Does everyone feel a proprietary right to know the details of the cell phone conversations that happen in their presence?  Like just because you're in the room and you could hear one half of it means you should know the other, and moreover who it was with?  It's confusing, normally when you hear someone talking they are either talking to you or you ( Read more... )

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I dream of African war zones, cocaine, diamonds, fucking blood everywhere, rape and ants.  When I'm awake, I look around at my peaceful existence, the tree lined avenues, the days wasted at the river, and through the haze of intoxication I usually find myself in when I'm not working I wonder, "why the fuck do I deserve this, when every day others ( Read more... )

Life is so predictable.  All these recurring themes, the cycles of love and loss, and an endless stream of mundane inevitabilities yet we still act surprised when the shit hits the fan as if there was a chance it wasn't going to ( Read more... )

I had a seed of dread in the pit of my stomach on Saturday night.  That feeling was good for me.  It kept me from drinking too much on my 21st birthday.  All in all, a good time and I managed not to consume horrendous amounts of alcohol.  I still won't be drinking that much again for a long time, though ( Read more... )

I play by 99% of the rules.  I work, get good grades, have a slue of extra curricular volunteer activities, make extensive plans for my future, and I'm pretty damn good over all at following those guidelines laid out by society to achieve "success".  I question the system of which I am a part but I doubt I would ever seriously consider breaking ( Read more... )

I have nothing particularly important, emotional, or poetic to say, so I probably shouldn't be saying anything.  Where I'm at right now, picking up the threads of my life again and starting new patterns, means I'm largely conflicted and emotionally unstable, but all in all I'm doing rather well being back in Missoula.  Since I've been jobless, I've ( Read more... )

Sealab is giving me a sensory overload ( Read more... )

I read Dance, Dance, Dance, A Wild Sheep Chase, and South of the Border in rapid succession as high school graduation left me with little to do besides my highly unrewarding work tossing pizzas. But there was a definite upside to my job, that was my coworkers. Here I was, 17 years old and so tenderly impressionable and weak in my self conviction, ( Read more... )

Packing and making my preparations to leave is depressing.  I don't really want to stay here that much longer, but suddenly I just don't really want to be home either.  I'm afraid of my complacency, of living the exact same life I had before I left.  I've got it in my head that the only way to change myself is to completely change my surroundings ( Read more... )