Pain

[eternally_ozs]

I lay there in Oz's arms cuddling close to him holding this kiss as long as I could. I needed to feel something good. I needed to feel that he wanted me. I hated the way I had become so clingy, so needy, this wasn't me at all. I was the quiet book nerd who could hack into fort knox given the right amount of time. Now I was a shell of my

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[wolfedman]

I can't do anything but stare as she moves out of my arms, seeing the pain in her eyes before she does so, then hearing the cry of pain afterwards.

"You shouldn't try and move." I say softly. "You need to rest, let your wounds heal."

I look at Willow with concern. Today was too quick for her. It would have been better if she'd stayed at Jenny's place.

"And you should have. I don't mind." I tell her, smiling.

[eternally_ozs]

I looked at him

"I am tired of laying here 'resting' I think too much about what happened this way. I need something to distract me. To make me forget."

I said softly yet firmly.

[wolfedman]

"And what would make you forget?" I ask, almost scared at what her answer might be.

"Nothing too physical I hope?"

[eternally_ozs]

"I don't know Oz, but laying here is only making me think about it."

I said softly with a brokenness in my voice.

[eternally_ozs]

I again nodded closing my eyes once more allowing sleep to take me over. God let this night be a restful one..or is it day..I don't care anymore. I did manage to mutter a last statment.

"I love you"

and then I was out.

[wolfedman]

"I love you too Will" I say, then kiss the back of her head, but she doesn't hear me. Her breathing already that of someone asleep. I try to join her, but sleep still escapes me, so decide to watch over her sleeping form instead, still not trusting that Angel won't come back for a second helping.

[eternally_ozs]

I laid still within his arms sleep having taken me over finally. It seemed that nothing could go wrong, but that is usually when it does. As time progressed I started to relive that night, that night when I told Oz to go to band practice and that I would be ok in the house.

I didn't know what to expect that night, I didn't know what was awaiting Oz's exit, if I had I would have begged him to stay. I would have told Devon to get over himself and to forget ever getting with those girls, that Oz was busy and he couldn't come, but no, I told him that he could go.

As I allowed the sleep to gather me into its wanting arms it was then I realized I shouldn't have allowed this to happen.

[wolfedman]

Willow seems so peaceful now, a few worry lines crease her brow, but at least she's relaxed enough to sleep. Comfortable enough with me here, trusts me enough to watch over her.

[wolfedman]

"It's not your fault Will. You couldn't have known." I turn back to Willow and kneel down beside her. "I'm sorry Willow, it's just, he took you from me and made you his own, if only for a moment. I want you more than I can say Willow, and wanted to be the first. The first to make you feel like the dream made you feel."

[eternally_ozs]

"The dream, it wasn't real...please Oz...you are the only one who could truly make me feel that."

I say softly practically begging him.

"Please Oz"

I whisper

[wolfedman]

I take Willow's hands in mine, trying to take comfort in her touch.

"I know Will. I'm just being stupid. It was just hearing you like that, knowing it wasn't the thought of me doing that to you. I want to be able to though. To wash away this pain, to show you that what Angel did isn't the way it should be. That it shouldn't be painful."

[eternally_ozs]

"I--I want that"

I said barely above a whisper.

"More than my next breath."

[eternally_ozs]

"No one, not even me"

I said softly, then something occured to me.

"Drusilla..."

I whispered.

[wolfedman]

"But if you weren't even sure, then how would Drusilla know? And how would she know you'd be alone?" I ask.

"How did they know I wouldn't be there?"

[eternally_ozs]

"I--I don't know. I know Dru gets visions, atleast from what Angel told us before..you know he went all bad."

I said softly a little of the old me coming out as I spoke.

[wolfedman]

I smile a little at Willow.

"We don't have to worry about that now. Just concentrate on you getting better. That's what's important."

I kiss her lightly on the forehead.