet. I learned the hard way that there is no getting around having to take care of yourself, relationship or not. So for me, the right answer was to break up with my boyfriend of four years and spend the last year-plus alone and in therapy, trying to build on my own character. I have to say that, although it has been incredibly tough at times, it has been crucial to my recovery.

This might not be the best or most effective path for you, per se, but maybe you can focus on some activities that will help you forge a better idea of who you are? A therapist will certainly help with this if you're not seeing one already.

I wish you luck!

[sistahraven]

To add to my seconding of blueserenity22, I'd also like to second joonzmoon's recommendation. One of the quickest ways to end codependent behaviours is to have a strong sense of self. I took myself off the dating market for six months, and dated myself instead. I took the time to get to know who I was, what I liked, what my goals were, and took the time to get used to just being me. It helped immensely, because after that time, I found things I really loved about myself that I couldn't do without. This meant that I didn't start sacrificing things vital to who I was in order to be with someone else.

[pinklittlepills]

thanks for the comments. these sound like really helpful suggestions.

I was planning to go in for a consultation for counselling at the student health center today, but when I was about to leave work, I told my boss I was leaving, and he offered to take me to lunch. I guess I'll have to go in friday.
It's so hard for me to seek help, and I was really motivated today. So I was almost disappointed that he invited me to lunch even though it was a really nice thing to do.

[sistahraven]

Seeking help is definitely tough - once I get the momentum to do so, it's hard not to be able to right away! So just try to hold onto that motivated feeling, or maybe give a call to set up the appointment on Friday, help keep that momentum going. :)