(no subject)
*sigh*
I look like such a loser...look at all the posts that are mine, all in a row! In my defense, I don't go back to uni until Friday so right now I have nothing to do. Except...write vam!
And, since they were kinda short on their own, you can have parts...um, 5 and 6 right now. See, I'm not completely evil...
Don't know em, don't own em and never happened. Ever.
Part 5
Bam’s POV
Okay, so on the way here I almost crashed because I was crying so hard and now, on the way home, I’ve almost crashed twice because I keep spacing out into happy-Bam-land.
Yeah, he said he loves me. He loves me! Jesus…I feel like all my birthdays just came at once! I can’t wait to walk into my house with his hand in mine and do the whole ‘fuck you all’ song and dance.
He’s sitting beside me with his head resting against the car door, snoring lightly. After those kisses on the couch, I went and got my things together and we left. He fell asleep pretty quickly so we haven’t had a chance to talk about anything at all, and I really want to wake him up…
About an hour outside of West Chester, he finally opens his eyes and rubs at them sleepily.
“Hey.”
“Hey. Sorry.”
“That’s okay…Ville?”
“Yeah?”
“About us…”
“…yeah?”
“Well I was thinking, once everyone knows about us, we could go somewhere, just the two of us. Then we…”
“Bam! Look…there is no us…”
* * *
Ville’s POV
Jesus, I feel like I just kicked a puppy.
“What?”
“I said that…there is no us, Bam…I just, I…I promised Ape I’d get you home safe and…”
“Are you fucking kidding me Ville! God, how could you do that to me?”
“I don’t…I’m sorry, I just…I was worried about you all alone up there, you need to be with people who…”
“I need to be with you, Ville! Don’t you get it? I don’t wanna be with anyone else. Ever!”
“Bam, you deserve so much better than this, than me, you…”
“Yeah, you’re right. I do deserve better than this. Get out.”
“…What?”
“Get outta my car. Go home, go wherever, I don’t care. I don’t wanna see you ever again.”
“Bam, please, I…”
“No, Ville…I thought that you were someone who would never hurt me, ever. No matter what. Even through all this shit I figured that we would be okay, we would put it all behind us and just be friends but…I feel so…fucking stupid, Ville! How could you lie to me like that when you knew how much it meant to me?”
“Bam…I’m sorry…”
I slid out of the car and watched him drive off. It wasn’t until I tried to dial a number for a cab on my cell phone that I realized I was crying big fat tears that were clouding my vision and stinging my eyes.
I sat by the roadside as I waited for the cab, crying my eyes out and feeling like the most evil, cruel, horrible person in the world.
I just hope to God he goes home.
Part 6
Bam’s POV
Well, after that revelation I seriously considered turning around and going back to my cabin, maybe running Ville over on the way. But the thought of a nice warm bed and hopefully my Mom’s shoulder to cry on kept me driving to my house.
She ran out as I pulled up and wrapped me in a hug before I had even stepped out of the car. The house was empty and I sat beside her on the couch, pouring my heart out for hours while she made me tea and offered me a million different things to eat. It was nice to be that open with someone about my feelings after bottling them up for so long. I just wish that it was with Ville and not my mother.
I told her about everything, including the kiss and how he had said he loved me and to my annoyance, she wasn’t planning on finding him and kicking his ass for me. But she did make me chocolate chip pancakes, so I guess that makes it a bit better.
I went to my bedroom before everyone else got home. I couldn’t stand to see the looks on their faces. So that’s where I am now. Lying in my room with his face all around me, mocking me.
I jump up and start ripping them down, balling them up and throwing them out into the corridor outside my room. All my HIM stuff follows soon after as does everything I can ever remember him having touched or given to me. I’m maybe being a little over-dramatic here, but under the circumstances, I think I have every right to be.
Phil comes up later to offer his sympathy but apart from a hug, I don’t really want any. Try as I may, I just can’t keep my mind off of Ville. It makes me so angry, just thinking about him, that I actually have to sit on my hands to stop myself from punching something, anything.
He made me feel like an idiot. Worse still, he made me look like one too. That’s a perception of me that I’ve fought my whole life to shake off. I may act the jackass but I am not stupid. Except that…I believed him.
So maybe I am.
* * *
Ville’s POV
I got some weird looks from the taxi driver, I can tell you. And the woman at the check in desk at the airport and the other passengers waiting in the departure lounge. But I don’t care. And that’s a first for me.
To not care about what people think…I spend my whole life wondering and worrying what people think about me. My image is…maybe it’s just in my head, but to me, image sells a band. And I honestly believe that my image as the brooding, die-hard romantic has been a part of what has made love metal so successful. So yeah, I worry about everything.
But now…now I’m sitting in my seat on the plane, about to go home, with tear tracks running down my face, mascara and eyeliner smudged everywhere, my hair…well, dragged through a hedge backwards is an expression that springs to mind, people are staring and I don’t care.
All I care about is that I hurt him. I hurt one of my closest friends, someone that I trusted so much over the years and someone who put his total trust in me on more than one occasion. I broke his heart. Probably more than once and as someone who has had their heart broken…I always swore I would do everything in my power never to cause anyone that kind of pain. And yet I did it to him.
I did it when I yelled at him down the phone. I did it when I told him that no, in fact, I wasn’t in love with him, I was only pretending. And, if he really has been in love with me since the day we met, which I don’t doubt for a second, I probably broke it every time I told him of a lover, a crush, every time I gave him a hug and every time I told him, as a friend, that I loved him or kissed his cheek, held his hand. God, he must hate me now.
That thought just occurred to me. He must hate me for what I’ve done to him. And that thought makes me feel physically sick.
People are still filing on to the plane…if I want to fix this, I have to go now…shit.
Oh, and thanks to Marie and Heidi. Again!
I look like such a loser...look at all the posts that are mine, all in a row! In my defense, I don't go back to uni until Friday so right now I have nothing to do. Except...write vam!
And, since they were kinda short on their own, you can have parts...um, 5 and 6 right now. See, I'm not completely evil...
Don't know em, don't own em and never happened. Ever.
Part 5
Bam’s POV
Okay, so on the way here I almost crashed because I was crying so hard and now, on the way home, I’ve almost crashed twice because I keep spacing out into happy-Bam-land.
Yeah, he said he loves me. He loves me! Jesus…I feel like all my birthdays just came at once! I can’t wait to walk into my house with his hand in mine and do the whole ‘fuck you all’ song and dance.
He’s sitting beside me with his head resting against the car door, snoring lightly. After those kisses on the couch, I went and got my things together and we left. He fell asleep pretty quickly so we haven’t had a chance to talk about anything at all, and I really want to wake him up…
About an hour outside of West Chester, he finally opens his eyes and rubs at them sleepily.
“Hey.”
“Hey. Sorry.”
“That’s okay…Ville?”
“Yeah?”
“About us…”
“…yeah?”
“Well I was thinking, once everyone knows about us, we could go somewhere, just the two of us. Then we…”
“Bam! Look…there is no us…”
* * *
Ville’s POV
Jesus, I feel like I just kicked a puppy.
“What?”
“I said that…there is no us, Bam…I just, I…I promised Ape I’d get you home safe and…”
“Are you fucking kidding me Ville! God, how could you do that to me?”
“I don’t…I’m sorry, I just…I was worried about you all alone up there, you need to be with people who…”
“I need to be with you, Ville! Don’t you get it? I don’t wanna be with anyone else. Ever!”
“Bam, you deserve so much better than this, than me, you…”
“Yeah, you’re right. I do deserve better than this. Get out.”
“…What?”
“Get outta my car. Go home, go wherever, I don’t care. I don’t wanna see you ever again.”
“Bam, please, I…”
“No, Ville…I thought that you were someone who would never hurt me, ever. No matter what. Even through all this shit I figured that we would be okay, we would put it all behind us and just be friends but…I feel so…fucking stupid, Ville! How could you lie to me like that when you knew how much it meant to me?”
“Bam…I’m sorry…”
I slid out of the car and watched him drive off. It wasn’t until I tried to dial a number for a cab on my cell phone that I realized I was crying big fat tears that were clouding my vision and stinging my eyes.
I sat by the roadside as I waited for the cab, crying my eyes out and feeling like the most evil, cruel, horrible person in the world.
I just hope to God he goes home.
Part 6
Bam’s POV
Well, after that revelation I seriously considered turning around and going back to my cabin, maybe running Ville over on the way. But the thought of a nice warm bed and hopefully my Mom’s shoulder to cry on kept me driving to my house.
She ran out as I pulled up and wrapped me in a hug before I had even stepped out of the car. The house was empty and I sat beside her on the couch, pouring my heart out for hours while she made me tea and offered me a million different things to eat. It was nice to be that open with someone about my feelings after bottling them up for so long. I just wish that it was with Ville and not my mother.
I told her about everything, including the kiss and how he had said he loved me and to my annoyance, she wasn’t planning on finding him and kicking his ass for me. But she did make me chocolate chip pancakes, so I guess that makes it a bit better.
I went to my bedroom before everyone else got home. I couldn’t stand to see the looks on their faces. So that’s where I am now. Lying in my room with his face all around me, mocking me.
I jump up and start ripping them down, balling them up and throwing them out into the corridor outside my room. All my HIM stuff follows soon after as does everything I can ever remember him having touched or given to me. I’m maybe being a little over-dramatic here, but under the circumstances, I think I have every right to be.
Phil comes up later to offer his sympathy but apart from a hug, I don’t really want any. Try as I may, I just can’t keep my mind off of Ville. It makes me so angry, just thinking about him, that I actually have to sit on my hands to stop myself from punching something, anything.
He made me feel like an idiot. Worse still, he made me look like one too. That’s a perception of me that I’ve fought my whole life to shake off. I may act the jackass but I am not stupid. Except that…I believed him.
So maybe I am.
* * *
Ville’s POV
I got some weird looks from the taxi driver, I can tell you. And the woman at the check in desk at the airport and the other passengers waiting in the departure lounge. But I don’t care. And that’s a first for me.
To not care about what people think…I spend my whole life wondering and worrying what people think about me. My image is…maybe it’s just in my head, but to me, image sells a band. And I honestly believe that my image as the brooding, die-hard romantic has been a part of what has made love metal so successful. So yeah, I worry about everything.
But now…now I’m sitting in my seat on the plane, about to go home, with tear tracks running down my face, mascara and eyeliner smudged everywhere, my hair…well, dragged through a hedge backwards is an expression that springs to mind, people are staring and I don’t care.
All I care about is that I hurt him. I hurt one of my closest friends, someone that I trusted so much over the years and someone who put his total trust in me on more than one occasion. I broke his heart. Probably more than once and as someone who has had their heart broken…I always swore I would do everything in my power never to cause anyone that kind of pain. And yet I did it to him.
I did it when I yelled at him down the phone. I did it when I told him that no, in fact, I wasn’t in love with him, I was only pretending. And, if he really has been in love with me since the day we met, which I don’t doubt for a second, I probably broke it every time I told him of a lover, a crush, every time I gave him a hug and every time I told him, as a friend, that I loved him or kissed his cheek, held his hand. God, he must hate me now.
That thought just occurred to me. He must hate me for what I’ve done to him. And that thought makes me feel physically sick.
People are still filing on to the plane…if I want to fix this, I have to go now…shit.
Oh, and thanks to Marie and Heidi. Again!