(no subject)
Title: What’s The Worst Thing I Can Say? [One Shot]
Author: Unloved_Metal, Amy…
Summary: I remember that day. The day I poured my heart out and you stomped all over it. I never thought you could be such a complete prick.
Warnings: Well, it me, and it’s a one shot so, hmmm, ANGST!! And a tad bit of fluff.
A/N: This is me apologizing to a guy for something I did a couple of years ago. But he will never know the guilt I feel. Possibly he will never forgive me.
A/N 2:This is all dialogue. I’m letting the words speak for themselves.
“Hello?”
“I remember that day. The day I poured my heart out and you stomped all over it. I never thought you could be such a complete prick. I basically admitted to ninety thousand people my emotions, and you just pretended not to care, basically threw the previous three years of our lives, back in my face. You went home, packed up a case full of stuff, and left.”
“Ville”
“No. Its been 3 years since that day, since the day you ripped out my heart, that beat only for you. I lost the will to live, the will to write. The day you decided to leave, was the day you took all my creativity. I lost everything, except the love for you. My heart may be broken, but your still in every shard. Your still rooted in my brain, taking over my every thought. Yet there’s a part of my mind that wants to forget. Wants to forget your blue eyes, your contagious laugh, and your humour. I want to forget your way of being, your whole energy.
I wanted to call you, I just needed to hear your voice. But I know you have caller I.D, so that put me off for a while. I missed you terribly, I still do, and the fact you don’t seem to care only makes it worse. I’m walking around my house, and everything reminds me of you. All my CD’s , my living room décor, and the coffee in the pot. Its stupid, and I know that. I wish I could just switch my feeling off, but I cant. And that’s what I hate about you. it’s the only thing I hate about you, the way I haven’t stopped loving you, even though you hurt me. When I told the guys, they all seemed to understand. They all told me I would forget, that my feelings would go away in time. But they didn’t.
I’m confused. The first time we met, your eyes held a look of pure joy. When you spoke, I heard the nerves. When we drank, you finally began to calm down. Then when I would call to see if it was ok to visit for a few days, you would immediately say yes and tell me to catch the first flight out of Helsinki. I remember the first time I kissed you, your eyes lit up, all starry, like your dreams had become reality. I never felt more in love than the first night we made love, passionate and loving. It felt like all my Christmases had come at once, I never wanted to be parted from you.”
“Vil’”
“I’m not finished Bam. Then you moved in, over to Finland, into my home. Life seemed to be perfect. It was pure bliss to sleep every night, with your arms around my waist. Birthdays finally had meaning, because you were there, there to wish me happiness. Every one that passed, I knew that my wish was true, because it had come true the day we became a couple. My world was complete, I had everything I ever wanted, a band, love, great friends, family that loved me and accepted me. Then you fucked off, and things just crumbled. What’s the worst thing I can say? I still love you, even though you treated me like total fucking shit? Fine, I still love you, even though you treated me like total fucking shit.”
“Vil’ listen to me. I’m sorry, I truly am, but its not my fault that there are only two things that I truly fear; snakes and commitment. And I’m sorry, but when you let so many people know at one time, I just shit a breeze-block, never-mind a brick. I miss you too, but I was afraid that you had moved on. And since I take it you haven‘t, maybe I should hang up. Give you your space.”
“Don’t you dare. I didn’t ring you just to have you chicken out like the chicken you really are. I rang to pour my heart out all over again, and see if you stomped on it again. But you didn’t…”
“Of course I didn’t, you haven’t felt the guilt I have. I wake every day, and I realise what a complete nonce I’ve been.”
“I still love you, and I haven’t stopped. I probably never will. Damn, why the hell did I decide to tell you this over the phone?”
“Well, how about you open the door, and tell me to my face?”