Frozen To Lose It All- Chapter 78 & 79
Title: Frozen To Lose It All
Pairing: Vam, Ville/Jonne
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Summary: Ville has been with Jonne for two years now and they want to start their life together. But, when Bam gets in the picture will it stay the same or will everything fall apart?
*Note* This will end up being a MPreg in later chapters. Also, Jonne is a few years older in this since I didn't want Ville to be considered a molester. :p
Disclaimer: If I owned Ville, Bam, or Jonne do you really think I'd be writing??
http://agoddeafanblind.livejournal.com/
“Are you sure you don’t wanna come to Helsinki with us?” Ville asked, zipping up one of his suitcases. “My parents won’t care.” Jonne shook his head.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna take Katja up to Tampere to see everybody.” Ville arched an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, not Christus.”
“Well, listen, I know somebody you might like. His name’s Gerard.”
“I’m not hooking up with Gerard Way,” he huffed, puffing his hair in the mirror. “Bam already mentioned it. He’s not my type, trust me.” Ville rolled his eyes, carrying his three suitcases into the living room. Ella came down the stairs with difficulty, trying to take her bags.
“Kulta, I’ll get that,” he said, helping her. “Here, you take this one and I’ll get the rest.” Ville took them downstairs while Ella got the lightest one.
“Jonne, we’re going to Helsinki!” she screamed, jumping up and down.
“I know, sweetheart. Have fun, okay?” She squeaked and leaped into Ville’s arms.
“Oh jeez, El’, you’re gonna break my back,” he laughed. Ella giggled, kissing his nose. “Thank you, kulta, now go get Bammie cause we gotta go.”
“Okay,” Ella smiled, running to get Bam. Jonne leaned against the wall and sighed.
“So, who’s all coming to your parents for Christmas?” Ville thought for a moment, biting his lip.
“Uh…well, my mom and dad, Jesse and his wife, Niina and their baby, Mikko, my aunt Taina, my uncle Marko, my uncle Bo, my aunt Mikayla, my cousin Emma, and my grandma Anja..”
“Damn, plus the six of you?” Ville nodded, putting his coat and gloves on. “Holy shit.”
“I know, it’s gonna be a freak show,” he laughed. Bam came down the stairs, a baby in each hand, and huffed. “Tired, Bam Bam?” He snuffed.
“Nah, I’m super dad.” Ville giggled as Bam handed him the kids and started loading the bags in the car. “Alright, when I’m done we’ll leave, okay?”
“Yep, I’m gonna change them real quick, then I’ll be down.” He went upstairs, leaving Bam with Jonne.
“Hey,” Bam whispered. “Are you allergic to cats?” Jonne furrowed his brow.
“No, why?”
“Cause, Ville’s doctor gave him new asthma meds where he’s not allergic to certain kinds of animals, so I thought for Christmas I could get him a kitten.” Jonne’s face lit up as he squeaked.
“Aww, that’d be cute! He’ll love it.” Bam smiled and went outside to pack the bags into the Hummer. Ville came back down with the babies bundled up, putting them in their car seats along with getting Damian ready.
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay over here? I mean, April and Phil are gonna come occasionally, but other than that it’s just you and Katja.” Jonne nodded.
“We’ll be fine. Besides, we’ll be in Tampere for awhile before coming back here. Plus, I’ll probably look for an apartment when we get back.” Ville groaned, getting Damian’s coat on.
“How many times have I told you that you can stay here?”
“I know, but I think it’ll be better for Katja and me in the long run. I can’t keep depending on my ex-boyfriend all the time.” He sighed, looking down.” I didn’t mean it that way, Ville.”
“You’re welcome here, is all,” he said quietly. Bam walked back into the house, shaking the snow off of him, and threw another bag over his shoulder.
“Dunn’s here, babe.”
“Alright, we’ll be right out.” Ville turned back to Jonne and gave a small smile. “Tour starts in February.”
“That’s why I want to be out by then. By the time the tours over you’ll be sick of me,” he laughed. “Besides, there are enough kids in this house.”
“Yeah…”
“It’ll be fine. Call me when you get there, okay?” Ville nodded, hugging the blonde. “Say ‘hi’ to Kari and Anita for me.”
“I will. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Even though Bam had rented a private jet, the flight time stayed the same. For the 20 some odd hours, the kids were either, sleeping, screaming, or fussing. Ella mainly stayed attached on Ville’s hip while Bam handled the babies.
“Willa?” she asked quietly.
“Hmm?” He had his eyes closed, obviously nervous about flying.
“Are you scared?” Licking his bottom lip, he shook his head.
“No…I’m just tired…”
“Then why’re you holding the seat so tight?” Ville opened his eyes, seeing that his knuckles were white from gripping the handles of the seat. He laughed slightly.
“Oops.” She tilted her head, looking exactly like Ville, and twirled her finger in his hair. “You used to do that when you were a baby.”
“I did?” He nodded.
“You always liked to play with my hair whenever I held you. You used to just grab a handful of it and pull. Sometimes you cuddled your face in it.” She giggled.
“What else did I do?”
“”Well, when you first started talking you couldn’t really say ‘Willa’ so you would call me ‘La La’’
“Why?”
“I don’t know, maybe it was because I sang to you all the time. Then, when you were able to talk better you called me ‘Willa.’” Ella smiled, cuddling up under his chin. “I remember when you were trying to walk…you used to get so mad every time you’d fall. I went to L.A. for an overnight thing and when I came back you ran up to me…you went from taking a few steps and falling to running…after that we started to chase each other in the backyard.” She laughed and laid her hand in his.
“When you were just born, well, even when you were a little older, you used to only be able to sleep if you laid on my chest.”
“I wanted to hear your heart,” she replied quietly. He looked down in shock, almost unsure of what he had just heard.
“You…you what?”
“I missed hearing your heart, so I wanted to hear it.” She hid her head in his chest. “I still wanna hear it…”
“Ella, look at me,” he said, lifting her up to face him. “You can always hear my heart whenever you want. Just let me know.”
“Can I hear it now?” He nodded, taking his jacket off and letting her lay on his chest like she use to. Part of him want to shower her in kisses, but the other part wanted to break down in tears since he knew his baby girl was growing up too fast. “Willa...”
“What, my darling?”
“I love your heart.” Ville wrapped his arms tightly around her body, kissing the top of her head.
“Well, my heart is your heart. We’re one, we’ve always been since you lived inside me, baby.”
“I remember I saw your heart.” He furrowed his brow.
“You what?”
“When I lived in your tummy I would look up and see your heart. It always put me to sleep.” Ville’s mouth dropped slightly as he stared at his daughter.
“Ella…you remember being inside me?” She nodded. “But-but…”
“It was warm in there…” He sat dumbfounded in his seat, mouth still open.
“How do you remember that?” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just do…you asked me if I liked my name, too.” Goosebumps came upon Ville’s neck the minute she said that. He thought back to when he was pregnant and Bam was talking about names. Bam had asked if she liked the name ‘Ella’ and she kicked. “Are you okay, Willa?”
“Y-yeah…I’m fine…go get Bammie.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How the hell does she know that?” Ville whispered, walking out of the airport. “No, how CAN she know that?” Bam shook his head.
“I have no idea…that’s kinda creepy.”
“Kinda creepy? It’s just plain scary! She remembers what happened in the womb! That’s not normal, Bam!” He looked at Ella, who was playing with Kari to make sure she wasn’t listening.
“So, what’re you saying? She’s like psychic, or something?” Ville shrugged.
“I don’t know…but to hear her talk about that scared the fuck outta me.”
“Willa, c’mon!” Ella smiled in Kari’s arms.
“Yes,” Kari agreed. “Let’s go. Ville, your mother’s waiting to see all of you.” Bam stocked all of their bags in the back of the car, shockingly getting everything to fit, and drove to their apartment.
“Vil’, I’ll be back,” Bam breathed, getting out to bring everything upstairs.
“Don’t you need help?”
“I’ll help!” Ella shouted, jumping out of the back.
“Okay, here, take the light ones,” he said, handing her some bags. “We’ll be back.” They opened the door to the front entrance. Leaving Ville, Kari, and the babies in the car.
“I’ve missed you, my Ville,” Kari said lovingly. Ville smiled, laying his head on Kari’s shoulder.
“I’ve missed you, too, Daddy. I hate being away from you and Mommy. We were actually thinking of staying here for a few months until the tour starts.” Kari’s face seemed to glow at that statement.
“That’d be great. I’d love it.” He sighed, looking out the window. Ville had noticed from the minute he picked them up at the airport that Kari had lost weight. He seemed paler than normal, his face looking worn.
“Daddy…are you okay? You look a little tired.” Kari snubbed it off.
“I’m fine. You mother decided that she didn’t need her medication.” Ville rolled his eyes. Like Ville, Anita was also bipolar, not the first in line.
“I don’t know why she does that,” he sighed, shaking his head. Kari shrugged.
“Same reason you did. You don’t want to accept the fact that something’s wrong.” Ville looked deep into his father’s eyes, getting a familiar feeling in his gut.
“What’s wrong?” Kari looked away, finalizing the feeling. “Daddy, tell me.”
“I…had some tests done the other day.” Ville’s heart sank at the thought of what was to come.
“A-and?”
“They’re not in yet,” he said quietly.
“What were they for?” Kari opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Ella and Bam coming back into the car.
“Alright, let’s roll,” Bam smiled. Kari pulled back into the street, leaving Ville’s heart beating faster.
When they got to the apartment, Jesse, Niina, and Mikko were already there with Anita. Bam took the twins and went inside with Ella, while Ville and Damian stayed outside to talk to Kari.
“It’s cold out, take him inside.”
“Daddy, tell me about the tests. Why’d you get them?”
“Ville, he’ll get sick,” Kari said sternly. Ville gritted his teeth, swiftly turning around and putting Damian inside. He stomped back down the stairs, nearly fuming.
“There, now tell me!” At that moment, Ella came running outside, jumping up and down.
Willa, come in!”
“Go inside Ella,” he said, not looking away from Kari.
“But, Willa-“
“I said, go inside!” She jumped at his tone but obeyed. “Tell me…I deserve to know.” Kari nodded, looking away.
“I don’t want you to get upset,” he said softly. “But…my doctor found a growth.” Ville’s breath hitched, gripping onto the railing to keep from falling over.
“L-like a…a tumor?” Kari sighed, sitting down on the porch. “N-no…no, it-it can’t be a tumor. There’s-There’s no way…no…”
“The nurse said I’d get the test results by the 28th.” Ville felt like he could faint at any moment. His father, the person he looked up to for his entire life could have cancer. The whole idea just seemed like a dream. “Don’t let this ruin your Christmas, alright?” Plus, it’s Ella’s birthday, be happy.”
“Does Mommy and Jesse know?” Kari nodded, getting up.
“Come inside.”
“Give me a minute,” he said quietly, pulling out a pack of Marlboro Menthols.
“I thought you smoked lights?” Ville lit his cigarette, pocketing the lighter.
“I needed something stronger…” Kari tisked him, turning to go inside. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” He grimaced, inhaling smoke.
“That ‘tisk’ thing you do…you’d always do that when I was young and you’d make me feel like shit…” Kari’s face fell as he sat back down on the steps, pulling Ville down with him.
“I did?” Ville shrugged, taking another drag. “Well…I didn’t mean to.”
“Yeah…I know…I guess I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise.” Kari smiled, putting his hand on Ville’s back.
“Ville, you were perfect.” He sniffed.
“Please, you guys put me in a mental institution…”
“You know I didn’t want to do that.” Ville turned to him, wide eyed.
“No, I didn’t, Dad! No one told me anything except ‘you’re crazy, you need help.’”
“I never said that.” Ville shook his head, looking down.
“You didn’t say anything else, either.” Kari bit his lip while his son puffed away on another cigarette.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right…but, Ville, did you ever think that I didn’t know what to say? My oldest son, my best friend, was wanting to die. What was I suppose to say?” Ville furrowed his brow.
“I’m…I’m your best friend?”
“Of course you are. I remember the day you were born…I held you in my arms and you looked up at me with those big green eyes…over since then I’ve loved you more than anything in the world. Last year when you got sick again, it hurt me so much that I couldn’t comfort you or help you. You called your mother and it made me feel completely worthless.” Ville felt tears fall down his cheeks, wishing he could fix everything that was happening.
“Oh God, Daddy, I never meant to hurt you,” he cried. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.” Kari pulled Ville into a hug, gently petting his hair.
“I know, my Ville…its okay…shh, its okay.”
“You’re my best friend; too…I don’t want you to be sick…”
“I’ll be alright. Don’t worry poika.” Ville sniffed, wiping away some tears.
“How can I not be worried? You’re my dad.” Kari sighed, placing a kiss on Ville’s forehead. Sitting on the porch together, they seemed to forget the cold, the time, the place, all of it. They didn’t care about the holiday coming up or how many people were coming to dinner in the next few days. All that mattered was the moment that they shared. Both knew that they could be staring tragedy in the face, but for some odd reason, calm washed over them. They needed each other.
Pairing: Vam, Ville/Jonne
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Summary: Ville has been with Jonne for two years now and they want to start their life together. But, when Bam gets in the picture will it stay the same or will everything fall apart?
*Note* This will end up being a MPreg in later chapters. Also, Jonne is a few years older in this since I didn't want Ville to be considered a molester. :p
Disclaimer: If I owned Ville, Bam, or Jonne do you really think I'd be writing??
http://agoddeafanblind.livejournal.com/
“Are you sure you don’t wanna come to Helsinki with us?” Ville asked, zipping up one of his suitcases. “My parents won’t care.” Jonne shook his head.
“It’s okay. I’m gonna take Katja up to Tampere to see everybody.” Ville arched an eyebrow. “Don’t worry, not Christus.”
“Well, listen, I know somebody you might like. His name’s Gerard.”
“I’m not hooking up with Gerard Way,” he huffed, puffing his hair in the mirror. “Bam already mentioned it. He’s not my type, trust me.” Ville rolled his eyes, carrying his three suitcases into the living room. Ella came down the stairs with difficulty, trying to take her bags.
“Kulta, I’ll get that,” he said, helping her. “Here, you take this one and I’ll get the rest.” Ville took them downstairs while Ella got the lightest one.
“Jonne, we’re going to Helsinki!” she screamed, jumping up and down.
“I know, sweetheart. Have fun, okay?” She squeaked and leaped into Ville’s arms.
“Oh jeez, El’, you’re gonna break my back,” he laughed. Ella giggled, kissing his nose. “Thank you, kulta, now go get Bammie cause we gotta go.”
“Okay,” Ella smiled, running to get Bam. Jonne leaned against the wall and sighed.
“So, who’s all coming to your parents for Christmas?” Ville thought for a moment, biting his lip.
“Uh…well, my mom and dad, Jesse and his wife, Niina and their baby, Mikko, my aunt Taina, my uncle Marko, my uncle Bo, my aunt Mikayla, my cousin Emma, and my grandma Anja..”
“Damn, plus the six of you?” Ville nodded, putting his coat and gloves on. “Holy shit.”
“I know, it’s gonna be a freak show,” he laughed. Bam came down the stairs, a baby in each hand, and huffed. “Tired, Bam Bam?” He snuffed.
“Nah, I’m super dad.” Ville giggled as Bam handed him the kids and started loading the bags in the car. “Alright, when I’m done we’ll leave, okay?”
“Yep, I’m gonna change them real quick, then I’ll be down.” He went upstairs, leaving Bam with Jonne.
“Hey,” Bam whispered. “Are you allergic to cats?” Jonne furrowed his brow.
“No, why?”
“Cause, Ville’s doctor gave him new asthma meds where he’s not allergic to certain kinds of animals, so I thought for Christmas I could get him a kitten.” Jonne’s face lit up as he squeaked.
“Aww, that’d be cute! He’ll love it.” Bam smiled and went outside to pack the bags into the Hummer. Ville came back down with the babies bundled up, putting them in their car seats along with getting Damian ready.
“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay over here? I mean, April and Phil are gonna come occasionally, but other than that it’s just you and Katja.” Jonne nodded.
“We’ll be fine. Besides, we’ll be in Tampere for awhile before coming back here. Plus, I’ll probably look for an apartment when we get back.” Ville groaned, getting Damian’s coat on.
“How many times have I told you that you can stay here?”
“I know, but I think it’ll be better for Katja and me in the long run. I can’t keep depending on my ex-boyfriend all the time.” He sighed, looking down.” I didn’t mean it that way, Ville.”
“You’re welcome here, is all,” he said quietly. Bam walked back into the house, shaking the snow off of him, and threw another bag over his shoulder.
“Dunn’s here, babe.”
“Alright, we’ll be right out.” Ville turned back to Jonne and gave a small smile. “Tour starts in February.”
“That’s why I want to be out by then. By the time the tours over you’ll be sick of me,” he laughed. “Besides, there are enough kids in this house.”
“Yeah…”
“It’ll be fine. Call me when you get there, okay?” Ville nodded, hugging the blonde. “Say ‘hi’ to Kari and Anita for me.”
“I will. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas.”
Even though Bam had rented a private jet, the flight time stayed the same. For the 20 some odd hours, the kids were either, sleeping, screaming, or fussing. Ella mainly stayed attached on Ville’s hip while Bam handled the babies.
“Willa?” she asked quietly.
“Hmm?” He had his eyes closed, obviously nervous about flying.
“Are you scared?” Licking his bottom lip, he shook his head.
“No…I’m just tired…”
“Then why’re you holding the seat so tight?” Ville opened his eyes, seeing that his knuckles were white from gripping the handles of the seat. He laughed slightly.
“Oops.” She tilted her head, looking exactly like Ville, and twirled her finger in his hair. “You used to do that when you were a baby.”
“I did?” He nodded.
“You always liked to play with my hair whenever I held you. You used to just grab a handful of it and pull. Sometimes you cuddled your face in it.” She giggled.
“What else did I do?”
“”Well, when you first started talking you couldn’t really say ‘Willa’ so you would call me ‘La La’’
“Why?”
“I don’t know, maybe it was because I sang to you all the time. Then, when you were able to talk better you called me ‘Willa.’” Ella smiled, cuddling up under his chin. “I remember when you were trying to walk…you used to get so mad every time you’d fall. I went to L.A. for an overnight thing and when I came back you ran up to me…you went from taking a few steps and falling to running…after that we started to chase each other in the backyard.” She laughed and laid her hand in his.
“When you were just born, well, even when you were a little older, you used to only be able to sleep if you laid on my chest.”
“I wanted to hear your heart,” she replied quietly. He looked down in shock, almost unsure of what he had just heard.
“You…you what?”
“I missed hearing your heart, so I wanted to hear it.” She hid her head in his chest. “I still wanna hear it…”
“Ella, look at me,” he said, lifting her up to face him. “You can always hear my heart whenever you want. Just let me know.”
“Can I hear it now?” He nodded, taking his jacket off and letting her lay on his chest like she use to. Part of him want to shower her in kisses, but the other part wanted to break down in tears since he knew his baby girl was growing up too fast. “Willa...”
“What, my darling?”
“I love your heart.” Ville wrapped his arms tightly around her body, kissing the top of her head.
“Well, my heart is your heart. We’re one, we’ve always been since you lived inside me, baby.”
“I remember I saw your heart.” He furrowed his brow.
“You what?”
“When I lived in your tummy I would look up and see your heart. It always put me to sleep.” Ville’s mouth dropped slightly as he stared at his daughter.
“Ella…you remember being inside me?” She nodded. “But-but…”
“It was warm in there…” He sat dumbfounded in his seat, mouth still open.
“How do you remember that?” She shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just do…you asked me if I liked my name, too.” Goosebumps came upon Ville’s neck the minute she said that. He thought back to when he was pregnant and Bam was talking about names. Bam had asked if she liked the name ‘Ella’ and she kicked. “Are you okay, Willa?”
“Y-yeah…I’m fine…go get Bammie.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“How the hell does she know that?” Ville whispered, walking out of the airport. “No, how CAN she know that?” Bam shook his head.
“I have no idea…that’s kinda creepy.”
“Kinda creepy? It’s just plain scary! She remembers what happened in the womb! That’s not normal, Bam!” He looked at Ella, who was playing with Kari to make sure she wasn’t listening.
“So, what’re you saying? She’s like psychic, or something?” Ville shrugged.
“I don’t know…but to hear her talk about that scared the fuck outta me.”
“Willa, c’mon!” Ella smiled in Kari’s arms.
“Yes,” Kari agreed. “Let’s go. Ville, your mother’s waiting to see all of you.” Bam stocked all of their bags in the back of the car, shockingly getting everything to fit, and drove to their apartment.
“Vil’, I’ll be back,” Bam breathed, getting out to bring everything upstairs.
“Don’t you need help?”
“I’ll help!” Ella shouted, jumping out of the back.
“Okay, here, take the light ones,” he said, handing her some bags. “We’ll be back.” They opened the door to the front entrance. Leaving Ville, Kari, and the babies in the car.
“I’ve missed you, my Ville,” Kari said lovingly. Ville smiled, laying his head on Kari’s shoulder.
“I’ve missed you, too, Daddy. I hate being away from you and Mommy. We were actually thinking of staying here for a few months until the tour starts.” Kari’s face seemed to glow at that statement.
“That’d be great. I’d love it.” He sighed, looking out the window. Ville had noticed from the minute he picked them up at the airport that Kari had lost weight. He seemed paler than normal, his face looking worn.
“Daddy…are you okay? You look a little tired.” Kari snubbed it off.
“I’m fine. You mother decided that she didn’t need her medication.” Ville rolled his eyes. Like Ville, Anita was also bipolar, not the first in line.
“I don’t know why she does that,” he sighed, shaking his head. Kari shrugged.
“Same reason you did. You don’t want to accept the fact that something’s wrong.” Ville looked deep into his father’s eyes, getting a familiar feeling in his gut.
“What’s wrong?” Kari looked away, finalizing the feeling. “Daddy, tell me.”
“I…had some tests done the other day.” Ville’s heart sank at the thought of what was to come.
“A-and?”
“They’re not in yet,” he said quietly.
“What were they for?” Kari opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Ella and Bam coming back into the car.
“Alright, let’s roll,” Bam smiled. Kari pulled back into the street, leaving Ville’s heart beating faster.
When they got to the apartment, Jesse, Niina, and Mikko were already there with Anita. Bam took the twins and went inside with Ella, while Ville and Damian stayed outside to talk to Kari.
“It’s cold out, take him inside.”
“Daddy, tell me about the tests. Why’d you get them?”
“Ville, he’ll get sick,” Kari said sternly. Ville gritted his teeth, swiftly turning around and putting Damian inside. He stomped back down the stairs, nearly fuming.
“There, now tell me!” At that moment, Ella came running outside, jumping up and down.
Willa, come in!”
“Go inside Ella,” he said, not looking away from Kari.
“But, Willa-“
“I said, go inside!” She jumped at his tone but obeyed. “Tell me…I deserve to know.” Kari nodded, looking away.
“I don’t want you to get upset,” he said softly. “But…my doctor found a growth.” Ville’s breath hitched, gripping onto the railing to keep from falling over.
“L-like a…a tumor?” Kari sighed, sitting down on the porch. “N-no…no, it-it can’t be a tumor. There’s-There’s no way…no…”
“The nurse said I’d get the test results by the 28th.” Ville felt like he could faint at any moment. His father, the person he looked up to for his entire life could have cancer. The whole idea just seemed like a dream. “Don’t let this ruin your Christmas, alright?” Plus, it’s Ella’s birthday, be happy.”
“Does Mommy and Jesse know?” Kari nodded, getting up.
“Come inside.”
“Give me a minute,” he said quietly, pulling out a pack of Marlboro Menthols.
“I thought you smoked lights?” Ville lit his cigarette, pocketing the lighter.
“I needed something stronger…” Kari tisked him, turning to go inside. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?” He grimaced, inhaling smoke.
“That ‘tisk’ thing you do…you’d always do that when I was young and you’d make me feel like shit…” Kari’s face fell as he sat back down on the steps, pulling Ville down with him.
“I did?” Ville shrugged, taking another drag. “Well…I didn’t mean to.”
“Yeah…I know…I guess I wasn’t the easiest kid to raise.” Kari smiled, putting his hand on Ville’s back.
“Ville, you were perfect.” He sniffed.
“Please, you guys put me in a mental institution…”
“You know I didn’t want to do that.” Ville turned to him, wide eyed.
“No, I didn’t, Dad! No one told me anything except ‘you’re crazy, you need help.’”
“I never said that.” Ville shook his head, looking down.
“You didn’t say anything else, either.” Kari bit his lip while his son puffed away on another cigarette.
“Yes, I suppose you’re right…but, Ville, did you ever think that I didn’t know what to say? My oldest son, my best friend, was wanting to die. What was I suppose to say?” Ville furrowed his brow.
“I’m…I’m your best friend?”
“Of course you are. I remember the day you were born…I held you in my arms and you looked up at me with those big green eyes…over since then I’ve loved you more than anything in the world. Last year when you got sick again, it hurt me so much that I couldn’t comfort you or help you. You called your mother and it made me feel completely worthless.” Ville felt tears fall down his cheeks, wishing he could fix everything that was happening.
“Oh God, Daddy, I never meant to hurt you,” he cried. “I didn’t want you to see me like that.” Kari pulled Ville into a hug, gently petting his hair.
“I know, my Ville…its okay…shh, its okay.”
“You’re my best friend; too…I don’t want you to be sick…”
“I’ll be alright. Don’t worry poika.” Ville sniffed, wiping away some tears.
“How can I not be worried? You’re my dad.” Kari sighed, placing a kiss on Ville’s forehead. Sitting on the porch together, they seemed to forget the cold, the time, the place, all of it. They didn’t care about the holiday coming up or how many people were coming to dinner in the next few days. All that mattered was the moment that they shared. Both knew that they could be staring tragedy in the face, but for some odd reason, calm washed over them. They needed each other.