bleedxwell
in
__vam
Whoo New Story!
Title: Untitled
Raiting: PG
Paring: Vam
Disclamer: I don't nor will I ever own anyone mentioned in this story. It's just fake, a random thing written by a fan. :)
Summary: Dealing with the loss of his fame, a downward spiral into depression happened. While Bam's fame crawls in an upward spiral everything goes wrong for Ville. Can Bam save him and realize the love they both have for one another? Or Will Bam be blind until the very end?
Dedication: slasher48, jezebel1368, gah you know what...it's just dedicated to everyone who reads and reviews on my stories
Lonely, most of the time I feel lonely. I haven’t felt the same since that day. The day I got the call he was going through with it. Every time I go on tour he starts his own. I’ve tried talking to him on Myspace, but he never responds. I’m scared to call him. I’m afraid what he’d think. He’s too busy for me anyway. He’s got a life and what am I? I’m just another washed up friend who rides on his coat tails. I can barely afford food anymore. He sends me a check every month. I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’d probably die without that piece of paper. I hate him so much, yet I love him. It’s a strange feeling waking up and looking forward to the mail. I used to hate it so much. I’d normally get so many fan letters it would eat up half the space in my mailbox.
Now most people hate me. I’m always grumpy and I don’t want to be bothered. As I sit here thinking about all the good times we had, tears come to my eyes. It’s kind of sad really. I shouldn’t let it get to me this bad. I always do though. He happens to have that effect on me. Oh well, I guess I should learn to live with this pain. I’ve always been a miserable poet according to everyone. I’m going through so many packs of cigarettes that the band is worried I’ll die from tar build up in my lungs. I could honestly care less. My mind is always a wild blur. My days always run together and my nights are always way too long.
This bothers me. I’m sitting here thinking about all the time I’ve spent just wasting away. I mean, yeah I eat and drink liquids. I haven’t slept in about a week and I’m sure I’m in need of a shower. I’ve had plenty of people come by and check on me. They have said I look terrible and that I need to get out. Well, I’m not gonna go. I fear that the sunlight really won’t do me any good. I’d love to get a phone call from him. Every time the phone rings I pick it up hoping it’s him. This feels like a terrible nightmare that I can’t awake from. I think that’s one reason why I haven’t slept. Because, I do think it’s a horrid dream.
This really is terrible. I’m sitting here watching an episode of my favorite television show. It’s Spongebob Squarepants. It’s the episode where Spongebob and Patrick talk using W’s. It’s taking me back to the time when he and I were filming one of my music videos. He and I were talking using W’s and laughing. We kept having a good time and laughing. It was back when I was still drinking and we were drinking buddies. We slept in the same bed one night. I woke up cuddled in his arms and he kept saying that he wasn’t gay. Well, I guess he proved it. Whatever, it’s just another thing I have to chalk up to the pain. These memories however happy, hurt me like a knife. I look to my favorite author now in times of pain. I think I’ve collected over two hundred of his books now. I’m not entirely sure anymore. All I know is that a bookcase is filled to the brim with books of poetry he’s written and autobiographies.
Great, someone’s knocking at my door. I hope to heck it’s the mailman with my check. It’s due to come this week. Well, I guess I better go answer it. Just as I figured it’s the mailman. Thank heavens my check is in this pile of mail! Oh hello, what’s this? Someone sent me a letter. It’s all scrawled in like chicken scratch. Well, I guess I’ll read it, it might prove to be interesting.
Dear Ville,
I know I’ve been pretty much a jerk since I got hitched to Missy. It’s kinda stupid of me really. I know that I keep sending you the checks and all. Well, I’m sort of worried about you. Gas called and said you haven’t slept in a week. He also said that you’re starting to look sickly. Well, I told Miss about all of this. She told me to come out and see you. So, I am. Be prepared to see me sometime soon. I’ll be there probably the day you get this letter. Your postal system is so strange. See ya soon you miserable poet.
Bammie
So he remembered me after all. Well, this is a fine how do you do. I swear if I do see him at my doorstep I’m just gonna shut the door in his face. He wants to help me now? I’ve needed him for a long time and he dropped me. I’m important to him now? This is aggravating. Great, good going, you’ve not only helped further my depression spiral but; you’ve ticked me off. Some friend you are. I’m not happy one bit. I guess I should shower. Now that I think about it, I’ve spent a whole week on my couch wrapped up in my fleece blanket. I guess a shower would be an option. All this time, I keep thinking about how much our lives have changed. How much we really have grown apart.
It sickens me to the bone. He’s so busy becoming more and more successful. While I wallow in my self pity and think about how much I hate my life. I practically had the whole world in my hands. What did I go and do? I came out of hiding who I really was. I admitted to being gay. Then the rumors started here in Finland. Slowly my career here tanked. Then they leaked themselves to the United States. Slowly my grip on the American fan base diminished. I guess that really is suicide. Well, my band mates did well for themselves. They got a new lead singer and made a whole new name. Heck, I think they are more famous than we ever were together.
The news media was quick to ask me if I was with him. I told them no, and then he went and really broke my heart. I wasn’t even invited to the wedding because she didn’t want me there. She was afraid I would steal him away from her. She was afraid I would make him leave her at the altar. I honestly don’t think it was her. I put all the blame on him. He knew I loved him from day one. Yet, he toyed with me and held me out on a string. When it was convent for him we were boyfriends. Oh lord though, heaven forbid if he dated a guy. How the skating world would shun him! He’d loose that million dollar contract and possibly plummet from fame. I lost my fame but, I think I’m doing okay. I have to say, being able to wake up in my own bed feels nice. I guess in a way I’m thankful I lost that fame.
You know, he was never the jackass you see now. For the longest time he was such a bloody sweetheart. He was so sweet the teeth in your mouth would hurt. All of that really changed when his pitch for Viva La Bam went through. He started to become that which you see now. Honestly, I hate it. I want the sugary sweet boy back. The one I met all those years ago. I know I’m kidding myself; he’d never be the same. Yet, I love him just as much as I did when he was sugary sweet. Yeah, I know; I’m only hurting myself in the end. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Gas told me that the love of my life is going to be a father. I’m sure he’s ecstatic. Well, I can’t say that I am. This means that I’m slowly loosing him more. I constantly think to myself that one day I’ll just stop hearing from him all together. Just when I think that day has come he always manages to prove me wrong.
Well, he’s supposed to be arriving any moment now. I really want to go back on the couch and watch my shows. Curl up under my lovely fleece blanket and drown out the world. You know, I’m not even sure what the outside world looks like anymore. I guess maybe it’s been too long since I last left my home. I’m afraid of the world though, they shunned me for coming out. I don’t want some random hooligan trying to get me at knife point. That’s what I get for coming out publicly.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Well, tell me what you think. I'm also in need of a title so someone give me one! This is really out of the norm for me so bear with me. It might seem a little funny.
Raiting: PG
Paring: Vam
Disclamer: I don't nor will I ever own anyone mentioned in this story. It's just fake, a random thing written by a fan. :)
Summary: Dealing with the loss of his fame, a downward spiral into depression happened. While Bam's fame crawls in an upward spiral everything goes wrong for Ville. Can Bam save him and realize the love they both have for one another? Or Will Bam be blind until the very end?
Dedication: slasher48, jezebel1368, gah you know what...it's just dedicated to everyone who reads and reviews on my stories
Lonely, most of the time I feel lonely. I haven’t felt the same since that day. The day I got the call he was going through with it. Every time I go on tour he starts his own. I’ve tried talking to him on Myspace, but he never responds. I’m scared to call him. I’m afraid what he’d think. He’s too busy for me anyway. He’s got a life and what am I? I’m just another washed up friend who rides on his coat tails. I can barely afford food anymore. He sends me a check every month. I don’t know what I’d do without it. I’d probably die without that piece of paper. I hate him so much, yet I love him. It’s a strange feeling waking up and looking forward to the mail. I used to hate it so much. I’d normally get so many fan letters it would eat up half the space in my mailbox.
Now most people hate me. I’m always grumpy and I don’t want to be bothered. As I sit here thinking about all the good times we had, tears come to my eyes. It’s kind of sad really. I shouldn’t let it get to me this bad. I always do though. He happens to have that effect on me. Oh well, I guess I should learn to live with this pain. I’ve always been a miserable poet according to everyone. I’m going through so many packs of cigarettes that the band is worried I’ll die from tar build up in my lungs. I could honestly care less. My mind is always a wild blur. My days always run together and my nights are always way too long.
This bothers me. I’m sitting here thinking about all the time I’ve spent just wasting away. I mean, yeah I eat and drink liquids. I haven’t slept in about a week and I’m sure I’m in need of a shower. I’ve had plenty of people come by and check on me. They have said I look terrible and that I need to get out. Well, I’m not gonna go. I fear that the sunlight really won’t do me any good. I’d love to get a phone call from him. Every time the phone rings I pick it up hoping it’s him. This feels like a terrible nightmare that I can’t awake from. I think that’s one reason why I haven’t slept. Because, I do think it’s a horrid dream.
This really is terrible. I’m sitting here watching an episode of my favorite television show. It’s Spongebob Squarepants. It’s the episode where Spongebob and Patrick talk using W’s. It’s taking me back to the time when he and I were filming one of my music videos. He and I were talking using W’s and laughing. We kept having a good time and laughing. It was back when I was still drinking and we were drinking buddies. We slept in the same bed one night. I woke up cuddled in his arms and he kept saying that he wasn’t gay. Well, I guess he proved it. Whatever, it’s just another thing I have to chalk up to the pain. These memories however happy, hurt me like a knife. I look to my favorite author now in times of pain. I think I’ve collected over two hundred of his books now. I’m not entirely sure anymore. All I know is that a bookcase is filled to the brim with books of poetry he’s written and autobiographies.
Great, someone’s knocking at my door. I hope to heck it’s the mailman with my check. It’s due to come this week. Well, I guess I better go answer it. Just as I figured it’s the mailman. Thank heavens my check is in this pile of mail! Oh hello, what’s this? Someone sent me a letter. It’s all scrawled in like chicken scratch. Well, I guess I’ll read it, it might prove to be interesting.
Dear Ville,
I know I’ve been pretty much a jerk since I got hitched to Missy. It’s kinda stupid of me really. I know that I keep sending you the checks and all. Well, I’m sort of worried about you. Gas called and said you haven’t slept in a week. He also said that you’re starting to look sickly. Well, I told Miss about all of this. She told me to come out and see you. So, I am. Be prepared to see me sometime soon. I’ll be there probably the day you get this letter. Your postal system is so strange. See ya soon you miserable poet.
Bammie
So he remembered me after all. Well, this is a fine how do you do. I swear if I do see him at my doorstep I’m just gonna shut the door in his face. He wants to help me now? I’ve needed him for a long time and he dropped me. I’m important to him now? This is aggravating. Great, good going, you’ve not only helped further my depression spiral but; you’ve ticked me off. Some friend you are. I’m not happy one bit. I guess I should shower. Now that I think about it, I’ve spent a whole week on my couch wrapped up in my fleece blanket. I guess a shower would be an option. All this time, I keep thinking about how much our lives have changed. How much we really have grown apart.
It sickens me to the bone. He’s so busy becoming more and more successful. While I wallow in my self pity and think about how much I hate my life. I practically had the whole world in my hands. What did I go and do? I came out of hiding who I really was. I admitted to being gay. Then the rumors started here in Finland. Slowly my career here tanked. Then they leaked themselves to the United States. Slowly my grip on the American fan base diminished. I guess that really is suicide. Well, my band mates did well for themselves. They got a new lead singer and made a whole new name. Heck, I think they are more famous than we ever were together.
The news media was quick to ask me if I was with him. I told them no, and then he went and really broke my heart. I wasn’t even invited to the wedding because she didn’t want me there. She was afraid I would steal him away from her. She was afraid I would make him leave her at the altar. I honestly don’t think it was her. I put all the blame on him. He knew I loved him from day one. Yet, he toyed with me and held me out on a string. When it was convent for him we were boyfriends. Oh lord though, heaven forbid if he dated a guy. How the skating world would shun him! He’d loose that million dollar contract and possibly plummet from fame. I lost my fame but, I think I’m doing okay. I have to say, being able to wake up in my own bed feels nice. I guess in a way I’m thankful I lost that fame.
You know, he was never the jackass you see now. For the longest time he was such a bloody sweetheart. He was so sweet the teeth in your mouth would hurt. All of that really changed when his pitch for Viva La Bam went through. He started to become that which you see now. Honestly, I hate it. I want the sugary sweet boy back. The one I met all those years ago. I know I’m kidding myself; he’d never be the same. Yet, I love him just as much as I did when he was sugary sweet. Yeah, I know; I’m only hurting myself in the end. I don’t know what I’m gonna do. Gas told me that the love of my life is going to be a father. I’m sure he’s ecstatic. Well, I can’t say that I am. This means that I’m slowly loosing him more. I constantly think to myself that one day I’ll just stop hearing from him all together. Just when I think that day has come he always manages to prove me wrong.
Well, he’s supposed to be arriving any moment now. I really want to go back on the couch and watch my shows. Curl up under my lovely fleece blanket and drown out the world. You know, I’m not even sure what the outside world looks like anymore. I guess maybe it’s been too long since I last left my home. I’m afraid of the world though, they shunned me for coming out. I don’t want some random hooligan trying to get me at knife point. That’s what I get for coming out publicly.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Well, tell me what you think. I'm also in need of a title so someone give me one! This is really out of the norm for me so bear with me. It might seem a little funny.