the nightmare is over...

[_faustine_]

thanks in part to bluejayway (who suggested that sean send a rope down the commode to fetch me) and to mikeymoz (who sent pocket uzi's with which i slew the diaphanous kimmy gibbler ghost-mantis), i have been rescued from the beyond. while a prisoner of the next dimension, i gave birth to an unusually large yet beautiful dead baby girl. i will name her chris howe

Comments

[der_erlkoenig]

Your dead baby is recovering?

Cunt.

[_faustine_]

we are recovering transplantable organs from the baby for the purposes of donation. are you in need of any?

[mikeymoz]

a source tells me that suzy whang was laughing all the way to the bank...
glad you're back with us, fausti.

[_faustine_]

internet access in muir woods is limited. seattle or burst.

[transzero]

So glad to hear you have survived the ordeal I had warned you about weeks ago. Don't be mad that I recognized your new/ex home from one photograph.

I also hear Sean's career has gone way of the toilet too... was it you're doing that made him appear on 'Celebrity Poker'? I bet you thought it was some odd torture show where they stab C-list celeb's with rusty wrought iron rods.

On second thought, that sounds like it could be a hit show, I'll get my lawyer on the phone to reserve the rights, and the Olsen twins can host it, as soon as they get out of that anorexia rehab clinic! Even Paris Hilton could do it, but she is so common. We'll save her for the first poker.

BTW- I have seen Chris Howe. Be afraid... be very afraid.

[_faustine_]

you haunt my conscience and plague my soul, dearest transzero. when you say you have seen chris howe, do you mean my darling, pallid, and lifeless offspring or do you mean her crotchity washingtonian godparent and namesake (der_erlkoenig), who has yet to send sean and me the buckwheat home-ostomy kit he promised as a gift for the birth of our child?

[transzero]

I have seen both, and regret it horribly. They act so much alike it is uncanny. Two souls reunited.

I think der_erlkoenig is still hunting for the buckwheat home-ostomy kit. It was not to be found at Bed, Bath, & Beyonce, nor at Target. Do you think Hole(y) Foods may carry it? They carry everything, and the patrons are next to God for shopping there.

Well, I have to run, The Parkers just came on. Tell Sean I hope his career rebounds soon. I don't think those little Ring movies did anything to help him. I have my fingers crossed, just the ones on my head.

[transzero]

Dearest Faustine,

Sort of off the subject, but while I was surfing the internet waves I came upon a commercial that I believe to be your first paying job. Tell me if it's true.

http://www.x-entertainment.com/downloads/commercials/certs.html

You look remarkably like the person in the wedding gown doing a split in mid-air. I heard rumours that it was you, can you verify.