i know its short, but im sick and have writers block
Title: Overdream
Chapter: Part 2, Chapter 2
Rating: PG (may get to R for themes)
Summary: There is a fine line between dreaming and reality. It is easily crossed.
Disclaimer: its all an illusion…it never ever happened…
comments are good really good:D
Part 1- My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
1. Pros and Cons of Breathing
2. Stockholm Syndrome
3. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying
Part 2: Carousel
1. Tainted Love
2. Killing Loneliness
-Why put a new address,
On the same old loneliness?-
I squeezed his hand a little tighter and looked deeply into his perfect green eyes. I let myself dissolve into them. The world could crumble around me but at I wouldn’t have noticed. He took his hand from mine and gently wrapped it around me and held me close to him. I rested my head against his chest so that I could hear his heart beat.
I jolted back to reality
“That’s never gunna happen”
This is so very, very wrong!
I know I’m not gay!
I know I don’t like men!
And I know I’m not in love with one of my best fucking friends!
Girls like me, I know girls like me.
I just haven’t found the right one yet, that’s all it is.
I’ll be happy soon.
I’ll find a girl and I won’t be lonely.
I know that getting together with my best friend WOULD NOT solve my relationship problems.
It wouldn’t!
It couldn’t!
I wouldn’t fucking let it!
I’m becoming hysterical and this is before I’ve even called him and tried to sort out what the hell’s now going on between us.
I won’t admit it to him but secretly I’m afraid to call, afraid of what he might say, afraid of what I might say and mostly afraid that I’ll lose him. And I’m scared out of my wits he’ll tell me he loves me and wants to be with me. I couldn’t do that; I just couldn’t be with Bam. I wouldn’t ever admit it but it might be just the thing I been looking for all this time. I mean there is no real, solid reason that I couldn’t be with Bam other than I have this terrible feeling in my gut stopping me.
For probably the sixteenth million time in the last few days my phone rang and without even looking at it I knew who it was. I was still as scared and as confused as ever but for some strange reason I answered the phone.
“Hi”
“Ville! You’ve finally decided to talk to me. Does this mean you’ve sorted yourself out?”
“No, it means I am sick of you constantly ringing me,”
“Oh” Bam voice fell and I could tell I’d just dug the knife in a little deeper
“So what about ‘us’?”
“There is no ‘us’! There is a you and there is a fucked up me but there is no ‘us’! Understand?”
“So everything, everything little thing meant nothing?”
“Yes!” It was a lie and we both knew it but neither of us would address the fact.
“You would rather be a lonely than…well…be with me?”
“Why do you think us being together would solve so may problems? You’d get a dream come true til things all fall apart as they always do! Is that what you want? Is that really going to solve all our problems? No its not. Lets just forget it ever happened and move on,”
“That’s not the type of thing you just forget, Ville. Something that means that much to a person isn’t easily forgotten,”
I had no answer to that.
I just hung up the phone and tried to ignore the pain I know I had just inflicted on my friend. It didn’t matter anyway, what I was about to do would cause so much more.
I stalled for a moment, before reaching into the top draw of my bedside table and removing my butterfly knife. I slowly took the knife and held it to the tiny heart stained into my wrist.
There’s only one way to kill this loneliness…