vamxaddict
in
__vam
Amity Is Like a Gun ♥
Title: Amity Is Like a Gun ♥
Author: lj user=vamxaddict
Pairing: vam & bam/missy mention but not main pair
Rating: PG-13 or R
Summary: I don’t have one but I want you to know that some of this story is loosely based on what
happened between me and this guy I really liked. Some of these experiences are my own. But it’s VERY
LOOSELY based. Hope you enjoy! =]
Chapter One:High School Awkwardness
Chapter Two: Food Fights and Spiked Punch
Couple Months Later
It’s amazing how much a song can wash over you and make you feel brand new. Today all I could think of were happy things and not a depressing phrase ran through my bones. Being the genius that I am, I combined the sorrow with the happiness. Because with sorrow you can form your own oasis of happiness. And it can really save you, as it did me. I read my past diary entries, thinking of when and why I had done it. What had it proved? I lifted up the leg of my jeans and stared at the scars. The cuts were wide and deep, I had wanted to die then, but was too afraid. It was weird the contrast of my life now from then. I had put myself in a bad position and even though I still had those thoughts, they were momentary. They never strayed long enough for me to get it in my head that cutting was what I needed. I twisted the razor around my fingers studying it. Wondering why I had put so many nights of sadness and tears into this tiny peace of metal. When did it seem to suffice myself? I began to think of those times, but Bam’s face drifted into my mind and all worry melted away. As if winter was leaving and spring entering. I laid down on my bed, hands crossed behind my head and stared at the ceiling. White and blank, like an unused piece of paper begging to be used. I grabbed my art paper and began to draw. My fingers flowed against the page and formed the figure of myself but then my mind began to tell my hands I wasn’t done. When I was finished the paper held two young boys sharing their first loving kiss. I gazed at the picture wishing that could really be me, with Bam. I longed to hold him. To feel his skin rub against mine as we touched. To feel the wetness of his lips locking with mine. I wanted all of that, for just me and no one else. Missy just ruined everything, I didn’t know how I was gonna win him over. For one I didn’t even know if he was into dudes. I began to delve into the fantasies of us together and a smile warmed my face as I sunk into a much needed rest.
“So I was thinking you know about this whole Bam thing. Maybe we should work a scheme into it. Like, hang out with his friends.” Jonne stopped talking and moved his hand in front of my face. “Hello, lover boy are you even listening.
“Uh yeah.” I said still studying Bam and Missy out of the corner of my eye. The way she clung to him and how it looked like he wanted to run away made me laugh out loud.
“Why do I even bother talking. You’re not even paying attention.” Jonne said slamming his fork down.
“I’m sorry I was just spacing out.” I said in a fit of giggles.
“So anyways. My cousin goes and hangs out at the skate park a lot, she’s actually quite good.”
“And.” I said with my eyebrows raised.
“Well, I was thinking we could hang with her today and go to skate with her, just to see your prince charming. Maybe a flame will spark or something.” He said biting into his toast.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s not such a good idea.”
“What are you crazy? He’s not just gonna eat out of the palm of your hand, you have to make him do that. First off, you need to start talking to him. How’s he gonna know what you’re like if you don’t talk.”
“But what if he doesn’t like me.”
“Well he ain’t if you have that attitude. Hey now.” He said as I through my eggs at him and he ducked. The eggs went flying into the backside of a letter jacket and Jonne gasped out loud.
“Oh no. This ain’t good.” He said rushing to gather his things but he wasn’t quick enough.
“Which one of you faggots did that?” He said turning towards me and Jonne. Just as I was about to speak, Jonne cut in.
“Well, as a matter of fact --”
“I did it.” A voice spoke from the table two down from us. I turned to look and it was Bam.
“I knew that if I threw it from over here you’d think they did it. I just wanted to see you fume, and maybe mess with these guys, but I felt guilty.” Bam said shrugging. I didn’t know whether to believe him or think that he was joking. For all I knew about him, he could very much think the same of me. After the discussion was settled, Bam winked at me and sat back down next to Missy. My heart fluttered away as if it was a butterfly looking for a new flower to land on.
“You need to make a move. Today, get him as he’s leaving.”
As we finished our breakfast we started to leave, Bam and his gang followed our suit.
“Hey, Vil.” Bam yelled and I stopped but Jonne kept walking. I looked in Jonne’s direction but quickly understood, this was my chance.
“Hey man what’s up?” Bam asked pulling me into a man-hug.
“Nothing really, I was just about to go to my locker.”
“How bout I walk you there?” His eyes were gleaming and I wanted to fly away inside them
“Sure, if you want to. So what class you got first block.” I said as we started walking.
“Algebra.” He said sighing. “And I suck ass at math, it’s so confusing. I’m not even gonna use any of that, my parents can do my bills. I’m gonna be to busy being a famous skateboarder anyways.” He said with a chuckle. “Speaking of, you think you’d like to hang out at the park today? Ry has a car so he can dtake us.” I was stunned that this conversation was even taking place.
“Sure!” I said with an over enthusiastic grin. “My parents shouldn’t mind, they’ll be glad I made more friends.”
“Friends, yeah.” Bam said staring at me a little but quickly looking away as we reached my locker.
“So after school I’ll just meet you in the lobby.”
“Sure, you can and you can bring your friend if you’d like to, he seems cool.” Bam said as he said goodbye and went back to his friends. I don’t know why but as he mention Jonne I became jealous. So when I entered the math room, my attitude towards Jonne was a little livid.
“What’s got your underwear in a wad. You talked to Bam didn’t you?”
“Yea, he invited me to the skate park.” I said not mentioning the part about him being invited.
“That’s awesome. I’ll go with Cara and help you through things. You need some work at this.”
“I don’t need anything thank you very much, I can manage.”
The next few blocks I was still fuming at Jonne, but when we entered choir every emotion went away. Music was where my heart eternally lied and I longed so hardcore to be in a band. Even if I just played bass, drums or got to sing I would love it. As we sang our warms-ups are were welcomed back, she handed out some songs. None of them were familiar but they were mostly pieces about God. I didn’t know why this always bothered me, I guess it was because I didn’t necessarily believe he was real. The nights when I was really low and I screamed out to him, nothing every happened except that I never went through with the plan, so maybe me did exist after all.
“So are you cooled off now because I’m sorry for whatever it was I had said.” Jonne apologized sitting in front of me at the lunch table.
“It wasn’t your fault I was just… feeling weird.” I replied and spilt my guts about the whole conversation.
“Well, I can understand that. See when I liked Ba--” I cut him short.
“What?! You liked him? How did you not tell me this?” I was getting furious again but I swore to myself I wouldn’t overreact.
“I didn’t want you to blow up. But yes I should of told you. Last year, about a month after I moved here I started liking Bam. This was before he even knew Missy. He was always a nice guy but I never got to that point where I was brave enough to ask him if he liked me, so I drifted away. I quit associating with him and I moved on. I wasn’t ready for love, but sometimes my heart aches for him.” Jonne said twirling his fork around his soup.
“Well, I’m glad you told me because I would rather find out now then farther down the road.
As the day wore on I began to think more of Bam and Jonne. Maybe Bam mentioned Jonne because he felt for him and he was just using me? What if something happened between me and Bam and Jonne blew up at me. That would be quite unfair but I’d understand because I’d feel the same way. I couldn’t make sense of the thoughts so I just forgot about them and started to sing the songs.
School was soon over and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hey there you are Vil. So you coming?” Bam asked, his friends heading towards the parking lot.
“Yeah, just let me tell Jonne.”
“If he needs a ride any where we can take him. Ry won’t mind.” There was that feeling again. The anger erupted in me, but more rapid this time.
“I’m sure he can manage.” I said, trying not to show any of my emotions.
“Well… if your sure… okay lets go.” Bam said and I followed him to the ‘shitty mustang’ as he called it.
“Stop dissing my fucking car. If you don’t like it, just get out and walk.”
“I can’t do that. If I left Ville in here, Brandon would try to molest him.” All the boys laughed out loud and a smile crept onto my face.
“Ain’t that right Novak.” Bam said.
“Oh of course it is.” Novak said in his ‘gay’ voice.
We finally arrived at the skate park after Novak demanded Ryan chase down the paper boy and steal his dollar for some ice cream. Bam tried to teach me how to land a simple trick. But I could barely stand on the board. When he grabbed my hands to help me balance, a warmth shot through my spine and stopped in my throat. The feeling subsided as he let go and I toppled off the board. I knew I could probably do it, but I just liked the feel of Bam’s hands with mine. It all seemed to fit. After many unsuccessful tries I finally managed to land the trick. Seeing the smile light up Bam’s face made me so happy. The way his eyes gleamed in the sun filled my heart and soul with contempt. I was really crushing on this boy.
“Hey.” Bam waved and I turned around. It was saddening because Bam wore the same smile for Jonne as he greeted him. It made my heart sink a little and I wondered once again, if it meant a thing to him.
“Hey guys so guess what I just found out?” Novak said joining the group as Ry and Raab tagged alone.
“What?” Bam asked.
“Joe and Adam are crashing the school Halloween party tonight and spiking all the drinks. It’s gonna be so trippy, I think we should go.”
“Oh man you sound like Missy.” Bam joked playfully hitting Novak.
“No I’m serious we should all go, you to Vil.” Novak said looking towards me.
“What do you think about this?” Bam asked turning towards me. Embarrassment began to creep onto my face and I shrugged.
“It could be very amusing. A bunch of hammered Preps. We could get the DJ to play rock music, and see them try to dance to that.”
“I like how you think.” Bam said.
“So it’s settled. Halloween party crashing.” Bam said raising the soda he had stolen from Novak. I was grinning from ear to ear. Maybe, just maybe something would happen at that Halloween party. Something to get us closer. Even though on the way home a bunch of scenarios played through my head nothing could measure up to what was going to happen.
♥ Ashley
Author: lj user=vamxaddict
Pairing: vam & bam/missy mention but not main pair
Rating: PG-13 or R
Summary: I don’t have one but I want you to know that some of this story is loosely based on what
happened between me and this guy I really liked. Some of these experiences are my own. But it’s VERY
LOOSELY based. Hope you enjoy! =]
Chapter One:High School Awkwardness
Chapter Two: Food Fights and Spiked Punch
Couple Months Later
It’s amazing how much a song can wash over you and make you feel brand new. Today all I could think of were happy things and not a depressing phrase ran through my bones. Being the genius that I am, I combined the sorrow with the happiness. Because with sorrow you can form your own oasis of happiness. And it can really save you, as it did me. I read my past diary entries, thinking of when and why I had done it. What had it proved? I lifted up the leg of my jeans and stared at the scars. The cuts were wide and deep, I had wanted to die then, but was too afraid. It was weird the contrast of my life now from then. I had put myself in a bad position and even though I still had those thoughts, they were momentary. They never strayed long enough for me to get it in my head that cutting was what I needed. I twisted the razor around my fingers studying it. Wondering why I had put so many nights of sadness and tears into this tiny peace of metal. When did it seem to suffice myself? I began to think of those times, but Bam’s face drifted into my mind and all worry melted away. As if winter was leaving and spring entering. I laid down on my bed, hands crossed behind my head and stared at the ceiling. White and blank, like an unused piece of paper begging to be used. I grabbed my art paper and began to draw. My fingers flowed against the page and formed the figure of myself but then my mind began to tell my hands I wasn’t done. When I was finished the paper held two young boys sharing their first loving kiss. I gazed at the picture wishing that could really be me, with Bam. I longed to hold him. To feel his skin rub against mine as we touched. To feel the wetness of his lips locking with mine. I wanted all of that, for just me and no one else. Missy just ruined everything, I didn’t know how I was gonna win him over. For one I didn’t even know if he was into dudes. I began to delve into the fantasies of us together and a smile warmed my face as I sunk into a much needed rest.
“So I was thinking you know about this whole Bam thing. Maybe we should work a scheme into it. Like, hang out with his friends.” Jonne stopped talking and moved his hand in front of my face. “Hello, lover boy are you even listening.
“Uh yeah.” I said still studying Bam and Missy out of the corner of my eye. The way she clung to him and how it looked like he wanted to run away made me laugh out loud.
“Why do I even bother talking. You’re not even paying attention.” Jonne said slamming his fork down.
“I’m sorry I was just spacing out.” I said in a fit of giggles.
“So anyways. My cousin goes and hangs out at the skate park a lot, she’s actually quite good.”
“And.” I said with my eyebrows raised.
“Well, I was thinking we could hang with her today and go to skate with her, just to see your prince charming. Maybe a flame will spark or something.” He said biting into his toast.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s not such a good idea.”
“What are you crazy? He’s not just gonna eat out of the palm of your hand, you have to make him do that. First off, you need to start talking to him. How’s he gonna know what you’re like if you don’t talk.”
“But what if he doesn’t like me.”
“Well he ain’t if you have that attitude. Hey now.” He said as I through my eggs at him and he ducked. The eggs went flying into the backside of a letter jacket and Jonne gasped out loud.
“Oh no. This ain’t good.” He said rushing to gather his things but he wasn’t quick enough.
“Which one of you faggots did that?” He said turning towards me and Jonne. Just as I was about to speak, Jonne cut in.
“Well, as a matter of fact --”
“I did it.” A voice spoke from the table two down from us. I turned to look and it was Bam.
“I knew that if I threw it from over here you’d think they did it. I just wanted to see you fume, and maybe mess with these guys, but I felt guilty.” Bam said shrugging. I didn’t know whether to believe him or think that he was joking. For all I knew about him, he could very much think the same of me. After the discussion was settled, Bam winked at me and sat back down next to Missy. My heart fluttered away as if it was a butterfly looking for a new flower to land on.
“You need to make a move. Today, get him as he’s leaving.”
As we finished our breakfast we started to leave, Bam and his gang followed our suit.
“Hey, Vil.” Bam yelled and I stopped but Jonne kept walking. I looked in Jonne’s direction but quickly understood, this was my chance.
“Hey man what’s up?” Bam asked pulling me into a man-hug.
“Nothing really, I was just about to go to my locker.”
“How bout I walk you there?” His eyes were gleaming and I wanted to fly away inside them
“Sure, if you want to. So what class you got first block.” I said as we started walking.
“Algebra.” He said sighing. “And I suck ass at math, it’s so confusing. I’m not even gonna use any of that, my parents can do my bills. I’m gonna be to busy being a famous skateboarder anyways.” He said with a chuckle. “Speaking of, you think you’d like to hang out at the park today? Ry has a car so he can dtake us.” I was stunned that this conversation was even taking place.
“Sure!” I said with an over enthusiastic grin. “My parents shouldn’t mind, they’ll be glad I made more friends.”
“Friends, yeah.” Bam said staring at me a little but quickly looking away as we reached my locker.
“So after school I’ll just meet you in the lobby.”
“Sure, you can and you can bring your friend if you’d like to, he seems cool.” Bam said as he said goodbye and went back to his friends. I don’t know why but as he mention Jonne I became jealous. So when I entered the math room, my attitude towards Jonne was a little livid.
“What’s got your underwear in a wad. You talked to Bam didn’t you?”
“Yea, he invited me to the skate park.” I said not mentioning the part about him being invited.
“That’s awesome. I’ll go with Cara and help you through things. You need some work at this.”
“I don’t need anything thank you very much, I can manage.”
The next few blocks I was still fuming at Jonne, but when we entered choir every emotion went away. Music was where my heart eternally lied and I longed so hardcore to be in a band. Even if I just played bass, drums or got to sing I would love it. As we sang our warms-ups are were welcomed back, she handed out some songs. None of them were familiar but they were mostly pieces about God. I didn’t know why this always bothered me, I guess it was because I didn’t necessarily believe he was real. The nights when I was really low and I screamed out to him, nothing every happened except that I never went through with the plan, so maybe me did exist after all.
“So are you cooled off now because I’m sorry for whatever it was I had said.” Jonne apologized sitting in front of me at the lunch table.
“It wasn’t your fault I was just… feeling weird.” I replied and spilt my guts about the whole conversation.
“Well, I can understand that. See when I liked Ba--” I cut him short.
“What?! You liked him? How did you not tell me this?” I was getting furious again but I swore to myself I wouldn’t overreact.
“I didn’t want you to blow up. But yes I should of told you. Last year, about a month after I moved here I started liking Bam. This was before he even knew Missy. He was always a nice guy but I never got to that point where I was brave enough to ask him if he liked me, so I drifted away. I quit associating with him and I moved on. I wasn’t ready for love, but sometimes my heart aches for him.” Jonne said twirling his fork around his soup.
“Well, I’m glad you told me because I would rather find out now then farther down the road.
As the day wore on I began to think more of Bam and Jonne. Maybe Bam mentioned Jonne because he felt for him and he was just using me? What if something happened between me and Bam and Jonne blew up at me. That would be quite unfair but I’d understand because I’d feel the same way. I couldn’t make sense of the thoughts so I just forgot about them and started to sing the songs.
School was soon over and I let out a sigh of relief.
“Hey there you are Vil. So you coming?” Bam asked, his friends heading towards the parking lot.
“Yeah, just let me tell Jonne.”
“If he needs a ride any where we can take him. Ry won’t mind.” There was that feeling again. The anger erupted in me, but more rapid this time.
“I’m sure he can manage.” I said, trying not to show any of my emotions.
“Well… if your sure… okay lets go.” Bam said and I followed him to the ‘shitty mustang’ as he called it.
“Stop dissing my fucking car. If you don’t like it, just get out and walk.”
“I can’t do that. If I left Ville in here, Brandon would try to molest him.” All the boys laughed out loud and a smile crept onto my face.
“Ain’t that right Novak.” Bam said.
“Oh of course it is.” Novak said in his ‘gay’ voice.
We finally arrived at the skate park after Novak demanded Ryan chase down the paper boy and steal his dollar for some ice cream. Bam tried to teach me how to land a simple trick. But I could barely stand on the board. When he grabbed my hands to help me balance, a warmth shot through my spine and stopped in my throat. The feeling subsided as he let go and I toppled off the board. I knew I could probably do it, but I just liked the feel of Bam’s hands with mine. It all seemed to fit. After many unsuccessful tries I finally managed to land the trick. Seeing the smile light up Bam’s face made me so happy. The way his eyes gleamed in the sun filled my heart and soul with contempt. I was really crushing on this boy.
“Hey.” Bam waved and I turned around. It was saddening because Bam wore the same smile for Jonne as he greeted him. It made my heart sink a little and I wondered once again, if it meant a thing to him.
“Hey guys so guess what I just found out?” Novak said joining the group as Ry and Raab tagged alone.
“What?” Bam asked.
“Joe and Adam are crashing the school Halloween party tonight and spiking all the drinks. It’s gonna be so trippy, I think we should go.”
“Oh man you sound like Missy.” Bam joked playfully hitting Novak.
“No I’m serious we should all go, you to Vil.” Novak said looking towards me.
“What do you think about this?” Bam asked turning towards me. Embarrassment began to creep onto my face and I shrugged.
“It could be very amusing. A bunch of hammered Preps. We could get the DJ to play rock music, and see them try to dance to that.”
“I like how you think.” Bam said.
“So it’s settled. Halloween party crashing.” Bam said raising the soda he had stolen from Novak. I was grinning from ear to ear. Maybe, just maybe something would happen at that Halloween party. Something to get us closer. Even though on the way home a bunch of scenarios played through my head nothing could measure up to what was going to happen.
♥ Ashley