(no subject)
Part 2...
Same disclaimer-y stuff applies as to part 1 (see below) and *MWAH* to heidi just because ;) and to lady_valo for giving me a name for this fic-series-thing.
This part is much longer coz there wasn't an obvious place to stop anywhere before...well, where I stopped so...enjoy ;)
Maybe we never shoulda gotten married in the first place…
That thought right there scared the shit out of me. I actually burst into tears all over again and Elle was sent to her room while Jenn tried to calm me down. Not once, never before, had I ever doubted me and Ville. I had to get to him. I left right away. I had my passport on me since I was wearing the jacket I had on when I flew into Philly the week before. I went straight to the airport, worked out that, with the time difference and all, if I got the flight to Berlin in an hour I should be able to catch the band at the gig venue before they left for Cologne, booked a ticket and paced the bookshop anxiously while I waited for my flight to be called.
The flight seemed to last an age. I couldn’t help but stare at the woman across the aisle with her husband and kid. The kid obviously wasn’t the husbands and yet they seemed to be the perfect little family unit. It just didn’t seem to matter to them. I think I was freaking them out with my staring. I didn’t mean to, I honestly just couldn’t tear my eyes away. I just…was so confused.
I got to Ville eventually. As soon as I was back in his arms, that pain eased a little, but no matter what I did, I just couldn’t stop hearing myself saying those words, the ones I had thought to myself at Jenn’s, over and over again. Nor could I stop picturing that family on the plane. It was driving me insane.
We had fun though. We could hardly keep our hands to ourselves. It seemed that our brief separation had done us some good - absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. We went out for dinner on one of their days off. Just me and Ville. It was awful. Just as I thought we were okay, that maybe we could be happy as we were, a couple with their newborn baby walked into the restaurant. Within thirty seconds Ville was crying. Couldn’t help himself. We left right then. He kept apologizing. He didn’t have to apologize - I felt like I should have been. I kept biting my tongue to stop myself from doing so. It was then I knew that I had to take action. Do something. I wasn’t sure what, although a few ideas, none of which I was particularly keen on, were running through my mind. If I didn’t, I honestly feared his longing for a family might kill him.
It was tough, keeping things a secret from him. I knew I had to though. If he had found out and my enquiries hit a dead end or my plans fell through, I knew it would break his heart. So I kept my mouth shut. Even from Jenn, who was dying to know what I was doing. I had to tell her eventually though. I needed a woman’s perspective, a mother’s perspective and God knows I couldn’t have expected April to keep her mouth shut.
She was touched by what I was doing. Helped me make enquiries. Celebrated with me when we seemed to be finally getting somewhere. Even flew to Helsinki, on the pretense of keeping me company while Ville was away working, to give some more hands-on help. Guess you’re wondering what I’m talking about, huh?
Adoption. I had decided that was probably the route the family on the plane had taken. I guess there was the possibility that the baby was the woman’s and they had used a sperm donor or something, but the possibility of Ville and I using a surrogate mother was way too complicated to even possibly consider. I considered during a brief moment of madness, while adoption seemed too complicated for us to ever work out, asking Jenn, but decided against it. As much as she would have done anything I’d asked of her to help us, I knew her. There was no way she would ever be able to give up a child and I wasn’t willing to lose her as a friend. So we ploughed on with adoption.
It was complicated as hell. So much legal stuff, so many checks that had to be run, so many lawyers and social workers. Luckily, a lot of that was out of our hands entirely, meaning that Ville was clueless that anything was going on. After nearly three months of waiting to hear from the agency I had decided on, I got a phone call. We had been checked and everything was fine. We were on a waiting list. We were going to get a baby. Someday. It could take days, months, years even before someone chose us and gave us their child. And that’s where I hit another dilemma.
When should I tell Ville? Jenn had gone home by that point. Ville was back from work, was writing songs, around the house all day and every day. Not letting on was becoming harder and harder. And now I had gotten this far, what if it had all been in vain? I mean, we were getting a baby, but I’m sure it’s hardly the way Ville would have dreamt it. What if he didn’t want an adopted child, he only wanted one of his own? What if I should have looked more into surrogacy? What if I should have asked Jenn after all, before she met this new guy of hers? I had missed the chance with all those things. Now we were on the list, after so much arguing with lawyers and paying ridiculous fees to random people, I could hardly take us off it. Could I?
Of course I couldn’t. But I still had a dilemma. When should I tell Ville? Should I tell him then, when we were on the list? Or should I tell him when someone chose us? When paperwork for the adoption had been drawn up by our lawyer and the agency? It had to be just right. As it turns out, I didn’t get much time to make up my mind.
Only two weeks later I got a call from the agency again. A woman had chosen us. She was living in States and was due to give birth in a month, which posed a slight problem, but my decision to put us on the international waiting list had apparently paid off since there were very few women in Finland looking into adoption for their child at that time. So once again, I had to call on Jenn.
She told me just to get Ville over here and worry about it then. I wasn’t worried about telling him any longer. I was gonna be a daddy. I could hardly keep the smile from my face. What I was worried about was that we had no place to live in the States apart from with my family. The baby was, by pure coincidence, to be born in Philadelphia, but I wasn’t overly keen on taking a new born baby back to my parent’s house. Ville and I would never get near it. So, Jenn and I hatched another plan.
I took Ville to the States the day after I got that call. Told him that I had been looking into buying a home in the States for a while and that I thought I had found a few that would be perfect for us. It’d mean that we could visit my family without actually having to stay with them. He thought it was a great idea. Just as well since at that moment Jenn was out in Philly looking at all the apartments and small houses she could and making me a short list. What the hell would I do without her?
By the time we got to the States she had selected three - one apartment and two houses - trying to tell me all about them while she hugged me at the airport when she came to pick us up without Ville thinking anything was weird. One house in particular, the one she recommended we end with, was fully decorated and was ready for the buyer to move into right away, with one room that would be perfect for a nursery. I took her advice.
We went to the apartment first, and it was nice although we would have to wait two weeks to move in. The first house was nice too but the second house really was perfect. Not too big, not too small, with a yard, in a nice neighborhood, one big bedroom and a second smaller one painted in pale yellow that really would be perfect for a nursery. We bought that house right there and then. Were told that we could move in the next day. Perfect.
We stayed with Jenn that night. Didn’t really wanna deal with my family. And that sounds so mean, but it had been a long day. And the next day…well, that was just as long. We had to buy furniture for our new house so we headed to a furniture store and bought everything we needed. I convinced Ville that we didn’t need to do anything with the guest room. I mean, everyone we knew stayed near us already, right? So all we had to do was get ourselves settled. We went to my parents that night. It was a few days before the furniture would be delivered to our new place and we were kind of intruding at Jenn’s, I guess. Besides, she’d done enough to help us already.
They were a little surprised when we told them what we’d just bought. In fact, April seemed a bit offended that we didn’t want to stay with them. I wasn’t worried though. Hell in a month we’d be able to give her something that would mean she’d never be allowed to be mad at us again. I managed to ‘lose’ Ville one day. Went, with Jenn, to buy baby stuff, all to be stored in her garage, and to do some major celebrating. She was nearly as excited as me. It was so weird, knowing that mine and Ville’s baby was in Philly with us, somewhere. It was even weirder knowing that Ville had no idea. Jenn and I ended up spending most of the day discussing how and when I should tell him. We decided that I should wait until we were in the new house, until the week before the baby was due - give him some time to get used to the idea before the baby was born. Didn’t really turn out that way though…
The furniture was delivered. We moved into our new place. Spent the whole of the first two days we were there making love and then making love some more. Ville’s birthday was approaching fast and I was cursing having left the gifts I had bought him back in Helsinki during my rush to get him over here. In a movie script kind of way, on the night before his birthday, the phone rang. It was her - Aimee. The woman who was giving us her child. Talking to her was overwhelming. We had a kind of weird, giggly conversation for about five minutes before she yelped in pain.
“Okay Bam, guess it’s time to tell you that I’m in labor, huh?”
“What, now?! But you’re not due for another two weeks…”
“I know, I know. I’ve called a cab, its just arrived. I’m going straight to the hospital. You guys meet me there? Ask for Aimee Robertson.”
“Okay…yeah, we’ll be right there…”
Same disclaimer-y stuff applies as to part 1 (see below) and *MWAH* to heidi just because ;) and to lady_valo for giving me a name for this fic-series-thing.
This part is much longer coz there wasn't an obvious place to stop anywhere before...well, where I stopped so...enjoy ;)
Maybe we never shoulda gotten married in the first place…
That thought right there scared the shit out of me. I actually burst into tears all over again and Elle was sent to her room while Jenn tried to calm me down. Not once, never before, had I ever doubted me and Ville. I had to get to him. I left right away. I had my passport on me since I was wearing the jacket I had on when I flew into Philly the week before. I went straight to the airport, worked out that, with the time difference and all, if I got the flight to Berlin in an hour I should be able to catch the band at the gig venue before they left for Cologne, booked a ticket and paced the bookshop anxiously while I waited for my flight to be called.
The flight seemed to last an age. I couldn’t help but stare at the woman across the aisle with her husband and kid. The kid obviously wasn’t the husbands and yet they seemed to be the perfect little family unit. It just didn’t seem to matter to them. I think I was freaking them out with my staring. I didn’t mean to, I honestly just couldn’t tear my eyes away. I just…was so confused.
I got to Ville eventually. As soon as I was back in his arms, that pain eased a little, but no matter what I did, I just couldn’t stop hearing myself saying those words, the ones I had thought to myself at Jenn’s, over and over again. Nor could I stop picturing that family on the plane. It was driving me insane.
We had fun though. We could hardly keep our hands to ourselves. It seemed that our brief separation had done us some good - absence makes the heart grow fonder, and all that. We went out for dinner on one of their days off. Just me and Ville. It was awful. Just as I thought we were okay, that maybe we could be happy as we were, a couple with their newborn baby walked into the restaurant. Within thirty seconds Ville was crying. Couldn’t help himself. We left right then. He kept apologizing. He didn’t have to apologize - I felt like I should have been. I kept biting my tongue to stop myself from doing so. It was then I knew that I had to take action. Do something. I wasn’t sure what, although a few ideas, none of which I was particularly keen on, were running through my mind. If I didn’t, I honestly feared his longing for a family might kill him.
It was tough, keeping things a secret from him. I knew I had to though. If he had found out and my enquiries hit a dead end or my plans fell through, I knew it would break his heart. So I kept my mouth shut. Even from Jenn, who was dying to know what I was doing. I had to tell her eventually though. I needed a woman’s perspective, a mother’s perspective and God knows I couldn’t have expected April to keep her mouth shut.
She was touched by what I was doing. Helped me make enquiries. Celebrated with me when we seemed to be finally getting somewhere. Even flew to Helsinki, on the pretense of keeping me company while Ville was away working, to give some more hands-on help. Guess you’re wondering what I’m talking about, huh?
Adoption. I had decided that was probably the route the family on the plane had taken. I guess there was the possibility that the baby was the woman’s and they had used a sperm donor or something, but the possibility of Ville and I using a surrogate mother was way too complicated to even possibly consider. I considered during a brief moment of madness, while adoption seemed too complicated for us to ever work out, asking Jenn, but decided against it. As much as she would have done anything I’d asked of her to help us, I knew her. There was no way she would ever be able to give up a child and I wasn’t willing to lose her as a friend. So we ploughed on with adoption.
It was complicated as hell. So much legal stuff, so many checks that had to be run, so many lawyers and social workers. Luckily, a lot of that was out of our hands entirely, meaning that Ville was clueless that anything was going on. After nearly three months of waiting to hear from the agency I had decided on, I got a phone call. We had been checked and everything was fine. We were on a waiting list. We were going to get a baby. Someday. It could take days, months, years even before someone chose us and gave us their child. And that’s where I hit another dilemma.
When should I tell Ville? Jenn had gone home by that point. Ville was back from work, was writing songs, around the house all day and every day. Not letting on was becoming harder and harder. And now I had gotten this far, what if it had all been in vain? I mean, we were getting a baby, but I’m sure it’s hardly the way Ville would have dreamt it. What if he didn’t want an adopted child, he only wanted one of his own? What if I should have looked more into surrogacy? What if I should have asked Jenn after all, before she met this new guy of hers? I had missed the chance with all those things. Now we were on the list, after so much arguing with lawyers and paying ridiculous fees to random people, I could hardly take us off it. Could I?
Of course I couldn’t. But I still had a dilemma. When should I tell Ville? Should I tell him then, when we were on the list? Or should I tell him when someone chose us? When paperwork for the adoption had been drawn up by our lawyer and the agency? It had to be just right. As it turns out, I didn’t get much time to make up my mind.
Only two weeks later I got a call from the agency again. A woman had chosen us. She was living in States and was due to give birth in a month, which posed a slight problem, but my decision to put us on the international waiting list had apparently paid off since there were very few women in Finland looking into adoption for their child at that time. So once again, I had to call on Jenn.
She told me just to get Ville over here and worry about it then. I wasn’t worried about telling him any longer. I was gonna be a daddy. I could hardly keep the smile from my face. What I was worried about was that we had no place to live in the States apart from with my family. The baby was, by pure coincidence, to be born in Philadelphia, but I wasn’t overly keen on taking a new born baby back to my parent’s house. Ville and I would never get near it. So, Jenn and I hatched another plan.
I took Ville to the States the day after I got that call. Told him that I had been looking into buying a home in the States for a while and that I thought I had found a few that would be perfect for us. It’d mean that we could visit my family without actually having to stay with them. He thought it was a great idea. Just as well since at that moment Jenn was out in Philly looking at all the apartments and small houses she could and making me a short list. What the hell would I do without her?
By the time we got to the States she had selected three - one apartment and two houses - trying to tell me all about them while she hugged me at the airport when she came to pick us up without Ville thinking anything was weird. One house in particular, the one she recommended we end with, was fully decorated and was ready for the buyer to move into right away, with one room that would be perfect for a nursery. I took her advice.
We went to the apartment first, and it was nice although we would have to wait two weeks to move in. The first house was nice too but the second house really was perfect. Not too big, not too small, with a yard, in a nice neighborhood, one big bedroom and a second smaller one painted in pale yellow that really would be perfect for a nursery. We bought that house right there and then. Were told that we could move in the next day. Perfect.
We stayed with Jenn that night. Didn’t really wanna deal with my family. And that sounds so mean, but it had been a long day. And the next day…well, that was just as long. We had to buy furniture for our new house so we headed to a furniture store and bought everything we needed. I convinced Ville that we didn’t need to do anything with the guest room. I mean, everyone we knew stayed near us already, right? So all we had to do was get ourselves settled. We went to my parents that night. It was a few days before the furniture would be delivered to our new place and we were kind of intruding at Jenn’s, I guess. Besides, she’d done enough to help us already.
They were a little surprised when we told them what we’d just bought. In fact, April seemed a bit offended that we didn’t want to stay with them. I wasn’t worried though. Hell in a month we’d be able to give her something that would mean she’d never be allowed to be mad at us again. I managed to ‘lose’ Ville one day. Went, with Jenn, to buy baby stuff, all to be stored in her garage, and to do some major celebrating. She was nearly as excited as me. It was so weird, knowing that mine and Ville’s baby was in Philly with us, somewhere. It was even weirder knowing that Ville had no idea. Jenn and I ended up spending most of the day discussing how and when I should tell him. We decided that I should wait until we were in the new house, until the week before the baby was due - give him some time to get used to the idea before the baby was born. Didn’t really turn out that way though…
The furniture was delivered. We moved into our new place. Spent the whole of the first two days we were there making love and then making love some more. Ville’s birthday was approaching fast and I was cursing having left the gifts I had bought him back in Helsinki during my rush to get him over here. In a movie script kind of way, on the night before his birthday, the phone rang. It was her - Aimee. The woman who was giving us her child. Talking to her was overwhelming. We had a kind of weird, giggly conversation for about five minutes before she yelped in pain.
“Okay Bam, guess it’s time to tell you that I’m in labor, huh?”
“What, now?! But you’re not due for another two weeks…”
“I know, I know. I’ve called a cab, its just arrived. I’m going straight to the hospital. You guys meet me there? Ask for Aimee Robertson.”
“Okay…yeah, we’ll be right there…”