(no subject)
Title: Overdream
Chapter: Part 1, Chapter 3
Rating: PG (may get to R for themes)
Summary: There is a fine line between dreaming and reality. It is easily crossed.
Disclaimer: its all an illusion…it never ever happened…
and remember comments make me smile:D
Part 1- My Heart is the Worst Kind of Weapon
- I would wish upon a star,
but that star,
It doesn’t shine…-
1. The Pros and Cons of Breathing
2. Stockholm Syndrome
3. Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying
-A kiss may not be the truth,
But what we wish were true-
“Ah shit, bright light!”
I squinted in the bright day light shining through Bam’s curtains. Bam’s curtains… What the hell was in doing in Bam’s room…In Bam’s bed…
“FUCK!” The events of last night slowly coming back to me.
“Shit, Shit, Shit!” I mumbled as I rolled off the end of the bed and sat on the floor leaning up against the bed. I gotta sort myself out before Bam walks up. How could I sleep with one of my best friends? More over one of my male best friends? I looked at my puzzled reflection in the window hoping some answers would suddenly jump out at me. None came.
What is this going to do to us? Is he going to expect something to come from this? Like a relationship kind of something? Cause I don’t think I could do that. I don’t think I want that. Well I don’t think I do.
All the girls think you suck, so why not try a guy who already is in love with you
The little voice nagged at the back of my head
“I’m not gay” I muttered under my breath hoping that saying it aloud would give the statement some truth.
But you know you enjoyed last night
Damn those fucking voices in the back of my head. No I didn’t enjoy last night. And I have a feeling I’m not going to like the aftermath of last night either.
“Ville, Ville?”
Damn! Bam had obviously woken up. Now what am I supposed to do. I can’t confront him now. I don’t even have the guts to fight the voices in the back of my head at the moment, let alone Bam.
“Ville? You there? I know last night was strange but I hope like hell you haven’t done a runner!”
Doing a runner. Sounds like a damn good idea to me. I just can’t deal with this all at this very moment. Where can I go that Bam won’t notice? Cupboard…No, to hard to get to unnoticed. Behind Curtains…No, way too cliché. Bed, under bed…Excellent! Great idea Ville, you are smarter than people give you credit for.
As quickly and as quietly as I could I tried to crawl underneath Bam’s bed. It was a tight squeeze but there I sat underneath his bed while he called out for me. I heard him get up and walk out of the room, still calling my name, hoping that I might be in another part of the house.
I don’t know how long I lied underneath that damn bed til an exhausted and hoarse Bam returned and flopped on his bed in defeat. I heard him do his “I don’t fucking like it but I haven’t won this one” sigh. Trust me, you didn’t hear that sigh very often and it broke my heart knowing I’d caused it. A few moments later I decided that it was gunna have to happen sooner or later so it might as well be sooner. I crawled out from under the bed and was faced with a rather confused looking Bam.
“You were under my bed? All that time? What the fuck Ville?”
“I didn’t think I could deal with this, with you, at the present moment in time so I did what every desperate man does, I hid under the bed,”
“Alrighty then.” He gave he a thumbs up before letting his hand fall back into his lap, realising what still had to be said and done. “So….”
“Lets get this over and done with. Ask your questions”
“Ville? What do you mean? I have no questions” He made a pathetic attempt to look serious.
“You know your were always a hopeless liar”
“I know. But it’s hard, I don’t wanna say something that’s gunna screw anything up!”
“Put it this way, dear Bammie, you have already committed the supreme screw up so anything from here on in really won’t have that much effect on me”
”So what did it mean?”
“We were drunk, it meant nothing”
“Fuck you! You know it didn’t”
“How do you know that? You can’t just assume that because it meant everything to you that it meant the same to me! It meant jack shit to me. The only thing about last night that means something is if it screws up our friendship. If it fucks around with that then it will mean something to me. Something bad but something all the same!
“And you can’t assume that it meant something to me. How do you know what I told you last night wasn’t just the alcohol talking?”
“I keep telling you Bam, you’re a hopeless, hopeless liar”
“Shit! So ok I admit it. Last night was everything I have wanted for so long. Happy now, Ville?”
“Happy is not the word I’d use to describe how I am currently feeling. Confused, messed up and completely screwed over would be more appropriate”
“Thanks. You just made everything seem so much better. I don’t think you’re the only one who can’t deal with this at the moment. How about you do us both a favour and leave?”
“If that’s what you want”
“No, no its not. But please, go anyway”
I watched the door slam in my face.
A few moments after I felt my phone start vibrating in my pocket.
“Damn who the fuck wants me?” I muttered looking at who had messaged me.
Ville
What the hell? I don’t want to talk to that bastard! I don’t want his apologies or any of his shit. But as much as I didn’t want to, I was still compelled to read the message.
Those nine words change everything he had made me believe this morning.
“I always was a better liar than you were…”