Comments | __vam: Burning Ambers part 1

vam_freak in __vam

Burning Ambers part 1

May 07, 2007 23:22

Bam rolled over in his sleep, his thick brown hair falling into his face. He squeezed his amber eyes shut tighter as he heard a knock on the door. He squirmed a bit in frustration at being woken. Squinting at the clock, it read 10:27 a.m., untangling him self from the crimson blankets with an annoyed sigh; he stretched lazily before walking out of ( Read more... )

Comments 13

persianfire May 8 2007, 09:30:05 UTC

I agree with the others on the paragraphing, my eyesight is not the best anyway, so large blocks of writing make me dizzy lol!

Also, you might wanna put a header for your fic (title/author/rating/summary/notes/etc) It'll give us an idea what the story is about, and as some people read this comm at work or school they need to know the rating (this is another reason why your story should be under a cut).

but apart from the formating/header problems this was a good beginning! There was some nice descriptions and good pace. (The amber eyes in the first line confused me though, but maybe that was just me...)

vivalavam2006 May 8 2007, 17:14:22 UTC

Thought i'd let you know. Bam has blue eyes, no amber eyes.

alx7734 May 8 2007, 23:50:14 UTC

If you would like a beta, I'm open. Like most of the other people, I agree that the spacing needs a bit of work, but you have a beautiful beginning to run off of now, so keep running, I'll sit and watch. <3

vam_freak May 9 2007, 00:04:44 UTC

Aww, thanks! Wow, lots of comments...
Ok, if it wasn't stikingly obvious, I'm new. I'm not quite sure what a 'beta' is (Please don't mock! My poor anti-computer/writing skills are slowly becoming something...) and I don't know how to do the summery thing. And, Whoops!, I thought I fixed those mistakes! (Amber eyes, Gawd, Luv) That must have been murder to read threw! LJ cut? I get it's a 'LiveJournal cut' but I don't know what that is either...
*Grumbles about own stupidity and nOObishness*

alx7734 May 12 2007, 18:38:12 UTC

I'm offering to read your story beforehand and correct spelling and grammar mistakes(beta it). Also, offer basic comments and suggestions, before you stick it before the world. If you're interested, e-mail me at my user name @yahoo.com.
Since you're part of the __vam community, you've noticed how a lot of the posts have a summary, title and such, with a link. That is the LJ cut. it makes it easier to read your friends page, so you have one or two feet of page to skim through, as apposed to, say, twenty. I'm new myself, as far as actually posting goes, but LJ help might be of use in figuring out how to do it.